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LucienneK
Canada
28 Posts |
 Posted - Sep 02 2010 : 1:00:40 PM
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Hello everyone!
First of all I'd like to say a little bit about myself. I am brand spanking new at practising AYP. I started about 10 months ago but it was very choppy at best. As of recently I have been able to have a much more smooth and steady routine including spinal breathing, deep meditation and some postures. All though this does get inturrupted from time to time as I am a new mother of a young child. But the desire and intention is there.
Lately I have been trying to deal with some strong feelings around a certain situation in my life and I can't seem to figure it out. I was hoping some new perspectives might help me out. I have been told to "let go " of the emotions and ideas around this situation and to not hold onto the thoughts that are causing me pain. This all makes perfect sense to me but it is easier said then done. I've been having an extreme hard time actually putting these ideas into play. I feel like I do have an understanding of the concept but putting the ideas into action is something that just doesn't seem to be happing. I liken it to me and my drivers license. I know all the rules of the road and could probably do it but the action of actually doing it scares me to death. So I countinue without my drivers license even though at times things would be a lot easier with it, especially now with a young child. (Don't get me wrong here, I love public transit for the most part. You get to meet the most interesting people, especially the ones in my neck of the woods Plus I don't want to become like everybody else I know, who, once they get their license they refuse to take the bus ever again.)
So I guess one of my questions is this, How is "letting go" of the feelings not just like letting somebody else walk all over you? If somebody's actions are causing you pain, shouldn't you tell them and try to fix what is hurting you? If you don't tell them and acknowledge the hurt, isn't that just giving them permission to countinue to do what they're doing? Is letting go of the feelings kinda like sweeping them under the rug?
On the other side of things, there is the person who is causing the pain. I know, nobody else but me can cause me to suffer, it is a choice. My problem with this is, isn't that kind of a cop out for the that person. It's like saying they don't have to take responsiblity for their actions. That if they don't see it the same way as you (that there is any reason for their actions to cause you pain), then it is your problem and not theirs so there is no reason for them to change what they are doing. It's like using it as an excuse to do whatever you want with out a care of how it might effect anyone around you. Not their problem how you take things eh?
I have had a fair amount of discussion with a couple of people over this. Both ones involved with AYP and ones who are not and I keep finding myself not able to settle on any answer. I feel like I'm on a merry-go-round ride with two ideas pushing me. I'll get to one side and one idea will push me one way and then I'll get to the other side and the other idea will give me another push around. It doesn't seem to want to stop and I would like to get off please.
Luci
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Shanti
USA
4854 Posts |
Posted - Sep 02 2010 : 1:41:30 PM
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Hi Luci.
Welcome to the AYP forums.
First (((((HUG)))).
I know how hard and confusing it is to hear someone say "let go" but not know what that means or how to do it. I have lived it.
Have you read the book "Loving What Is" by Byron Katie? If not, read it, it will help.
quote:
So I guess one of my questions is this, How is "letting go" of the feelings not just like letting somebody else walk all over you? If somebody's actions are causing you pain, shouldn't you tell them and try to fix what is hurting you? If you don't tell them and acknowledge the hurt, isn't that just giving them permission to countinue to do what they're doing? Is letting go of the feelings kinda like sweeping them under the rug?
Read some of these topics and see if they help.
Turn the other cheek - Injustice ?
Distructive Personalities
Dealing with anger
"Letting go" or "Acceptance" doesn’t mean being weak, or allowing others to use us as doormats, or not acting when action is needed. Acceptance means dropping the mind stories that makes us suffer by keeping us mentally and emotionally bound to a situation. Being attached to the mind stories uses up energy needlessly, clouds thinking and drains energy; acceptance helps get past the mind story and address any moment or situation with clarity.(http://livingunbound.net/lessons-re...ing-reality/)
Yogani had once told me in an email "If we choose to let others use us as a doormat, they are not to blame. We are!
Practices gradually build our strength to overcome such things."
Keep up your practices the best you can (I know it can be hard with a baby), and read the book "Loving What Is" by Byron Katie (http://livingunbound.net/lessons-re...byron-katie/).
Wish you all the best. |
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CarsonZi
Canada
3189 Posts |
Posted - Sep 02 2010 : 4:44:26 PM
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Hi Luci and welcome to the AYP forums! 
quote:
Originally posted by LucienneK
Lately I have been trying to deal with some strong feelings around a certain situation in my life and I can't seem to figure it out. I was hoping some new perspectives might help me out. I have been told to "let go " of the emotions and ideas around this situation and to not hold onto the thoughts that are causing me pain. This all makes perfect sense to me but it is easier said then done. I've been having an extreme hard time actually putting these ideas into play. I feel like I do have an understanding of the concept but putting the ideas into action is something that just doesn't seem to be happing.
