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CarsonZi
Canada
3189 Posts |
 Posted - Aug 04 2009 : 2:37:13 PM
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Namaste Friends....
Been inquiring into something lately and would like some opinions....
I am 28 years old right now and am (as of Saturday) 1 year into my marriage. Almost all of my close friends have at least one child now. I have always loved and deeply identified with kids. I think one of the most joyful things for me in Life is playing with my young nephews....they are such treasures. I have always taken the approach that when/if the time comes for me to have a child with my wife it will just happen. No planning necessary. But I find that the older I get the more I LONG (and I mean LONG) to be a father. But I am having a difficult time identifying where this "longing" is coming from. Usually when I have a longing like this I can trace it back to a "source" thought, or source "emotion". I can't seem to find the source of this particular longing.
I don't desire to be a father because I feel I will make a "good" father...
I don't desire to be a father because I want to "have" children...
I don't desire to be a father because I hope to "mold" my children into anything....
I don't desire to be a father because I feel I need a "purpose".
I don't desire to be a father because everyone around me is a father.
I don't desire to be a father because I feel I need someone to Love.
The closest I have come to identifying the specific desire I have to be a father has been realizing that I desire to express my Love for my wife in conjuction with my wife.....but this isn't totally it either because there are other ways this can be done without creating a child.
I am basically wondering if all desires happen to have a "Source" or if some desires are "Sourceless". This "longing" to be a father seems to have no Source.
Love,
Carson
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Edited by - CarsonZi on Aug 04 2009 2:42:51 PM |
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Shanti
USA
4854 Posts |
Posted - Aug 04 2009 : 2:41:25 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by CarsonZi
But I find that the older I get the more I LONG (and I mean LONG) to be a father. But I am having a difficult time identifying where this "longing" is coming from.
It's called biology I think
Or
is it called the Laws of Nature
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CarsonZi
Canada
3189 Posts |
Posted - Aug 04 2009 : 2:53:46 PM
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Hi Shanti....
So not all "desires" have a source in "thought"? Are these "biological desires" transcendable? I know I don't have to either indulge them or transcend them, but is it even possible to transcend a "biological desire"?
Love,
Carson
On futher reflection I came up with the example of hunger....
Hunger could be considered (in most cases) a "biological desire". There is nothing inherently "wrong" with being hungry, we need sustainence to survive....same with reproduction. We need it to survive as a species. But if we "indulge" our biological desire of hunger too often, or overindulge, this biological desire can and will arise more then is physically necessary....it can be the same with the biological desire for reproduction (not meaning that if we have a child or two that this desire can increase exponentially, but that if we focus too much on this desire it can throw our life out of balance and create a distortion towards "needing" to become a parent). |
Edited by - CarsonZi on Aug 04 2009 4:29:20 PM |
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Katrine
Norway
1813 Posts |
Posted - Aug 04 2009 : 4:55:12 PM
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Hi Carson
Being has it in itself to evolve.
A certain momentum ......like a....coming together of resonant hues......is one way it "collects" itself into coherent...intelligent... birthings......or transformations.
Your longing...it can be seen as a birthing like this.
The "coming together" is .....like ...growing out of what is. Mind will always be short of tracing this longing...since it's source is not found in time. It is only here now.
The way it is seen here.....the source of your longing is the present moment...where all evolving happens.
Now...whether that longing will evolve into you fathering a child or not....we don't know.
But - the fact is that you are already birthing the longing.
So.....this is your present child right now....being aware of it...and letting it unfold of itself is a way of letting the fathering happen 
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Akasha
421 Posts |
Posted - Aug 04 2009 : 5:48:10 PM
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quote:
But I find that the older I get the more I LONG (and I mean LONG) to be a father.
Or you could be at the top of a bell-curve(reproductive,not sexual).
