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BellaMente

USA
147 Posts

Posted - Jun 30 2009 :  2:52:50 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Message
I have some questions concerning Kundalini but let me tell you a little about my history first (Please bare with me, it is going to be long!)

I am a 21 year old female and I consider myself an "unorthodox christian" (I am more spiritual rather than religious and do not believe in all the concepts from modern christianity)...

I had a rough childhood and lived a very fast and turbulent life during my teen years: I ended up in a world of lots of drugs, lots of alcohol, lots of trouble, skipped school, suspended numerously, expelled 3 times, lots of legal trouble. I have always believed in God and was very attracted to the spiritual side of life even during all this, but I was basically lost and I never had anybody to trust. Well, the high school I graduated from was a VERY small alternative school, and during my last year I had all A's and a couple B's and was doing alright and wanting to stay out of trouble but I kept finding myself back in it. The last day I was supposed to finish my work to graduate I went to jail for ther sixth time, and had a little "epiphany" and decided to change my life. I miraculously got bailed out and was able to graduate on time (I was 18 then). And I really did change my life. I waited a half year to start college (I was on probation in 4 different cities with a warrant in another and had a lot of court cases to settle) but during that time I was working as an assistant teacher/math tutor at a small christian high school and doing a lot of volunteer- community service. After 2 years of college, I have over 80 credits and a 3.97 GPA (All A's except for one B+) my major is Theoretical Physics (I fell in love with Quantum Physics when I was 15) and I now speak 6 foreign languages: I am fluent in Italian (and I won a scholarship through an international organization last summer to take an advanced Italian class in Florence, Italy) I am pretty much fluent in German and Spanish (finished last class last semester but need to expand on vocab) and I am intermediate in French and at the beginner level in Greek and Russian. I took all these language classes during my two years at college. I have been doing a lot of voluntary community since I've changed my life and am very active in a number of organizations.. And I just graduated this last semester with an associate degree (summa cum laude) and I won the (most prestigious at the college) honor of "The Most Distinguished Graduate" representing the class of 2009 and had to give a speech, which I chose to talk about passion, a very important idea in my life. So I am completely a different person, basically going from one extreme to the other....

Well, my interests are extremely varied : obviously science, math and foreign language, and spirituality and metaphysics but also art, dance (salsa, ballroom, belly dance), writing and reading, classical guitar, etc. etc. and I have always been interested in yoga and decided to try it when I recentley was recommended to Kundalini Yoga. Being unable to take the class, I bought a DVD instead. I did the warm up exercises many times but only did the whole routine once, but I loved it nonetheless. However I became very busy the last several months. I wanted to start again this summer but I had this feeling not to (although I have changed my life and have become a better and more spiritual person, I still have some emotional issues I am still trying to work on (mainly bad memories from my past, feelings of insecurity and fear of abandonment, problems with my family) and I have been taking pain pills here and there) Well it's funny I had that feeling because the other day I stumbled upon the dangers of premature kundalini awakening and freaked out, almost in shock that I could have gone crazy or killed myself, and I even read that I could permanently destroy my subtle body. Then the other day I met a man into Reiki, and after talking to him about it, he tested me with a pendulum and said that my chakras are "broken" (which I really was not surprised to hear). My questions are:

How do I permanently "fix" my chakras?

Is the beginning Kundalini yoga DVD dangerous for me? How about just the warm-ups?

How can I cleanse myself spiritually, emotionally, mentally, physically and how do I prepare myself for Kundalini?

How long would this take and how do I know when I am prepared?

As I mentioned above, I have many interests and I am very worried that Kundalini will change me, change my personality, and I do not want to loose my passion for theoretical physics, foreign languages, art, etc. etc. so do you think this will happen?

Basically I just want to be a better person, I want to have a stronger relationship with God, find my true self, be healthy etc. etc. and I would appreciate any advice anybody has for me...


P.S. I decided to stop taking the pain meds, which I feel are putting a stumbling block in my way, (I also gave up caffeine about 2 weeks ago) and also not take any kind of medicine again, and I want to limit drinking to just a couple glasses of wine (which is hard because when I stop by a friends house we usually barbeque and drink a couple beers), and I am going to try to eat heathier (which is also hard because I am have no income right now and do not choose what food to buy). BUT I do smoke cigarettes and I want to quit but I have been smoking since 13 and it is difficult. Does anyone know how bad is it if I continue to smoke?

