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Anthem
1608 Posts |
 Posted - Jul 05 2011 : 08:47:53 AM
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I hesitated a long while before writing this post as I didn't want to potentially deter anyone from practicing regular meditation or other ways of healing themselves like with inquiry, yoga postures, tantra, etc. I also didn't want to potentially encourage anyone to stop regular practices prematurely either. In the end, truth prevailed over fear and I share my story here in case others find themselves in a similar place at some point in time.
I started meditating regularly about 12 years ago, first with guided meditations, once a week, then twice and eventually almost every day. After an energy awakening, I found AYP and practiced regularly twice a day, rarely missing a session for the last 6 years.
My routine quickly contained almost every AYP technique on offer, as well as "asanas", tantra and a large amount of reading and inquiry. The daily routine was approximately 2+ hours of sitting practices, some asanas and a fair amount of inquiry. This routine worked very well for the first two years creating huge changes in the quality of life experienced here.
Over the last 3-4 years, the routine shrank dramatically, practices were discarded and time reduced as self-pacing became a primary requirement as symptoms of "over-load" would creep in from time to time. Eventually it whittled its way down to the only viable amount with which stability could be found and that was with 6 minutes of DM twice per day, not to mention on-going inquiry. This did well for approximately 1 to 1.5 years.
To my disappointment at the time, eventually that became too much as well and being stubbornly reluctant to give-up meditation, breath meditation was tried for a while and it did work. Eventually though, that proved too much as well, so then (of course) Mindfulness Meditation was tried, predictably before long the writing on the wall was undeniable. Just to be sure though, I took many breaks away from practice, only to find overload looming within a few minutes of practice each time I came back to it.
So not that it was much of a decision but in the end, the only viable way to go forward was for all practices to stop. It became discernable after a couple months away that a huge momentum had accumulated over the last many years, this mind had become intensely "programmed" to "fix" itself. A multitude of techniques from multiple forms of inquiry, to acceptance, to active witnessing, to mindfulness etc. were all going on pretty much all the time. Meditating was happening through much of the day automatically.
Eventually it became obvious that this mind was chasing itself in circles by trying to "fix" anything that came along which wasn't blissful or a positive feeling. It has been a letting go of all this sustained effort which happened fairly quickly once it was seen (for the most part). Understanding it is no longer necessary to "fix" anything. In fact, there was never anything to fix in the first place, just simply stay here and now and don't "travel" off into any thought patterns about any of the experiences which arise. It took a lot of practices to realize that for some reason.
The mind is a possibility machine, it is just doing its job which each thought it produces. No thought is true and as long as there is no belief in the many theories of the mind, all is good. 
So the current practice of "do nothing" allows life to flow in a beautifully intimate way bruises, pain and all. An immediate reminder is given in the form of a sharp and painful "slap" any time a practice is tried so it is obvious that the practice is to "do" nothing for now.
This doesn't mean it won't be possible in the future to meditate or do other spiritual practices again if needed, but the current "practice" of do nothing, is what is currently required. There are still many daily realizations and enhancements in the quality of life continuing to manifest. The expansion of awareness continues at an enjoyable rate so there is not much more to say. |
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Delara
Lebanon
305 Posts |
Posted - Jul 05 2011 : 11:28:45 PM
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Hello Anthem;
thank you for sharing.
Wish you happiness with or without practices.
Love;
Delara |
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Etherfish
USA
3615 Posts |
Posted - Jul 06 2011 : 12:04:29 AM
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| Intense Grounding- I've been reading on the net that we were meant to actually touch the ground with our skin, and we are always insulating ourselves from it; shoes, buildings, sidewalks etc. They say that some kind of electrical charge balances us out when we walk barefoot or do gardening with our bare hands. |
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Anthem
1608 Posts |
Posted - Jul 06 2011 : 08:47:45 AM
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Thanks Delara
Hi Etherfish,
Yes I agree, the power of nature is amazing. Just yesterday, I sat by the trees and was pulled into a gentle absorption, almost like meditation with the eyes open. The silence was palpable. When it happens spontaneously this way, it is very grounding.
