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IcedEarth
73 Posts |
 Posted - Nov 09 2009 : 11:54:24 AM
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Hi guys, I'm having recurring thoughts about some serious problems one of my closest friends is having. I'll give a short rundown of what is going on with him. He recently finished his term in the military and has been living with his parents for the past few months. He has a history of drug use for the past 12 years, but recently things have really hit the fan for him. I think his long-distance relationship with his girlfriend has recently deteriorated, mostly due to his problematic behavior, since they don't live too far apart. He recently got tested for a disease which he may have gotten through sex or drug use, he doesn't have the results back yet, and didn't want to tell me what he is afraid he might gotten, but it seems very serious. Here's the thing that bothers me even more. Lately he has been smoking crystal meth. I was actually in a room with him while he did it, and it hurt me very much to see him behaving this way. He has lost weight, stopped exercising, looks and feels terrible, and has been losing his mind. I'm really concerned about him and I don't know what course of action or thought I should take towards this situation. He has not been talking to me very much the past couple of weeks.
I realize that whatever he does is his business, but I don't know if there's anything I can or should do personally to help my friend out. Please feel free to share with me your feedback and opinions about this troubling situation. |
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seamus23
USA
6 Posts |
Posted - Nov 09 2009 : 1:47:21 PM
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I am coming from the perspective of a 12 step program, so take my perspective for what it is worth.
Have you talked to him about his drug use? If he is wanting to quit, then offer to go to a Narcotics Anonymous or Alcoholics Anonymous meeting with him. Let him know that there is a way out, if he wants it.
IF he doesn't, then there isn't much you can do. He has to explore that lifestyle until it no longer works for him. Quitting isnt easy, and us addicts /alcoholics usually have to get the hell beat out of us by our use and the consequences of it before we become willing to learn something different |
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Holy
796 Posts |
Posted - Nov 09 2009 : 6:37:42 PM
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Perhaps you can ask him if he knew, that there are natural ways to let the brain work in a way that you stay lastingly happy. And then tell him about meditation and that he could try it for some weeks to see if there is something true behind your words or not. Under drug use, meditation works especially good. Without natural, working and less harming options, he most probably will just continue.
On the other side, you never know what is right or wrong and what is best for you for him or anyone else. You can make your offer, give your hints and even be an example through your own unfolding. But to force someone else to change won't change anything. It will make you feel tightened and him also. Better to continue loving your friend no matter what (he chooses to do). |
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Akasha
421 Posts |
Posted - Nov 09 2009 : 9:01:57 PM
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I think Ghandi said something like-
'Be the change you want to see in the world'
So there's nothing that anyone needs to change, has to change but themself.I think this applies to all of us as much as one might imagine applies to another individual; we can all take our own life as an opportunity for conscious evolution, for the benefit of us all i suppose.We choose, to some extent,as does our karma.Yoga is one way out of hard-drug addiction.Very few get off hard drugs,and even fewer ex-addicts discover the way out yoga can offer-the lucky few unfortunately, you could say.There has to be a want on the part of the addict to get off ; most remain on it or end up dead, one way or another.
I stayed off smack and methadone through hatha yoga but that is another story entirely. I'd get up at 6am and practice the posture for two hours religioously( every morning for a whole year until i ran into kundalini problems :*) which fortunately i am resolving a few years later now with the help of AYP) so it was'nt without some effort on my part,and that is an understatement to say the least,, and i am one of the lucky ones.Maybe i got lucky.Who Knows.Life unfolds the way it does,and sometimes there's not much you personally can do to change it into the way you want it to be. This is often just selfish ego possibly;it wants to change the world the way it wants.Bad things happen because they just happen, no rhyme or obvious reason.
Often folk's intentions are good and well-meaning but misguided. If you are genuinely reallyy concerned about him, take him along to a yoga class , and keep on attending one with him, as that is the most accessible portal into yoga. Although chances are he's not interested.He has to want to change,and make a concerted effort.And that is not a small undertaking as far as hard drug addiction is concerned.Staying off ,I mean;replacing what you had with something else.
Sometimes things have to get worse,a lot worse, before they get better.
Best of luck
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Etherfish
USA
3615 Posts |
Posted - Nov 09 2009 : 9:04:15 PM
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Meditation won't work with crystal meth though. It is very potent, very addicting, and very bad for your body and mind. I've done it years ago and been around a lot of people who did. The worst are people who lose sleep because of it. Their mental state deteriorates.