Funny Shanti, i thought you were 59. . I'm 35. |
Edited by - Akasha on Aug 04 2009 6:15:40 PM |
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Shanti
USA
4854 Posts |
Posted - Aug 04 2009 : 6:50:11 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by CarsonZi
Hi Shanti....
So not all "desires" have a source in "thought"? Are these "biological desires" transcendable? I know I don't have to either indulge them or transcend them, but is it even possible to transcend a "biological desire"?
Love,
Carson
On futher reflection I came up with the example of hunger....
Hunger could be considered (in most cases) a "biological desire". There is nothing inherently "wrong" with being hungry, we need sustainence to survive....same with reproduction. We need it to survive as a species. But if we "indulge" our biological desire of hunger too often, or overindulge, this biological desire can and will arise more then is physically necessary....it can be the same with the biological desire for reproduction (not meaning that if we have a child or two that this desire can increase exponentially, but that if we focus too much on this desire it can throw our life out of balance and create a distortion towards "needing" to become a parent).
Eating, breathing, excretion, digestion, procreation are body based. The body will continue with these processes even after you are enlightened. Obsessing with eating happens when the mind gets involved with eating. You don't give up eating, but you transcend the desire to obsess (excessive, too little, too controlled) with eating. You don't give up sex, you transcend lust. You don't give up having a child (procreation), you give up the obsession with having one.
However, when you are hungry, you body tells you its time to eat. When you need to excrete, your body tells you it's time to use the bathroom, when you stop breathing for a bit because you are holding your breath (since you are under water or practicing kumbhaka or trying not to breath in exhaust from a car, or keeping out the smell of a skunk) your body tells you when its time to take a breath, similarly, now your body is telling you to have a child.
One of two things can happen, you can ignore the signal of hunger and skip eating and lose your appetite, or ignore the signal of excretion and avoid going to the bathroom and after a while the body absorbs back the water from the kidneys, so you can go for a while without using the bathroom (painful, but possible). Not as easy to make the breathing and digestion stop. But yogis have spend many years to master both of these too. You can ignore the signals of the body to procreate and this will pass.
Or you can eat (without the mind judging the the process of eating), excrete, or take a breath or go ahead and procreate.
All bodily functions can be transcended (some easier than others I guess), but I see no harm in going with what the body is telling you. As long as you don't make it an obsession (true with all of the above, be it diet, paranayama, digestion or procreation) you are free from bondage. |
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Shanti
USA
4854 Posts |
Posted - Aug 04 2009 : 7:05:30 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by Akasha
Funny Shanti, i thought you were 59.
Hmmmmmm... Off by a few years. |
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Akasha
421 Posts |
Posted - Aug 04 2009 : 7:28:43 PM
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You could still kid on and act like my Mother, if you like,like a kind of role-playing game.
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Edited by - Akasha on Aug 04 2009 8:10:55 PM |
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Sparkle
Ireland
1457 Posts |
Posted - Aug 05 2009 : 03:11:25 AM
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Hi Carson
We can dig and dig for so long and then maybe it is time to give up and admit we don't have a clue really. What we see is very limited and that is the beauty of samyama, just trusting in the silence.
We have two kids (or had, they are 18 and 19 now ). It was always on the agenda to have kids, no big deal made. We did'nt have much sex but when conception happened the first time both of us knew about it immediately (something else going on completely out of our control)
The second time, we hadn't made love for maybe a year and then one evening when I got into bed the whole room was filled with a reddy pink light. With this came an unstoppable urge to make love. My wife who was settling into sleep was very compliant. In that lovemaking I could feel the third presence of my daughter. It was an incredible love presence situated between my wife and myself. We didn't make love for a long time after that either.
My point is, there are forces and things going on that we know nothing of. Does this longing fit into the realm of the unknown, of something that has come out of nothing. Is it like the light in the room described above? Only you can answer these this.