Letting go is not an "idea" nor is it a "concept". Letting go is simply letting go. It is an action, a verb, a doing. Letting go means letting go of thoughts, even thoughts of needing to let go. Letting go is simply relaxing, and opening beyond our thoughts. When a thought arises that brings with it feelings of suffering, just let go of the thought. As/when it returns, just let go again. Over and over and over again. It's like meditation. In meditation when we find ourselves off into thought we choose to come back to the mantra over and over again. Same with thoughts that cause suffering (aka thoughts that argue with the reality of what is). When you notice these thoughts arise, just naturally choose not to engage with them. Doing so will allow them to naturally dissolve on their own. They may continue to arise over and over again, at least for a while, but if you continue to open past these thoughts, if you continue to choose not to engage these thoughts, eventually they will lose their "power" over you.
quote:
Originally posted by LucienneK
I liken it to me and my drivers license. I know all the rules of the road and could probably do it but the action of actually doing it scares me to death.
Eventually we all get to a point where knowing something in the mind is not enough anymore...we need personal experience with it. This is when we discard the head knowledge in favor of personal experience...heart knowledge.
quote:
Originally posted by LucienneK
So I guess one of my questions is this, How is "letting go" of the feelings not just like letting somebody else walk all over you? If somebody's actions are causing you pain, shouldn't you tell them and try to fix what is hurting you? If you don't tell them and acknowledge the hurt, isn't that just giving them permission to countinue to do what they're doing? Is letting go of the feelings kinda like sweeping them under the rug?
Do whatever you are inclined to do, just don't attach to any specific outcomes of your actions. From the perspective here we have 3 options in most difficult situations:
1. Live with it and hate it.
2. Live with it and love it.
3. Leave.
Do/say whatever you are inclined to do/say, but if things continue to bother you and nothing changes, perhaps leaving is the best option?
quote:
Originally posted by LucienneK
On the other side of things, there is the person who is causing the pain. I know, nobody else but me can cause me to suffer, it is a choice. My problem with this is, isn't that kind of a cop out for the that person.
We are each in charge of our own journeys. If the other person is not suffering, they may not see a need to change. It is up to you to make decisions and take actions that will alleviate your suffering.
quote:
Originally posted by LucienneK
It's like saying they don't have to take responsiblity for their actions. That if they don't see it the same way as you (that there is any reason for their actions to cause you pain), then it is your problem and not theirs so there is no reason for them to change what they are doing.
From their perspective they may not feel a need to change. They may want to help you get to a point of choosing not to suffer over this anymore, but essentially that choice will have to be made and implemented by you. You can't change anybody else, you can only change you.
quote:
Originally posted by LucienneK
It's like using it as an excuse to do whatever you want with out a care of how it might effect anyone around you. Not their problem how you take things eh?
It could be an excuse or it could genuinely be their perspective. Either way, it is going to be up to you to end your own suffering. You can choose to believe that things should be different then how they are (and continue to suffer over it), or you can let go of these thoughts and choose to stop suffering. Once the emotions surrounding the issue are no longer identified with it will be much easier to have clarity as to whether option 1, 2 or 3 above is the most appropriate course of action.
quote:
Originally posted by LucienneK
I have had a fair amount of discussion with a couple of people over this. Both ones involved with AYP and ones who are not and I keep finding myself not able to settle on any answer. I feel like I'm on a merry-go-round ride with two ideas pushing me. I'll get to one side and one idea will push me one way and then I'll get to the other side and the other idea will give me another push around. It doesn't seem to want to stop and I would like to get off please.
Not sure if anything I said was helpful or not. Hope it was though 
Love!
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karl
United Kingdom
1812 Posts |
Posted - Sep 02 2010 : 5:50:44 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by LucienneK
I feel like I'm on a merry-go-round ride with two ideas pushing me. I'll get to one side and one idea will push me one way and then I'll get to the other side and the other idea will give me another push around. It doesn't seem to want to stop and I would like to get off please.
Luci
As has been said. Loving what is by Byron Katie makes a useful start. Often this needs the support of someone who understands the work because it's not always too clear when you are trying to make changes.
What you describe is an internal conflict.
