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JDH
USA
331 Posts |
 Posted - Jan 11 2012 : 01:29:43 AM
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With the replies I got to my questions the other day about the efficacy of AYP, I've pointed my laser at myself and my practices. To begin redoubling my efforts, I decided to re-read the AYP lessons. I read them once when I began, and once a year later. Now another year has gone by. Time to read again and see what new stuff I see. I sifted through these lessons, and wrote down the "actionable steps" and compared my practice to the listed steps.
First lessons, before meditation even, desire and devotion are more important than any other practice. I have to actually want this. Instead I've grown lackadaisical about it, as I'll describe.
Next, I found a few spots I was differing from the described procedure. Mostly cutting corners. Skipping a few steps that at first reading didn't seem too important, but maybe they actually are.
-Sitting and relaxing for a minute before beginning. Just relaxing.
I was often times going from activity, to cushion, to practices in 20 seconds.
-Easily observing thoughts for a minute before beginning. Literally noticing what I'm thinking.
Taking a minute to observe my thoughts puts me in tune with my current depth level. It is the depth level that I will first introduce the mantra at. The mantra is a thought, and it begins as the next thought after whatever thoughts I just observed. Simple. But I was complicating it by thinking of the mantra as something else. I was TRYING to THINK of it as a meaningless thoughts, or TRYING to make it a DEEPER level thought, or something. The lessons are clear about this, the mantra is just an easy thought at whatever level I'm currently thinking. I was treating it differently.
-When realizing I'm off mantra, easily going back to it a comfortable level. Neither favoring a clear or fuzzy version of the mantra, just whatever is comfortable.
This ties in with what I just wrote about. I was actively favoring the deeper, or fuzzier version of the mantra. One more thing that I was TRYING to do, rather than just easily repeating and accepting the mantra at whatever level it's at.
-Taking a moment to rest with a persistent thought or sensation which is repeatedly taking me off the mantra.
I was in the habit of just hammering through with the mantra. Just repeating and repeating and trying to make it "louder" than a thought. I was TRYING to stay on the mantra and ignore the thought. I wasn't counting the thought as losing the mantra, because I was hanging on so tightly to the mantra that I didn't lose it. Instead the lessons are pretty clear that I should take a moment to be with the thought. Being with the thought allows me to go off the mantra for a moment. In that moment, I observe the thought, and then easily start the mantra again. Same thing with sensations, noises, cramps, etc. I was just powering through them. Instead I will now take a moment of being with them, and then pick up the mantra again. This little change in understanding led to me losing the mantra about a hundred times tonight (a lot for me). I don't think I made it past 5 IAM's once. I couldn't help but notice, by far my most persistent two things that pulled me off the mantra were the thoughts "how to describe/label this?" and "TRY. DO. DO THIS RIGHT! AM I DOING THIS RIGHT?" It's true that the trying and the doing are paradoxically pulling me off the simple task of easily repeating the mantra. Ah. Here's some words for it. The mental commands of "repeat the mantra" were the thoughts that were interrupting my repetition of the mantra! No amount of sheer willpower will do it, and even the more I try, the less I can actually easily repeat the mantra. To sum it up, I wasn't being "easy" about it, and I was also trying to translate the experience in to words rather than just experiencing it. Two problem which I've caught, and corrected, and fallen back into, a few times now. Again, the being with the interruption for a moment seems to have freed me to be easier about picking up the mantra again. Whereas before clinging to the mantra through an interruption prevented that easiness.
-Practice 2x per day, morning and evening before meals. Not before bed. Not after exercising.
I was cutting a lot of corners here. I often practiced once per day. I often practiced right before bed, and after meals. Simple instructions. But I wasn't doing them. This goes back to the first actionable step. Cultivating desire. Making time for practices in the way they are described because even the small steps are important.
If you read my whole blathering post, thank you. I hope somewhere in there it helps somebody else too. |
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nearoanoke
USA
525 Posts |
Posted - Jan 11 2012 : 02:56:32 AM
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I did a solo weekend retreat on both days this weekend and could notice the difference immediately. There was much more depth in the sessions and all through the day too I could feel the effects of the energy and silence including lucid dreams during sleep. I would highly recommend it to anyone wanting to make faster progress. The important thing though as they say in the thread below, to stick to the schedule, including maintaining silence all day.
- Weekend Solo Retreats
(http://www.aypsite.org/forum/topic....OPIC_ID=1416)
Also adding additional practices, especially energy ones is another thing that helped me
(http://www.aypsite.org/forum/topic....PIC_ID=10424)
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karl
United Kingdom
1812 Posts |
Posted - Jan 11 2012 : 03:34:02 AM
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Excellent post JDH. All those are common issues and Yogani gives simple and explicit instructions which are often overlooked.
Make sure you add a rest period after your sessions.
Desire is a strange thing also, it requires balancing. Without desire there is no drive towards self discovery, yet the creation of a Goal such as enlightenment, special powers, or to be on a one to one with God can become the wrong type of desire, which is the desire that leads to suffering.
There is a need to cultivate desire less desire. A very hard thing to practice. It is that of a hungry man that cultivates the hunger and not the desire for food. To be eternally hungry, yet to have no expectations of eating. To welcome the hunger and not the fulfilment. To do that without becoming masochistic (another form of desire) is not an easy thing to manage.
It's easier to just do the meditation with the same degree of desire as cleaning the teeth, but it's not long before expectations and aspirations creep in. From those air actions comes the thoughts "am I wasting my time/ doing this correctly etc". Often the Ego can take over and masquerade as enlightenment in order that there is a reason to drop the practices having already reached the final destination.
It's an interesting battle |
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richilincez
Italy
24 Posts |
Posted - Jan 29 2012 : 10:19:21 AM
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Regarding "staying" a moment with the thought after you lost the mantra, I think that your analysis is deviating from Yogani's teaching. He explicitly says you cannot make yourself lose the mantra, and doing like you say is somehow trying to increase the times you lose it by becoming conscious of them. I think the procedure is much simpler. Just repeat it, and when and if you notice you lost it, go back to it. You don't need to stay with it or with the content.
This is my opinion, even if I'd like to hear Yogani's explanation on this.
I think Yogani's advices are SO simple, that sometimes for getting reassured one tries to re-read slight shadows in his writings for making practice even better. I do it myself. Then I tell myself, I come up here asking for clarification, and then I notice my need from security as root. The only thing is going back to the mantra. By doing that, I don't even notice if the mantra is fuzzy or not, because if I notice it, I just go back to the mantra. To choose the fuzziest pronunciation it is not a choice, I think.
That's my opinion.
Riccardo |
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n/a
26 Posts |
Posted - Jan 30 2012 : 11:04:52 AM
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JDH,
Thanks for the post. There are points you made that helped me, and I appreciate you sharing.
karl,
As always, your response helps me tremendously as well! There's so much nuance in "desire" and if we're not vigilant, the Ego -- the cleverest of clevers -- will take right back over and we'll be none the wiser. "Expectations are merely pre-meditated resentments," I've heard...when expectations and aspirations creep in, then we are acting for the sake of a reward, not for the sake of acting. Such a fine but vital distinction. Thanks for your posts, they always seem to cut to the heart of the matter.
Riccardo,
Keep it simple, right? Thanks for the perspective.
With Love,
Sean |
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Lessons 10-18 review
