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sivasambho
USA
136 Posts |
 Posted - Oct 18 2011 : 09:36:43 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by JamieRadha
quote:
Originally posted by sivasambho
quote:
Originally posted by JamieRadha
Sivasambho, I don't think you can just "forget" the Goddess; you will eventually integrate Her into your life. The question is, in what way? I still say She is in your wife. The reason your wife doesn't want you to do yoga is because, as you said, it made you seem more detached from her. So here's what you do: bring her roses, wine (if you drink), chocolate or some nice gift. Shower her with attention. Worship her as the Goddess. Learn the vamachara techniques (holding back orgasm and raising energy) on your own in private and then share it with her and make love to her tenderly. I don't think she will object to this form of yoga.
Thanks JamieRadha. I hope to try the same. How do I learn vamachara techniques in private? You mean to say I could learn it myself without someone teaching me or involved?
Dear sivasambho, You could study the tantra lessons here at AYP to get an idea of how to go about it and what to practice on your own. Obviously it would be easier to learn with somebody (like the escort/priestess) actually teaching you; however, as we discussed previously, that would be totally unethical without your wife's permission, and from what you have said, I am fairly sure that she would NOT give you permission and therefore it would only cause more problems. Therefore, learn and practice on your own and then eventually you can share it with your wife and bring her great happiness. In the meantime, continue the counseling, improve the communication and speak to her lovingly, worship her like a Goddess, shower her with affection, kindness, massages, etc. I am really glad you are going to counseling! (I was going to suggest it, except you had already stated that you were not interested in counseling.) I wish you all the best in your spiritual practice and in your marriage!
Thankyou Jamie! If tantra is all about pre-orgasmic sex and not really the physical aspect of it. I have probably already experienced it with an ex girlfriend of mine, who was a regular yoga practitioner and hippie that had been to himalayas etc. We smoked weed, rolled in the bed for hours together merging is what she called it. It clicked with her. Not with my wife. :( I agree as you need both partners to be moticated. In my counselling, what I am finding out is there is very little room within me for being me. (having done things for parents, others, wife etc, what is really the me that i want to live with) - that is the part we are working on and whenever one touches this place, it is not a smooth path, but lets see, i probably have shaken myself up with some of my kriyas. Thanks again. |
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sivasambho
USA
136 Posts |
Posted - Oct 18 2011 : 09:39:33 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by lizmoran
Hi Sivasambho! That sounds really encouraging. Very best of luck to you!
Thankyou liz. Have a great day! |
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bewell
1275 Posts |
Posted - Oct 18 2011 : 10:35:42 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by JamieRadha
?! "Lots of wives," huh? hmmm... with all due respect, it is a popular generalization, that women prefer cuddling over sex, which is widely believed but recent studies have shown otherwise (http://www.telegraph.co.uk/lifestyl...y-finds.html).
Hi Jamie,
It turns out men who cuddle more are happier. That's me. That article you linked gives an excellent and surprising research finding. I like the closing comment in the summary:
“The really useful message is we should not make presumptions about the general. Because there's no way to be sure we're going to be right in any way.”
My comments earlier were about me and a few married guy friends. I over-generalized. Thanks for your reply.
Peace,
Bewell |
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maheswari
Lebanon
2520 Posts |
Posted - Oct 18 2011 : 12:45:01 PM
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quote:
If tantra is all about pre-orgasmic sex and not really the physical aspect of it. I have probably already experienced it with an ex girlfriend of mine, who was a regular yoga practitioner and hippie that had been to himalayas etc. We smoked weed, rolled in the bed for hours together merging is what she called it. It clicked with her.
just to clarify few things,authentic tantra practioners are rare ...it has nothing to do with being hippie,smoking weed and going to the himalayas....these are stereotypes...and ayp tantra is definetly not about those stereotypes...check the tantra lessons..
