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Neesha
215 Posts |
 Posted - Aug 14 2010 : 11:26:43 PM
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Saturday 14th August,2010
With eyes wide open I feel emanating within the heart chakra anticipation for flight, fear followed soon. A gentle rocking sensation of my bed with me sleepy-eyed,realizing a burst of energy coming from mother earth.....the bed gentle swaying from side to side quickly the fear wth me dissipated
It was a 5.1 earthquake on the Richter scale.
From my past experience the last major earthquake give me a 2 hour alarm ahead.....perhaps because of the intensity. A need to move forward in my practices to become more aware again....I have been lapsing...
I awoke late as usual.Said a speedy quick prayer-my guru mantra
I was Suppose to jaap "Om namah Shivaya" before having any contents to fill the stomach..A bit lazy I guess...it happens when you hardly ever have the weekend off work.
Tea and a sandwich for breakfast with multi-vitamins....some daily chore with our new pet and the morning fresh air under the trees do fullfill the prakiti I would need for the day
A visit to gym was quite eventful and painful.....followed by a 6hour nap......I slept last night did I go astral travelling again to require so much sleep?
Night time
The need to jaap,chant something is there. The kid is off to bed
A small prayer will do now. An attempt to chant throughout the night will occur but I will multitask at the same time maintaining the momentum and breadth required. I will be studying tonite.How much chants done is really till I suffice....which is never..or if I need to put down my Rudrakash mala to chat on MSN with someone.
Nothing affects my mood or state of mind while I multi-task....
In between I will read a "Katah" of Mother Durga or Lord Shiva".I will not hesitate to polish my nails in between.
Movements cannot be done too fast during chants........you'll end up with a headache or a head rush...
My night is continuing right now....
My goal........today.....be more focused on myself tonite....thread carefully,focus on thoughts, (
yet consciously tune in to the incoming conversations from friends families,wellbeing of my friends and families....)
See how best I can move up back the spiritual ladder after having fallen so many times..... |
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Neesha
215 Posts |
Posted - Aug 16 2010 : 1:11:56 PM
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Sunday 15th August,2010
I went to bed this morning 4am...got up 8am...
Oops I missed temple session I have been trying to attend to for the past 2 months
A simple morning prayer in english and done hurriedly....daily chores,cleaning
missed lunch since I had to go to a 3 hour class on sunday....
Missing meals gives u tension headache
My tension headache came late afternoon....4 hour delay....
Stress from class always follows.....and worries and all the colourful scenarios in life
Please stop and calm down and focus....calm down...
you can't meditate with an uneasy mind, broken lunch schedule....
I am just breathing ,trying to empty my mind....sitting under the trees....
The earth is my home and the sky is my roof (my guru always say)
This earth is mine.This earth is mine.this earth is mine.
Relaxation takes an hour....longer than usual delay.....I'm stressed about my situations ,other people situations......etc
Night time. my son prepared for bed, lights go off.....
or "wait mummy I'm hearing static" he says.Don't worry baby that's just lots of energy around, just sleep.
Lights off once again....."hey Mom look there he is again....."
Lord shiva he is right behind you. I said yes I know, he wants to know what to do today....he's awaiting prayers from everyone go sleep now.
I lit the deya in the room(we are not supposed to)fire hazard etc....the altar is in the room( not suppose to be there either)
He sprints up again.....hey Mom there's Lord ganesh now......I told him they are probably having a meeting....go sleep now.....
I spent the rest of the night till 3am jaaping and frustating myself over php code(suppose to be easy stuff) till 3am.
There is an innate desire to find a proper place for the angels or whatever you call them....
If this was a form of hallucination or psychosis I wonder where do I go and how will we be treated....
My solution self pace prayer.....understanding reality from unreality
,comprehending that some people can see the other dimensions.....and continuing uneasily with prayer.
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Neesha
215 Posts |
Posted - Aug 17 2010 : 11:24:35 AM
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Monday 16th August,2010
Another beautiful morning....but we missed the early morning air....its 8am too hot already.
The dog poop cleaning ritual continues.
My Dad goes to the hospital....a strain of dengue....
the uneasiness in the household calm down.....
