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thisguy
USA
6 Posts |
 Posted - Nov 02 2010 : 1:37:15 PM
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In a nutshell, I've been doing various AYP practices (spinal breath, meditation, asanas, self inquiry, etc) for about a year and lately I've been having trouble dealing with the sudden emptiness in my life.
Previously I had tons of "interests and hobbies" to keep me busy, but all of my interests and passions that I had before are slipping away as I progress spiritually, and I don't know if I'm ok with this level of apathy.
Just to give an example, one of my hobbies was high end audio equipment. I spent quite a large portion of my time and money researching, purchasing, and listening to audio equipment. It seemed like I always needed to upgrade one component or another, never satisfied. After doing a lot of reading on this site and others I've come to the realization that this constant feeling that the audio system was incomplete and always needed something better, newer, and unfortunately for my wallet, more expensive, was actually a projection of my spiritual incompleteness. I craved spiritual progression and transferred that need onto this audio system. Now that I am feeling more complete spiritually, such hobbies are dropping off. I don't feel the need to tinker with the audio system (this is just one example, countless other hobbies and interests are disappearing as well), and my life is feeling very empty as a result. I just sit around and watch tv, always bored. I realize that I have made a large spiritual leap recently, and that I don't need to always be "doing" something, but I am having an extremely difficult time with this transition and this apathy is slowly leading to depression. How do others cope with this?
Thanks, greatly appreciated |
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JosephUK
United Kingdom
212 Posts |
Posted - Nov 02 2010 : 1:50:05 PM
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it sounds as if you've been intelectualising your spiritual need for progression.
this means you perhaps have an idea how it ought to be an you can intellectualy manifest changes without the spiritual progression thats needed to realise that progress fully.
AYP is about moving towards not away from.
you should perhaps try samyama to allow all the stillness you've developed move out into the world and become part of your daily activity.
it is actually pointless practising self-enquiry without the aid of the witness state which is perhaps your down fall.
if you cut out the self-enquiry and replace with samyama you will realize a lot of the truths you seek and take renewed interest in the world.
with love and with compasssion.
Joe |
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karl
United Kingdom
1812 Posts |
Posted - Nov 02 2010 : 2:11:24 PM
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It will pass. You have to expect this. A bit like hitting the wall it's a challenge to get beyond it.
Grit teeth and carry on with your practises and remember that there is no need to give up anything except some time for the practise.
I would advise you to get off your butt and do some excercise, a bit of walking is always a good way to level out what's changing on the inside.
Also, don't feel the need to force things, if you feel like the meditation is getting you down then cut it back or even stop for a while. Keep self pacing. What we do does not feel like physical excersise, but it is just as difficult, instead of muscles aching, the whole mind hurts. |
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njethwa
USA
24 Posts |
Posted - Nov 02 2010 : 4:03:42 PM
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| Maybe pickup a new hobby and see if that drops off too :) |
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tonightsthenight
846 Posts |
Posted - Nov 02 2010 : 4:33:30 PM
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Hey bro, sorry to hear you are feeling down.
In my experience, phases such as the one you describe are a natural part of the spiritual process.
Some things within you have died. And yet, new things will be born in their place. But it always takes time. Things must grow before they bear fruit.
Maybe you should consider planting some seeds. Instead of watching television, learn a new language. Or perhaps you might join a book club. Or a kickball league in your city. Do go out and exercise, even it's just walking. Expose yourself to something new.
Good luck to you! |
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faileforever
USA
190 Posts |
Posted - Nov 02 2010 : 4:39:12 PM
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Hello thisguy, I can relate very much to how you feel. Hobbies and interests just kind of started to seem boring or pointless to me it felt like I wasnt 'getting anywhere' on my spiritual path if I wasnt reading/thinking/meditating on it, work became extremely dull. I still deal with this a bit but lately it has started to disappear. I have added Samyama about a month ago to my practices and I would def recommend trying it out if you havent already. Lately ive been able to enjoy being where I am quite a bit more instead of projecting where I ought to be or what I ought to be doing. Unexplainable feelings of contentment/joy come over me during the day and have helped me enjoy life again and realize that this truly is all about learning to integrate practices with being out in the real world. Of course some old hobbies have died away and probably for the better, maybe youll find youre attracted to new hobbies that spark your interest again? Best of luck |
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Holy
796 Posts |
Posted - Nov 02 2010 : 8:07:07 PM
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@thisguy
Sound has great effects on body and mind and it is one of my hobbies too. I really like listening to good music on even better speakers =P And I had those phases too were I could observe that too much sound-input creates too much inner sound that somehow hinders/slows down to go deeper into silence which feels better and better over time.