Thank you for the patience!

miguel

Spain
1197 Posts

Posted - Jun 30 2009 :  3:15:19 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
Bienvenida a ayp bellamente,

Like your ayp name

You seem to have a huge potential

PS-Let's the experts answer your questions.There are plenty of them here.


Edited by - miguel on Jun 30 2009 4:14:18 PM
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CarsonZi

Canada
3189 Posts

Posted - Jun 30 2009 :  3:37:30 PM  Show Profile  Visit CarsonZi's Homepage  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
Namaste BellaMente and welcome to the AYP forums!

quote:
Originally posted by BellaMente

I am a 21 year old female and I consider myself an "unorthodox christian" (I am more spiritual rather than religious and do not believe in all the concepts from modern christianity)...


Many of us here come from similar backgrounds. AYP is totally non-sectarian but many of us come from all sorts of different religious backgrounds and some of us still practice our respective religions as well as AYP. I myself have a fundamentalist Christian upbringing which I rejected at the age of 12ish.

quote:
Originally posted by BellaMente

I had a rough childhood and lived a very fast and turbulent life during my teen years: I ended up in a world of lots of drugs, lots of alcohol, lots of trouble, skipped school, suspended numerously, expelled 3 times, lots of legal trouble.


Very similar to myself again. I am an ex-heroin/meth addict and when I came to AYP I was on 90mg of methadone daily and smoking a quarter ounce of marijuana everyday. And when I was in High School I was living on my own so I only went to write the tests and ensure a diploma. Although (haha, just remembered this) one day a friend and I distributed 3000 pamphlets across the school encouraging everyone to walk out (in support of the teachers who had been without a contract for almost 2 years but had been forced back to work from a lengthy strike) at a specific time, and then proceeded to get busted pulling the fire alarm at the designated time to help "aid" our cause. Ah....the good old days

quote:
Originally posted by BellaMente

I have always believed in God and was very attracted to the spiritual side of life even during all this, but I was basically lost and I never had anybody to trust. Well, the high school I graduated from was a VERY small alternative school, and during my last year I had all A's and a couple B's and was doing alright and wanting to stay out of trouble but I kept finding myself back in it. The last day I was supposed to finish my work to graduate I went to jail for ther sixth time, and had a little "epiphany" and decided to change my life. I miraculously got bailed out and was able to graduate on time (I was 18 then). And I really did change my life. I waited a half year to start college (I was on probation in 4 different cities with a warrant in another and had a lot of court cases to settle) but during that time I was working as an assistant teacher/math tutor at a small christian high school and doing a lot of volunteer- community service. After 2 years of college, I have over 80 credits and a 3.97 GPA (All A's except for one B+) my major is Theoretical Physics (I fell in love with Quantum Physics when I was 15) and I now speak 6 foreign languages: I am fluent in Italian (and I won a scholarship through an international organization last summer to take an advanced Italian class in Florence, Italy) I am pretty much fluent in German and Spanish (finished last class last semester but need to expand on vocab) and I am intermediate in French and at the beginner level in Greek and Russian. I took all these language classes during my two years at college. I have been doing a lot of voluntary community since I've changed my life and am very active in a number of organizations.. And I just graduated this last semester with an associate degree (summa cum laude) and I won the (most prestigious at the college) honor of "The Most Distinguished Graduate" representing the class of 2009 and had to give a speech, which I chose to talk about passion, a very important idea in my life. So I am completely a different person, basically going from one extreme to the other....


Well first off, congratulations on graduating with such distinction. You are obviously very intelligent. Secondly, that's quite a story! We seem to have much in common....I too had a "turning point" moment in my life where I decide to completely change my projected path. For me it was a moment in which I chose happiness no matter what. That was almost 5 years ago now I think. I am not happy no matter what, but I'm getting there.