As I continue with my daily tasks on my vacation....its a normal working day for staff who wish to have conversations about me....I feel their thoughts and words....
As I wash the dishes....I regularly chant the gayatri mantra ( a ritual since I was 3yrs) this mantra came to me....not from a guru but from God.It successively refine the faculties of the brain for greater potential....etc
With so much details and activity....I go through the day....
I relax with my son and puppy....and stare into nothingness appreciating peace of mind.....in the back of our house....
Night time....I made a lota of water offering to the Shiva Lingum after 6pm saying the afternoon prayer for the general well being of the home family,friends,mother earth, praising the deities for their good work and for reducing negativity in general. I also pray for the general well being of other worlds (lokha) etc
Sometimes I forget how wonderful it feels when a genuine prayer is offered. My guru always say "we know the wonders and goodness of offering prayer,yet we are lazy to do such things"
My dad is back from the hospital they can't seem to find whats really wrong with him now.....he's o.k.
Night time jaap of 3 malas(108 times one mala),chants of Om Jai Maha Kali clears up the head a bit.
A green smoothie of fever grass tea(lemon grass)with a slice of eggless chocolate cake suffice me for the night.I did indeed slept well throughout the night.
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Neesha
215 Posts |
Posted - Aug 18 2010 : 12:20:26 PM
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Tuesday 17thaugust,2010
It is always the ones that are close to you who know exactly how to hurt your feelings.
I never thought today would be so heartbreaking. I thought I would not be affected by such an emotional rollercoaster.....
I did jaap(chanting of mantras) while my 11yr old son crawled all over me with his unending chattering.....I acknowledged him.....
5minutes of attention and they run back to their activities.
The noisy household clatter does not affect me,neither the casual conversations outside the house of the flood victims streaming into the governmental office out front below.
I am aware...and as I continue to sink into the silence of breath and heart I continue with my brief meditation....releasing myself
until my son jumped on me...
I am neither startled nor angry I enjoy a moment of play.
Moving along with life,keeping myself active and worry free. I remind myself to repeat the gayatri mantra in my mind.
As I prepared for my daily prayers I lit incense passed it around my altar nine times in humble offering to all nine sisters and the other saints on my altar. I passed the incense in a clockwise motion with a thought vibration to purify cleanse the room windows and doorways....to purge of all negative vibrations and to block incoming ones too. This can be done for the entire property also.
This maintains the sanctity of the space the altar occupies.
As I left the room and before entering I am always amazed at the heightened vibrations immediately raised. A simple thought vibration successful again.
Gym snd recreation with friends....give me the opportunity to share my emotional rollercoaster of concerns....giving me a sense of relief....everyone needs this.....social creatures aren't we
I am focused more than ever now.
I remind myself of my weekly goals,a review of my activities for call out to work even though I'm on vacation....I mentally prepare myself for rest of weekly activities that I was not supposed to be aware of......
I am setting the pace of training for the inhouse workers....a positive and productive one.
I guess we shall see the results 2morow.
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Neesha
215 Posts |
Posted - Aug 19 2010 : 11:08:27 PM
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Wednesday 18th August,2010
A quiet day at home with domestic activities kept me occupied.
I am focusing on heightening my senses...its taking a toll on me...
I need to refine my mind some more before I could move on to the finer faculties.
I am feelin the energies moving like a huge wave in my head.....
I take a nap.....yea I am consciously awake because I am too lazy to do my studies so i sleep in hope it will go away.
I got up.....without an alarm clock.
My evening classes are always stressful to those around me.....
My nights are longer......since I can't sleep.My Guru once told me to relax on the jaap in the late of night because the build of energy will keep me awake.....
All hindus suppose to light the afternoon deya in the front or back of the house.
I lit it momentarily said my prayer and made sure it was out.....(saftey reasons)
My bedtime 4am.
It usually lights back for itself.