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Edited by - maheswari on Oct 18 2011 12:56:35 PM |
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maheswari
Lebanon
2520 Posts |
Posted - Oct 18 2011 : 12:57:34 PM
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quote:
it's the giving of love and affection in the absence of expectation that's really important. It's just really important for a woman to know that the affection she enjoys isn't in exchange for something.
very well said Liz.... |
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sivasambho
USA
136 Posts |
Posted - Oct 18 2011 : 4:16:51 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by maheswari
quote:
If tantra is all about pre-orgasmic sex and not really the physical aspect of it. I have probably already experienced it with an ex girlfriend of mine, who was a regular yoga practitioner and hippie that had been to himalayas etc. We smoked weed, rolled in the bed for hours together merging is what she called it. It clicked with her.
just to clarify few things,authentic tantra practioners are rare ...it has nothing to do with being hippie,smoking weed and going to the himalayas....these are stereotypes...and ayp tantra is definetly not about those stereotypes...check the tantra lessons..
Hi Maheswari,
It was not my intention to stereotype anyone. However in my particular case, she called herself a hippie. I dont have issues calling her that when she is identifying with it already.
Also it wasnt an experience to be discarded as an after weed effect. I did experience deeper moments in union or merging with her. Maybe she had the keys to get us there without me knowing or understanding it.
You maybe right there could be more technical information in the tantra lessons, however I dont have anyone yet to learn or practise with. It might not thus be applicable for me.
Thanks and have a nice day!
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maheswari
Lebanon
2520 Posts |
Posted - Oct 18 2011 : 4:48:03 PM
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| tantra is also for solo practice! |
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Etherfish
USA
3615 Posts |
Posted - Oct 18 2011 : 7:46:38 PM
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sivasambho wrote:
" I did experience deeper moments in union or merging with her. Maybe she had the keys to get us there without me knowing or understanding it. "
It's not necessarily her, it could have been you. I used to experience tantric with an ex, and neither one of us had any knowledge of it. I don't think she experienced the same thing as I did, but i used to "see God", etc. I think it can come from a ripe nervous system without any tantric practices or knowledge at all. |
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sivasambho
USA
136 Posts |
Posted - Oct 18 2011 : 9:19:55 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by maheswari
tantra is also for solo practice!
Thanks maheswari! Do you practise the solo version of tantra? |
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sivasambho
USA
136 Posts |
Posted - Oct 18 2011 : 9:22:24 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by Etherfish
sivasambho wrote:
" I did experience deeper moments in union or merging with her. Maybe she had the keys to get us there without me knowing or understanding it. "
It's not necessarily her, it could have been you. I used to experience tantric with an ex, and neither one of us had any knowledge of it. I don't think she experienced the same thing as I did, but i used to "see God", etc. I think it can come from a ripe nervous system without any tantric practices or knowledge at all.
Hi etherfish,
I see, sure it could have been me. Thanks for that perspective. Mostly when we say samadhi etc - All we are talking about is a strong nervous system then? |
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Etherfish
USA
3615 Posts |
Posted - Oct 18 2011 : 9:57:53 PM
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Not a strong nervous system, but a "ripe" one. See what Yogani says about relational and non-relational self inquiry in this lesson:
http://www.aypsite.org/325.html
So I think a nervous system that has been purified is what i call "ripe", and spiritual experiences can happen without visiting the Himalayas or practicing yoga. What caused it to be "ripe" however, may have been such practices in a previous life, or many other things. So I recommend twice daily practices including meditation as taught in the lessons. But some people can have certain spiritual experiences without any preparation at all, at least in this life. |
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sivasambho
USA
136 Posts |
Posted - Oct 19 2011 : 12:24:58 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by Etherfish
Not a strong nervous system, but a "ripe" one. See what Yogani says about relational and non-relational self inquiry in this lesson:
http://www.aypsite.org/325.html
So I think a nervous system that has been purified is what i call "ripe", and spiritual experiences can happen without visiting the Himalayas or practicing yoga. What caused it to be "ripe" however, may have been such practices in a previous life, or many other things. So I recommend twice daily practices including meditation as taught in the lessons. But some people can have certain spiritual experiences without any preparation at all, at least in this life.
Hi etherfish,
I appreciate the inputs. Actually I went through the lesson and its exactly where I am now. Need to either get on with the witness or still let the mental structures get involved. Thanks a lot!
