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wakeupneo
USA
171 Posts |
 Posted - Apr 22 2010 : 10:09:23 AM
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I've been in a relationship with my fiance now for a little over four years and we are planning to get married come January 22, 2011.
When we started dating I was dabbling with yoga, meditation but wasn't as firmly in place and dedicated to truth as I am now. Needless to say, quite a bit of change has happened betwen then and know. In the beginning of our relationship she seemed sincerely interested in the spiritual path, perhaps because it was totally new to her, a novelty. That too has since faded.
I find myself completely torn. On one hand I want nothing more then to embody truth and live in reality (have fanatasies of being a yogi, even fantasies of being locking in solitary confinment of some sort) but on the other hand it seems I'm on a collision course with the householder life, marriage, family, kids...
The good...
My fiance is a wonderful human being, really she is... She has a heart of gold. We get along really well, would make a wonderful mother, a wonderful wife, on paper she is probably the average Joe's dream partner. If not for 'spirituality' we would be in domestic bliss.
My only issue is that I say so what? She is prefect in the superficial sense...
The bad...
Astrologically I am an Aries and she is a Cancer. She likes comfort and security. I am spontaneous and thrive on uncertainty. We are almost opposites in this regard. I have this strong sense that she is holding me back.
The ugly...
The past year or so I have been going on retreats more regularily, sitting more frequently and have taken my practice to a new level. Recently, she nixed my desire to go to India on retreat, pretty much gave me an ultimatum saying that she can't live like this and needs a stable household. Be it a lack of maturity, karma, fear, a desire for a householder life, whatever... I chose to stay with her.
I've tried being supportive of her, I've tried exposing her to truth, to various traditions, to see various teachers/gurus, etc... She doesn't have a negative opinion but just a natural indifference.
I find myself judging her (for her lack of spiritual sensitivity, for her unconscious bliss, and some other crap) which leads to anxiety about our future together, which leads to this fear that she will somewhat keep me from attaining my spiritual goals.
After time I just realized, people will be ready when they are ready. You can't force a flower to bloom or a fruit to ripen.
On some level, I'm having a hard time accepting her for who she is. Which in reality isn't all that bad but she just isn't (everyone's favorite buzz word)spiritual. It's causing her and I a lot of needless suffering.
All this is a self created drama. An illusory story of illusory people in illusory time. Perhaps, I just needed to vent and put these thoughts on paper. These thoughts, concepts, ideas are not rooted in reality, I know this. As I write it's just a verbal expulsion of pent up fear that I have.
Anyways, if you care to comment, it might help to gain some perspective on this phantom I've created.
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Adi
India
34 Posts |
Posted - Apr 23 2010 : 12:28:34 AM
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Namaskar wake up neo ji
i think your answer lies in one line from the bhagwat gita where krishna says that some people take the greatest joy in the soul, some people became intrested in the soul after hearing about it while some will be indiffrent even after hearing about it.
on a personal note i feel its impossible to let go of the joy of the soul once even a sip of that nector is taken.
and regarding your trip to india being canned there is always a next time. being from india whose history prouds itself for churning more saints than ordinary people you will find depending on which part of india you visit.there are many cheats in india as well i think the majority so please be careful if you visit.
i think no whereelse have so many people have left their homes and families to seek the truth but i can give sri lahiri mahasayas example
who was a yogi of the highest order but still led the life of a simple house holder or buddha who came many years later to see his wife post his enlightenment.
his wife just asked him a simple question
what you have found could you not have found that being with me to which buddha remained silent.
peace to you |
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wakeupneo
USA
171 Posts |
Posted - Apr 23 2010 : 09:55:19 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by Adi
what you have found could you not have found that being with me to which buddha remained silent.
peace to you
So in here lays the dilemna...
Adi, Thanks for your thoughful response...
Has anyone made great strides in one's inner evolvement without being aligned spiritually with one's partner?
Love,
j |
Edited by - wakeupneo on Apr 23 2010 11:38:57 AM |
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NagoyaSea
424 Posts |
Posted - Apr 23 2010 : 11:55:24 AM
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Hi wakeupneo.
Hopefully she respects your wishes to do whatever practice you follow...that she accepts your daily meditation time, your time for reading spiritual material, doing asanas or whatever your practices are. I know couples who have very different spiritual belief systems that are happy together and have been for decades. But they both allow each other time to follow their own desires and spiritual pursuits.
I also know a woman who meditated daily. Her husband ridiculed her for it and threw away her spiritual books because he had different beliefs. They ended up separating and she felt that it was for the best that they parted.
Kathy |
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wakeupneo
USA
171 Posts |
Posted - Apr 23 2010 : 12:01:08 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by NagoyaSea
Hi wakeupneo.
Hopefully she respects your wishes to do whatever practice you follow...that she accepts your daily meditation time, your time for reading spiritual material, doing asanas or whatever your practices are. I know couples who have very different spiritual belief systems that are happy together and have been for decades. But they both allow each other time to follow their own desires and spiritual pursuits.
I also know a woman who meditated daily. Her husband ridiculed her for it and threw away her spiritual books because he had different beliefs. They ended up separating and she felt that it was for the best that they parted.
Kathy
Thank you Kathy...
She is repectful and supportive... Always has been... I have quite a bit of time to myself to practice.
It's just that spiritual growth seems stagnent sometimes when practicing in a vaccum, at least this has been my experience... I suppose that's what this AYP forum is for.
Anyways, this sound like a classic case in which I might want to administer "The Work" |
Edited by - wakeupneo on Apr 23 2010 12:11:29 PM |
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Clear White Light
USA
229 Posts |
Posted - Apr 23 2010 : 12:39:17 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by wakeupneo
quote:
Originally posted by Adi
what you have found could you not have found that being with me to which buddha remained silent.
peace to you
So in here lays the dilemna...
Adi, Thanks for your thoughful response...
Has anyone made great strides in one's inner evolvement without being aligned spiritually with one's partner?
Love,
j
You can make spiritual progress under ANY circumstances; Single, married to the "right" person, married to the "wrong" person, in a cave, in a cubicle, on a mountain, on your bed.. So long as the bhakti is there that is all that matters. |
Edited by - Clear White Light on Apr 23 2010 1:03:26 PM |
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Lacinato
USA
98 Posts |
Posted - Apr 27 2010 : 3:00:48 PM
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As long as she respects you and you respect her, and you are both willing to make compromises (you go to some but not all retreats you want to), having a partner who is different is a great gift. It forces you from getting too deep into spiritual materialism, and keeps you grounded in the real world. Do your practices but stay in this world, too, and interact with everyone.
That doesn't mean she is right for you as a partner--she might be or might not. Do you respect each other, even where you differ? Basic relationship advice still works here. Don't think being spiritual puts you beyond all that, and don't use her as an excuse not to grow (either, leaving her to avoid the issues she brings up, or staying with her and saying you can't grow because she is not spiritual). I don't know if you are a good fit for each other, but I don't think the spiritual issue determines it one way or the other. |
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Feeback on my partner isn't spiritual, blah blah
