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chsmithe
USA
32 Posts |
 Posted - Apr 22 2010 : 7:01:59 PM
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Ok i will keep it simple for now.
I'm a 20 year old male.
Basically, i know that my main sexual attraction goes towards females. I would never ever want it any other way. The feminine nature is just too beautiful to put into words.
But for some reason i feel as though i have the "capacity" to also be able to sort of de-condition myself and see the sexual beauty in a male as well. But this deeply and intensely bothers me and i feel almost threatened by the notion.
I know that i could just be going to a gay/bisexual forum for a question like this. But i feel more in tune with this forum and i tend to approach things in life from a more "spiritual" perspective anyway.
What do you do about this? It's a terrible situation to my mind. It's basically saying PLEASE don't open yourself up so much that it can include sex with other men. What if the male attraction one day overtakes the female attraction?
My mind is just freaking out and gets very disoriented by even the idea of being Bisexual.
What do i do? Just observe my thoughts and feelings as usual? Allow the resistance to be what it is? |
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Clear White Light
USA
229 Posts |
Posted - Apr 22 2010 : 10:49:01 PM
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| I think you would be surprised at how many people feel this way. Whether they will ever admit it or not is another story. It is difficult to give advice here. I can relate to how you feel though. I have been aware for a long time that I can be sexually attracted to both males and females. The fact that you have such an intense aversion to it shows that it is an area that you need to work on. I think you will work it out eventually. The fact that you acknowledge it and are interested in seeking some kind of resolution is good. Just try to keep and open mind and avoid falling back into the limited viewpoints of those that may be around us or influencing our lives. The most important thing is to be in harmony with your self. |
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Etherfish
USA
3615 Posts |
Posted - Apr 22 2010 : 11:30:56 PM
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I think you should explore the idea fully and find out how far it goes. It is a mistake to think that there are only two or three classifications of sexual attraction. Like CWL says above, I think most people have those feelings, but in varying degrees.
I have found some of those feelings in myself also, even though I am hetero. I have discovered that the feelings are there, but they only go so far. Sometimes I will see a guy with six pack abs and my heart jumps and I feel WOW. And I like touching guys as far as putting my arm around them.
But i have no desire for sexual contact with guys. I used to be afraid to get too close to gay guys because of what might happen. I had that intense aversion you write about. Also at that time I would have fleeting images of sex with guys. I found that came from the aversion.
But when I learned to just let go and not care where it ended up, I found those feelings only go so far and have a definite limit.
I don't know where those feelings come from, except maybe I want my body to be like theirs.
And I like having contact with other guys sometimes, but not sexually.
I imagine the limits are different for everyone, so it's good to find out what they are for you. |
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cosmic
USA
821 Posts |
Posted - Apr 23 2010 : 12:54:23 AM
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Hello,
I too struggled with the aversion/attraction to men for several years. Funny how the two (aversion/attraction) seem to go together... For me, it was caused by inner insecurity and lack of confidence in myself. For a long time, I didn't feel that women were attracted to me, but that some guys seemed to be.
Honestly, I think most guys experience this at some point, but few will admit it. Culture tells us to be hetero. But I think it's natural for all people, male or female, to have some degree of attraction to both sexes. Women generally seem more comfortable with this than men do.
What to do about it? I don't know, but for me, it just sorted itself out with daily meditation (learned from this site). The insecurity gradually dissolved and my self-confidence grew. In fact, I saw that the insecurity wasn't even sexual in nature. It had more to do with my sense of self and being a man in the world.
Acceptance and openness helps. Rather than fear the feelings, just let them be there. Their presence doesn't make you gay (not that that's a bad thing  ). Try to be open to what the feelings are trying to tell you. You might find that it's not even about sex/sexuality.
Hope this helps in some way.
Love
cosmic |
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Adi
India
34 Posts |
Posted - Apr 23 2010 : 02:12:19 AM
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Hi and welcome to the forum have fun here |
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kaserdar
91 Posts |
Posted - Apr 23 2010 : 06:18:20 AM
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| Don't we men all have a feminine side inside us? I think we have in some degree depending on the individual. So whenever this kind of attraction you are talking about happens, knowing that it is because of this feminine part should clear this conflict. You don't have to be scared just let it go. |
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Clear White Light
USA
229 Posts |
Posted - Apr 23 2010 : 08:19:14 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by kaserdar
Don't we men all have a feminine side inside us?
Absolutely. Gender is not something which is set in stone. It is dynamic and ever-changing. If you examine the approaches of different societies to gender you will find that nearly every combination has been accounted for. Many native American tribes had four gender designations; Male, Female, Masculine-Female, Feminine-Man. In fact, nearly every indigenous culture made room for additional gender designations. Sometimes people are even born intersexed, meaning they have both male and female sex organs.
From the standpoint of ultimate reality there is no gender, only opposing forces which shift and change form according to need. Positive becomes negative, negative becomes positive, etc. |
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chsmithe
USA
32 Posts |
Posted - Apr 23 2010 : 10:17:57 AM
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Wow i really appreciate the responses! And they were actually very good responses that actually make me feel quite a bit better about the whole situation. Thank you.
Yea i think i just need to sort of crawl out of my scared little hole and realize that something like this would never threaten or take away my intense attraction towards females.
I really like what one responder said regarding that the most important thing is to find my own harmony first. Just really resonates.
Thanks again. |
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Adi
India
34 Posts |
Posted - Apr 23 2010 : 10:45:09 AM
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Kirtanman
USA
1651 Posts |
Posted - Apr 23 2010 : 7:51:57 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by chsmithe
Ok i will keep it simple for now.
I'm a 20 year old male.
Basically, i know that my main sexual attraction goes towards females. I would never ever want it any other way. The feminine nature is just too beautiful to put into words.
