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mimirom
Czech Republic
368 Posts |
 Posted - Dec 28 2011 : 4:28:54 PM
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Hi,
I'm finding myself in a situation that is difficult for me. There has been no change for many months now. I feel stuck.
I started with AYP more then three years ago and, being very enthusiastic, I built up a powerful routine rather quickly (1 year). At some point, it took more than one hour to complete one cycle, and included siddhasana, Yoni mudra kumbhaka and Kechari mudra, among others. During that year, I experienced powerful effects of inner energy in a way that I perceived as positive.
I think I got into overload after some time, but carried on with heavy practice for several more moths, not understanding what I'm doing.
Then, after further two years or so, trying to figure out whats going on with me and my practice, self-pacing on and off, I finally got to a point where I recognized that I need to self-pace radically, in order to fix and rebuild my practice from the base. That was a couple moths ago, maybe six. I dropped all practices except 20 minutes of DM twice daily. I've not been able to recognize any development or change in the way I experience DM and how I feel generally about my ayp practice from that point on. As I said, I feel stuck, with no development, and I find myself lacking real interest and enjoyment in doing the meditation. Rather, I do it because I know I have to carry on somehow.
This is how all my meditation sessions look like, with maybe a few exceptions a month:
I sit down and relax whole body and mind, spending a minute just calming down and going inwards. Then I pickup my first mantra, as lightly as I comfortably can, after which, within a fraction of a second, immediately overpressure builds up in my head, causing intense grimacing and spasms all over my face and neck, often also sides and belly. Like a high voltage jolt.
Then there are two possibilities:
1) I observe the reaction of my body until it calms down. (It's as though it would discharge through the spasms in my face.) This takes some 3 - 15 seconds. Then I pick up the mantra gently again, and the whole thing repeats itself. With this method, I'm sometimes able to go 3 - 4 mantras before the overpressure and discharge kriyas happen. This is perhaps the only time (when I manage to go a few mantras in a row) when I may get a feeling that something slightly positive happens, like a feeling of "diving inwards" a little.
2) When I don't wait until the spasms stop and let the mantra repeat itself as if automatically, it quickly gains momentum and speed of repetition and the whole thing soon ends up in a continual upper body and facial spasm, accompanied by an internal over agitated mess. I can go on like this the whole sit, but I don't like it.
I don't know. I tend to have a sense of desperateness connected with this situation. I'd wish it would go away and I could proceed to some other forms of experiencing my spiritual practice. Naturally I tend to assume that the whole s...t will move forwards one day, given I'll continue with DM patiently. But will it? It could also be some kundalini problem that cannot dissolve only through carrying on with DM. Maybe I need some help or something. And if so, I don't know what kind of help or assistance. I don't know really, it just stays and stays and nothing seems to move. It's been lasting for two years already.
Outside practices I'm fine, although the divine presence I used to see everywhere has gone with this.
I'll appreciate any of your thoughts.
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Edited by - mimirom on Dec 28 2011 6:33:10 PM |
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Ananda
3115 Posts |
Posted - Dec 29 2011 : 03:55:22 AM
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Since I've been somewhat on a similar road as yourself. My suggestion is: Self pace more still, cut down on meditation time more and use breath meditation at least for now. Take on light weight lifting for prolonged cycles when you can, it's more effective than walking in self pacing the body. But both combined together would do even more good.
As for God's grace and so on... Don't worry, all of this stuff will come back. Now just self pace and go live naturally.
Love,
Ananda |
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mimirom
Czech Republic
368 Posts |
Posted - Dec 29 2011 : 05:52:29 AM
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Thank you, Ananda, that's valuable advice. 
In fact, right now I'm on a Buddhist meditation course and I must say that I'm very comfortable with the traditional Samatha (breath) meditation.
I do regular weightlifting and asana training, but that in itself doesn't seem to help. It might be that I really need to take a break from DM. |
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Ananda
3115 Posts |
Posted - Dec 29 2011 : 07:20:44 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by mimirom
Thank you, Ananda, that's valuable advice.
In fact, right now I'm on a Buddhist meditation course and I must say that I'm very comfortable with the traditional Samatha (breath) meditation.
I do regular weightlifting and asana training, but that in itself doesn't seem to help. It might be that I really need to take a break from DM.
I took a long break from DM mantra a while back and things got way easier afterwards.
Concerning asana training, too much asanas do cause overload according to my own experience. So watch out for that also.
Much love,
Ananda |
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mimirom
Czech Republic
368 Posts |
Posted - Dec 29 2011 : 09:14:57 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by Ananda
quote:
Originally posted by mimirom
Thank you, Ananda, that's valuable advice.
In fact, right now I'm on a Buddhist meditation course and I must say that I'm very comfortable with the traditional Samatha (breath) meditation.
I do regular weightlifting and asana training, but that in itself doesn't seem to help. It might be that I really need to take a break from DM.