Making a point to spend time in nature has always been a part of my life due to, as you say, the powerful ground effect. I am fortunate enough now to have a beautiful garden that we inherited when we moved into our current house last year. So barefoot gardening is a regular practice that I have come to love. |
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jeff
USA
971 Posts |
Posted - Jul 06 2011 : 2:59:42 PM
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Anthem,
Sounds like you have significant intent are generating lots of energy. Can you feel the energy flowing or building up?
You probably already know this, but it is very common to keep our attention in one place (like the head) when we are doing practices or meditating. Often it is unconscious. The energy follows the attention and can build up (creating overload issues).
Besides normal grounding activities, I have a few suggestions to try...
1) Try "just listening" to relaxing music. Don't think and just let it "wash" over you.
2) Try a meditation session sitting in your garden area, but spend the first few minutes with your attention/awareness 2 feet below you in the ground.
3) Try to just "radiate" the excess energy from your heart.
Peace & Love. |
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whippoorwill
USA
450 Posts |
Posted - Jul 06 2011 : 6:47:06 PM
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Good luck to you, Anthem!
Mud is very nice to feel
All squishy-squash between the toes!
I'd rather wade in wiggly mud
Than smell a yellow rose.
Nobody else but the rosebush knows
How nice mud feels
Between the toes.
--Polly Chase Boyden
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nearoanoke
USA
525 Posts |
Posted - Jul 07 2011 : 10:48:53 AM
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| Thanks for sharing this. It is very helpful when advanced practitioners like you share their major milestones. |
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bewell
1275 Posts |
Posted - Jul 07 2011 : 2:33:01 PM
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Hi Anthum,
I read your message yesterday and came back today to read it again. So be it. I find myself strangely teary, and with much feeling of love and respect for you. Thank you for sharing.
Be |
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WoodDragon
USA
56 Posts |
Posted - Jul 18 2011 : 10:31:02 AM
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| Living life the way it is can be the most meditative practice of all. Perhaps you have reached a point where the setting aside "time" to practice is interfering with a deeper practice, that of living in stillness and living your life as it is. All the best with your life and may your life be filled with bliss! |
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Anthem
1608 Posts |
Posted - Jul 19 2011 : 12:04:17 AM
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Hi Jeff,
Thank you for your suggestions. I feel the energy flowing up these days as long as I don't do any formal practices. I try to avoid thinking about it too much.
Lizmoran, thanks for that!
Hi Near,
"Advanced Practitioner" made me pause. That is a concept I would personally toss aside as it can serve to create separation between people. From my perspective the yoga world and other spiritual worlds often get caught up in designations like these and this can create subtle hierarchies. Before you know it, you're something and i would never trade "no-thing" for any one thing! lol.
We are all truly equals and I can't think of one instance where one person wouldn't benefit equally from another in any interaction, apparent or not.
Thank you Bewell for the kind words!
Hi WoodDragon,
Yes, i think that sounds about right, many thanks! |
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bewell
1275 Posts |
Posted - Jul 19 2011 : 4:24:43 PM
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Dear Anthem,
I am very curious: What specifically were your overload symptoms when you did practices?
Thanks |
Edited by - bewell on Jul 19 2011 4:25:32 PM |
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Anthem
1608 Posts |
Posted - Jul 20 2011 : 09:58:04 AM
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Hi Bewell,
It was primarily irritation that would arise in the past, but could be any type of energy overload. Overall more recently often it had been a general "malaise" after practice. In other words, there was a sense of well-being, practice would occur and then afterwards there would be instability, significant over-sensitivity and/ or energy excess. Just a couple minutes is enough to trigger this at the moment.
Without any practice I feel like I did in the past after practices. Throughout the day there is a sense of happy well-being, inner-calm/ physical relaxation, gentle ecstatic sensations, a loving heart etc.. There is also still plenty of inner change and improvement in the condition of the body/mind taking place as perspective changes, with lots of "noticing".
This might seem contradictory, but I am also grateful that there is also a more intimate connection with emotional reactions. Not sure how to describe this well, but they are raw and there and I deeply appreciate the message each has to bring.
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Ananda
3115 Posts |
Posted - Jul 20 2011 : 10:03:14 AM
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Might be heading your way also... Last bullet is 6 or 7 minutes of breath meditation for now, might have to cut down on this practice also...
