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escapado
Germany
88 Posts |
 Posted - Aug 16 2011 : 05:16:45 AM
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Hello fellow travelers
Today I think I understood what the inner guru is/could be.
I think it was since a tremendous experience* (absolute opening of the heart, realising it is all a game, so am I, opening of crown, third eye, etc. I don't remember everything since it has been some months ago)
that I have had some sort of link to a "space" before mind. But it somehow starts in the mind - sort of like a seed was planted in my mind that makes me go beyond it.
It is like that: I am still, thoughts still moving in me. I realize that I am thinking and a "desire" or realization to go back to "before the thoughts" arises. In that moment I become aware of the desire, of the past realization that I am not the desire, etc. But instead of moving forward I zoom in (but not with the mind so you could say I zoom out). I lose that level of awareness some times but then again it starts again. When this goes on for long enough I am just watching my thoughts, then ego thinks something and I realize it, you could say it dissolves in silent accepting or understanding. Even if I think that I am or that I am not it does not matter then because everything is just a thought. Time disappears. It doesn't matter what was before or what I will do "later on" because there is no past or future. I am sinking into that which is, nothing matters anymore I embrace all of me and all that is (or let's say all that is in my perception)
When I am doing my meditation practice (Iam) this happens automatically sometimes when I lose track. I don't fuel it with my attention but that moment it happens it is like a voice/thought saying: "no this is not it - see" - means I actually hear a thought containing the meaning of "seeing that which is unaware" (I can't put it into words at all right now - maybe it is the meaning of "look closer" or "this is not it")
Is this voice the inner guru or just the energy leading me in form of a thought to open my third eye?
Or another possibility of what it is: I am a philosopher, always was. But I came to a point where I accepted that all philosophy just for the cause of philosophy won't take the philosopher further but is just entertaining the mind - so the philosophy has to go beyond philosophy. And my philosophy at this point is pointing to something before the philosophy takes place. So it could just be some kind of inquiry (because that is what my philosophy has become - an inquiry on my self)
It could also be just the nervous system seeking for meditation and knowing where to go (which is about the same as "energy in form of thoughts leading me, right?)
I was just wondering right now :)
Also it feels natural to meditate that way but I will go on with "I am" (or should I stop it and follow my natural techniques? (I am positive that I will stick to Iam and apart from that I am enpowers this phenomenon even more)
*if you would have asked me back then I would have told you that it was no experience but leaving the experience(s)
Enjoy all of your meditation (or don't but then I hope you will embrace the not-enjoying and not get attached to it - but then you will enjoy "it" again, right? ;)) |
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karl
United Kingdom
1812 Posts |
Posted - Aug 16 2011 : 07:28:25 AM
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It doesn't really matter what you use as long as you have desire for the truth but without any expectation. AYP is one approach which has been effective for many others. It's the desire behind all practice which is important.
The only advice is that it is better to dig in the the same hole if you want to find water. Shifting from one practice to another will only dilute the approach and is equivalent to digging holes everywhere. However, regardless of whichever way you choose, as long as the desire is there, then the result is inevitable.
Over analysis is optional.
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escapado
Germany
88 Posts |
Posted - Aug 26 2011 : 4:16:34 PM
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thank you karl!
I find my desire changing it's dress like one day it wants this and the other that but it's like it wants the same all the time anyway
SHould I try to do a sticking to one expression of the desire? |
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karl
United Kingdom
1812 Posts |
Posted - Aug 26 2011 : 5:49:51 PM
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Go with the flow. Things twist this way and that. A stable approach to practice without expectation and living your life the remainder of the time.
Once the seed is planted it's going to grow. Even if you get side tracked it will still flourish eventually. Everyone undergoes a unique series of experiences but the result is in no doubt.
Desire for the truth, to wake up regardless of whatever is thrown our way is all that's needed. It's the compass which guides the inner guru to take whatever route is needed.
The guru may seem to be external or internal, there is no difference except in perception, the greater the desire the more your senses are attuned to those spiritual signposts, be it an inner voice or a tv advert to a scrap of paper lying in the gutter.
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the guru inside(?)