quote:
Originally posted by BellaMente

Well, my interests are extremely varied : obviously science, math and foreign language, and spirituality and metaphysics but also art, dance (salsa, ballroom, belly dance), writing and reading, classical guitar, etc. etc. and I have always been interested in yoga and decided to try it when I recentley was recommended to Kundalini Yoga. Being unable to take the class, I bought a DVD instead. I did the warm up exercises many times but only did the whole routine once, but I loved it nonetheless. However I became very busy the last several months. I wanted to start again this summer but I had this feeling not to (although I have changed my life and have become a better and more spiritual person, I still have some emotional issues I am still trying to work on (mainly bad memories from my past, feelings of insecurity and fear of abandonment, problems with my family) and I have been taking pain pills here and there) Well it's funny I had that feeling because the other day I stumbled upon the dangers of premature kundalini awakening and freaked out, almost in shock that I could have gone crazy or killed myself, and I even read that I could permanently destroy my subtle body. Then the other day I met a man into Reiki, and after talking to him about it, he tested me with a pendulum and said that my chakras are "broken" (which I really was not surprised to hear).


AYP contains some aspects of Kundalini Yoga, but it is IMO much more comprehensive (and safe) then KY. The core of AYP is Deep Meditation (lesson found here: http://www.aypsite.org/13.html ) which is an internal mantra meditation which KY is missing. In Kundalini Yoga (3HO style anyways) the meditations are outloud chanted mantras. Those have their time and place, but IMO it is difficult to connect to the inner silent awareness when chanting out loud. I personally find it much easier to hit deep silence using AYP Deep Meditation then chanting a KY mantra. That's just me though.

quote:
Originally posted by BellaMente

My questions are:

How do I permanently "fix" my chakras?


In AYP we don't focus on the chakras. We use purification practices which over time allow the chakras to start spinning correctly. The main purification practice in AYP is Spinal Breathing Pranayama (lesson found here: http://www.aypsite.org/41.html ). This is in addition to the purification which occurs during Deep Meditation. It is advised not to start Spinal Breathing Pranayama until you are stable in you Deep Meditation routine. And as with anything else it is best to start at the beginning which in AYP would be lesson #10 (odd I know)....This lesson is found here: http://www.aypsite.org/10.html

quote:
Originally posted by BellaMente

Is the beginning Kundalini yoga DVD dangerous for me? How about just the warm-ups?


Everyone is different in their "karmic" and "energetic" makeups. What is safe for one may not always be safe for another. Only you will know how you react to a set of practices. It is always good to be educated though. You obviously are well educated in some aspects, so I would suggest reading through the beginning AYP lessons which are a great way to learn about Yoga from the ground up as well as a great way to fill in the blanks in what you may already know.

quote:
Originally posted by BellaMente

How can I cleanse myself spiritually, emotionally, mentally, physically and how do I prepare myself for Kundalini?


Deep Meditation and Spinal Breathing Pranayama. Then Samyama (don't worry about that just yet)

quote:
Originally posted by BellaMente

How long would this take and how do I know when I am prepared?


It takes a different length of time for each individual. Some people have spontaneous Kundalini awakenings without doing anything spiritual at all. Others may spend several lifetimes trying to awaken the Kundalini energy. Everyone is different. AYP is a very effective system for Kundalini awakening though. It should be possible within your lifetime using the AYP system as prescribed. Noone can know for sure though. The best way to prepare yourself for Kundalini awakening is to find that core of inner silence through meditation and to educate yourself. IMO anyways.

quote:
Originally posted by BellaMente

As I mentioned above, I have many interests and I am very worried that Kundalini will change me, change my personality, and I do not want to loose my passion for theoretical physics, foreign languages, art, etc. etc. so do you think this will happen?


Kundalini awakening is a life changing experience and some of your priorities may change. Some may not. Only time will tell.

quote:
Originally posted by BellaMente

Basically I just want to be a better person, I want to have a stronger relationship with God, find my true self, be healthy etc. etc. and I would appreciate any advice anybody has for me...


My advice is to start at the beginning of the lessons: http://www.aypsite.org/10.html , to practice diligently, and to give it some time.

quote:
Originally posted by BellaMente

P.S. I decided to stop taking the pain meds, which I feel are putting a stumbling block in my way,


This is have much direct experience with. The state of mind induced through opiates can be like a great "letting go" and can be a bit of a reference point if thought of in this way, but energetically speaking I can emphatically say that opiates are a hinderance to ecstatic conductivity (kundalini). Good for you in stopping.

quote:
Originally posted by BellaMente

(I also gave up caffeine about 2 weeks ago) and also not take any kind of medicine again, and I want to limit drinking to just a couple glasses of wine (which is hard because when I stop by a friends house we usually barbeque and drink a couple beers), and I am going to try to eat heathier (which is also hard because I am have no income right now and do not choose what food to buy). BUT I do smoke cigarettes and I want to quit but I have been smoking since 13 and it is difficult.