But for some reason i feel as though i have the "capacity" to also be able to sort of de-condition myself and see the sexual beauty in a male as well. But this deeply and intensely bothers me and i feel almost threatened by the notion.
I know that i could just be going to a gay/bisexual forum for a question like this. But i feel more in tune with this forum and i tend to approach things in life from a more "spiritual" perspective anyway.
What do you do about this? It's a terrible situation to my mind. It's basically saying PLEASE don't open yourself up so much that it can include sex with other men. What if the male attraction one day overtakes the female attraction?
My mind is just freaking out and gets very disoriented by even the idea of being Bisexual.
What do i do? Just observe my thoughts and feelings as usual? Allow the resistance to be what it is?
Hi Cbsmithe,
This is a *perfect* opportunity to notice that "mental consternation" such as this is *the* source of all suffering.
Per your other post about reality maybe having some plans for you that may involve terrible suffering ..... it sounds like you're in the midst of an "opening" process that most of us go through, when we're fairly new on the spiritual path.
We suddenly realize that there's so much MORE to life and reality and our very self, than we ever dreamed, when we were dreaming life from the standpoint of constricted conditioning.
Opening is scary .............. to constricted conditioning.
The opening part is fine .... and very alive ...... but when the conditioning jumps in and evaluates, and then freaks out at its own evaluations ..... the fine-ness, fun-ness and general aliveness can go out the window, "right quick".
Relax.
Open.
Allow.
What you're opening to is reality.
It's beyond your wildest imaginations.
And infinitely better and more beautiful.
Could this be true?
Find out.
"C'mon In ..... the Divine is Fine!!"
Wholeheartedly,
Kirtanman
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zeroman52
United Kingdom
47 Posts |
Posted - Apr 24 2010 : 2:40:52 PM
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I have something similar in a way, I am attracted to everything feminine the beauty melts me but so much I sometimes think i want to be feminine and if i act in a passive sensual way and imagine myself in a feminine form i get surges and tingles rush through up my spine and my heart glows, I try to be open and flow with what feels energizing not letting any conditioning block it.
The thoughts come into my head am i gay? that cant be i am attracted to everything female, am i somehow transgendered?
It feels like i somehow worship the feminine and every movement is a dance of energy that makes my heart glow with energy it just feels so good but how far can i take it next will i be wearing a dress and putting flowers in my hair?
It is very confusing when i think about it but it brings me bliss.
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brunoloff
Netherlands
47 Posts |
Posted - Apr 24 2010 : 4:23:04 PM
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Well, looking at it from a different way: I used to call myself gay; then I went through a similar phase you are going through, but sort of in reverse. I realised that I found some girls very attractive ( People from the opposite sex! Can you imagine?! ). I went through a short crisis, similar to yours... "maybe I'm not gay after all! No, but wait, I really like guys, and don't want to stop liking them!" etc...
In the end, I got used to the idea, and realized that "gay, lesbian," etc are just foolish categorizations. Being gay, in this day and age, I used to think that the issue of sexuality was very important. Nowadays it really strikes me as utterly unimportant. If anything, I find it highly inconvenient that I'm not sexually attracted to everyone. That would open up so many possibilities
So I suggest you see it as a possible opportunity to expand your sexuality. I really don't think that expanding in one direction will close off the other, since it is based on emotional associations that won't just disappear. If I do again find myself at a sort of mental crossroads, where I can choose to promote another, brand-new sexual orientation, believe me, I will  |
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chsmithe
USA
32 Posts |
Posted - Apr 24 2010 : 5:09:46 PM
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Wow, i'm really liking this forum so far. You guys seem very supportive and understand of spiritual awakening and things of this nature. I very much appreciate it!
-Chris |
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Evannon
USA
26 Posts |
Posted - Oct 17 2010 : 2:09:45 PM
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I totally relate to the question in reverse, like brunoloff. I'm primarily attracted to other men, though I have explored relationships with three women. At first these explorations were a result of cultural expectations, but became more genuine over time, especially after beginning a meditation practice. I now choose to have sex and relationships with men only. I confirmed, through exploring sex with women, that I am strongly repulsed by female genitalia (and no- it wasn't just that they weren't clean.) I am powerfully attracted to the phallus, and not at all to the yoni. I now accept this and in fact find great joy and bliss in it. At the same time, I have learned that there is a yin/yang (interplay of male/female energies) inside me and that I'm a little more masculine (yang) than feminine (yin). In modern words, I'm a "straight-acting gay man." AND, the guys I'm most attracted to tend to have the opposite proportions of yang to yin: I LOVE effeminate, slender, girlish men. No chest hair or beard, not overly muscular, gentle, slight, receptive. So in not-so-subtle terms, if I'm 60% yang and 40% yin, my "type" of guy will be 40% yin and 60% yang. When I am in an aroused sexual embrace with such a guy (penetration is utterly unimportant) I feel as though my yin/yang curve is perfectly fitting into his equal and opposite curve, and the charge is explosive! We both feel it.
So, Chsmithe: forget labels, forget external pressures! Become aware of your inner energies through deep meditation, don't be afraid to explore sex with men if the right opportunity arises and a powerful attraction is there. That's your inner yin/yang! Don't force anything just to satisfy an intellectual curiosity; rather follow your inner energy. You'll quickly discover how far it goes, and it's unlikely that if you have a strong attraction to women now, it will diminish if you start having sex with men. My attraction to men certainly didn't diminish after sex with women - it only became more clear and comfortable.
That's my advice - hope it helps! |
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sagebrush
USA
292 Posts |
Posted - Oct 17 2010 : 4:21:55 PM
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Do you have to do anything about it?
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