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Leo17
USA
29 Posts |
 Posted - Dec 03 2011 : 10:58:44 AM
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This is something that I feel is very common among most "spiritual" people. I have learned about several different theories about what my problem may be. Some categories range from co-dependence, to being an HSP (highly sensitive person), to social-anxiety disorder. All of these 'disorders' somewhat resonate with me, however I choose not to identify with any problem.
Here is my particular situation. I have been having a hard time finding my 'niche' in the workplace. I have tried everything from office work to hard physical labor to driving trucks. To sum up my problem, people just plain bother me. I find a few tolerable (the more sensitive ones), but most say jokes that I don't find funny and behave in ways that set my flight or fight response on alarm.
I am at a lost and confused point and not sure what to do. I really want to be a part of society and have satisfying relationships but I am find it very difficult. I have never wanted to take medication because I feel it is a step in the wrong direction, but at this point I am not sure what else there is to do.
The worst part of all this is I feel like I built some serious armor to be able to cope with this insane world. Particular in my communication and relationships. This armor effectively protects me from the hostile workplace, but prevents joy in a lot of my relationships. It is a catch 22. If I work to remove this armor I will be vulnerable for more hurt in the 'real world'.
If anyone can relate to this current place of feeling and perception I would really appreciate your advice. I know the world isn't as big, bad, and ugly as it seems. If I continue to do my daily practices I am hoping my nervous system will strengthen to a point where people don't bother me as much. After all, they are just a reflection of myself. |
Edited by - Leo17 on Dec 03 2011 11:06:40 AM |
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Swan
India
256 Posts |
Posted - Dec 03 2011 : 12:08:25 PM
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my friend, for your information I can ralate to this.
quote:
I know the world isn't as big, bad, and ugly as it seems. If I continue to do my daily practices I am hoping my nervous system will strengthen to a point where people don't bother me as much. After all, they are just a reflection of myself.
luckily, you seem to know the answer to all of your questions. Find yourself and you will find the harmony you are so looking for, IMHO.
quote:
somewhat resonate with me, however I choose not to identify with any problem.
great, beacuse those problems are far from the last thing about you!!
quote:
I have never wanted to take medication because I feel it is a step in the wrong direction, but at this point I am not sure what else there is to do.
Why so? I wonder. because it has done something concrete for me. I suggest that you try this for sometime before rejecting this idea. If you think that meditaion is another over hyped 'mumbo jumbo', just consider it as a plain methodical way of staying silent for sometime and an attempt to connect to your inner self.
All the best, and love  |
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Leo17
USA
29 Posts |
Posted - Dec 03 2011 : 12:37:55 PM
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Hi Swan,
Thanks for your response.
quote:
Why so? I wonder. because it has done something concrete for me. I suggest that you try this for sometime before rejecting this idea. If you think that meditaion is another over hyped 'mumbo jumbo', just consider it as a plain methodical way of staying silent for sometime and an attempt to connect to your inner self.
I think here you thought I said 'meditation' where I wrote 'medication'. I have been doing both spinal breathing and DM somewhat regularly and it really does help. The hardest part for me though is keeping my nervous system 'clean' because one of my major coping strategies is to drink alcohol and I feel it is keeping me in a never-ending cycle and preventing me from climbing out of the bucket so to speak.
edit: after reading your response again maybe you did mean medication. perhaps it is something i should try to help me end this current pattern. |
Edited by - Leo17 on Dec 03 2011 12:49:02 PM |
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Swan
India
256 Posts |
Posted - Dec 03 2011 : 1:38:42 PM
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Hi leo,
apologies, you are right, I am mistaken as i thought it's meditation you are talking about.
If the mediCation is prescribed by a doctor, people here highly recommend to to follow the same diligently, while it is great that you are following mediTation at the same time. in longer time frame it's meditation wou will find to be of great help I believe, but then to see the longer term we should have a stable shorter term, and may be medication is important for you in this regard.
regarding alcohol, dont try to force it but always try keep in mind where you want to go, what is your goal. keep strenghtening your inner guru with meditation and I hope some day you will come out of the bucket. |
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LittleTurtle
USA
342 Posts |
Posted - Dec 03 2011 : 2:38:15 PM
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I can totally relate to your post. I've been known to make the joke "I have a deep love for humanity - It's individuals that I loathe."
To me just going into town to shop is like diving into a big psychic smoothie. Too many uncomfortable vibes impinging on my inner space, although over the years I've learned to deal with it. This is one reason why I choose to live in the countryside and I now work at home. I have always found that when I'm consistent with meditation I am much more open and tolerant of others. However that did not stop me from retreating to the country away from the psychic noise of others and the ubiquitous electromagnetic 'interference'. ( also do not watch TV and read no newspapers. That alone made a huge difference.)
