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vd007
USA
38 Posts |
 Posted - Mar 30 2010 : 6:26:04 PM
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I have been practicing tantic Sex for 3 years now using basically the holdback method. I must have overdone it sometimes but usually it has been around from 10 mins to half an hour a day for 2-3 times a week (sometimes 5 times) with a partner.
The problem I am facing is that if I don’t have sex for a day then the next day there are such strong sensations in my head and back. They are not pain but strong distracting sensations. It is as if I am addicted to sex. As soon as I have sex, then I start feeling good and those strong sensations disappear. And if I don’t have sex again then those sensations appear. These sensations are very distracting and strong and disturbing. I can’t focus on anything and my mind continues to go on to these sensations. This is affecting my work life. I feel as if I am addicted to sex and if I don’t get my kundalini dose everyday , I will face withdrawal symptoms. I have done self pacing, walking, exercise, eating heavy diet, but no amount of self pacing works or for that method anything else. I have reduced my intimacy encounters to 10 mins too recently. I had abandoned all practices for weeks including tantric sex and had the most nightmarish time. I could hardly function then as these sensations just kept getting stronger and they would subside only when I have sex.
I want to add that I have done vipassana meditation for 2000-3000 hrs in the past ten years but have stopped for the past 2-4 months. I did spinal breathing for two months but then left it as I was having these issues. I do not do DM as I had adverse reaction in my stomach the only time I did it. I haven’t done any spinal breathing in the past 2 months to avoid overloads.
So my question are
1. Am I addicted to sex, because I feel I am experiencing withdrawal symptoms when I don’t get my dose. I want to state that I don’t take any stimulants including coffee.
2. Do all people having tantric sex encounter this kind of problem where they cant go without sex
3. Is there a way out. I don’t want to be addicted to anything. I have heard in other spiritual quarters that your body can get addicted to these hormones (testosterone here).
Kindly help me here. I am in a tight corner here.
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Victor
USA
910 Posts |
Posted - Apr 01 2010 : 12:21:04 AM
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| I think that you are indeed addicted to those pleasurable sensations. There are many yogis who don't have sex at all and are perfectly happy, while there are those who are sexually active. In my experience the more regularly I have tantric sex, the more I tend to want it, but when I don't have a partner, I don't go crazy, it just settles down after awhile. At this point I have not had sex in ocer a year, not from an act of iron will but because my last relationship fell apart at that time and I simply didn't want to seek a new partner right away. I miss it, but am also ok without it so I would say that your experience is a bit extreme. Maybe try cooling out for a few days just to find the balance rather than craving that experience to feel normal. Tantric sex feels wonderful, it is very much pleasure but in its way it is also scenery in my opinion.... |
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Shivoham
India
107 Posts |
Posted - Apr 01 2010 : 05:40:30 AM
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Spiritual path is an adventurous path. Problems will keep on arriving till Nirvana is reached. But when a problem appear we may feel like its going to be a permanent thing. But if you see the past experience you can realize that even the good experiences we get from sadhana fades away after sometime creating frustration. I am sure that after busy week you are probably going to forget this problem.
Any way the practices I think good for your problem is 'Bandas'. But I dont know if you are ready for it
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Jack
United Kingdom
305 Posts |
Posted - Apr 01 2010 : 07:22:07 AM
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Hi vd007,
You may find the following website of interest: www.reuniting.info |
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HathaTeacher
Sweden
382 Posts |
Posted - Apr 17 2010 : 3:11:16 PM
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Hi vd007,
I've noticed meditation is addictive, but I don't mind the addiction. So I would start practising some meditation and pranayama, keeping an eye on self pacing.
I agree with the others that things keep changing all the time so there's nothing wrong with sex-drive fluctuations - sometimes up, sometimes down. And without ejaculation, not much risk of addiction.
I would just focus on the love my body and soul are giving her, not dwelling in or 'tasting' my own sensations - rather, witnessing them as they emerge/change/disappear, like in a mirror. At any point of my arousal (and hers), I'd keep resuming breathing and the AYP mudras and bandhas over and over while making love, expanding my anahatha forward, into hers. And even if the Shakti came into an 'earthquake orgasm' and sustained it for 5 minutes, or 15, or 50, it's still about the same focus: the universal giving, the breathing, the mudras, the bandhas - after all, we find it perfectly natural to stay away from ejaculation when witnessing other breathtaking wonders of Nature... Amazingly, the closer to my edge I learn to stay pre-orgasmic, the more 'satisfied' I tend to feel the days after.
Especially in America, people like extremely dramatic labels (addiction, obsession, horrible, insufficiency, erection disorders - it would make a whole dictionary...) on things that are just an ever-changing intensity of something as completely natural as the sex drive. I've once talked about 'normality', as a young student, to a well-known university professor in psychiatrics. Amazingly, he argued that nobody in a normal population is 100% normal. If you picture normality as a circle, its midpoint would be empty and people stay close to the circle line, mostly to its inside (very few are on the outside). So there's no reason at all to disturb your sleep: by his definition your certainly normal. Also, it's purposeful to keep both male and female sexuality free from labels, 'musts', guilt and shame, considering some recent scandals where Catholic priests had been banned from married life but failed totally in controling their sex drive. The 'musts' tend to backfire (even in the case of priests), unless there's a regular practice of the tantric techniques which are necessary to control the Kundalini.
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Sex addiction