All these things will begin to lose their attraction as you connect more and more with the inner silence. No need to force yourself to cut things out IMO. It is best to let them fall away of themselves. This will all likely happen naturally with an evolving daily practice set.

quote:
Originally posted by BellaMente

Does anyone know how bad is it if I continue to smoke?


Smoking isn't healthy for you, but I bet you already knew that.

quote:
Originally posted by BellaMente

Thank you for the patience!


Thanks for sharing and welcome to the forum.

Love,
Carson
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BellaMente

USA
147 Posts

Posted - Jun 30 2009 :  5:45:39 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
!Gracias Miguel!

Carson - Thank you for all the advice, I was actually reading through the beginning lessons after writing my post, and I noticed that after a couple months of the meditation with the I AM mantra, Yogani said to try it cross-legged. The thing is, I am most comfortable sitting cross-legged and I do it all the time, even when I am stuck in class for hours! So do you think I can just start out doing it like that?

Another thing - if I feel comfortable, say in a month, and feel ready to start incorporating the breathing into it, should I wait or just go for it?

Also, will I know when I am completely cleansed? Is there anyway to know? Do you have to constantly purify yourself?
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grihastha

USA
184 Posts

Posted - Jun 30 2009 :  7:58:04 PM  Show Profile  Visit grihastha's Homepage  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
Welcome, BellaMente!

My advice, such as it is: don't stress about any of this. I think Yogani starts his lessons assuming that people are coming from a totally non-yoga, non-spiritual standpoint. If you can sit cross-legged, go for it.

I'm no expert but I have to say I've never heard of 'broken chakras.' In fact, I'd say that your having found this place, which really is a brilliant resource for info and support, is a pretty clear indication that things are working extremely well.

Read the lessons, take Yogani's advice, ask for help here. Having a lot of goals is cool but from my own experience those tend to change as your practice matures, so... It's really to do with how comfortable you feel with the practices, and there's always self-pacing.

Quantum physics and life-long spirituality? What a brilliant combination...

Namaste!

gri
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cosmic

USA
821 Posts

Posted - Jun 30 2009 :  9:07:10 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
Hello and welcome, BellaMente

Brilliant response from Carson!

Many of us have had difficult pasts/teenage years, so you're in good company here. I was in a deep depression for 10+ years, had trouble with drugs, getting kicked out of school, etc. You seem to have the right motivation to turn it around, and it is definitely possible.

A lot of people find that AYP is a good remedy for Kundalini symptoms/overloads. Self-pacing is the key, and AYP is the only system I know of that seems to recognize this. So even if you run into Kundalini problems, there is a way out...

quote:
Originally posted by BellaMente

Another thing - if I feel comfortable, say in a month, and feel ready to start incorporating the breathing into it, should I wait or just go for it?


Trust your instincts. See how you feel. One month seems a bit early to me for spinal breathing, but everyone is different. I added SB a few weeks after I started AYP and ran into Kundalini symptoms. But others have had no problem doing it this early. Everyone is different.

quote:
Originally posted by BellaMente

How do I permanently "fix" my chakras?



As Carson mentioned, AYP doesn't focus on chakras. They will sort themselves out in time. However, if you feel the need to work on them I'd recommend the book Eastern Body, Western Mind by Anodea Judith:

http://www.amazon.com/Eastern-Body-...10274&sr=8-1

I don't know how accurate the info is, but I had excellent results with it. Used in conjunction with AYP, that is.

Enjoy the ride!
cosmic
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BellaMente

USA
147 Posts

Posted - Jul 06 2009 :  1:58:39 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
Thanks everyone for your help and support. I have started the 2X daily meditation and I like it very much and it is working well (I tried meditating years ago and I could never slow my mind down enough for me to sit past 3 minutes...) The only thing I'm worried about is that I am at my parents house during the day until I move out of state to finish school and it is never quiet nor peaceful here and I do not have a room of my own I can go into, so I can either sneak 20 minutes in my parents room when they are gone or I can take a bath... I was wondering if there is any difference between meditating in a chair or in a bathtub? Also, does anybody know the 'scientific' details of how meditating cleanses and purifies? I read Yogani's explanations on a lot of the stuff already, but I was just curious on what is technically going on emotionally, mentally, spiritually in the subtle bodies....

