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Kite
USA
18 Posts |
 Posted - Nov 17 2010 : 4:58:42 PM
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Hi all,
I am new to the AYP approach and have been practicing fairly regularly for about 4 months. I also have an identical twin sister who has been practicing for about 8 months, with extreme success from the start it seemed. I'm confused as I'm finding it increasingly difficult to sit down and do my meditations (3 minutes SB/15 minutes DM/3-5 minutes samyama 2 times per day). I posted earlier about my issues with comparing my results to my sister's, which I've been training my mind to stop doing; however, I have one question remaining:
Pulled this from one of Yogani's lessons, not sure which, apologies: "All the Books, Gurus, Ashrams are useful, but you have to truly believe, to have unwavering faith fuelled by burning desire, then it will happen there is no way it cannot." I personally, do not yet have this strong desire (bahkti?). In order to overcome the thinking mind, though (and unfortunately I have a terribly powerful thinking mind), I realize I definitely need to continue on the path of AYP, despite the fact that this fueling desire is not present. Is there a way I can find this desire? Or another approach one with "weak bahkti" can use to add fuel to the fire? I apologize if I've missed a post somewhere about this issue. I have read about many people having to overcome the initial hardships of staying on the AYP path, but it seemed that they, at least, had the fire of desire burning within them at all times.
I was just hoping someone might provide me with insight as to how to stay motivated. My twin sister was very fortunate in this aspect it seems, because she had an intense awakening experience and strong bahkti from the get-go. It seems many AYPers have this desire fueling them. What if, in my past lives, I have not evolved enough to experience AYP fully or reach enlightenment during this lifetime? Perhaps I don't understand the past lives/evolving consciousness clearly? It seems rather odd to me that we are held accountable for lives we do not remember.
Any advice would be appreciated 
Love,
Kite
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yogani
USA
5242 Posts |
Posted - Nov 17 2010 : 5:43:47 PM
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Hi Kite:
What are you most passionate about deep in your heart? That is where your path is. It is up to you how to follow your passion. You can trust yourself in that.
The guru is in you.
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Kite
USA
18 Posts |
Posted - Nov 17 2010 : 6:23:26 PM
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Hi Yogani,
I appreciate your thoughtful response. To be honest, my passions seem to change. One year I'll really be into art, the next year hiking, the next a certain type of religion, etc. Currently, I can't seem to find anything I'm extremely 'passionate' about. Passion seems temporary and fleeting to me, but perhaps I'm defining it incorrectly.
I do want to know the absolute truth behind everything. I feel that I NEED to understand this, regardless of emotions. I'm not sure if that's a passion, but it's really become my driving goal. I want to see things as they really are, no sugar-coating, nothing added that was created by my mind and brought into consciousness (like a temporary heaven or hell, visions, etc). I'm wondering if it is wrong for me to have no expectations of the after-life, I want it to be as it really is when I arrive, unshaped by my expectations. |
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yogani
USA
5242 Posts |
Posted - Nov 17 2010 : 6:40:43 PM
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Hi Kite:
That need to know the truth is fundamental in all of us, whether it is seen clearly and raised to a passion or not. It is the seed of our awakening.
Meditation brings it out and makes it more passionate. It is an aspect of inner silence. We call it "bhakti."
The best way to view our progress with practices is in terms of our own journey -- where we are now versus last year, etc. Comparing to others (even a biological twin) can be a formula for frustration. We can only be who we are and travel our path, not be someone else and travel their path.
There are many helpers, tools, and fellow travelers, but the journey is our own. Taking responsibility is the key. Once we have done that, there is no stopping, no turning back.
The guru is in you.
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faileforever
USA
190 Posts |
Posted - Nov 17 2010 : 8:19:06 PM
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Thank you again, Yogani. "Taking responsibility" resonated deeply with me. Re-reading my posts, I see that I am still comparing and thus placing expectations on my own meditation experiences, which, when not met, cause anger and confusion. I will continue on my own path and perhaps try to enjoy the unique-ness of it (the good and the bad).
I am sincerely thankful for this website and the opportunity I have to voice my questions (and receive almost instant answers!).
Thank you, thank you.
Love,
Kite |
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faileforever
USA
190 Posts |
Posted - Nov 17 2010 : 8:20:14 PM
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Hah! My twin (faileforever) left herself logged in to my computer - last response was from Kite! Doh  |
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faileforever
USA
190 Posts |
Posted - Nov 18 2010 : 4:24:18 PM
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Posting on my name again are we sis?
I found this article and it seems to really answer this question very nicely, incase anyone else is interested (already passed it on to you sister).
http://www.aypsite.org/427.html |
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Fuel the Desire
