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Neesha
215 Posts |
 Posted - Oct 10 2010 : 12:28:00 AM
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friday 9th October,2010
So I realize my superhero overly eogostics acts and attitude not getting me anywhere....
So I re-learn how to be humble again....I can never know everything
I am going to return to a more docile state,totally receptive of others thoughts,contribution
I commenced my rituals more than ever today.....I feel great after hawan offering......no imbalance....just perfect like a new born state of mind......as I strive to move back up the spiritual ladder I continue to my rituals integrating into normal life.....I am more focused now on my well being, the right a to comfortable state of mind....similiar to JDAS....gosh where u r?....what do you do? |
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Neesha
215 Posts |
Posted - Oct 12 2010 : 9:48:22 PM
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Tuesday 12th October,2010
So I am back to an imbalanced state.....I really need to do pranayam and meditation
My temporary craving for ice cream has been satisfied......
As i settle down for the night I focus on some long lost chalizas....
This imbalance is so annoying.......I will try to meditate for at least 15 to 20 minutes.....
My diet is indeed suffering......maybe I should go back on a no food fast..... |
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faileforever
USA
190 Posts |
Posted - Oct 14 2010 : 4:46:03 PM
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I really enjoy reading these, thank you. |
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Neesha
215 Posts |
Posted - Oct 15 2010 : 11:04:39 PM
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heyyy...
okay.....but the struggle is on again........energies whirling around my head since I can't keep my schedule.....can't keep my routine on most days...........
ohhhh wait .....I just realized I am human....
it's only human to err.So as I'm erring,and errrrrrringg,
I am indeed isolating myself....oh great I'm getting a bit angry too...
gosh I need ice cream......and a beachfront.....it always has a calming effect......
my thoughts of a cigarette is not too far behind....oh how I miss you...I would like to have one now....wait I'm dreaming....
I realized my unsatisfied so called desires(vices) is trying to get the better of me...
NO! not this time....I will fight....make through the day.....
I love a quiet space but in this world it's kinda hard to come by
I will fight that kundalini dragon 2morow.....but hey I need rest gotta to go to bed now.....
amazing huh.....I was worrying so until I quit worrying I just moved into another mode....no way I'm taking my worries to bed....my beatiful loving bed....my space to dream into wonderland....my secret palace I created in my dreams, a quiet heavenly abode of with ice cream machines and *yawn* many more yummy st...uu...ff |
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faileforever
USA
190 Posts |
Posted - Oct 15 2010 : 11:32:58 PM
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| You really inspire and give me courage to continue, no matter how hard or how easy the path is, thank you Neesha. |
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Neesha
215 Posts |
Posted - Oct 16 2010 : 6:36:46 PM
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| hey Mr/Ms forever thanks...just remember nothing is make believe here.....everything is the ultimate truth.Its just difficult to cope with entries when you try to fullfill duties.Prioritizing does not allows allow me to do everything! |
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Neesha
215 Posts |
Posted - Oct 16 2010 : 11:40:31 PM
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saturday 16th October,2010
I have just finished typing my entry today and the computer died...
I will attempt again.
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It was indeed a beautiful morning, but the troubled thoughts in my mind was whispering close by....
I had already establish to me immediate family that I am indeed lazy. When you have kids around its just a verb....
My planned day didn't turned out as expected but I wasn't groping over it....its the headache with global warming and being stuck in highway repairs......that got to me....this is so unlike me....oh yes I remember I'm human
oh dear I forget breakfast again.....apparently tea wasn't enough....
So stuck in gym clothes, dropping kids off to lessons and never reaching the gym landed me by my auntie's home. It is indeed a pleasure to be around people twice my age they always seem so knowlegdeable......how can one not see the beauty in appreciating the elderly?
I just passed time there stuck in gym clothes saving on resources to pick up the kids...
I return home and had the luxury of napping.....with many interruptions of kids appetite and questions of non-permissable things....Kids they being born smarter.....they probably have more DNA strands now.....
As night progresses I realize the kitchen can't clean itself....with rumbled mind I begin hesistantly to wash the dishes....
The windows were opened ....the air was pristine clean....it filled me up immediately I noticed I began to relax...the flowing clean water passing over my hands...hey I cleaned the whole kitchen....
I am at peace now....my mind had been eased.....the motivation I lacked has now been replaced....
Every now and then I bring thoughts of enlightened ones into my little escapes of another dimension....it always makes me feel positive a little bit heavenly to tap into all the positive energy that I seem to lack the motivation to move towards too these days...
I am indeed having a happy moment now....thank you me for finding that |
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Neesha
215 Posts |
Posted - Oct 18 2010 : 11:20:10 AM
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Sunday 17th October,2010
My trip to the beach went beserk.....my companions had things to sort out.....so I am stuck with kids and bundles packed for the beach and ended up home. Its a parent worst nightmare when you don't live up to kids expectations....
