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CannabisSativa
USA
23 Posts |
 Posted - Jul 14 2011 : 12:13:29 AM
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I can't seem to get this feeling out of me, I don't really think it has to do with kundalini although it is what I've been trying to awaken but I posted this here because it's what I specialized in I guess. I don't think it has to do with kundalini because I haven't really done chakra meditation although I do feel my 3rd eye and 5th eye tingle.
I just feel so depressed and it all started with a thought, I can't remember what it was but it made me feel worthless and now this sensation stayed with me. Maybe a nergative entity attached itself to me, or it's just my own negativity being created. It's one of those things that seem like it will stay forever, this feeling has momentum and it has only left momentarily. I feel sorry for being born here and not being able to do anything to help others, I'm tired of trying to pretend around my family, it's hard. I've been trying to detach myself from these feelings but I can't. I've been saying some mantras to get blessings but I don't know what's going on. I know life is a blessing but I've been contemplating to take it away but I'm afraid of the reincarnation cycle and maybe I could end up in a worse place. I was in the hospital for overdose a few years ago and just wonder why I had to survive that when everything seems to be getting worse.
I don't know what else to say, I really need help I can't stop crying. I just need one message, some wisdom please. |
Edited by - AYPforum on Jun 10 2012 5:58:05 PM |
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faileforever
USA
190 Posts |
Posted - Jul 14 2011 : 12:26:36 AM
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Hello CS
Thank you so much for sharing your feelings and thoughts with us. From my experience, life has its ups and downs and you mention how a thought may have started this depression...you are more than thought and this too shall pass, always remember this. Sometimes, I know it feels like it wont and life feels hopeless but if it is your desire to help others then it will happen, trust this and trust life. What are your current practices if i may ask? I can relate to you so completely, please know you are loved |
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cosmic
USA
821 Posts |
Posted - Jul 14 2011 : 12:52:08 AM
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Hi Cannabis
Thank you for sharing yourself so openly. I struggled with depression for over a decade, so I can relate to your feeling worthless and not wanting to be born. Whatever you're feeling, however bad or extreme, it will not last. It's just a feeling or a thought, and it will pass like the clouds in the sunny sky. Is the sun diminished by the dark clouds? No. And you are beyond the depressed feelings, you are the one watching them.
I don't know what to say that will help, but I hope you know that you are loved and supported here. Yoga and deep meditation are the best supports I know of, and practicing them daily will make all the difference in your life. They took me from depression to unconditional love and happiness. All I wanted was to feel normal, and daily sadhana eventually took me way beyond that. But it takes time, day by day.
I hope you will continue your practice, whatever that is, and get through this swiftly. You're not alone, so please reach out and find the support of loved ones. Feel free to message me if you need a friend.
With Love
cosmic |
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Etherfish
USA
3615 Posts |
Posted - Jul 14 2011 : 08:55:09 AM
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Hi cannabis,
Don't worry, this will pass. Try to do some activity that helps others. Stay busy.
Be sure you stay away from drugs as they can amplify feelings you already have. |
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Shanti
USA
4854 Posts |
Posted - Jul 14 2011 : 09:48:30 AM
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Hi Cannabis,
Do you tend to get into depression ofter? You have talked about this before too: http://www.aypsite.org/forum/topic....OPIC_ID=8903
Are you still doing loads of practices like you were in December?
quote:
Originally posted by CannabisSativa
Shanti, about the routine this is exactly what I did yesterday, I did pranayama with spinal breathing for like 20 minutes. Also some other form of pineal gland and alta major (medulla oblongata) meditation I got from a friend (I know I shouldn't mix stuff up but . . . oh well), now here is where I started feeling restless so I tried deep meditation but I couldn't do it because my thoughts were controlling me but I tried it for a while and then I tried doing samyama but I gave up completely and just felt so weird the rest of the day. I think I did a few other things too because I've been reading so many things I just want to progress fast, I can't remember but one of them was the violet flame meditation. I feel better but I went for a run and I get this weird feeling that I can't explain, the best way would be that I feel like I'm in a dream. I'll take a look at that book, thanks a lot.
I just want to be awakened but I still don't fully understand this whole process.
Please do ground and cut back on practices if you have not already done so. In yoga, less is more. Do just enough practices to keep you moving along smoothly and not send you into overloads. |
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psychicexplorer
USA
35 Posts |
Posted - Jul 30 2011 : 10:04:06 PM
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Hi CannabisSativa,
You may already realize this but using Cannabis can (while sometimes enjoyable) lead to deeper and deeper depression. I know from experience. I quit using it and only practice meditation and aside from an initial phase that was very unpleasant while quitting and craving more of it, I now feel fine...no more huge ups and downs...more of a plateau of contentment. |
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JosephUK
United Kingdom
212 Posts |
Posted - Aug 05 2011 : 2:15:48 PM
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I know how it feels to be stuck in a place you just don't want to be.
