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porcupine
USA
193 Posts |
 Posted - Apr 18 2010 : 2:57:31 PM
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This is my favorite mantra, I love it, it has such a profound effect, I've been trying to say it every morning and evening, though lately I have missed a lot, I am working on returning to form! also with zazen, though not denying the beauty of imagination, perhaps this is where i steer wrong (though Hugh Mynne seems to have done well with this), its tricky, because I also follow the fairy path, and shamanism, and like local nature spirits have come to me, the Pomo the mushroom goddess and guardian of Wanti, Adawapayo the great tree, just to name a few.. I feel bhakti practice has kind of made me a vessel for this, though it may be becoming a hindrance, if there is knew knowledge here i would love to know more but it seems, it is not the way, maybe i should not have been so open with it, and told so many people, i really believed that the world could be saved, but its all a learning experience, and its true i know nothing. What do you guys think? I have no job and am diagnosed as schizophrenic so this is all i do, i meditate, and study on the internet, and commune with the fae, ultimately i would like peace, i feel i am misunderstood and was left in a predicament, because i am Mira Bai, but I also know Mira, but she doesn't not know who she is, but the story is true, i'd like to end that story.. and meet new people but its hard. i dont know how to relate to people, no one seems to want to talk to me.. i would get a job but i pretty much dont support society in anyway, none of it is based in reality, my job is my garden, plus there i can maintain relative solitude.. ironically i get paid for this, because i learned yoga and they thought it was crazy, it kind of is.. i mean i feel im being followed.. i wish this would end, i am done with entities, the only reason i go with it, is because it persists, so how can i deny what is there, and what is constantly speaking to me? unfortunately this makes it hard for other people to get me, and sometimes i come across strangely. i try to act with no ego, but really it has destroyed me because my ego remains, now i am just doing things that aren't 'me'
I would go out more, but i really want to focus on my practice, my friends have other interests, though its good to talk with them online sometimes. i wish i could be more reclusive, and just hang out with my lovely wife Flo who is a fairy, but at this point i think shes angry at me and not talking to me, possibly because of non dualism.. i am very confused... i spoke of wantism because i believed it would help the world, as a philosophy that is nature based and respects all beings and use of entheogens, and all herbs (esp. cannabis which i found out hemp oil cures cancer from Rick Simpson through my friend David), plants in sacred medicinal context, like shinto, but also meditative and acknowledging non existence like buddhism, now i wonder though, is it really helpful? it sure has caused much inconvenience in my immediate life, im not sure how much it has helped others.. maybe it just adds to maya, without alleviating suffering... i just wish people were more open because i felt it was truly something sacred that was happening to me, maybe it was all in my head, though it pains me to say, i am just not sure, in the end theres no blame its just a big ? for now
seek aid, guidance
namaste
live grow love
(ps plus hemp is a fast growing crop that can be used for wood instead of trees which are slow growing) |
Edited by - porcupine on Apr 18 2010 4:11:38 PM |
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AYPforum
351 Posts |
Posted - Apr 18 2010 : 3:02:18 PM
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| Moderator note: Topic moved for better placement |
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Etherfish
USA
3615 Posts |
Posted - Apr 23 2010 : 08:10:42 AM
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Hemp is an awesome plant and I think it should be legal. The oil from seeds can run a deisel engine. The fiber from stems makes a high quality water resistant rope. It can easily be grown with no fertilizer or pesticides.
It can also be good for a spiritual shock value, but then the temptation is to take it too often.
When taken too often it kills your ambition, makes you get stuck in a lazy groove, and can accentuate other problems like anti-social behavior.
i say it should be legal because we should treat it as a drug problem instead of a gang and evil drug lord problem.
It is most important to learn to deal with people and relate to them, and contribute to society. Sometimes if no work can be found, it is good to volunteer. You can go to a local food bank, or help some place that employs handicapped people like Goodwill, or your choice. I am not handicapped but have worked for those places in the past. They always need help.
Just getting out and relating to people is really good for your mental state. And sometimes volunteer jobs will connect you with people and lead to a paying job. |
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cosmic
USA
821 Posts |
Posted - Apr 23 2010 : 2:53:02 PM
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Hi porcupine,
School can also be a good way to reconnect, if it appeals to you. I'm in school now, and it's helping me get over my social anxieties and learn to express myself better. I wish I had some wisdom to share with you, something that will make a difference, but what do I know? We are all in the same boat, seeking balance in our own ways. Finding balance still eludes me, but meditation helps. Having an active "outer life" helps too.
Have you considered taking a break from spiritual practice? Too much practice can sometimes cause some of the experiences you mentioned. Also, I hope you're getting help for the schizophrenia. Who knows, the "experts" might have some good ideas about finding balance in your life.
Wishing you the peace you desire. Much love to you 
Love
cosmic |
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gayatri mantra