Hopefully you can set an example and get him to do something fun and physical with you.
If you can keep him away from the other users it helps. Good luck. |
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Kirtanman
USA
1651 Posts |
Posted - Nov 09 2009 : 9:18:02 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by IcedEarth
Lately he has been smoking crystal meth. I was actually in a room with him while he did it, and it hurt me very much to see him behaving this way. He has lost weight, stopped exercising, looks and feels terrible, and has been losing his mind. I'm really concerned about him and I don't know what course of action or thought I should take towards this situation. He has not been talking to me very much the past couple of weeks.
I realize that whatever he does is his business, but I don't know if there's anything I can or should do personally to help my friend out. Please feel free to share with me your feedback and opinions about this troubling situation.
Hi Iced Earth,
I concur with the advice so far. Let your own intuition be your guide as to whether to say anything or not.
There are a lot of variables here that only you have a feel for (how close you and your friend are, how he might react to advice or input --- though, if he's smoking crystal meth, the way he might react now, compared to the way he might react normally ... could well be two very different things). <- People who are into speed, especially to the level of smoking (which is, basically "more than snorting", yet "less than shooting up") often have shorter tempers and are less willing to listen to reason that they were before their involvement with that particular drug.
Ultimately, it all boils down to one thing:
Does your friend have any genuine interest in stopping his drug use?
If so, you may be able to act as a caring, conscious, non-judgmental friend (any other approach would simply be counter-productive, as I'm sure you know ... so those qualities/traits are presumed, in the event that you can connect with him, in terms of offering any help).
Many of us have either been through, or been close to people who have been through, all manner of addictive behaviors, and/or other psychological issues, such as depression .... where the patterns can continue for a long time, to the frustration of everyone ... including the person with the patterns.
Adyashanti has put all this very well, he's said (I'm paraphrasing; going from memory, here .....) ...
"People come to me, and ask me to tell them to stop drinking, or stop using drugs. I tell them: I'm not the teacher to ask that of; I'm not going to tell you to do or not do any given thing. Why? Because that's not how it works. There's all kinds of distraction available in the dream. People know they're distracting themselves, and fairly early on, they figure out they're not going to get what they want, ever .... from drinking or using drugs, excessively. And so, they basically lie to themselves ... and they'll continue lying to themselves until they get clear on what they really want. Once they understand that they'll never have what they want, doing what they're doing ... they'll take steps to change. Prior to that point ... nothing anyone says is going to matter much."
That's why twelve step programs say that alcoholics and addicts, as well as people with other types of behavorial addiction issues, have to "hit bottom".
"Hitting bottom" just means that the consequences have to become severe enough, that it wakes the person up to the fact that the only thing that lies in the direction they're going, is more hell.
It doesn't *literally* have to be that way .... but almost every ego-mind gets stuck in the cycle of near-term gratification from the drug or behavior, vs. long-term creation of a life free from suffering .... or, at least, with a lot less suffering that full-blown behavioral or chemical addiction will ever allow.
I'm almost amazed though, when I realize that yoga ... including AYP .... is the cure for all forms of addiction ..... including unenlightenment, itself.
Unenlightenment/believing you're an ego ... is the core, original addiction / cause of addiction.
If you don't have the idea you're partial or imperfect ... you won't ever develop the psychological pain that manifests as addiction in the first place.
And so, as I've said elsewhere: all egos are addictive; it's just a matter of degree.
And yoga (including AYP) is the cure; really and completely.
Yoga (both the process and the result) ... create changes in self-knowing (will), and in the structure of the body-mind ... psychologically (knowledge) and physically (action) ....... will, knowledge, action ..... iccha, jnana, kriya ... that literally dissolve the root cause of addiction.
I realize this may seem like a very long way from where your friend is ... but "ya never know" ... a little bit of meditation and yoga have saved quite a few people's spiritual and physical lives.
Many people "get clean and sober" ... only to experience life as a continuous battle to "stay clean", and to avoid relapse, and to "maintain recovery" (all twelve step program ways of saying things .... and it's an approach I respect greatly ... it's just not an approach that usually completes the process, except for a small handful of people who use twelve step to truly awaken ... which a small handful do).