Love,
Ananda |
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bewell
1275 Posts |
Posted - Jul 20 2011 : 9:58:28 PM
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Hi Anthem,
You used the word malaise: "a feeling of general discomfort or uneasiness, of being "out of sorts"... a "general feeling of being unwell".
Is that the word you are looking for? The word irritable reminds me of a word Carson used when overload happens: "Pissy." The usual advice is of course "rest" after practices.
Regardless, the perceptions you are describing that are taking place without practices seems quite "in tune" with others, and attractive.
Respectfully, and with love,
Be |
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Kahlia
161 Posts |
Posted - Jul 23 2011 : 09:18:18 AM
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Wet sand in between the toes after a long bare feet walk along the beach.  |
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AumNaturel
Canada
687 Posts |
Posted - Jul 25 2011 : 09:16:10 AM
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Please do keep us posted to any new developments. Such insight is valuable to us in the 'beginners to ayp' lot. With that kind of background in terms of momentum, energy awakenings, and improvements to quality of life, from my perspective it seems everything has been going well for you despite the current ongoing overloads.
This sort of experience seems to reinforce the notion I came across in the recent support forums book about approaching yoga from the doing while letting go of doing perspective, a concept also mirrored in ancient taoist alchemical texts. In light of your experience, I can't help but wonder if perhaps taking on this suggestion at an early stage of practice might help filter out the overloads carried over by the momentum while preserving the benefits you are clearly experiencing.
In my limited experience, this guideline, along with the solar centering enhancement, seem to have relieved the persistent light pressure in my head for at least a few weeks now, a symptom I've come across before in a more acute form in another practice prior to switching to ayp.
thank you for sharing |
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Ananda
3115 Posts |
Posted - Jul 29 2011 : 12:35:26 PM
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It seems I am getting along with breath meditation... But I am using it for a very short time and when the ecstasy starts to pop up I stop...
Salam |
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jeff
USA
971 Posts |
Posted - Jul 29 2011 : 12:55:17 PM
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Ananda,
Why are you stopping when the ecstasy starts?
Ride the wave... |
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Ananda
3115 Posts |
Posted - Jul 29 2011 : 6:53:43 PM
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When I used to meditate using the mantra for a specific amount of time, inner clock used to alarm me by sending big waves of ecstasy... This is the reason I am using it now also and it's turning out to be safe.
Now Light and ecstasy are present all throughout the day on and off... Plus I could create them waves of ecstasy and flows of bliss whenever I want (I've found the heart cave...) But the sad thing is that I always end up overloading big time...
Love,
Ananda
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AumNaturel
Canada
687 Posts |
Posted - Jul 29 2011 : 8:37:08 PM
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| The reply here was insightful to the variations that can be expected along the way. From that point of view, the experience of the original poster is less an effect of 'AYP practice' and more of 'this is how my approach to AYP has turned out for me'. AYP might be one standardized set of instructions, but along with that are also many guidelines and personal elements (inner guidance at every step, bhakti, etc.) that as a beginner I'm starting to realize may form a very large part in how they turn out, on top of the 'unique matrix of obstructions.' |
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Ananda
3115 Posts |
Posted - Jul 30 2011 : 02:32:13 AM
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| It's true what you said, thank you for sharing this old post |
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Yonatan
Israel
849 Posts |
Posted - Jul 30 2011 : 10:45:53 AM
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Hi Anthem
It is interesting I am seeing this post right now. For the last couple of months 3-4 I think, I have done almost no practices, a few sittings here and there, some self-inquiry (which, before this period began, I did tons, lots and lots...), which is also beginning to stop. Well this time there were just so many changes in my life biologically, mentally, emotionally, big letting-go's (people passing away). So practices didn't suit me, I just knew I wouldn't be able to practice (and it might cause an even bigger stir, whereas just being with it all in a gentle way was, for me, the best thing this time).
So I can really relate. (also like you, before this period besides tons of self inquiry, and watching youtubes of spiritual teachers like mooji tolle and adya, my sitting practice, though I did it once a day, was almost every day for 1 year and 7-8 months, without missing).
It feels right there are some good overall changes, and I will not "stop" practice .
