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karl
United Kingdom
1812 Posts |
 Posted - Mar 08 2012 : 08:10:07 AM
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Anyone got to this point?
Im not sure it's a step towards enlightenment, I just feel weary of everything. It's as though I have burnt my Ego out. I have a feeling like water running across pebbles in a stream, there is no power or strength in it. I could call it calm, but is more like a kind of entropy, like battling through waves and getting washed up on a beach.
It is really hard to gauge if it is just a resigned kind of despair, or a milestone. Their is no emotion attached, at least none which is immediate, if there is then it must be exhausted of any energy.
The running water seems to symbolise something, it's a trickle like the smallest mountain stream, very pure and has a gentle sound. There is no depth to it, as if it might dry up at any moment.
I can't be bothered with thinking about dualities and none dualities at this moment, just doesn't seem relevant or important anymore. Instead, I'm just listening to this tiny trickle of water. |
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whippoorwill
USA
450 Posts |
Posted - Mar 08 2012 : 09:07:45 AM
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I recognize that feeling. It's when the body and the mind can't take any more and they just completely give up. Been there several times, though not with spiritual practices... Maybe you need to take a break for a while and just let things soak in. Listening to the tiny trickle of water seems like a very good thing to me.
Lots of love,
--Liz
Edit: P.S. Maybe I shouldn't say that this feeling hasn't happened with spiritual practices. Lately I've come to realize how my whole life has been a spiritual practice. The school of hard knocks is as spiritual a teacher as any, and I'm finally beginning to understand and be grateful for the lessons... |
Edited by - whippoorwill on Mar 08 2012 09:15:57 AM |
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AumNaturel
Canada
687 Posts |
Posted - Mar 08 2012 : 09:30:53 AM
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Hi karl,
I have burnt out my mind by overwhelming it's reinforcement system a few times now. A lot has been about learning what makes me more prone to it, finding ways to avoid it, and what can help speed up recovery. The last time was this January, with the prime suspect (a recurring one) being an excessively long period of brahmacharya with tantra perhaps beyond what my nervous system can accommodate at present (I was impressed by my heightened tolerance and sense of balance provided by sitting practices and knowingly pushed it too far out of curiosity). But back on topic, burnout tends to be a close partner to depression symptoms, but not much to insight or traction for self-inquiry.
This might sound like more ungrounded self-help stuff, but my observations of what has been going on when motivation has been higher and working well is my re-adopting a vision that is personally relevant (more accurately, being able to do so, which in turn depends on the absence of burnout and low mental sense of energy), and seeing how all efforts lead up to that vision. I can see how when the lessons say something is non-relational, it is like the equivalent of punching holes in the so-called ship that is supposed to carry us to that 'other shore'.
I don't mean to say yours has been like that given your insightful experiences in the past. I just tried to touch on the "burnt my Ego out" part which I find so commonly talked about elsewhere which I believe to be nothing more than a beginner-level practice that gets blown out of proportion when it comes to looking further down the path. |
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wigswest
USA
115 Posts |
Posted - Mar 08 2012 : 09:42:42 AM
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I have learned that for me, this state of being is a sort of gestational period, *usually* preceding some kind of deepening, either psychologically or spiritually.
For me, when everything goes quiet and dry, I stick with my usual practices and wait for the other shoe to drop  
YMMV :) |
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karl
United Kingdom
1812 Posts |
Posted - Mar 08 2012 : 09:52:56 AM
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I know depression very well and this isn't at all like that,neither is it motivational, it just quiescent. Possibly, burnt out isn't the right word because it implies a level of over taxing the system which is definitely not the case.
It isn't a "down" period either, but outgoing expansion seems to have stopped and there are more intense internal things occurring. If I think about a flower, then I seem immersed in the perfume and sensation of flowers. It's easier to go inward than outward. External things, even meditation seems to have lost attractiveness in this intense inner sensing, of which the water trickle is continuous.
It occurs to me it might be the inner sensuality sutra.
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jeff
USA
971 Posts |
Posted - Mar 08 2012 : 10:40:47 AM
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Hi Karl,
The running water is the energy (or light). You are probably beginning to "notice" more of the energy. Silence and energy are two sides of the same coin and they should be in balance. Could what you feel, maybe also described as a "longing"? Play with the energy. Wade into the stream. It is not a trickle, but a a raging river. Enjoy it's love and growth...