I think you must find work that you enjoy doing in an environment that is not offensive to your sensitivities. Perhaps if you create a business, or work for a business that is more aligned with your sensitivities and beliefs. Anything 'alternative' in nature might be worth looking into. There are so many possibilities.
You will always more or less be confronted with those you find crude or harsh. That's just life. Sticking to your sadhana will keep you in a space of tolerance, discernment, and most importantly compassion and dispassion. That is, you can recognize what does not align with you and your inner life, yet you are not so effected by it. Rather you can discern the source, have compassion, and not let it in so as to disturb you.
I worked for many years in hospitals. Very uncomfortable places indeed. Whenever I allowed my practice of meditation to slip aside, I suffered the effects of the people and environment greatly. Huge stress.
The good thing is I feel that the more sensitive you are the greater the results from sadhana and the greater service to others you can provide if you so choose. Once the 'witness' is there, compassion and discernment will be very active.
So my suggestion is to stick very closely to your practices, keep an eye out for environments, people, and work that resonate with you, and actively work on developing dispassion.
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Leo17
USA
29 Posts |
Posted - Dec 03 2011 : 4:21:42 PM
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Hi LT,
That was a great post! Just the sort of advice I was looking for. The psychic smoothie reference is exactly what I am referring to. I am 28, but have now learned that I need to choose my environments consciously rather than just take any job doing this or that. I somehow wound up in a Veterans Hospital working alongside deeply wounded ex-soldiers. I have no military experience myself, but through being around it was as if I was picking up their PTSD vicariously. I am not strong enough to be able to be around those vibes because I have my own garbage can that needs emptying.
Holiday shopping in Walmart is just out of the question for me. I love people, I love to laugh, but I feel like I have a desire to connect with people deeply and I don't feel as though I have a proper boundary system in place to keep me protected.
I have been exploring the alternatives for work. I am still indecisive on which direction I want to go. I would LOVE to work from home but haven't figured out how I'd going about doing so.
Thanks again LittleTurtle, I am glad there is someone out there who really understands what I'm talking about.
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LittleTurtle
USA
342 Posts |
Posted - Dec 04 2011 : 2:38:40 PM
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| Glad to help. Just plant and nurture that seed of strength and dispassion in your inner garden. You are 28, there are more challenges to come. Developing a core of inner strength is the best resource. Good luck and peace. |
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brother neil
USA
752 Posts |
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Leo17
USA
29 Posts |
Posted - Dec 06 2011 : 3:58:41 PM
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Hey brother neil,
Thanks for sharing that, very interesting. I have also pondered the chakras in our feet and hands. It is always a good feeling to have our bare feet on the ground. |
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tonightsthenight
846 Posts |
Posted - Dec 09 2011 : 09:36:04 AM
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Hey Leo,
I can empathize with your situation :) It's a tough one!
I'm also like that: HSP and all that other stuff. I was almost completely debilitated in some situations when I was younger. I've come to the conclusion that all this sensitivity is really just a grade A nervous system. Like a Ferrari instead of a Honda Civic.
You drive that Ferrari like most people drive a Civic, and you're gonna wind up wrapped around a highway light. So you've got to learn to drive the Ferrari, with the sensitive steering and the suspension and all that, and it will take you way faster and farther (and in more style) than the Civic.
Of course, you didn't really choose what type of car you wanted to drive... and it's gonna take you tons of hard work to drive it well. But it's possible to overcome all of those sensitivities and take control of your body. It'll happen with a lot of hard work and time.
I never took any medication, but that may be a the way for you to go, I don't know. All I know is that it's possible to overcome without the meds.
Good luck bro! |
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tonightsthenight
846 Posts |
Posted - Dec 09 2011 : 11:18:04 AM
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Hi again Leo,
I just remembered something, that I thought might help you.
You mentioned going into a WalMart during the holidays, and how hectic it would make you feel... how you absorb others' energies.
Well, I've never been in a WalMart, but I can imagine that it's quite full of bustling psychic and emotional energy, esp. during the holidays.
The thing that helped me most with facing stuff like that? Well, in fact it is a medicine, so I was wrong when I said in my first post that I didn't take any medication.
In fact, what helped me to face my sensitivities head-on in the early years of K was cannabis.
I was deathly afraid of cannabis because post K it basically sent me into extreme energy overload immediately. I ended up smoking cannabis (in a controlled way) not as an enjoyable thing to do, but to continue to push my boundaries.
I had to learn to completely let go of my fears and just let everything rush in. It allowed me to acclimate.