To upkeep my lazt schedule....I looked forward to a nap since there was an annoying mass of energy on the right side of my head...that insists it stays....
could it be gas again?
as I touched the bed and close my beautiful eyes....there he was Lord Shiva....playing hide and seek....Hey lord shiva where are you why are you coming and going....anyways good you just made a sneek peak ....I just want to take a nap...go away dude....I would find you another day....
oh dear.....that light that I seem to identify as a separate entity...
oh dear....its really my soul light....my God I'm running away from something that is me part of me(spiritually).....I'm running away from my long awaited thread/tunnel /path to follow.....maybe Sunday is my best day after all.....thanks to my Guru for identifying it
I was even so rude to not even want to combine with it....
there I had another perfect opportunity and I blew it again......
oh phooey
Teh afternoon....I was stuck with this annoying mass....but I maintained my torture, not by pretending, but by focusing on the task at hand, I would now and then whisper to myself "Om namah Shiva" or "om Shree ganesh".....or "rock" ,"rock" or anything that I programmed myself with....any entity with an established purpose once reminded to produce a result would eventually after much patience and practice result in something fruitful(not a planned fruitfullness but a right fruitfull result in some form best to the individual).
A night time story to a really big kid really fullfill a parent role for the night...
Whew my time now....so I am stuck with an annoying headache....that only seems annoying when I am not focused on anything else...
yes I am determined...I am ready to fight a war....a war within myself....you rude girl....ignoring god and all
so I chat my life full on facebook....not always a waste of time...especially when u reach out to people u care about...
sat down determined.....to get rid this
I did jaap for and 2 and half deities..... I slept away in the wee hours of the morning....
I had to get up by force 5 hours after...I overslept, this is not good.
I need to hold back time a bit....oh universal mother please stall the whole universe just for me alone since I can't get my house in order ,,,,oh please ma....
Darn....you would really think she would do that....huh?
Wait....did a truck hit me....why that small amount of jaap,,,, generated quite a stir to the electrical activity in my brain...I feel groggy....
oh dear....I jaaped with too much force....I should have relaxed a bit
o.k lesson learnt....I'm sorry, I'm really sorry to me...and the universe....I'm so selfish....I should have acted better...
but wait....the good thing is there's no longer an annoying mass....however someone opened a flatuelence factory.....the increased cellular activity in my body....and jaaped assisted my body in ridding itself of gas!
My god.....no wonder I felt an imbalance in my ear.....
It was so simple.......oh great now I have to increase in my jaap to upkeep the electrical activity in my brain/body/behind wherever /whatever I'm doing its helping me.....
Captain let's forge forward shall we!!!!!!
All aboard!!!! |
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AYPforum
351 Posts |
Posted - Oct 20 2010 : 10:44:28 AM
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| Moderator note: Topic moved for better placement |
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Neesha
215 Posts |
Posted - Oct 20 2010 : 11:03:21 PM
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Wednesday 20th October,2010
So I had a prayer function at a temple today under a "pipar" tree @5am
Wow it was indeed beautiful.....I took the day off to do this and I slept like a baby throughout the day....I am indeed at peace..... |
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Neesha
215 Posts |
Posted - Oct 24 2010 : 11:11:13 PM
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Sunday 24th October,2010
Today was quite peaceful and interesting. My rollercoaster of family problems always spinning.
Our friend mother has died suddenly, no ailents, no sign, gone at 47yrs.
As our culture permits, the villagers/friends/family gather at their home for a "wake".
I had to drive a long distance got lost use my phone Sony Ericsson Xperia 10 maps and got there. A prayer function was in progress.
As we waited,patiently under the tents, had coffee...a few hours after the young muslim priest(25yrs) ended his discourse and from a few hundred metres he approached us to exit the compound.
I feel that mass of energies on my right side of my head together with energies skimming the surface of my body moved swiftly,smoothly towards my third eye.....wow
it was a nice.....I was sort of centered.....I have never experienced with anyone....
thank you God for being in the presence of such a holy person. I do intend to continue with my daily devotion. |
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Neesha
215 Posts |
Posted - Oct 26 2010 : 11:55:04 PM
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Tuesday 26th October,2010
Hey guys I'm undergoing sever stress, there was an attempted kidnapping of my son by his own relatives......the good thing is I was ahead of them every step of the way!!!
So I definitely would be regular with my journals....so I might have to actually battle for my own son of 11yrs in court |
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Neesha
215 Posts |
Posted - Oct 29 2010 : 8:57:40 PM
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Friday 29th October,2010
So when you cry for entire week, by the the second to last day in the week tears sort of ease up...
You know crying is good.....
so I am stronger now.....a warrior mummy now......
and continuing my devotions.....
I have learnt the best way to discipline spoil kids is to take away their wonderful priveleges.....
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Neesha
215 Posts |
Posted - Nov 01 2010 : 12:55:12 AM
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Sunday 1st November,2010
I feel so naked spilling myself here.....
Strange huh, so many wonderful spiritual things to express.....
yet all I think about is nakedness,non attachment,total surrender into nottingness.......
being naked at a waterfall somewhere.....completely free....I hope to God the world ain't reading this.....