I have been calm throughout the day.....no outbursts,no shouting at kids,pets etc....no anger.....just inner stillness and quietude
Jaaping are formula for the human body...employing these formula in the correct state of mind do indeed have its benefits
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Neesha
215 Posts |
Posted - Aug 20 2010 : 11:44:55 AM
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| feel free to ask questions.....and comment....I'm o.k with it |
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JDas
USA
74 Posts |
Posted - Aug 20 2010 : 1:27:52 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by Neesha
feel free to ask questions.....and comment....I'm o.k with it
Thank you for posting that, for giving us a window into your mind. Makes me realize omg how different we all are, surely carrying around individual universes, processing our experiences so differently.
blows me away.
Love binds us. I believe.
Love to you and yours.
Jon
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Neesha
215 Posts |
Posted - Aug 20 2010 : 11:36:59 PM
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Hey Jdas,
Nice to meet you....I never at any point in time thought I was different in processing my daily activities with respect to spirituality. You made me aware....I was beginning to wonder what sense this journal is going to be anyone!
I'm glad you appreciate it.....Thanks for letting me know.Did I make a positive contribution to you in any way.....or am I just another "mad hatter"? |
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JDas
USA
74 Posts |
Posted - Aug 21 2010 : 08:37:22 AM
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quote:
Did I make a positive contribution to you in any way
That's a good question! I'm one of those folks who questions just about everything, so I don't really know what 'positive' means, lol. I suppose everything we do here on this plain is positive in one way or another, is so far as it applies to what we are doing to move on in our journeys. Let me rephrase it so my mind can properly answer your question: 'Did your post at the time that I read it spawn a feeling of connectedness with my experience? Did I feel something about who you are?'
Yes it did. Your post was very specific in its description which I find is rare which tells me that you are really in tune with the fluctuations of your mind. I don't think that I am. So insofar as your post gave me another palette from which to contrast mine, yes it was positive.
quote:
.....or am I just another "mad hatter"?
LOL. Not a mad hatter, just another human being which of course might be just a synonym for a 'mad hatter'. In any event, I applaud you for putting this out there, exposing yourself like that, very rare in my experience.
Love.
Jdas/Jon |
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Neesha
215 Posts |
Posted - Aug 21 2010 : 09:40:00 AM
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Hey Jon,
I cannot capture everything....sometimes its the little details that makes a big difference....I do leave out alot of small stuff. |
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Neesha
215 Posts |
Posted - Aug 21 2010 : 09:53:33 AM
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Thursday 19th August,2010
As I casually took my time to work into the city of Trinidad.....just as I suspected there was a cancellation.....The conversations of me on Monday, my reading was accurate.....they forgot to call me and inform me.
Miracles do happen I get back my two days.
A visit to my lecturer's office made me realize it is he, who for all these years I have been sending students for assistance.......and I didn't know who it was. Yes I do connect to people from time to time. He seemed to be very stressed.....now I know the real reason for my visit.
The thoughts of my cousin and her family that lingered during the week......proved to be correct.They are in Trinidad and wants to see us.
I completed my main tasks for today and head home.
I do a few jaap in between and take a nap. I was drained just intereacting with people because my sprirituality was extending energies onto them helping them along the way(an automatic process).
I go through the afternoon rituals in preparation for hawan offering(rice,brown sugar,apples,bananas(any sweet fruits)for Friday. This means I have to chant a number of malas to build up enough whatever for reaping of energies from this sacrifical performance . I never really bothered much with it. I just do the rituals.
My bed time is of course the next morning. |
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JDas
USA
74 Posts |
Posted - Aug 21 2010 : 1:20:15 PM
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quote:
I was drained just intereacting with people because my sprirituality was extending energies onto them helping them along the way(an automatic process).
How do you know this?
First, how do you know that you were drained 'just interacting' with people'? Did you not do other things that perhaps drained you?
And.
Do you not think we are all, all of us, helping each other 'along the way' and it's an automatic process?
Just curious. |
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Neesha
215 Posts |
Posted - Aug 21 2010 : 3:30:03 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by JDas
quote:
How do you know this?
First, how do you know that you were drained 'just interacting' with people'? Did you not do other things that perhaps drained you?