Eventually, I could handle all those normal day to day situations no problem, because I'd learned to deal with them under the extra-sensitivity of cannabis.
Now, I did give up regular cannabis use after a couple of years when it no longer seemed useful. And it didn't seem to help much after the initial stages of ecstasy and openness.
It's kind of a sink or swim approach, but I'm a sink or swim kind of guy.
Good luck :)
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Leo17
USA
29 Posts |
Posted - Dec 09 2011 : 11:26:23 AM
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Hey tonightsthenight,
That's a great analogy. I believe you are right. There are just some things that I can't do that a lot of other people can. It is though I am being forced to live with a much higher degree of integrity. If I make a poor choice about what to put in my body, I feel the ramifications on a pretty intense level compared to others, or so it seems.
Negative energy and sensory overload are two of the biggest issues I face. I suppose its just a matter of time and hard work as you say, trying bust through old karma and clean the windows.
I have never felt like it was wise to alter my brain chemistry with a pill. I have always been very against it, but at this point I am seeing it may be of value to help establish a new healthier routine. |
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Leo17
USA
29 Posts |
Posted - Dec 09 2011 : 11:54:37 AM
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In regards to your second post:
I use to smoke a lot of Marijuana during high school and college. I also did a decent amount of partying. I think a lot of it was fueled by dealing with intense emotions and trying to escape. I don't smoke anymore, and drink occasionally (even though its something I want to entirely give up). In my experience it only adds paranoia to the situation and dulls my senses. It does provide a sort of buffer, but I have learned this sort of suppression does more harm than good. However, sometimes it is necessary to take one step back in order to take two steps forward.
I appreciate your input, either way. P.S. I'm also a sink or swim type of guy  |
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bewell
1275 Posts |
Posted - Dec 09 2011 : 4:54:09 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by Leo17
Here is my particular situation. I have been having a hard time finding my 'niche' in the workplace. I have tried everything from office work to hard physical labor to driving trucks. To sum up my problem, people just plain bother me. I find a few tolerable (the more sensitive ones), but most say jokes that I don't find funny and behave in ways that set my flight or fight response on alarm.
Hi Leo,
I can relate to your situation. I am fifty years old and I have had a lot of jobs... camp counselor, camp director, drywall finisher, cross country truck driver solo and with another driver, social worker with children and families,
social worker with homeless people, social worker accompanying an autistic woman, artisan bread baker, child care worker with a specific family kind of like a nanny.
I find that I far prefer living without much income to having a mainstream job. I dislike working for the money. I have made some money as a landlord and real estate investment.
For years I basically lived on my wife's income. But a couple of years ago, she chose to leave her position as a tenured professor. For a year we lived on savings, and then we spent less than we expected, and so we went another year. Then we did something truly innovative.
We rented out our nice middle class house, and moved to one of the "worst" neighborhoods in Baltimore. We now own two houses cheep in that neighborhood, a his and a hers about fifty yards from one another. We both really like having our own space. Currently, I come to her house on weekends, and live at my "cabin" (so called because it is very basic simple living) the rest ot the time.
At present I think of this as my "work" -- being present in this neighborhood. It seems I am really excellent at relating to neighbors of all sorts, especially neighbors who are used to being shunned as immoral, irresponsible and so on. I respect others and watch the amazing things happen. I could go on and on.
Currently we are balancing our budget on rent income and a little bit of money I bring from a paid job helping an elderly woman organize her house.
My advice is live with integrity, live frugally, and seek your most yogically evolutionary niche, and prepared to be amazed: you are what the world needs . |
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brother neil
USA
752 Posts |
Posted - Dec 11 2011 : 11:10:38 PM
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| interesting read bewell |
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maheswari
Lebanon
2516 Posts |
Posted - Dec 12 2011 : 02:17:05 AM
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quote:
We now own two houses cheep in that neighborhood, a his and a hers about fifty yards from one another. We both really like having our own space.
i think this is a very good idea....sometimes i wonder how married people succeed in living together under the same roof for decades without falling into boredom and deadly routine...i always thought that having 2 different spaces would be a far better thing to do..this way they will miss each other and the relationship will keep its fireworks ...bravo for your boldness...
quote:
My advice is live with integrity, live frugally, and seek your most yogically evolutionary niche,
your whole post is very inspiring Bewell...thank you.... |
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Leo17
USA
29 Posts |
Posted - Dec 14 2011 : 10:58:13 PM
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Hey bewell,
Thank you for sharing that. I am now seeing that life is very different than I once thought it was going to be. Thank you again for your inspiration. |
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Sensitivity to others energies
