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rothjbr
USA
1 Posts |
 Posted - Oct 05 2010 : 5:23:11 PM
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It all started in the year 2000 when I broke up with my fiancé. I have always had a spiritual inclination. I started going to the Siddha Yoga Ashram. The head of this organization, Gurumayi Chidvilasananda, gave me a spiritual initiation called shaktipat.
Initially this was a very pleasant experience. However, about two weeks later, I had an abrupt opening. I had been having trouble sleeping for a couple of days, when in the middle of the night I had a sudden movement in my kidneys. This really set me into a panic. The next morning when I got up, energy started rushing up my spine into my head. I called my parents for help. I ended up seeing a doctor and stopping Siddha Yoga altogether. About two and a half years later I started up my practice again. My practice was very intense this time around. I would chant the Guru Gita for an hour in the morning followed by meditation. During my meditations I would experience spontaneous movements called kriyas, at the time they would mostly occur in my heart chakra and my third eye chakra. About three months later, I started experiencing energy shooting out of my head towards the sky. This was very intense. While these things were happening to me I was focused on Gurumayi and Muktananda and Nityananda.
I was starting to feel supernatural at this time.
These energy movements spiraled out of control to the point that I had to be hospitalized. I had not been eating or sleeping for nearly two weeks. I was close to death. I would be lying in bed paralyzed with energy piercing my skull and spine and my mind would be racing out of control. I felt the presence of Gurumayi at this time. About a week later I came to my senses enough to get out of the hospital without medication. I was hearing a voice at this point, which claimed to be Gurumayi. I thought that everything that had happened to me had been a spiritual cleansing. The voice that claimed to be Gurumayi was, interfearing with everything that I did. I was very weak and would eat very little. A week later I moved back to my house to get ready for my wifes return. When my wife got back, things did not go well at all. The voice that claimed to be Gurumayi, got in the way of everything that I did. For a while I listened to the voice, thinking that she was a spiritual authority. This voice was not very nice to me at times and because she was always in the way I started to not believe in her. I started to eat meat and the voice became very angry. I decided to see a doctor to see if they could help me. I tried various medications over the next three years, which helped but did not get rid of the voice that claimed to be gurumayi. I should say that the voice did not sound like Gurumayi, but it definitely had her energy and presence which would vary throughout the day. My wife left the house on good terms with me at this time. I decided to taper off the meds at this time to see what would happen. The voice revealed itself to be Muktananda at this time, but the energy and presence of this powerfull voice did not seem like muktananda. At this time I began to experience very powerfull kryas all over my body and my energy was completely opened up to this entity now. He could completely posess me. He then revealed himself to be a siddha master and not Muktananda. He had the ability to make me dance and feel the presence of people from a distance instantly. He could even get me to whistle, and I don’t know how to whistle! He has the ability to think of Gurumayi and me at the same time which explains why I felt her presence all the time. Also Gurumayi has been in hiding for the most part for the same amount of time that this has been happening to me.
With all of his powers, I still do not want him around but he wont leave me alone. For this reason I know that he is a bad siddha. I have gone back on the medications to help keep him away from me, but he can still posess me. I pray to god all the time.
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Edited by - AYPforum on Jun 10 2012 7:31:38 PM |
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CarsonZi
Canada
3189 Posts |
Posted - Oct 05 2010 : 10:07:16 PM
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Hi rothjbr and welcome to the AYP forums 
Quite the journey you have been on! If I may ask..... what, if anything, are you practicing these days?
Love!
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Shanti
USA
4854 Posts |
Posted - Oct 06 2010 : 08:04:35 AM
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Hi Rothjbr,
((((HUG))))
I am sorry you are going through this.
Have you ever asked him to leave? Very kindly, no anger, no frustration, no wish it was different, but just very calmly ask him to leave. Tell him you would like to travel this path on your own. Nothing against him, but you wish he would not help you any more.
Every time you hear him, or feel him, just very gently tell him to go away. It may take a few tries, but he will slowly let you go.
The more you try to fight him, the stronger his grip will get on you. You have nothing to fear, cause fear will only make him stronger. You have no reason to fight it, cause fighting it will only make it last longer. Just accept the fact he is there, and kindly tell him to leave.
It takes a while. Mainly becasue we give them power by being afraid of them and also at one time or the other surrendering to them. But it is possible to let go this attachment. Don't stop your medication. But make a point of telling him to please leave you alone any time you feel his presence.
Wish you all the best.
You will be in my prayers. |
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Rattan
South Africa
41 Posts |
Posted - Oct 06 2010 : 09:07:44 AM
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rothjbr, what you describe sounds very familiar to me. Someone near to me have something similar happen to him. I do not have any advice to offer. But the medication has definitely been very helpfull here.
Wishing you all the best. |
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Etherfish
USA
3615 Posts |
Posted - Oct 06 2010 : 8:16:55 PM
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Hi Rothjbr,
Welcome to the forums. I think Shanyi's advice is the best thing to do.
It is good to believe in a power outside yourself, as most people have such a strong ego they cannot do that. But you have taken this too far. This demonstrates why it is necessary to have some ego.
You have to develop enough power within yourself to be autonomous. You have to make some demands and have some power on your own.
Following gurus is good for some people, but don't lose sight of your self. You are an individual capable of attaining anything the great gurus have attained. But you must remember you are not them. You are unique and different.
Best of luck, Etherfish |
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cosmic
USA
821 Posts |
Posted - Oct 06 2010 : 10:44:50 PM
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Hello rothjbr,
I have no advice, just want to welcome you here. I hope your difficulties pass quickly. You seem to have a good attitude about it.
Love
cosmic |
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my intense inner journey