Yea I know.... I feel the outgoing and imcoming energies....I feel them and literally aware of all their bodily functions/thoughts. I am aware kundalini (whatever you call it) is at work. No I am lazy(i drove to work and back)....and a gym freak so I am full of physical energy....outputting energies increase your thirst....etc...My aura extends quite a distance so i will reach out to anyone within range.There was no strenous physical activity....The 3years I spent in the Ashram there was never a "draining of energy because you are in a controlled environment". This illusion we live in is unpredictable and out of the Ashram more effort is needed.
[quote]
And.
Do you not think we are all, all of us, helping each other 'along the way' and it's an automatic process?
Just curious.
yes it is, for the ones that want to help
I put a limit on how much is done in a day.....at least that is how I programmed myself. My spiritual practices are not up to date to what it was orginally....It was more intense and more focused and less moving around.
some of the things my mind is programmed to do....
I am in tuned to alot of things when I am awake(I wake up for emergencies when asleep)....to earth energies...(don't want my mom screaming down the place when there is an earthquake always lets her know before.
i don't want anyone crashing into me...while driving ,I have successfully avoided alot of accidents this way,miraculously.
I am constantly aware of people thoughts,penetrations onto me as someone from AYP tried to penetrate my thoughts either tuesday or wednesday night.
I can feel my friends ,families,students,anyone all around as I feel them no matter where they are dead or alive.
I am tuned into my son and his daily activities....
Most of all I am tuned into ME
Dont forget I'm only human, not a machine I will get tired.....my prayers and thoughts do extend in many directions.....whether it works or not is not my major concern....but my way of moving forward and carrying others too.
I do not have to implement a mantra or special prayers to make a difference its just an implementation of an electrical signal from the brain onto whatever the scenario calls for
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Neesha
215 Posts |
Posted - Aug 22 2010 : 4:26:34 PM
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Friday 20th August, 2010
Morning
As I jaaped a few malas. I clothed myself in my special hawan clothing(white top and pants)made of white cotton and very loose.
3 days of strict fasting is required before performing hawan.
I prepared the hawan sacrificial offering in the kitchen,washing the uncooked rice 3 times, cut up fruits apples,pears,grapes,bananas,
added a portion of brown sugar,some honey
Optional items:
clove,black till,
The offering is made in my room to all the deities in my mind with an offering of prayers in English or your own words.I usually address problems at their root.I check my list to pray for those that asked me to and their specific problems.
I thank God for the day,my family friends, my good heealth etc...I do alot of thanking esp where the deities are concerned
I ask lastly for peace,prosperity,well being of the household members to maintain a peaceful loving obstacle free atmosphere. Upon handing up the offerings . At this point as i maintain an empty silent mind....Flashes would start coming across if there is any major concerns that need to be addressed.
I would make a trip downstairs all the way to our sacred spot where hindus keep on the corner of their property with flags and the like.
At this point I would get my hawan Kund, place the wood sticks in a stack.Place the BRASS lota of water and a mango leaf in front of the hawan kund.
Get my guru's book with all the hawan mantras ( i will post it up if anyone would like to have it)
Pass the flower 3 times around the hawan kund.Lit the fire
and start feeding the fire the contents in my brass plate after reciting each mantra.
While feeding the fire again....it is also at this point I can "see further with the mind" usually any problems or future events will indeed flash across my mind.
throughout this process my body will literally get heavier and filled with something.
The last step is offering the lota of water to my natural shiva lingum rock I brought from a river. As i said my prayers I felt my body being emptied or cleared up of energies...going into the lota of water.......it actually gets heavier....so you pause.....
As I continue my daily chores after 3 hours I would have to stop and sleep.The entire household was sleeping at that point in time even the dog.
I did not have any major meals. No food intake before or immediately after.......FOod is not a concern afterwards anyways....I did eat a few hours after though milk and an apple.
when the energies build up....I started feelin extremely sexual....I don't fight anything....I just let it stimulate and flow through.
I went to bed about 2am the next morning.
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Edited by - Neesha on Aug 22 2010 5:01:13 PM |
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Neesha
215 Posts |
Posted - Aug 25 2010 : 02:49:38 AM
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Saturday 21th August, 2010
Morning.
