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Alvin Chan
Hong Kong
407 Posts |
 Posted - Dec 14 2005 : 11:34:00 AM
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Hi all,
May be a naive question, but I didn't find it so far in the tantric lessons: how are we supposed to end a tantric sex practice, if there are to be no orgasm? For me, it's easy to hold back, but I need an idea of when and how to end the whole practice. Especially when I am sexually aroused. I felt frustrated and agitated because I don't know what to expect in each practice. Hold back a few times is easy, but it doesn't help releasing the urge. Are we supposed to just jump up suddenly? Or set a time for coming out of the practice? That way, my mind will probably calling for the "forgotten" orgasm all the day....... |
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Victor
USA
910 Posts |
Posted - Dec 14 2005 : 12:05:24 PM
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I would relax and rest after tantra without expectation of orgasm. Personally I find that it is more important to sustain time without ejaculation (days, weeks) than to push for high intensity stimulation. High intensity stimulation can lead to strong urges for release and if that urge is very strong than holding back can do more harm than good. Find your balance and don't overdo but yes, the goal of tantric practice (one goal) is to be able to feel comfortable at higher levels of stimulation without ejaculation. This is like any yoga, if you stretch too hard you can get sore or injured but if you find the balance it will lead to higher levels of energy and strength in yourself.
I look at it two ways. First is i find what feels like a healthy cycle (in my case 10 days to 2 weeks)between ejaculation. Some can do longer others feel frustration at that length so it is very personal. Then I find what feels like an enjoyable and comfortable level level of intensity or stimulation with or without a partner so that I can enjoy the energy flow without feeling the overwhelming need to ejaculate. This can mean slowing down and finding a balance in energy exchange or stimulation. as for afterwards if there is no ejaculation you may want to rest or if highly energized perhaps a walk or some activity is best, that would be up to you. Just sharing my own experiences, I hope it helps
I also realize that with sexual contact the ejaculation is the "reward" often for both the man as well as his partner. i would not under any circumstance try to always prevent this reward from being enjoyed. Rather to make it a more rare and therefore special treat that one can look forward to over the course of a week or two rather than needing to have every session. It is like breath in pranayama. when you do breath retentions you don't try to hold your breath forever, you lengthen the cycle. That is how I would view the sexual cycle in my experience. It is just a longer cycle lasting days or weeks rather than seconds but definitely have that release to look forward to even if it next week. When you do let yourself enjoy it it will be that much more intense and apreciated. Then maybe after many years of practice you may decide to forgo it entirely (I have heard of some who do that, I personally do not) but that will come after years of your own experience so you won't need others to tell you what you need at that point. |
Edited by - Victor on Dec 14 2005 12:14:33 PM |
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nearoanoke
USA
525 Posts |
Posted - Dec 14 2005 : 12:21:01 PM
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Hi Alvin,
Set a time. For example lets say 20 mins initially. So you will start with first session and lets say you feel like ejaculating after first 5 mins. Then you stop. Again you stimulate yourself, for say 2 mins then you stop. Like that do for 20 mins.
Slowly with time and other practices you will see that the initial 5 mins will build up to 10, 15, 20...
Then automatically the overall time also will improve to say 30 min, 40 min, 1 hour...
In the beginning once you have a tantra session you might feel like having one more again in the day and end up losing it. But with time, you wont be feeling the need of one more session.
You can see that change for yourself, when the staying ability is improved, you will clearly feel it. But as Victor said, not losing your energy is more imp than doing heroic things like stimulating lot and controlling it. Thats why AYP says, the time to recharge (between one stimulation and the next) should be enough.
For me adding siddhasana has helped a lot in this improvement. I can confidently say holdback method works, because I have seen practical results for myself.
Thanks, Near
Genes are a result of karma RATHER THAN A CAUSE OF IT - Yogani |
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nearoanoke
USA
525 Posts |
Posted - Dec 14 2005 : 2:57:08 PM
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Two principles AYP emphasizes
1. stop stroking well before of orgasm
2. give sufficient time to recharge
Genes are a result of karma RATHER THAN A CAUSE OF IT - Yogani |
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Alvin Chan
Hong Kong
407 Posts |
Posted - Dec 20 2005 : 10:56:45 AM
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Thanks for the advices. They work well. I am starting to get the hold of it-- succeed in having a masturbation session with no orgasm and without the "urge" afterwards. But may be I did too much, that I seems to have other problems coming up (can't really be sure, though)
I tried things out 2 days ago: besides going not that close to the edge each time and paying more attention to the feeling at that moment rather than looking for orgasm, I spinal breath (with a bit of mulabanda but not too much, concerning the blood pressure) during my holdback rest (and a bit during the strokes). I specifically pay attention to feel and "suck up" the strong sensual feeling down there. After repeating a number of times, the sexual urge and sensual feelings fades away; the stimulations are no longer that stimulating. (such change in a single session is unusual for me) So the session was ended without even having to settle down myself. Then I did my sitting practice (I only know today that meditating after a tantra session is not recommended)
That's in the morning, and I thought I found a nice way to keep my seed. I feel refreshed after meditation, as usual. But the problem comes in the mid-afternoon: my head seems to jammed, a brain fog. I can't think clearly, a big contrast to what I feel in the morning. The brain fog is also there today, especially in the afternoon. My body is also a bit tired.
Any thought on this? Is it reasonable to think there's a cause-effects relation between that tantra session and the brain fog? I doubt because the effects are not immediate. And there's also a relieve (from the brain fog) today morning before it comes again. |
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Anthem
1608 Posts |
Posted - Dec 20 2005 : 12:16:31 PM
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Why would the effects have to be immediate for there to be a correlation? Muscles and neurons take time to fatigue after all.
In any event, it sounds like a classic case of over-doing practices. Cloudiness or "brain fog" is a common symptom, one I have experienced myself on occasion.
Recommendations for bringing practices back to the right side of the equation are always the same. Reduce the time of your practices by 50% or so and do only spinal breathing pranayama and meditation. Skip the extra mudras etc. and obviously forgo the tantra practices until you feel better.
Hope this helps, things usually clear up within a few days.
Anthem
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Ending a tantric practice