If I need to practice then I would! And if there needs to be another period of 1-2 years of practices, there will be I'm trusting what is happening! |
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Anthem
1608 Posts |
Posted - Aug 17 2011 : 10:39:13 AM
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quote:
The reply here was insightful to the variations that can be expected along the way. From that point of view, the experience of the original poster is less an effect of 'AYP practice' and more of 'this is how my approach to AYP has turned out for me'. AYP might be one standardized set of instructions, but along with that are also many guidelines and personal elements (inner guidance at every step, bhakti, etc.) that as a beginner I'm starting to realize may form a very large part in how they turn out, on top of the 'unique matrix of obstructions.'
Hi Aumnaturel,
Yes and not only does a practitioner's approach to AYP impact their path, so do all the other practices taken on in addition to the core AYP practices. This would include inquiry and other daily practices that are additive. This mixed with our unique individual "matrix of obstructions", as you point out, makes for some interesting outcomes no doubt.
Hi Yonatan,
Sounds like you have a good handle on self-pacing, it has not come so easy for me.
A little follow-up:
It has been 3 and a half months so far with no formal sitting practices. Meditation has been attempted on a couple of occasions to see if there has been any change to the sensitivity, so far it still leads to overload quickly.
Having recently been at my second Ontario retreat over the same time frame, it has been interesting to still have a wonderfully expanding experience despite not really engaging in practices.
My routine at the retreat has been to perhaps engage in a minute or two of either the alternate nostril breathing and/or the meditation, then to simply sit with eyes downcast as the others practice. The result, due to the power of the group meditation, has been to still experience deep absorption, despite not engaging in the practices.
There has been a lot of opening over the last few months. Despite not formally doing any sitting practicing, the inner landscape continues to change and reveal itself and the quality of life continues to improve. |
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bewell
1275 Posts |
Posted - Aug 23 2011 : 9:07:28 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by Anthem11
Having recently been at my second Ontario retreat over the same time frame, it has been interesting to still have a wonderfully expanding experience despite not really engaging in practices.
My routine at the retreat has been to perhaps engage in a minute or two of either the alternate nostril breathing and/or the meditation, then to simply sit with eyes downcast as the others practice. The result, due to the power of the group meditation, has been to still experience deep absorption, despite not engaging in the practices.
Hi Anthem,
Your approach to practices at the retreat is very, very understandable from where I sit. Although I am still doing my AYPs daily solo, when I sit with others (who are not into AYP), which is at least twice a week, I do pretty much was you describe.
On another note, I was recalling your description of "malaise" and recently, I felt it, or a version of it. It was kind of an "ugh" feeling in my core when I awoke one morning after a lot of inner pleasure the night before. It has not been persistent, but I am glad I felt it, partly because I wanted to have empathy for what you are experiencing.
Peace |
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Ananda
3115 Posts |
Posted - Sep 06 2011 : 05:42:44 AM
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Some quick feedback from here also
I've been still trying: Resting for a week, then one week of spinal breathing alone... But that have lead to a few overloading symptoms in the end... So I gave it a rest... Until yesterday, I tried five minutes of DM morning and evening... The sittings were really deep, but overloading again with some pretty violent dreams. I'd love to practice and meditate but apparently the price is high... So no more practices for me, at least for now... Anyways as what is happening with you brother Anthem, opening is happening naturally inside without practices...
Peace |
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Nathan
47 Posts |
Posted - Sep 11 2011 : 7:39:02 PM
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I recently gave up my DM practice because of difficulties I was having, although this was after only three months of 10 min twice daily. I was feeling weighed down, was over sensitive, especially to noise, had intermittent irritability, and was feeling desperate at times.
I actually was thinking of creating a thread to see if there were any ex-oversensitive meditators, or people you were having to self-pace a lot, but eventually were able to do the full time amounts, and it's interesting that the opposite seems to be happening.
I may pick up the practice again, making sure not to let the negative symptoms reach that degree again.
Part of my downfall may have been due to not doing a good job of conserving the ojas. I wonder if this is a primary reason other men are having to cut down (not making any judgments).
My big question is: what would happen if a person went ahead despite persistent suffering? Would there eventually be a big breakthrough? I can't imagine that the negative symptoms could go on forever. |
Edited by - Nathan on Sep 11 2011 8:49:38 PM |
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Can no longer meditate or do any practices