The emotional mind just sits there and says here i am and i'm not moving.
I've had Schizophrenia or psychosis for about 5 years now and have in some ways been given a mission to heal myself and transform my illness. This is what i'm doing.
You too can do this!
For some immediate relief it might be good to do some mindfulness practice, if you download a quick meditation by john kabat zinn. it is proven to help with depression.
for me this provided to kind of thought screens which were seperated from the mind, simply golden awareness. You then simply watch the thoughts and emotions which will begin to unclog the system.
What i feel is very useful is positive self talk. Essentially there is a small part of you in the situation which is perfectly happy, you need to give this energy and create a whole new self based on this happy person that you already are.
it's alchemy.
The healing code is also a useful book to find some form of spiritual movement towards positiveness.
it uses merdians to cause healing and has been successfully used to treat depression by the man who created it on hos own wife.
I was recently given some affirmations by a man who does healing:
I thank the light that animates me and all living things
I am looking within to the light that animates me for the answers, and my conscious awareness of this communication is increasing every day.
I ask the light that animates me and gives life to all things living to help protect myself from the influence of any imbalanced energy, thought form and lost (reincarnated ) souls, from any source at all times.
I ask the Spiritual light that animates me and gives life to all things living to permeate and fill my entire energy body, DNA and Soul with unconditional love and light, and for this light to gradually permeate, fill and expand throughout my entire physical body, thus restoring my consciousness/soul back into a perfect reflection of this spiritual light that animates me and provides me with life.
it does go on, but you can get a sense of how it works and perhaps do one of your own.
another useful practice is metta meditation: simply put write down a few paragraphs of love towards your self and others such as:
May I be well happy and peaceful, May no harm come to me. May i always meet with spiritual success. May I also have the patience, courage, understanding,and determination to meet and overcome inevitable difficulties, problems and failures in life. May I always rise above them with morality, integrity, forgiveness, compassion, mindfulness and wisdom.
So to to your parents, teachers, relatives,friends, indifferent people, unfriendly people, and all people (All things which have reached a state of individuality)
May I be filled with the peace and tranquility of loving friendliness, so to may all things be filled with the peace and tranquility of loving friendliness, may they be reborn in heavens.
positive self talk may includes:
I take all energy away from my depression and give to my happiness.
may i let go of my negative emotions after having investigated them and realized their teaching and their transient nature.
May all beings including me everywhere be filled with the feeling of loving friendliness, abundant, exalted measureless, free from emnity, free from affliction. May they live happily.
Love to you
Joseph
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psychicexplorer
USA
35 Posts |
Posted - Aug 05 2011 : 10:52:03 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by JosephUK
I've had Schizophrenia or psychosis for about 5 years now and have in some ways been given a mission to heal myself and transform my illness. This is what i'm doing.
Joseph
Just curious, but schizophrenia means you hear voices right? Have you found any spiritual cure for voices or anything that might help with that aspect? |
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Etherfish
USA
3615 Posts |
Posted - Aug 05 2011 : 11:44:58 PM
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Check out this book:
Gut and Psychology Syndrome: Natural Treatment for Autism, Dyspraxia, A.D.D., Dyslexia, A.D.H.D., Depression, Schizophrenia
by Natasha Campbell-McBride
The author is a neurologist from Russia. She claims a lot of psychological problems are caused by improper gut flora. She runs a clinic to cure people through diet, and she cured her own son of autism. She says the epidemic of autism and other mental diseases in children since WWII is due to turning away from breast feeding, eating highly processed foods, and over use of antibodies. These things create a weak, vulnerable immune system, sometimes vaccines will be the straw that broke the camel's back, but the gut is the biggest part of our immune system, and when it is weak it effects everything including the brain.
Kids who have any of the diseases in the title come into her clinic, and she checks their gut flora (natural organisms that are supposed to be in our intestines), and it is always wrong, deficient, unbalanced, etc. Then she checks the gut flora of the childs mom. She says in almost every case the mom's is also deficient, but not as bad! So she says these problems take two generations to develop, and after WWII is when they started telling moms breast feeding is not necessary, and everyone started eating highly processed foods, and taking antibodies and vaccines! Fascinating.
I don't know how it works on adults; she says the earlier she catches it in kids the better for curing the problem completely. |
Edited by - Etherfish on Aug 05 2011 11:52:33 PM |
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maheswari
Lebanon
2520 Posts |
Posted - Aug 06 2011 : 02:48:12 AM
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quote:
I've had Schizophrenia or psychosis for about 5 years now and have in some ways
dear Joseph...your posts clearly show that you are more "normal" than 99 percent of humanity
my maternal aunt has schizophrenia...now she is very old...and she is very very serene..she is spritual in her own way ...she does not like to talk that much
best of luck Joe
Ether...this book seems quite intresting...thx for pointing it out |
Edited by - maheswari on Aug 06 2011 03:07:14 AM |
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I'm in a hole of hopelessness
