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Radharani
USA
843 Posts |
 Posted - Feb 28 2012 : 02:54:12 AM
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Things have been "interesting" lately! In the midst of my newfound Freedom and Bliss, my family and I are now facing some extremely difficult situations. I am REALLY thankful that this is happening now, because if it had happened prior to my reality shift back in May of last year, I probably would have committed suicide. I mean, it's that bad. We are in seriously deep financial sh*t and have crazy relatives on both sides of the family contributing to the situation; need to sell the house/land to get out of debt, but the economy is dead and no offers, or even lookers, whatsoever in the 2+ months the house has been on the market.
I won't bore you with all the whiney details (there's a LOT of stuff going on), but one aspect is I have to find good homes for my 2 horses, my babies. I have past karma with horses - was born horse crazy and I believe that was the main karmic thing that brought me back this time. So, letting go of that is a final step in my liberation. I have found a home for one of them and my heart is breaking because I don't want to let him go (but I know I must, I can't afford to feed them anymore).
Meanwhile I am going through menopause and feeling very emotionally vulnerable and also experiencing my dark side bigtime. Although I know I am Free, I continue to feel normal human emotions; if anything, I seem to feel MORE deeply than I did before, because there is no resistance. As part of my tantric practice (not just sexual tantra, but tantra in general) I have been offering up all my experiences - the One became many to experience love and life, and is experiencing it in and through each of us, right? God/Krishna is the only enjoyer. So e.g. I pray before a meal, that He will enjoy it. I consciously offer each breath, etc.
Now, here is the really COOL part: Lately I have been experiencing all this darkness and pain and I offer that up, too. The Divine apparently wanted to experience this through me for some reason, and I surrender everything, e.g., the love of a dear pony and the sorrow in sending him to a new home; the vulnerability of truly not knowing how we will pay our bills next month. I am an actor playing this role in a sad movie while I am also One with the Watcher of the movie...
There have been some dark days where although the Silence is still there underneath, I can't feel the Bliss and I can't really feel God although obviously I know God is here (where's He going to go?!). So I just throw myself at His feet, which as it turns out, is also very cool and results in even deeper communion. Then I do my yoga practice and/or tantric practice with my partner, and it brings me right back Home to the ecstatic Bliss of God's Infinite Love. Ultimately every experience is offered up in surrender to the Divine and as Steve Ross says in his book "Happy Yoga," it's all perfectly designed for our liberation... |
Edited by - Radharani on Feb 28 2012 02:55:08 AM |
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Radharani
USA
843 Posts |
Posted - Mar 06 2012 : 02:47:48 AM
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| My beloved 25-year-old Arabian horse, Sierra, went to his new home Sunday. I believe they will take good care of him and he is going to teach a 3-year-old boy how to ride. I am relieved that he has a good home but I will miss him terribly. I cried all weekend and offered it all up. There is pain but no resistance and so it all flows. Like a sad song or movie enjoyed by the Divine. Then I do my yoga and God is here, Bliss is here, right here in the heart, along with a profound sense of freedom, trusting that all will be well. This is so very, very different from how life used to be! Like, there is still pain but nobody really suffering. |
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Swan
India
256 Posts |
Posted - Mar 06 2012 : 03:35:12 AM
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Amen ...
Thanks for sharing.
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whippoorwill
USA
450 Posts |
Posted - Mar 06 2012 : 09:48:08 AM
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Thanks for sharing this...  I know the delight that's in store for the little boy. When I was living in Germany, my host family let me ride their 24-year-old dressage horse. She very patiently taught me to ride. She was very gentle with me, and she'd trot back to my side and whuff when her rider bounced off like a loose sack of potatoes.
Lots of love!
--Liz |
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LittleTurtle
USA
342 Posts |
Posted - Mar 06 2012 : 1:43:49 PM
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| Thanks for sharing your post. I share your love of horses. I quit my RN job to breed and train full time. We do get very attached! |
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Radharani
USA
843 Posts |
Posted - Mar 06 2012 : 8:32:48 PM
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| whippoorwill and LittleTurtle, thanks so much. It's great to know I have fellow horse lovers here at AYP. they are truly such noble creatures. My previous horse was a 21-year-old Arabian dressage horse and I could put my then 3-year-old goddaughter on her back and she would just gently mosey along. So, Turtle, you are in horse business full time?! wow! I simply can't afford it anymore. The cost of grain has gone up so much lately, while my income has continued to fall... But if I can get this farm sold, then I can open the new yoga studio on the beach... |
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Radharani
USA
843 Posts |
Posted - Mar 23 2012 : 04:37:46 AM
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| I was sitting here on the porch with the cats the other night, waiting for them to finish their supper and keeping Mr. Raccoon at bay - they are "outdoor cats" now due to the horrible flea infestation, just one more minor incident in the ongoing divine drama that has tested my samadhi to the max; I calmly set off the flea bombs, my floors covered in diatomaceous earth which unfortunately did little to quell the invasion, then later enjoyed all the vacuuming and mopping - I sat in prayer/meditation while the cats ate. Meanwhile the beautiful house we built next door and can not afford to keep, has been for sale since December and not a single offer, so put it up for rent and finally got wonderful tenants who had just moved in, and then the septic tank system apparently died earlier that day. (We have replaced 2 of them in the last few years to the tune of around $1200 each time.) Shweta had shared her lovely painting of Krishna with me recently which caused a profound deepening of my already close relationship with Him, and I was contemplating that as I sat there, filled with His Love and Bliss. I said, "Lord, You know I am totally in Love with You. That is not going to change and I think You for your grace. But You know very well that we cannot afford to replace the septic system again, so whatever You want to do about it is fine." Suddenly I heard the pump alarm go off next door. I walked over with my flashlight to check on it and discovered that the "dead" pump had reset itself and was now working. Thank You, Lord. |
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