A simple conversation with my four legged recent son/puppy resulted in us having a toilet trained dog,we no longer have to clean doggie poop. Gosh did I really communicate to his little mind?
My overwhelmed morning was short lived.
The increased energies is circulating my body.......
I need to balance now
For the hour I relax prepare nothing for meditation....
I succeeded a half hour later.
Another hour into mere determination of centering this energy/force whatever you call it
As I sit in front of my altar I focus in my mind the root of the problem.....the process of moving the energy from my back to the center of my head....
I do not know if I will succeed.......
I jaaped Om namah shiva...
I begin with thoughts......
Slowly, very slowly I feel a mass moving from my back over my body to my head......As I redirect that energy inward.....its force slowly dissipated.....
My simple but long meditation successfully assisted me for the entire weekend and the next few days to come....
I remain calm,cool as cucumber ,I am stress free again for another few days....
I pledge to repeat this procedure the next morning... |
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Neesha
215 Posts |
Posted - Aug 25 2010 : 10:10:22 PM
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Sunday 22nd august,2010
The same morning mediation was repeated as aforementioned on saturday...
Except this time I was totally relaxed and at peace....It was indeed wonderful
I was able to cope with my programming class and assist others. I was also observed I displayed a more enthusiatic approach for the class than a lackaidaisical attitude.....
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Neesha
215 Posts |
Posted - Aug 26 2010 : 11:03:48 AM
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Monday 2nd August,2010
When your Grandma makes 12 children,you end up with 32 cousins and many second cousins.
When disputes no matter how silly clearly disturbs everyone and beginning spinning the emotional rollercoaster.......
As I try to maintain my calm throughout the day I invested my energies to output productivity.....
I hardly jaaped throughout the day....
Sometimes family and emotional imbalance do get to you....that's where the mind kicks in and a temporary change of environment/air needs to occur.
I spent the rest of the day trying to keep calm |
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Neesha
215 Posts |
Posted - Aug 26 2010 : 11:25:47 AM
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Tuesday 24th August, 2010
After lunch I picked up a cousin and together with my son we escaped into the sanctuary of the wilderness
http://trinidaddreamscape.net/lv.shtml
La vega estate
As sit in silence I continuously reflect on the past week, activities....assess the, pick out the lessons and relax in the stillness of the lively water habitat.
The air was so clean I really wanted to breathe....I touched the trees smelled the exotic wild flowers and drowned myself into beautiful envelope of trees....
It was in the late afternoon between the hours of 4pm to 5pm. In a tropical climate it was not too hot but pleasant.
An american darter came up to us.what on earth is he doing here. Then the water fowls follwed us...my son was successfully fishing and throwing back the fishes into the pond.
Close by a caiman relaxed no one noticed.....
A simple stroll made me fall in love with nature over and over and over again......
The water fowls seem to enjoy our company....as they sit and hope for a fish to fly by......
A toucan dived into the water and caught a fish.....Do they know these birds are actually here?
I realize there was hardly any human activity around besides us so wildfire felt comfortable being out.
I feel an inner sense of freeness as I absorbed myself into the scenery....
I must come again....soon too.
I did have a peaceful night of sleep |
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Neesha
215 Posts |
Posted - Aug 30 2010 : 10:43:05 AM
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OOOOppps sorry guys .....
I have busy doing nothing lately and enjoying every moment of it....My studies have keep me on the go....so I am pretty much occupied on Wednesdays and Thursdays....
Recreating with my son at the movies and all....just gave me a number of wonderful days.....
Sunday 30th August,2010
Late afternoon I mopped with lime juice,water,bleach and lavender oil
My son and I retired to bed. The 3rd floor felt clean,light and cool.
As I hopefully drift off into sleep, immediately, I am aware of a presence,energy air,something.....I didn't bother I was wayyyyyy too tired......I am also feeling the energies circulating the house...well the part I cleaned.....I am aware of blossoming energy field.....(at this point in time) I really need to sleep, another day I will attempt to sort that out.
My son awoke later sneezing non stop....his sinus acting up from all the dust earlier on into the day....