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miguel
Spain
1197 Posts |
Posted - Aug 05 2009 : 11:16:40 AM
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| Thanks for sharing your beautiful experience sparkle.I liked it very much. |
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CarsonZi
Canada
3189 Posts |
Posted - Aug 05 2009 : 11:22:32 AM
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Hi Katrine.....
Thank you....it took me about 10 reads through your post to get to a point where I felt I understood what you were saying, but I think I get it....basically what I am taking away from your post is that the longing itself is a birthing....whether that birthing grows into a child is yet to be seen. But the desire for a child in and of itself is a bit of a pubertic step....a growing. I had never thought of it like this. Thank you.
Hi Shanti.....
You've highlighted exactly what I had realized before writing the P.S. in the post you quoted. Transcend the desire or not, it doesn't matter....what matters is not attaching to the desire and not letting Life become unbalanced due to the attachment. Thank you.
Hi Sparkle...
A wonderful story, thank you.
This "longing" definitely has "come out of nothing"....hence me being unable to find a "source" of the desire. It just exists, without "me". It isn't "my" desire as much as it just "is" a desire. No red lights yet, but I would hope that if my wife and I do conceive a child, that it will be as beautiful and as obvious as the conception of your children were. I have this feeling that "when it is meant to happen it will happen", sort of the same way I feel about death....I don't worry about death because I know it is not "my time" to go yet....I have a strong feeling that I will know I am going to die before I do. Almost the same feeling I have about concieving a child....that I will know when it is meant to (or is) happen(ing). But that is why this "desire" is so wierd for me. I am not trying/waiting for this to happen....I know it will happen when it is meant to...but this longing, this almost overwhelming need to be a parent is still there....despite "myself". And I wonder if this isn't straight up indicitive of me being supposed to "try" to become pregnant with my wife. Which again is contradictory to my whole "it will happen when it is meant to happen" approach. I guess I am just a little confused because I have never had a desire be so strong yet have no source. The "sourceless desire".....hmmmmm
Thanks all for your contributions and advice.
Love,
Carson |
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Shanti
USA
4854 Posts |
Posted - Aug 05 2009 : 1:24:08 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by CarsonZi
Hi Shanti.....
You've highlighted exactly what I had realized before writing the P.S. in the post you quoted. Transcend the desire or not, it doesn't matter....what matters is not attaching to the desire and not letting Life become unbalanced due to the attachment.
Yes, was trying to tell you, you got it, was just confiming what you had already figured out by yourself. Meant to write that in my post.. sorry.. missed it somehow.  |
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CarsonZi
Canada
3189 Posts |
Posted - Aug 05 2009 : 1:34:16 PM
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No sorry's necessary. I knew what you were doing. Thank you for your clarity and insights.
Love,
Carson |
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Delara
Lebanon
305 Posts |
Posted - Jun 01 2012 : 11:16:50 AM
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Thank you Carson for this post.
I'm going through similar experience for a while now.
the longing of "being a Mother" is so strong & accompanied with energy movement in my womb.As if there's already a soul over there...very very very strange!
to the extend I would definitely doubt I'm pregnant but since I have no interest to be in a relationship so it doesn't apply.
Love.
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Edited by - Delara on Jun 01 2012 11:25:30 AM |
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CarsonZi
Canada
3189 Posts |
Posted - Jun 01 2012 : 1:25:11 PM
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Neat that you resurrected this topic! I must have written this just a month or two before we found out that my wife was pregnant with our first child.
Being a Dad is the most challenging, yet the most rewarding, "role" I've ever played. I'm very grateful to have the opportunity.
Love!
Carson |
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Delara
Lebanon
305 Posts |
Posted - Jun 01 2012 : 1:38:45 PM
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I'm very happy for you dear Carson for the adorable family you have.God bless all of you.
p.s:*** ...two months!I'm also having strange symptoms for example I throw up from the least annoying smell...lol...noway!broke up with my ex-fiance 2 years back & that was the last intimate relationship I had.I hope my biological clock understands that too soon
Love |
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Sourceless Desire?
