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EverVigilant
USA
9 Posts |
 Posted - Feb 23 2011 : 7:53:22 PM
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So this evening's meditation was the first time something sort of happened.
I was in somewhat of a rotten mood, noticing that my life is still not really in order or on track. Came home from work, said hello to my budgie and parrotlet. The parrotlet growled at me. Pacific parrotlets are proud little animals, and I typically give those birds almost no attention aside from feeding them. I live alone, so they spend most of their days in a quiet and poorly-lit apartment. Then I come home exhausted and either read or play video games or surf the net.
I noticed Ludwig's angry look on his face as he growled at me when I came up and said hello. This often gets me down; I think about how I'm neglecting them but also when I look within I realize I don't care very much about them, certainly not enough to make lots of time for them. Overall it just has me feeling like a rotten human being whenever I think about it.
Took my shoes and belt off, untucked the shirt, got ready to go meditate. Decided to do it out near the pool today, since it was in the mid-60s out and getting dark, so nobody was out there and it was a nice day.
Sat down, with a big pit of blah in my stomach, not really excited about meditating. The birds and many other problems were on my mind.
Closed my eyes, started doing the "I AM" meditation. Actually it's more of an "AYAM" with me, with each "A" pronounced European-style ("Ah"), because "I AM" was bothering me.
I stopped caring about whether I'd be able to stop breathing in time with it or moving my jaw or whatnot. I just focused on what I see as the whole point of this, which is directing conscious action to the mantra so my straying thoughts cease, whenever I notice straying thoughts.
Now, I don't know if it was the cool breeze, or the meditation, or what, but about halfway into it the chills came. The breeze definitely had something to do with it. But a blissful chill came and I felt it all around my body, in my chest and in my arms and legs. This would subside, and then maybe a minute or two later it would come back.
I got up feeling refreshed and happy. When I got back into the apartment I picked up Ludwig and sat down with him while I messed around on the computer, talking to him ("you're such a pretty bird, yes you are", that sort of stuff). He seemed rather content and sat with me for a while, preening and whatnot, before finally deciding to fly back to the cage.
(Merry (the budgie) generally could care less about people and flies away in short order, so I don't usually bother him)
I'm not sure why I posted this. It feels more like journaling. I hope maybe this is encouraging to other newbies, but feel free not to read my posts anymore if you don't want. :-)
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Edited by - EverVigilant on Feb 23 2011 8:07:02 PM |
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bewell
1275 Posts |
Posted - Feb 25 2011 : 05:56:06 AM
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Hi,
I'm glad to hear about your experience of feeling refreshed and happy. It can happen
Be |
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Shanti
USA
4854 Posts |
Posted - Feb 25 2011 : 08:17:55 AM
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Thanks for sharing this with us here.
It was very refreshing to read.
quote:
"with a big pit of blah in my stomach, not really excited about meditating. The birds and many other problems were on my mind.
I stopped caring about whether I'd be able to stop breathing in time with it or moving my jaw or whatnot. I just focused on what I see as the whole point of this, which is directing conscious action to the mantra so my straying thoughts cease, whenever I notice straying thoughts."
Lovely.
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Yonatan
Israel
849 Posts |
Posted - Feb 25 2011 : 11:43:49 AM
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Hi Evervigilant,
I am happy for you!!!
Beautiful |
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Waves of... bliss?