As I go back to sleep.....I silently said prayers in my mind while sleeping
sometimes I wonder why I condition myself to be sooooo aware of everything..........I am even aware when I'm sleeping...I will have to perform hawan 2morow. |
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Neesha
215 Posts |
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Neesha
215 Posts |
Posted - Sep 06 2010 : 9:08:39 PM
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I am sorry for the abscence of posts....
The emotional rollercoaster has been rolling, I thought I was prepared for everything....
hardship of life,single parenting.....domestic violence, mental ,physical and emotional abuse was nothing compared to this
Our puppy drank infected water from the pond(leterporosis)....he's dying.....he will exit maya 2mmorow morning....We knew , I prepared.....we couldn't even love him up, in his healthly state upon carrying himm to the vet.....all medication assisted but body eventually failed....
How can an 11year old kid deal with this? Please forgive me I will return.....
Apparently I am still not prepared.....
I have been completely thrown off .....and I cannot seem to function....I can't focus......I can't function I am in tears again
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tetragrammaton
United Kingdom
13 Posts |
Posted - Sep 07 2010 : 5:52:59 PM
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The pains hurts.
Always and especially when it affects you personally because of loved ones be it they or you who has done the damage of whatever type.
All I can say is endure.
From this we *grow*.
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Neesha
215 Posts |
Posted - Sep 07 2010 : 9:42:45 PM
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Hey man thanks.............. |
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Neesha
215 Posts |
Posted - Sep 15 2010 : 10:48:00 PM
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Wednesday 15th sepetember,2010
the emotional rollercoaster crippled me for a while.....It stills linger on following the passing of our puppy. I am back out to work and pretending to be busying myself with work and studies, classes and mummy duties failed to keep the reminder of such an innocent love at bay.....
Today marks the end of a fast within a fast. I was on some special fast that I forgot to notice. It was predicted by myself of some accident yet to occur when I'm 42. So my plan was to change the course of events by employing special jaap given to me by my new Guru.....(this is dictated to me by by date of birth and time)108 chants to the influening planet 8 times for 20 weeks.
A final "gra" puja date is yet to be determined. A gra puja is sort of like a bad spot or bad influences in your life...where you have to be cautious.
It will be the first official time I will be doing such a thing separately.
I have had alot of major spiritual episodes when I least expected during my emotional rollercoaster ride. (this period is too painful to move back right now)
It seems as though my body recognized the familiar trama and initiated its own commands to react to the unneccessary stress.
My rituals would have been broken for awhile.
The good thing that emerged from this is that now more than ever i want to relearn how to bring life back to a sustainable body, in line with universal laws.
I am ready to go further into spirituality ......I am no longer afraid to follow that tunnel of light.......I am ready
I want to relearn.....how to speed up the healing process
I came out from superhuman faculties to being completely human.... |
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Neesha
215 Posts |
Posted - Sep 21 2010 : 9:13:00 PM
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Tuesday 21st September,2010
Getting up at 4:30am is nice to meditate.....spending the next 3 hours in traffic....really activate my practices......
As I did the introductory to the government ministries on their course .....with every statement I make ...or story told
I feel love coming from individual(s) and entering my heart chakra....it feels nice....all spiralie and whirly
this occurs all the time....however this time I can tell where it is coming from.......an improvement
So not only am I executing my organizational duties..... I am enhancing my spirituality.....
hmmmm a nice combination huh............ |
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Neesha
215 Posts |
Posted - Oct 03 2010 : 3:27:23 PM
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Saturday 1st October,2010
I have that light-headed feeling.....hmmmm my blood count probably low......so I try to eat a meal....later on my for the first time in a long time I get a tension headache....
My tummy though do feel weird its as if I can actually feel through all the cellular processes in my tummy yet I am not visibly seeing through....
as I chant jaap in between I feel air condition entering my head chakra......oh right I'm jaaping that's okay....
I feel the need to be grounded....yet I am lazy to exercise.....oh no another time maybe....
my tensionheadaches continue throughout the night while I was out recreating with my son.....this would not have occurred if I had stuck to my regular routine....
My menstrual cycle begins the next morning. |
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