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11jono11
United Kingdom
181 Posts |
 Posted - Sep 02 2010 : 3:10:20 PM
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Hello, I have been getting more and more into my practices and further devoted to God everyday, I am single and have been meeting this girl who I like, she's very sweet and eco conscious, I do not know how she see's "us" if at all but I have not made any move or anything. Up until recently the only reason I haven't been having sex is because I haven't had a partner, if in the recentish past I could of I would be, but now I am wondering wether to initiate anything or start anything new as I feel the tendency to go "to far" and finish would be there, dyou know what I mean? As if refraining from sex all together would be easier than tantric sex. I am ok in solo practices but imagine that I might want to "finish" if with a partner. I have not "finished"  in a while now, I am not counting but around about a month or something, probably longer.
"So just continue to be celibate" I here you cry and yes this is what I feel is a big possibility for me but I would like the companionship, just hugging, sleeping in the same bed as someone has recently been more appealing to me than sex. Though if I were to take this further with her, or anyone else then I don't know wether she or they would be interested in a non sexual or tantric sexual relationship? Does tantric sex really start feeling good? Is it worth it?
When I am in a relationship for a long time I naturally stop being urged towards sex, this has happened with many partners, I love the company and sleeping with someone in the same bed etc, eating together but after a few months do not feel drawn towards sex, also a common occurrence for me is that when in a relationship for a while when having sex I don't feel the need to "finish" before I use to think that I couldn't finish but now I see that it was probably just my spiritual practices in other areas encouraging me to hold my prana.
If I had been in a long relationship while getting more overtly involved with God then perhaps tantric sex would be easier.
So to cut a long story short do you reckon it would be easier for me to just refrain full stop? Is tantric sex worth it? Does anyone here know what I am talking about? / Where I am coming from? Also is it good that I have not finished in a while? How often if at all is it ok to finish? Does finishing have a direct negative effect on practice? (Woa, Deja vu) Any advice or if anyone would like to chime in that would be great.
Om Shanti
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Edited by - 11jono11 on Sep 02 2010 3:14:07 PM |
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Kirtanman
USA
1651 Posts |
Posted - Sep 02 2010 : 6:10:24 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by 11jono11
"So just continue to be celibate" I here you cry
Actually, "So just continue to be celibate" you hear you cry.
Life unfolds as it does; all the thinking and wondering and worrying just takes the fun right out of it, is all.
quote:
So to cut a long story short do you reckon it would be easier for me to just refrain full stop?
The only thing that's truly easy is to live naturally. The only thing that's truly holy is to live naturally.
"Convenient, that!"
Conditioned thinking over-complicates things (situations) amazingly.
You like a girl.
You feel a sense of emotional and sexual attraction to her.
You feel somewhat of a draw to sex, but a much higher draw toward the emotional connection that can, and usually does, happen in relationship (specifically between a man and a woman, in this case).
Sound about right?
If you start dating her, what does it mean?
It means you've started dating her.
If you have sex with her, what does it mean?
It means you've had sex with her.
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Is tantric sex worth it? Does anyone here know what I am talking about? / Where I am coming from?
I feel fairly sure I do, yes.
You like a girl; you're attracted to her. This is literally the most normal thing a human male can experience.
You're concerned that starting a romantic or sexual relationship may negatively affect your practices.
You're also wondering, in the event that you do begin having a sexual relationship with this girl, would tantric sex, presuming she's interested in this too, be helpful, spiritually (yes?)
I would say, again: all the thinking is causing the disturbance/confusion. Disturbance and confusion can only be caused by thinking.
A fairly short while ago, you posted about surrender. Surrender is an awesome and powerful tool. Life knows what it's doing --- thinking does not.
Relax; enjoy --- life is beautiful, fun and wonderful -- and connections between people, whatever the exact nature of those connections, are among the sweetest aspects of all, for most of us.
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Also is it good that I have not finished in a while? How often if at all is it ok to finish?
As I've posted, and others have posted in the past, not ejaculating tends to be more important earlier-on in practices, but then, it can be useful. Yogani discusses it in the lessons, and I think (I haven't looked in years) -- he suggests something like a time or two (of ejaculating) per week, as the maximum, or "you'll mess up your yoga" (I'm pretty sure he said).
quote:
Does finishing have a direct negative effect on practice?
Usually only if it's done really often. A lot of (non-tantric/non-yogic) men ejaculate at least once a day, or once every other day ... and that may be too much, because the energy that is "cultivated and preserved" (as we say in AYP) can offer fairly major energetic benefits -- and, conversely, ejaculating often can have the opposite effect.
I was always a "push the envelope" kinda guy, so when I started AYP Tantra, I stopped ejaculating for a week or so at a time, at first; then went to two weeks, then went to about three months on average, and went maybe six months, once, over a period of a couple of years, or so.
The last couple of years, I haven't paid much attention to it, at all; the inclination to monitor kind of fell away -- and I haven't experienced any sense of energetic loss in connection with ejaculation, for at least a couple of years. I'm probably kind of in the middle of where I used to be (less often than before I started Tantra, more often than the longer periods described above) - but there's no purposeful monitoring of it; it (all ) happens as it happens -- I just trust and enjoy.
It's working out very nicely.
Wholeheartedly,
Kirtanman |
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Victor
USA
910 Posts |
Posted - Sep 03 2010 : 12:29:27 AM
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| I beleive that kirtanman said it nicely. You have to follow your heart and what feels right to you. What I would be more concerned with rather than the mechanics of ejaculation is more if this girl will be someone that you can trust, someone who will enhance and support your direction in life rather than bring new drama or pull in undesired ways. thats the big issue for me. Sometimes a man just needs physical contact. Its natural, so just find your balance. In my opinion absolute celibacy is a level of spiritual maturity that most never reach nor desire. For the few it works and is succesful but I would warn against trying to discipline yoruself too hard too soon. That said, find your own balance of sexual energy and with luck your partner will appreciate this and help you cultivate it. |
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11jono11
United Kingdom
181 Posts |
Posted - Sep 08 2010 : 08:09:58 AM
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Hello, yep, thinking is the issue, it just gets you sometimes, you can be going on with life happily witnessing then something comes along and says "I am really important you're going to have to think about me" and you forget to surrender, get taken in by it and before you know it you've got a headache and you're worrying. I am seeing more and more what Mooji was talking about when he said that as you start getting closer the mind will through stones in the bushes , God bless it .
I guess one of the things is that the body, mind, maybe true self has been a tad lonely recently. I moved out of a house of friends because it was tooooo noisy to meditate and toooo many people (6 of us). Now I am a lodger in this guys house, he is lovely but our only interactions are in the kitchen + it's not like having a friend in the house, though he is sort of a friend. Anyways, thinking.
Sorry if I keep repeating myself but just a wonder, is the longer you refrain from orgasm the better? Would it be most beneficial to never orgasm if you could manage it?
+ As far as the girl stuff goes I am just going to see what happens, watch what the one does next, a companion would be nice but that must be the mind talking as how can the One have a companion? It is the companion . |
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Holy
796 Posts |
Posted - Sep 25 2010 : 8:00:14 PM
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| Perhaps you should try the blocking technique. Then you will see the first time that orgasm and loosing semen are two different things. |
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Refraining from new relationships? Good? bad?