Then there is the other component, that with ongoing inner openings, the outer is also perceived with much more detail and intensity. Then listening to "outer" music even on low level speakers can sound subjectively 10 times more amazing and fulfilling in that moment as when heard without the increased sensual perceptions on high-end-speakers... Not to mention what happens when both are on "high level" =P
And yeah, then there are the inner sounds..and inner music you have never listened to on this earthly plane... music that let you see this music is god.. wohoo then outer music gets less attractive too...
In general, if something seems to drop by itself, you can be sure that something way better is near coming or has already showed itself to you. It still can jump in between both but the inner good won't let you miss anything for long.
You can observe this play of change and over the longterm nothing will be left to complain about. Only perhaps why you have let you cheat for so long with those little happiness bringing timely limited things.. |
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Pheel
China
318 Posts |
Posted - Nov 02 2010 : 8:59:04 PM
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Hi thisguy,
Both I and Mr. Anderson in this forum are going through this phase, too. I was a bit resistant to it, and the resistance created suffering. Once accepted, it turned out to be pretty fine, especially no loner to be troubled by things and persons that used to really get on my nerves. take it easy:) |
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Kirtanman
USA
1651 Posts |
Posted - Nov 02 2010 : 9:13:49 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by thisguy
In a nutshell, I've been doing various AYP practices (spinal breath, meditation, asanas, self inquiry, etc) for about a year and lately I've been having trouble dealing with the sudden emptiness in my life.
**
I am having an extremely difficult time with this transition and this apathy is slowly leading to depression. How do others cope with this?
Thanks, greatly appreciated
Hi This Guy,
In my experience, there were a couple of phases of (seeming) emptiness.
The first was, as you said is going on with you, a releasing of previously strong interests, and a focus only on spirituality.
You may know the story of Lot's wife, from the Bible? God said "don't look back" -- she looked back -- and became history's most famous pillar-of-salt.
In reality, nothing can be lost -- and the spiritual focus tends to pick up the slack (in terms of what the mind finds interesting and/or fulfilling), as long as we don't focus on mental comparisons with the past.
A sense of depression attended my first phase, too -- and it was fairly short-lived; I just kept going ... it's all you really can do.
The good news is: what awaits you is, well ..... everything.
The second phase for me came maybe two to three years later, after deep development of abiding inner silence as the Witness.
There was awareness, equanimity, seemingly near-permanent peace .... yet a deadness, a non-involvement with life, as limited-mind evaluated it at the time.
Yogani and others have said, and I can now attest -- that this, too, is a phase -- one that many pass through, because the whole spiritual journey is awakening from falsely partial to truly complete awareness.
Awareness separate from its content or objects is not yet complete - awareness as wholeness --- inclusive of its content, and inclusive of the richness of regular life --- is what awaits us all, as long as we continue; this fulfillment is what we actually are, now, behind all our ideas about life and how it should be.
How is it now?
Perfect.
Deadness died ---- and there's only living, unbound.
I'm listening to Samadhi Sita Ram (Thanks again, Cosmic! ) by Krishna Das as I write this post, grooving on the intense part of the chant resounding through my small-but-powerful table-top Logitechs - and simply immersed in the Oneness that is the beautiful actuality of this moment .... no non-peace, no non-joy, no non-awesomeness.
Those who know me know it's been like that for a while now, here.
And it just keeps getting better.
Just keep practicing --- and don't think, analyze or compare too much --- those are the things that make the journey seem "unsmooth".
And in writing this post, I just touched on the pieces that seemed to apply -- but the journey was a bit rough, at points, too (more so than what I've written about --- everyone's journey is different; some are not that rough at all).
Would I do it over again?
Only a million times, and gladly.
I've asked a couple of other people, recently, who are enjoying similar immersion in and as wholeness, and they say the same.
There really aren't words for the result of the spiritual journey --- it is this, actually this, that is beyond and before all words.
And it is worth everything.
Just keep practicing --- you'll be glad you did.
But only infinitely.
Wholeheartedly,
Kirtanman
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tonightsthenight
846 Posts |
Posted - Nov 02 2010 : 11:33:21 PM
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quote:
Would I do it over again?
Yes, but I wouldn't want to.  |
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Trouble dealing with newfound inner silence