I took a long break from DM mantra a while back and things got way easier afterwards.
Concerning asana training, too much asanas do cause overload according to my own experience. So watch out for that also.
Much love,
Ananda
Thanks, your advice helps. |
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Christi
United Kingdom
4514 Posts |
Posted - Dec 29 2011 : 12:56:09 PM
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Hi Mimirom,
Stop practicing DM for the time being as you are not doing yourself any favours. If you are getting that degree of energy response to the mantra then you are doing more harm than good. Take a read of this lesson:
http://www.aypsite.org/367.html
My advice would be to take a complete break for a week or two. Don't do any spiritual practice at all during that time. Concentrate on grounding practices, walking, gardening, cleaning, cooking...
Then after a couple of weeks, continue with the grounding practices but begin to introduce breathing meditation. Keep it short and simple to start with. After a while (again a few weeks) see if you can introduce a few minutes (or breaths) of spinal breathing. This will help balance the energy in your body.
At the moment you have a build up of energy in your head which needs to be dissipated and grounded out.
You should be able to gradually build up a fuller routine over time, but it could take months or even a year before you are back at the level of practices that you were at before. That doesn't mean you haven't been making progress, you have. Part of making progress is becoming increasingly sensitive to energy, and that it what you are experiencing.
Now you need to become both sensitive, and grounded... that's the next challenge... 
Christi |
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mimirom
Czech Republic
368 Posts |
Posted - Dec 29 2011 : 4:12:32 PM
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Christi, what a lovely programme you propose!
I'm slightly surprised that the possibility of pausing all practices for a few weeks is actually very appealing to me. It's become a priority really to smooth this rough energy out. I don't want to experience it anymore.
Thank you for taking the time and giving advice. It helps me to form a much needed perspective on what I need to achieve. |
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Sanjeev
India
32 Posts |
Posted - Dec 30 2011 : 03:27:12 AM
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Hi,
From your symptoms I can say that you are pushing it all unnecessarily, when your body, mind and kundalini herself are saying wait....
It is very common to experience discomfort during initial phases, when the body or mind is not accustomed to the practice, but if it still causes discomfort after 3 years of regular practice then you should stop and review the situation.
It is your ego who is in a hurry to progress, not your self. Once you realize this you will see things clearly.
I have a tiny experience in this field, so I wont advise you to do a specific thing. Just leave it all for a while (may be many months) and see what inspirations come from your inner self. Ignore the voice of ego while you are doing this. |
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mimirom
Czech Republic
368 Posts |
Posted - Dec 30 2011 : 04:37:45 AM
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Thank you Sanjeev,
your words are also helpful. |
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mimirom
Czech Republic
368 Posts |
Posted - Dec 30 2011 : 4:02:15 PM
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Hi,
a somewhat interesting thing happened. Since I am on a Buddhist meditation retreat right now, being here as a translator, I've been doing quite a few 30 - 40 minutes samatha sessions a day. These were very nice.
I stopped doing deep mediation yesterday and today, rather surprisingly, I've been able to get into a very nice and satisfactory state during a short Mettá session. This immersion was unlike what I would expect from Mettá practice and it had the qualities I remember DM has had originally, before I got into kundalini over-agitation. The phrases of Mettá seemed to work like a mantra suddenly, although this has never been the case before with me. Interesting, isn't it? Like my body wants the effortless deep meditation and takes the Mettá phrases automatically instead of AYAM.
However, it looks like the kundalini jolts might have gotten tied with the AYAM mantra specifically, because when this happened today, with the Mettá phrases, I was very nicely relaxed both in my body and mind.
Just found it interesting. |
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mimirom
Czech Republic
368 Posts |
Posted - Jan 15 2012 : 4:43:48 PM
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Hi,
thanks to all of you guys for your previous advice. It's now 2 weeks since I stopped practicing AYP in order to get my excessive energy symptoms down and I can say that for the first time after a very long time I feel I'm evolving again. Hurray!
Looks like I've been pushing against the stream instead of going with it. Who knows, maybe I'll even get it this time, that to facilitate unfoldment in life does not always imply doing more yoga... 
Virtually immediately after I stopped active yoga practice, grounding activities started to unfold naturally. I started to be inspired by Economics, I became interested in news for the first time in my life. I completely reinvented my strength training program, having a lot of fun going to the gym now. I started reading again, as soon as I dropped spiritual books and allowed myself to read worldly stuff.
Tomorrow I have my first appointment with the local Chinese doc.
Life's exciting again
This reminds me of a quote (was it Jack Kornfield..?) I once heard from a Buddhist monk:
"Look, Buddha, how wonderfully human I am! The same mistake once again..." |
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Ananda
3115 Posts |
Posted - Jan 15 2012 : 5:02:07 PM
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Beautiful my friend
I am very happy for you. Practices or no practices, the most important thing is to be happy. Go with what makes you feel good. We are doing this stuff to be happy here and now.
Love,
Ananda |
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