You know the thought of my secret spot sent a flush of ecstasy throughout my body
wow it feels nice.....my first real steps towards happiness....well deserved moments of it at least |
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Neesha
215 Posts |
Posted - Nov 03 2010 : 10:20:07 PM
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wednesday 3rd Nov,2010
this week divali will be celebrated....so mentally I am preparing myself for that day...Hindus undergo a strict period of fasting.....I'm on a more Draconian diet or restraint....but failed to pass the chocolate test.......
I am at ease for this week....but my spirituality has been fine tuned....gosh I dislike when that occurs....
I smell everything ,my senses become so acute....it annoys me many times...I need to walk around with my Vicks vapour rub to drown odours...........
gosh
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Neesha
215 Posts |
Posted - Nov 05 2010 : 11:27:18 PM
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Friday 5th November,2010
Today is Divali in Trinidad and Tobago...
THe preparation was neverending, the devotion is neverending, as I prepared everything for puja(pretending I know what I was doing)
I sat down did an ivocation prayer to Lord Ganesh....
then continued to Mother Lakshmi.....the deity for Divali . Every individual got inspiration to sit in the makeshift puja spot in the living room to offer their prayer.....
All the while I did my prayer in my mind......offered chaliza from a book....did hawan...
So I spent some time across by the neighbours..and upon entering our home....I felt the increased vibrational frequency of home.....
I am proud of me.....evenn though I was not qualified to do a complete puja.....my mind was suffucient to accomplish that which I intended.....love,prosperity,happiness etc and protection for our home.....thank you me for having a bit of confidence in myself.....
Happy Divali to ya all and may God bless each and every one....cause you know ya all special in many ways.... |
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Christi
United Kingdom
4429 Posts |
Posted - Nov 06 2010 : 03:10:06 AM
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Happy Divali Neesha!  |
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Neesha
215 Posts |
Posted - Nov 06 2010 : 6:48:33 PM
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hey girl,
long time no hear, same to you dearheart..... |
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Christi
United Kingdom
4429 Posts |
Posted - Nov 07 2010 : 01:30:30 AM
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Hi Neesha,
quote:
hey girl,
long time no hear, same to you dearheart.....
Boy, actually. 
Christi is short for Christian, a name given to me by my students in India. |
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Neesha
215 Posts |
Posted - Nov 07 2010 : 07:30:11 AM
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oh my God I though you was female.....all this time you are male.....goshhhhh
Sorry,
Gee nice to meet you again Christian  |
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Christi
United Kingdom
4429 Posts |
Posted - Nov 07 2010 : 08:42:06 AM
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Neesha
215 Posts |
Posted - Nov 08 2010 : 11:06:42 AM
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I found it so strange Christi had a paternal instinct......gosh.....I still can't believe it cause I really don't check people out on the members site and their details....
Anyway
Divali day passed quite stressful as many eyes were on me during my puja....as I prayed for my ailing grandmother tears filled my eyes and streamed neverending to the floor....she's gonna pass soon.....
and suffering unnecessarily too.....
my peace of mind will not be disturbed this time I shall focusing on studies....and not wait on last minute to do projects.....
I foresee a completed project before time(a miracle).....I need to focus more, and pretend I don't have a world of problems/bills etc
we all do |
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Neesha
215 Posts |
Posted - Nov 09 2010 : 5:28:37 PM
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tuesday 9th November,2010
I had a serious energy mass,imbalance after walking on the threadmill for intensively 20 minutes....it is no more...
My God I feel great....wish I had to the pool and swim out the rest!!!
yesssssssss....I can do this agin 2morow..... |
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Bodhi Tree
2972 Posts |
Posted - Nov 10 2010 : 03:42:42 AM
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Help me! I feel great too! I can't control the happiness that keeps springing from the AYP practices. Now I just have to find a steady income (that "world of problems" you mentioned--and I totally empathize) to support this lifelong habit of spiritual surrender. Ah, I'm ready to go to prison, so long as I can practice a little pranayama bastrika, with the main course of deep meditation, topped off with some core samyama. But I'm blessed, because there are financially stable streams on the horizon, and who knows, maybe I can help start an AYP center one day?
I love your honesty, your optimism, and your fearless surrender to this shared path we are all embarking on. Godspeed. |
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Neesha
215 Posts |
Posted - Nov 10 2010 : 11:42:41 AM
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Hey Mr tree,
Thanks, strange though alot, of people keep telling me I'm fearless....don't worry I passed through that phase already....
AYP center sounds fantastic....
I would love to see carpet grass, waterfalls, lots of trees,big open spaces, anything that includes clean air, water, basically natural spots, optimistic attitudes, gentle winds, a bit of wilderness, people here and there, all structures, natural materials similiar to a chineese garden,large open water fronts, saints or memories of them, all religions.....whew.....I'll spend some quality time thinking about it....I would love to be around the construction aspect of it though |
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