Sivasambo |
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maheswari
Lebanon
2520 Posts |
Posted - Oct 19 2011 : 01:37:59 AM
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many practice solo tantra over here
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sivasambho
USA
136 Posts |
Posted - Oct 19 2011 : 09:28:04 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by maheswari
many practice solo tantra over here
Hi Maheswari,
Are you referring to the ayp yoga practises? |
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sivasambho
USA
136 Posts |
Posted - Oct 19 2011 : 12:03:11 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by whippoorwill
Hi Sivasambho! I agree with Jamie being attracted to women is completely normal. I also agree that seeing an escort service against your wife's wishes will not bring you abiding inner silence or lasting peace and bliss.
But I was wondering if you would mind helping me understand a few things... What yoga practices do you currently do? Or if you currently don't do any yoga practice, what would you like to do? What affect does yoga practice have on you? Please forgive the many questions... I'm trying to understand why your doing yoga would make your wife feel insecure.
I understand about wanting to break out of the shell of your mind, and I'm sure you can do it. I don't think the escort service will help you, but a path will show itself. Keep your chin up!
Thankyou whippoorwill! I am looking for that path as well. It is probably unfolding already. Thanks again, have a nice day! |
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maheswari
Lebanon
2520 Posts |
Posted - Oct 19 2011 : 3:16:02 PM
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quote:
Hi Maheswari,
Are you referring to the ayp yoga practises?
.
off course
anyway before doing tantra with a partner,one should do solo tantra...practising alone is essential to master it...off course nothing comes overnight... |
Edited by - maheswari on Oct 19 2011 3:20:20 PM |
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Radharani
USA
843 Posts |
Posted - Oct 20 2011 : 03:09:27 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by whippoorwill
Hi Jamie! I agree the "most wives" part of bewell's statement is a generalization, but it's the giving of love and affection in the absence of expectation that's really important. It's just really important for a woman to know that the affection she enjoys isn't in exchange for something.
I agree with most of what you said. I just wanted to point out that I thought it was the "lack of expectation" part of bewell's statement that was really important. And if a woman has a low libido and is comfortable that way, then that's just the way she is. If she wants to change that aspect of her body and her life, then she probably can. But the motivation to do so should come from within.
[Edit: But if a guy is not really communicating with his wife, he's not going to know if the low libido is due to something being amiss or if it's just her baseline. Sex is all between the ears, anyway. ]
Agreed! I guess it's just difficult for me to relate to personally, because in my youth I always had to practically drag men into bed. I would have been happy to have even the slightest "expectation" on their part. LOL! Then I was "celibate" (solo tantra) for 14 years until I met my current partner and thank God, we both have the same level of libido so none of this is an issue for us. Meanwhile, my women friends and counseling clients overwhelmingly complain that their husbands don't give them enough sex and/or the woman gets tired of being the one who has to initiate sex... Anyway I agree, without communication there is no hope. |
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Radharani
USA
843 Posts |
Posted - Oct 20 2011 : 03:11:34 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by maheswari
quote:
Hi Maheswari,
Are you referring to the ayp yoga practises?
.
off course
anyway before doing tantra with a partner,one should do solo tantra...practising alone is essential to master it...off course nothing comes overnight...
No pun intended, M?  I agree, solo practice is essential. That's what I was suggesting previously. |
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maheswari
Lebanon
2520 Posts |
Posted - Oct 20 2011 : 03:29:25 AM
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sivasambho
USA
136 Posts |
Posted - Oct 20 2011 : 11:19:59 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by JamieRadha
quote:
Originally posted by whippoorwill
Hi Jamie! I agree the "most wives" part of bewell's statement is a generalization, but it's the giving of love and affection in the absence of expectation that's really important. It's just really important for a woman to know that the affection she enjoys isn't in exchange for something.
I agree with most of what you said. I just wanted to point out that I thought it was the "lack of expectation" part of bewell's statement that was really important. And if a woman has a low libido and is comfortable that way, then that's just the way she is. If she wants to change that aspect of her body and her life, then she probably can. But the motivation to do so should come from within.