Understand that as two ideas which, on the surface appear to be completely opposed, while really they are the same thing but from a different perspective.
Both ideas want to protect you and keep you safe, it's understanding that they are actually both trying to achieve the same aim and get both parts to negotiate towards the common good.
As you think of one of the parts, it's aims and ideas, find out what it really want for you, what it's intention is in acting that way. Stop and write it down. Keep asking and keep writing it down until you have exhausted every possible reason.
Do the same for the other idea.
You should begin to see that both want the same, they can work together to make you stronger.
It helps if you place both hands out, palm side up and ask the first part to walk out onto the palm of your hand and stand there. You can notice if they can look, feel or sound like someone you know.
Do the same with the other part and ask that part to step out onto the other palm. See if that can take the shape of someone you may know or have known.
After you have asked the questions and noticed how they have similar aims you might be prepared to bring both part together by noticing how you might find your hands beginning to move closer together as agreement is reached.
When it feels right, when both sides have agreed they want the same thing for you, allow your hands to come together.
You can notice that the two people have vanished or there can be something new there, a combination of both.
This is one way that works, there are many. keep on with the meditation and good wishes. |
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Jo-self
USA
225 Posts |
Posted - Sep 02 2010 : 11:00:32 PM
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Sometimes its not all about spiritual stuff. It could be certain skills that were not learned and practiced in one's life, like assertiveness or even basic self-defense.
I remember many years ago when I was having some issues I just used some of the techniques in "When I say no, I feel guilty" and amazingly they worked, to some extent. Similarly, cognitive therapy has been shown to work too.
Look some people are bad and will not be redeemed or changed, at least not by you. Either get away from them or avoid them, change yourself to better handle them, or wallow in suffering. Sure AYP will help, but there is no time to waste while you have a young child, cause what effects you will effect your loved ones.
And if you read of The Work or other things, be careful with the actual organizations that give the seminars (though not required), do some sober eyed appraisal.
As to letting go. That is nonsense. Don't get hung up on it. You let one thing go, another will take its place. The only letting go, is letting yourself go and finding your Self. Before that of course, there is a kind of letting go, it is a profound acceptance and forgiveness. But, that comes from grace. No technique or path for that. Just get strong, do the practice, and have faith. Today or thousands of years from now, you will know.
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mathurs
United Kingdom
197 Posts |
Posted - Sep 03 2010 : 05:39:05 AM
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Thanks CarsonZi for your explanation of "letting go".
The letting go in samyama has gotten a lot clearer. |
Edited by - mathurs on Sep 03 2010 09:45:19 AM |
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LucienneK
Canada
28 Posts |
Posted - Sep 05 2010 : 3:45:34 PM
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Thank you everyone for the wonderfully insightful advice! I have tried to take it all in and am learning to apply it now. I think that is my biggest obstacle. The actually applying of the ideas to my life. It is just so easy to revert back to the regular habitual way of thinking. But I do believe my eyes are open a little wider now thanks to your insights.
I have been recommended to read " Loving what is" by a few people now, but with a young babe around, I haven't found the time to actually sit down and read it. I did though recently discover audio books so I went to the library in search of "Loving what is". They didn't have a copy of it so I went with the next best thing, "A thousand names for joy", also by Byron Katie. I think I was meant to find this book instead because I have found that a lot of the stories and lessons she teaches in it are very applicable to the exact situation I am in and therefore, very helpful.
I also found a book for me to read to my little one by her called "Tiger Tiger, is it true?" which is a simplified version of the four questions for children. It's really good and has been wonderful for me as well as it's really easy (and quick!) to read.
I have decided to apply samyama to my daily practices. (when time allows!:) I find it again not easy to "just let go" of the words, but I think this will give me the practice needed to be able to apply it to my daily life. I am hoping it will be the "missing step" that I feel I am lacking. I don't know, maybe it's just me but I feel as though there is something I am still missing in all this. That there is something else required to complete the picture. I'm not sure if I'll find it but I am willing to keep on searching.
Luci
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JDas
USA
74 Posts |
Posted - Sep 05 2010 : 9:53:21 PM
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THIS, what we got here, is really REALLY hard!
It's hard for everybody.
Rich, poor, old, young, handicapped, everybody.
Take some time during the day to love yourself.
You deserve it.
There's no way I or anybody else can understand what you are going through. Words are okay, but limited.
You have found the right place to seek people who have love in their hearts, and that makes all the difference.
Bless you.
You'll be fine.
Love,
Jon
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