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karl
United Kingdom
1812 Posts |
Posted - Mar 08 2012 : 11:34:06 AM
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Yes it could. At first it was a hint of melancholy, but I have a picture of a glacier melting and this is where the stream seems to emerge. The glacier is thawing, just not fast enough
Out for a walk today and it felt like the Sun was shining on my head deite the cold, flowers and birdsong seem to fill me up like a huge forest in bloom. The perfume of the flowers is really strong, almost liquid. The birds are extremely noisy. Everything is soaked in vibrant colours. Outside seems to be grey and boring in comparison. What the heck is happening ? |
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tonightsthenight
846 Posts |
Posted - Mar 08 2012 : 12:11:40 PM
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Know it? I've been there off/on for quite a while.
It's as if the exuberance of life, the joy and intense beauty is still there, but you don't even want to reach out and grab it. That's why it's so different from depression.
It's just a stage, and sooner or later it will pass. |
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karl
United Kingdom
1812 Posts |
Posted - Mar 08 2012 : 12:32:41 PM
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Hi TFT,
No, it's more of a reversal. Inside was vague and dreamlike and reality external, now it seems to have altered. The inside is literally boiling with stuff, very concentrated/ magnified. Outside it's like a pale winter, inside like a mad summer. |
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Bodhi Tree
2972 Posts |
Posted - Mar 08 2012 : 2:13:52 PM
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Karl, check out these lessons:
Lesson 327 – The Evolutionary Stages of Mind
http://www.aypsite.org/327.html
Lesson 320 – Kundalini and Refined Sensory Perception
http://www.aypsite.org/320.html
It almost sounds like you're oscillating between several stages at once, which I think is possible and probably a sign of purification and opening.
Sensory perception is refining, both inside and out. Abiding, inner silence is the steady keel that will brave the stormy weather of transformation.
Life is beautiful.  |
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karl
United Kingdom
1812 Posts |
Posted - Mar 08 2012 : 8:14:21 PM
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Hi Bodhi,
Yes, that was an interesting read regarding inward sensing. This is what has been happening for the last few months, I can see through people, even without direct contact. It's no seeing through in the sense of "finding them out", it's a much more subtle level.
This new inner sense I can now recognise as the real perceptual sense of the external. Wow, what a trip, it's definitely unexpected. It's totall concurrent with the explanations, but that does not do this justice. I see now that it is my mind only that is doing the creation of sensing. It's common knowledge that all perception is at mind level, yet it is not witnessed like that, so this is a revelation.
Definitely another small step, but note able and delicious |
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Radharani
USA
843 Posts |
Posted - Mar 23 2012 : 03:25:52 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by wigswest
I have learned that for me, this state of being is a sort of gestational period, *usually* preceding some kind of deepening, either psychologically or spiritually.
For me, when everything goes quiet and dry, I stick with my usual practices and wait for the other shoe to drop
YMMV :)
This has been my experience as well. |
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karl
United Kingdom
1812 Posts |
Posted - Mar 23 2012 : 04:40:55 AM
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| That seems right. Now it has just integrated like getting used to a new pair of shoes, or maybe it's not happening now. Back on an even keel, back to practices. After this I'm unlikely to be surprised by anything. |
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Radharani
USA
843 Posts |
Posted - Mar 23 2012 : 04:47:02 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by karl
That seems right. Now it has just integrated like getting used to a new pair of shoes, or maybe it's not happening now. Back on an even keel, back to practices. After this I'm unlikely to be surprised by anything.
"Famous last words" LOL! |
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maheswari
Lebanon
2516 Posts |
Posted - Mar 23 2012 : 05:03:02 AM
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| is not life a serie of new shoes that keep on dropping on us? neverthless it is great fun |
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karl
United Kingdom
1812 Posts |
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maheswari
Lebanon
2516 Posts |
Posted - Mar 23 2012 : 07:52:40 AM
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| hahaha great british humour |
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cosmic
USA
821 Posts |
Posted - Mar 24 2012 : 12:03:17 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by karl
Anyone got to this point?
meh.  |
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Don't care