[Edit: But if a guy is not really communicating with his wife, he's not going to know if the low libido is due to something being amiss or if it's just her baseline. Sex is all between the ears, anyway. ]
Agreed! I guess it's just difficult for me to relate to personally, because in my youth I always had to practically drag men into bed. I would have been happy to have even the slightest "expectation" on their part. LOL! Then I was "celibate" (solo tantra) for 14 years until I met my current partner and thank God, we both have the same level of libido so none of this is an issue for us. Meanwhile, my women friends and counseling clients overwhelmingly complain that their husbands don't give them enough sex and/or the woman gets tired of being the one who has to initiate sex... Anyway I agree, without communication there is no hope.
Jamie,
Are you a vegetarian? |
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Radharani
USA
843 Posts |
Posted - Oct 20 2011 : 5:23:13 PM
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| yes, I am a vegetarian. why do you ask? |
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sivasambho
USA
136 Posts |
Posted - Oct 20 2011 : 11:15:14 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by JamieRadha
yes, I am a vegetarian. why do you ask?
Thanks Jamie!
Eating meat is usually associated with libido, however I have found that the reverse is true. I was just curious as to the diet playing any role here. Someone I know said spirituality is 80% diet! |
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sivasambho
USA
136 Posts |
Posted - Oct 20 2011 : 11:22:34 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by maheswari
quote:
Hi Maheswari,
Are you referring to the ayp yoga practises?
.
off course
anyway before doing tantra with a partner,one should do solo tantra...practising alone is essential to master it...off course nothing comes overnight...
Thanks Maheswari. I will hit the lessons later. My understanding was you start out with a partner and then progress to the state where you loose the need for the other person. |
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Radharani
USA
843 Posts |
Posted - Oct 21 2011 : 03:10:38 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by sivasambho
quote:
Originally posted by JamieRadha
yes, I am a vegetarian. why do you ask?
Thanks Jamie!
Eating meat is usually associated with libido, however I have found that the reverse is true. I was just curious as to the diet playing any role here. Someone I know said spirituality is 80% diet!
Sivasambho, Your comment above is "loaded" and I would like to help clear some things up for you.
First, I agree with your observation that (at least in my experience) meat does not increase libido. I have been a vegetarian most of my life, especially strict in my youth, and when I did later eat some meat off and on for a few years my libido was lower. This makes sense since meat is "tamasic" and therefore I would not expect it to stimulate kundalini.
Did I say "kundalini"? Yes! But, you thought we were talking about libido, i.e. sex? This brings us to the next point: "spirituality is 80% diet." Whether or not this is true (which I doubt, and certainly AYP does not enforce a strict diet), the traditional implication is that libido, i.e. sexual energy, is un-spiritual and ought to be reduced using dietary measures.
In fact, just the opposite is true! Kundalini IS sexual energy. In our yoga practice we preserve and cultivate sexual energy in the service of spirituality (the true meaning of "bramacharya"). Libido is a great blessing in spiritual life, especially when you have access to tantra yoga (with or without a partner). More on this below. |
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Radharani
USA
843 Posts |
Posted - Oct 21 2011 : 03:30:17 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by sivasambho
quote:
Originally posted by maheswari
quote:
Hi Maheswari,
Are you referring to the ayp yoga practises?
.
off course
anyway before doing tantra with a partner,one should do solo tantra...practising alone is essential to master it...off course nothing comes overnight...
Thanks Maheswari. I will hit the lessons later. My understanding was you start out with a partner and then progress to the state where you loose the need for the other person.
I agree with Maheswari; ideally we first learn to unite the polarities within ourselves, and then with a partner. I wish I had learned it that way. The person who taught me tantra when I was 17 only taught me how to do it as a partner, not solo. Then he dumped me (because "relationships are bad") and I was frustrated trying unsuccessfully for years to find a new tantric partner. Only after I became a Sister I learned solo tantra, which was incredibly wonderful, to channel my abundant sexual energy into the spiritual practice as an offering to my Ishta. I was "celibate" for 14 years until I met my partner 6 years ago. We are on different schedules - he works day shift and I work afternoons and evenings - so we don't get to spend much time together except on the weekends. So now I have the best of both worlds; during the weekdays I enjoy my alone time with the Lord in solo tantra and then on the weekends with my partner. My solo tantric practice is actually more focused and intense, so technically I don't "need" anyone, but it is really special to share tantra with somebody you love. |
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love and the need of romance?
