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Katrine
Norway
1813 Posts |
 Posted - Apr 02 2010 : 4:38:18 PM
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Hi emc, WSH and all
emc wrote:
quote:
I have my kundalini awakened (I think, but that's just because I believe other's opinions on that, I might be wrong) and I have a sense I can be stuck on this level for ever. I'm always stepping back to square one, again and again, with a sense of getting nowhere.
Yes. It is this that paradoxically takes time for us to surrender to. That it is actually square one....againg and again square one......again and again getting nowhere....again and again being propelled back into the moment that we don't want to be in.
And yet - here we are 
While all the time...and greatly enhanced by Deep Meditation and other related practices that cultivates inner silence.....whether we notice it or not....gradually the moment itself...is slowly swallowing our resistance.....slowly softening our contractions.....slowly exposing itself as the screen all the words appear upon......and slowly we find ourselves resting more and more willingly in the white of the screen of the moment.....though the words are still plenty....but through the practices the screen becomes more and more seductive and charms us into its loving embrace also outside practices. While life may be as active...or even more active than before.
Sometimes, WSH, right before a shift.....there can be heavy despair like yours. It is something that is often noticed here...that awareness identified with thoughts/emotions/sensations ( = mind/body) has a tendency to "kick" the most the closer it gets to being touched by the charm of inner silence. It is as if it can smell its own melting.....and it does not want this! It wants to BECOME, you see. Awareness identified with the mind chatter is always about becoming. It doesn't want to BE. It wants to become. Something else. Certainly not THIS! So.....for a long time.....the simple fact of the moment at hand....is not on top of our wishing list.
And yet - here we are again 
But just as allowing the thoughts to be what they are without propelling our attention into every one of them (or replacing them with "better" or "worse" thoughts),.....the same way we can allow the emotions to be what they are without constantly either denying them (projecting them onto others) or wallowing in them by giving them elongated life through linking them (with our attention) to stories in the mind. We stay present in the body instead. Both of these "allowings" are made possible through the rising of inner silence. That is what it does....it let's everything be as it is. Thoughts, emotions or sensations cannot allow anything......it is we as we are that allow, yes?
Inner silence is everything. To cultivate it is the most important thing you can do in your life.
So please don't lose heart WSH.
Absolutely no thought......no emotion.....no image....no sensation......can take you away from the fact that you are. Keep cultivating inner silence the best you can. Self-pace...go easy as was suggested above.....and maybe find a way to increase the nurturing of your heart in your daily living. You know......expose yourself to people, places and events that inspire you. Make you laugh......make you cry.... because you are touched.
It is here you know.....inside you.......all the beauty of life...if your intention is to be exposed to more of the preciousness of life "out there"....then your honest intent will bear fruit.
Most of the time not in ways you may want or expect......
But certainly always in ways that expose the fact that you are what makes everything beautiful to begin with.
Not thoughts, emotions, images or sensations.
But you...the hearing of this
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WSH
USA
38 Posts |
Posted - Nov 05 2010 : 11:58:54 AM
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Thank you Katrine for this post, it was quite beautiful.
Sorry I did not reply sooner but the fact of the matter is that I did quit with the AYP approach for some time. I went back to my haphazard approach to meditation and my “spiritual life: just to bounce my head off the walls so to speak.
I guess my biggest problem before was this notion of trying to become something or to get something or somewhere. I did not like the constant struggle of what I perceived to be the ego trying to exert itself to become “enlightened” or whatever it was after. So I put that aside and I thought that if I could just be present with things the way they are and not try to change anything or reach any point that the transformation in myself would occur naturally. I found out that is what exactly needed to happen.
The truth of the matter is that when doing the AYP approach my life gradually was improving; despite bumps along the way there was a greater overall peace in my life which positively affected those around me. To me that is the greatest gift AYP has to offer. I did not realize the benefits of the practices until I stepped away from them for a time and observed my life becoming more chaotic and distressing to me and negatively affecting those around me.
Change really does have to start with you. I don’t believe this is a trick of the ego. I have begun doing the AYP system again about a month ago and I am seeing positive changes in my life.
The trick was to let go. I am not asking anything anymore. I am not trying to get anywhere or become anything. What I have found is that while doing this system of practices that positive change does happen naturally on its own terms and creates a better life for me and the world in turn.
Many blessings and thank you, I wish I would have read your post sooner!
WSH
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faileforever
USA
190 Posts |
Posted - Nov 05 2010 : 1:26:48 PM
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| Thank you for this post WSH, its beautiful to see how many people respond so quickly with encouragement and compassion. I wish you the best of luck |
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WSH
USA
38 Posts |
Posted - Nov 05 2010 : 2:06:33 PM
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Thank you,
To you as well |
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Yonatan
Israel
849 Posts |
Posted - Nov 05 2010 : 4:24:24 PM
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This thread is a gem, thank you WSH and all who responded.
Love |
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WSH
USA
38 Posts |
Posted - Nov 06 2010 : 09:40:16 AM
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You are very welcome Yonatan.
Love and blessings to all
Life is good......... |
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Katrine
Norway
1813 Posts |
Posted - Nov 07 2010 : 04:57:31 AM
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Hi WHS
quote:
Many blessings and thank you, I wish I would have read your post sooner!
I am glad you didn't.
Nothing - nothing at all - compares to finding out the truth for ourselves.
What you did (stopping the practices) ended up giving clarity and brought about a shift in consciousness for you. Granted - the ability to observe was enhanced because of the practice you had behind you before you stopped with AYP. And - you could also compare yourself to yourself.
We never highlight much here the hardship, pain, grief, fear etc that is very much a part of the so called "spiritual process of coming home to ourselves". There are good reasons for that, since this too is part of the scenery. And it is also true that when inner silence rises, the relationship with the difficulties changes. But - I can also honestly say that in my experience:
Staying true to ourselves as we are is not a walk in the park. It is arduous, it takes all of us - and we don't even "get" anything. It is not even about bliss. It is simply singularly being who we are to begin with: Nature. Unlike other ventures in life - here there is no "path". Only in hindsight is the path visible. In front of us is nothing and the path happens only when we walk it. So insecurity, doubt, inner crisis.....these are a part of this walk. It is far from easy.
But - along the way, our relationship with both the difficulties and the joyful experiences changes. The simple fact that remains is Peace. This is loving everything. What happens after that is for each and one of us to tell - or not. There are no facits outside of ourselves.
There are no mistakes either. You let go - you were true to yourself even though it hurt. And are now here with a totally different attitude, a "down to earth" understanding of what the practices are for:
Strengthening/enhancing the ability to discern when we are at odds with ourselves as we are, and the ongoing result that is always uncovered when we act in accordance with what is directly experienced:
Peace within ourselves.
Thank you so much for sharing - and may peace prevail
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WSH
USA
38 Posts |
Posted - Nov 07 2010 : 07:22:20 AM
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| Thank you Katrine and you are welcome |
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