After hearing about the damage Kundalini can do, I quit the yoga and researched it almost obsessively, thus here I am at AYP. I have read so many 'awakening' stories via the internet and in my books and 99.9% were horrible, with these people suffering for years and years, even lifetimes. A lot of them involved people that were searching for the truth, trying to find themselves by following a spiritual path and I was shocked by this because you would think with all the spiritual methods and practices they used that they would have gotten rid of most blockages, leaving behind a very clean pathway for kundalini. But no... These people suffered for years and are still suffering, trying everything to help contain it but with no or little success. A very very few had positive outcomes, and even so some still warned against 'forcing' it. These positive outcomes sound amazing to me and I would love to have this awakening myself because what I want most is that direct link to God and Divine Will, but on the other hand my sanity and my life is at risk, and no matter how many stories and opinions I read I can't analyze what I would go through myself if it happened to me. What I sense from this website is that people having kundalini symptoms can keep it under control using Yogani's method, and that they don't end up suffering. So then by this method are we 'forcing' kundalini? Wouldn't it be forcing kundalini when one starts doing the pranayama and so on? Or is it that Yogani's method is just safer? Why does it seem to not have the complications that others so often do?

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CarsonZi

Canada
3189 Posts

Posted - Jul 06 2009 :  3:53:22 PM  Show Profile  Visit CarsonZi's Homepage  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
Hello BellaMente....

quote:
Originally posted by BellaMente

I have started the 2X daily meditation and I like it very much and it is working well (I tried meditating years ago and I could never slow my mind down enough for me to sit past 3 minutes...)


Glad to hear you are getting on with the practice. It's a gem!

quote:
Originally posted by BellaMente

The only thing I'm worried about is that I am at my parents house during the day until I move out of state to finish school and it is never quiet nor peaceful here and I do not have a room of my own I can go into, so I can either sneak 20 minutes in my parents room when they are gone or I can take a bath...


Treat everything that pulls you from the mantra as a distraction. It is best when starting out to try your best to find a quiet-ish spot, prefferably a darker on too, but this isn't a requirement. You could always try some ear plugs to see if that helps. And since you don't have a room to meditate in I don't see any reason why you couldn't meditate in the bathroom as long as noone is going to be banging down the door to get in.

quote:
Originally posted by BellaMente

I was wondering if there is any difference between meditating in a chair or in a bathtub?


It is best to be comfortable, but not to the point of potentially falling asleep. If you are one who might fall asleep in the tub, this may not be the best place/way to meditate. It is recommended to be as comfortable as possible, meaning with back support if necessary and only crosslegged if that is comfortable, and it is best if you are upright. Laying down will increase the possibility of falling asleep. If you are of a disposition that favors insomnia perhaps this won't be an issue. Only you will know.

quote:
Originally posted by BellaMente

Also, does anybody know the 'scientific' details of how meditating cleanses and purifies? I read Yogani's explanations on a lot of the stuff already, but I was just curious on what is technically going on emotionally, mentally, spiritually in the subtle bodies....


Science doesn't even acknowledge that we HAVE subtle bodies so there won't be any scientific data there I don't think. I personally have a vested interest in trying to examine how pranayama purifies the body as it was the main practice that made it possible for me to get clean from my methadone/opiate addiction without withdrawals, but I have yet to be successful in securing funding to persue this scientifically. I don't hold out much hope either. That's just me though.

quote:
Originally posted by BellaMente

What I sense from this website is that people having kundalini symptoms can keep it under control using Yogani's method, and that they don't end up suffering.


Well, there may be some who suffer, but with the tools Yogani has laid out in the AYP system, just about everyone seems to manage pretty well. Remember that "suffering" is caused by attaching to thoughts/feelings/etc....hence suffering is what you make of it/it into.

quote:
Originally posted by BellaMente

So then by this method are we 'forcing' kundalini?