Yoga provides the psychological and neurobiological supports that essentially make relapse impossible after a certain point, but effectively downright mystifying (desire ... all desire does become a memory ... and ultimately not even that; I was shocked to experience this ... but it's true).
And so ... "now pragmatically wise" .... I'd just suggest doing/being the only thing any of us can ever really do, in any given moment:
Open wide, and trust life .... intend, if it's your true will ... and it sounds like it is ... to be the most helpful and uplifting presence regarding your friend that you can be.
Be present .... remain open .... and if there's something to be said or done ... you'll know ... and you'll find yourself saying and doing it.
(It all becomes quite easy when we trust enough to let control-mind be absent in any given moment .... and simply intend the most uplifting result for all involved.)
And we truly can't know what another person's experience needs to be; I have friends and family at various stages of addiction recovery .... and in every case .... all the dark stuff they went through seems to have been necessary, and seems to have been a catalyst toward whatever positive experiences they're enjoying in life, now.
I hope this is helpful.
Wholeheartedly,
Kirtanman |
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Akasha
421 Posts |
Posted - Nov 09 2009 : 9:38:54 PM
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Ef,
I've never tried it.I believe it's more a late north american phenomenon.But i reckon it might be similar to crack cocaine(or cocaine) another stimulant which is very harmful to the brain. It literally eats the brain cells.And of course very addictive.
You know that experiment they did of rats that would press a little button that would always deliver a coke fix after crawling through some complicated maze.Eventually they were lying there dead.These kinds of stimulants require a successively higher dose for the reward centres in the brain to feel satisfied, and then there's still a craving. Opiates are somewhat different in that you can maintain an addict on a same stable dose,and of course in pharmaceutical form they are relatively safe,although as equally highly addictive.
Possibly why the dealers that supply this class of drugs may depend on violence,or the threat of it certainly,or carry guns etc |
Edited by - Akasha on Nov 09 2009 9:46:09 PM |
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Etherfish
USA
3615 Posts |
Posted - Nov 09 2009 : 10:40:21 PM
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Meth isn't addictive in the same way as opiates. It doesn't give you an ecstatic "high" or make you disconnect from the world in any way.
It gives you the feeling that you can do everything on your list today. It gives you false ambition. When you first do it you become very active and get a lot done. Then you feel like you can do everything, but don't do it. Then you need the drug just to feel normal. It taxes your body and adrenal system like crazy. And hardcore users who don't sleep become mentally ill very quickly, and start doing things that don't make sense. |
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Akasha
421 Posts |
Posted - Nov 09 2009 : 11:32:55 PM
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| Yes-- this all sounds like classic stimulant abuse symptoms.Crack or coke heads can often become paranoid after a period of using/dependence. |
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brother neil
USA
752 Posts |
Posted - Nov 10 2009 : 8:46:30 PM
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From my experience, sometimes people change when you accept them for who they are, and listen to them without judgment. From the space of no reaction. oftentimes people on drugs have many people trying to change them and if they sense this attitude, they may turn from you or resist you "just cause". In time it is possible from this space that they may open up to you and tell you "how bad" they are. If they do and you dont pass judgment (letting there words go into silence so to speak) , they may sense this and lesson how much they pass judgment on themselves. may work, may not. You are kind to be concerned for your friend.
my best to you
brother Neil |
Edited by - brother neil on Nov 10 2009 9:07:35 PM |
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Akasha
421 Posts |
Posted - Nov 11 2009 : 3:59:17 PM
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You can love & support him in what he's doing but not to judge him is good advice.
He does his thing and you do your thing.
And best of luck. |
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karl
United Kingdom
1812 Posts |
Posted - Nov 12 2009 : 1:41:49 PM
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If you hurt, then it's you that needs to work that one out.
The others have said it all. I know that many therapists have worked with drug abusers and in the end the person decides drugs just don't work out or dies. Accepting that makes it easier. Does not mean you should stop trying to help, but it will give you a different perspective.
Just hold an impression in your own thoughts of your friend as healed, whole and happy and continue to work hard on yourself. |
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IcedEarth
73 Posts |
Posted - Nov 12 2009 : 3:07:06 PM
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| Well he seems to be doing a bit better when we hung out yesterday for the first time in a while. He broke off the long-term relationship that wasn't working out, and he's started working out again. He seems alright for now. |
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What should I do about my best friend's problems?