AYP's practices could be forceful if you took it to that extreme.... but noone here will recommend that. AYP is "self-directed" meaning that we try to give you the tools to help you direct your own "awakening". Part of that is helping practitioners to identify spiritual or energy overload and teaching ways to combat that. Here at AYP we try to ride that fine line of "just enough" and try not to go over the edge if we can help it. But when going over the edge, we try to be as aware as possible that this is what we have done, and adjust our practices accordingly. If you haven't read this lesson on "Self Pacing" I suggest you have a read through it when you have a chance: http://www.aypsite.org/38.html

quote:
Originally posted by BellaMente

Wouldn't it be forcing kundalini when one starts doing the pranayama and so on?


Spinal Breathing Pranayam can be undertaken for several different reasons. Sometimes SBP is undertaken to helpsmooth out energy symptoms (when used in just the right amount)....sometimes SBP is undertaken to "plow the soils" for the "seeds of deep meditation"....sometimes SBP is undertaken to help stimulate the kundalini energy. So in answer to this question I would say that it is possible to use SBP to try and force kundalini to awaken, but it is all dependent upon the intention of the practitioner. I don't suggest being forceful with anything let alone kundalini.

quote:
Originally posted by BellaMente

Or is it that Yogani's method is just safer? Why does it seem to not have the complications that others so often do?


I cannot say 100% for sure why AYP seems to have less problems then other systems, but I CAN say that AYP is relatively safe if you read the lessons in order and don't try to rush anything. Be diligent and controlled in your application of the AYPractices and you *should* be safe. I say *should* because noone can know for sure. Everyone is different and the sensitivity levels from one person to another can vary to the point of extremes. The best advice I can give is to do your meditation practice like you brush your teeth and to stay mindful of everything you can. Oh, and don't worry so much

Love,
Carson
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cosmic

USA
821 Posts

Posted - Jul 06 2009 :  11:16:37 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
quote:
Originally posted by BellaMente

Or is it that Yogani's method is just safer? Why does it seem to not have the complications that others so often do?


I believe it's Yogani's emphasis on self-pacing and grounding. Self-pacing and grounding could probably benefit other systems in a similar way. Remove both from AYP and you'd probably end up with the same kundalini problems as in other systems.

Also, the AYP Spinal Breathing Pranayama is safer because it follows a root-to-brow path, instead of root-to-crown. Going to the crown too early can cause kundalini problems.

Even with AYP, I think most of us have experienced overload symptoms at one point or another (I definitely have). But we learn to recognize the symptoms and back off when necessary.

These forums are a great help too! Lots of cool people here to keep you in check

Peace
cosmic
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Lacinato

USA
98 Posts

Posted - Jul 13 2009 :  9:28:07 PM  Show Profile  Visit Lacinato's Homepage  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
I will add, if you want to push it too far, you can--it would be your choice, though. There are plenty of warnings about self-pacing all over for good reason. Everyone is different, and don't let anyone tell you about yourself. You know! (For example--I cannot do even twenty minutes twice a day. I have progressed so much more since accepting this fact. But so many have to expand far beyond that to get overpurification symptoms).

From what I have read (by people far beyond myself), there is no such thing as being completely cleansed, and worrying about it probably makes matters worse :) So good news: no reason to worry! We are fine where we are, but this path is a great one to be on.
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Lacinato

USA
98 Posts

Posted - Jul 13 2009 :  9:30:56 PM  Show Profile  Visit Lacinato's Homepage  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
This is a thread, that if you read all the way through, has some great info. I love Jim and his Karma's posts. Be sure to read his updated bit at the end!

http://www.aypsite.org/forum/topic....hTerms=sweet

Years later, much more open and flowing and less blocked, roaring kundalini accommodated with poise.......I smell awful. Especially when exercising, or stressed.

That's how this stuff works. Forward and back, forward and back. We read those fawning spiritual books where people talk about "clearing" karma and resolving issues and achieving enduring levels of purification. Super humanity! It's all bullsh*t. We all have SO much cleaning to be done. Any notion of an "arrival point" is sheer delusion. We never arrive. There's only process.

We do have little plateaus en route (e.g. my temporarily sweet sweat), but don't worry, that which is momentarily clear will soon cloud over. That which has arrived will soon depart again. That which is high will lower. And just let it. And just be with the mantra in your practice. The practice is what matters.

You know you're into the good stuff when you have no freaking idea what's going on. If you think you understand it and mentally "own" it, you're just doing more mind stuff. Ah, I'm so pure, my sweat is so sweet...I'm so purified. Ha, superman, see what happens next month!

Nothing to do but yield.

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