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spinal_tap
Indonesia
40 Posts |
 Posted - Jun 02 2009 : 7:46:30 PM
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Hello all,
I need help about my 'I AM' experience. I have been doing I AM every now and then whenever I feel like it, usually 2-3 times a week and around 10-20 mins each session.
Lately, I am having problem with repeating the mantra in my mind. It feels very heavy or tiring to repeat the mantra. I feel it is very exhausting to finish the 'AM' part, I've tried repeating just 'I' and it isn't that tiring.
I also feel the spinning sensation I've been reading about here. It was strong at first but I stopped meditation altogether for a few weeks, now when I starts again the sensation is lighter. And there's a huge change in my diet too since I started the 'I AM', I now eat mostly vegetables, eating meat only when I cannot avoid it. Before doing this I am what you could say a true 'meatlover', I don't eat vegetables at all.
Should I keep trying the 'I AM' or should I lay off the 'I AM' for awhile?
Thanks. |
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Ananda
3115 Posts |
Posted - Jun 03 2009 : 01:48:21 AM
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hi spinal, you should keep on trying the IAM but on a daily basis and i think that you should consider adding spinal breathing up front.
in case the muddy symptoms continue then you should do 10 to 15 minutes of practice just shorten the time until things settle down.
light and love,
Ananda |
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Katrine
Norway
1813 Posts |
Posted - Jun 03 2009 : 04:05:27 AM
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Hi spinal tap
I agree with Ananda.
Keep meditating with "I am" 
See if you can manage to meditate daily. Start with 10 minutes, and if all is settling down well you can add another 5 min after a week or two. If twice a day is not possible, then once a day will add some needed stability. Daily sessions helps in smoothing out "cluncky fases" like the one you are going through.
The heavy feeling you are describing regarding the mantra is purification going on in your body/nervous system. It is a sign of the mantra doing its job; it does not mean stagnation When meditating....treat the heavy feeling as you would any other thought/sensation; don't dwell on it, don't fall for the temptation to analyze it, simply gently come back to the mantra. Whenever you have your attention on the heavy/tiring feeling....you are actually off the mantra....so simply gently come back to "i am". Struggle is not necessary...usually it is the mind that talks us into believing that more effort is nedeed. But this is not true. Less is more here :-)
The heaviness/tiredness will pass, spinal tap. It always does 
Good luck with your practice |
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Yonatan
Israel
849 Posts |
Posted - Jun 03 2009 : 06:49:48 AM
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Hi spinal tap,
I agree with what has been said,
I sometimes also feel like I "can't" say the "am" part, it feels stuck. This tells me that I've hit an obstruction in my nervous system or energies. What I do then is not force the "am", I say "I" and let the "am" come of its own (it comes by itself, I think because still there's the intention of saying "I am"). This happens to me really seldom, I think once you're through the obstruction then the rest continues more smoothly.
So yes try to continue with the "i am"
It's just purification |
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Etherfish
USA
3615 Posts |
Posted - Jun 03 2009 : 07:51:12 AM
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I agree with all above. Remember you are not actually saying the iyam, only in your mind. And you can try slightly different pronunciation also, but you are not using your voice or mouth.
Also don't think of meat as always a bad thing. Everyone has different needs and some people need some meat. It is good for you to cut back, but some people can not cut it out entirely. |
Edited by - Etherfish on Jun 03 2009 07:52:54 AM |
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Akasha
421 Posts |
Posted - Jun 03 2009 : 09:36:34 AM
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I'm at that stage where the mantra has platea'ud,and the initial disconfort stage i'm assuming is over perhaps.
The 'ayam/I am' is barely recognisable,distinguishable.There was a 14 day breaking in period- A re-calibration of energetic fRequencies within the NS.Where there wa an effort tosay & repeat the mantra against the mind's resistance.
I introduced the SbP quite early on as it was the easier pracitce of the 2 to do.But abandoned it after an overload,and felt there was plenty enough purification/psychological tenderness going on with the DM anyway.I think i'm over that initial stage as everything has levelled off now psychologically.However........
Now i have re-introduced the SbP and i even tried adding those magical enahncements shambvi mudra and mulabhandha--ajna & root-lock -----woooowwwwww!
But i'm now just going to keep on working on the spinal nerve with SbP,purifying that,as i seem to be getting more puification with SbP than DM.
I can now see SbP as a kriya. if it is a pranayama it is a pretty special kind of pranayama and adding somatic and sensory enhancments like those steps yogani suggests above amplifies one's awareness and attention within the spinal nerve.
Respect to mulabhandha-I believe the flexing the anal spincter is different than that same action on the perineum but perhaps that will be covered as a subsequent step later on in yogani's lessons.
I have some familiarity with uddiyan bandha but i think when i've used it on occassion most likely during asana( though i don't reall do much of this) it has been unconscious.
I sometimes am getting a little disconfort with DM (but perhaps this is purification though or symptoms of ). and tthe effects of the mantra seems to as i say have plateau'd so i am ading SbP and concentrating on the sppinal nerve for added purification.
Early on I had read and experienced that the DM was purificatory but was surprised that it also energised one too
Now i sensed the SbP was energising( i mean it's called pranayama) but had'nt thought of it as purificatoroy..---- Like the other way around.They are both ,both.
They are both through the act of attention and intention in the Mind, and beyond.Like we wok through the mind-body matrix and beyond with and through the mind and beyond with full consciousness.
As i say i' sometimes getting a little discomfort after DM rather than opening( like i've got this annoying subluxation that can seem to tightening after DM but it could be just be more purification & opening)And my mantra is prettty fuzzy and unrecognisable and the openeing have kinda levelled off.. So i am adding SbP.I have read here it can balance DM out..( i think Miguel mentioned that here. hello mi)
The thinking mind is saying another mantra might initiate another cycle of purification but that maybe again another symptom or way of my mind resisting further ongoing purufication with the mantra.
I think my best bet is totry and get a better handle on SbP and locating the spinal nerve with my attention. I have experienced the energetic effects of this practice, the past couple of days. So it is all good..... But it's like things have with DM- i'm not getting what i used to get off it- the openeing have stopped perhaps- maybe need to just carry on here??--not too sure.
I'llsee how it pans out anyway.I don't mean to hijack this thread or post in i apporiate thread/forum.
I will carry on though.
To the OP Spinal Tap i would'nt worry about eating meat. |
Edited by - Akasha on Jun 03 2009 09:50:40 AM |
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grihastha
USA
184 Posts |
Posted - Jun 03 2009 : 11:09:14 AM
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Akasha, Spinal Tap:
I'm not keen on the I AM either but I'm sticking with it and I have to say something's happening: certainly a lot of shaking up inside. I've had to abandon most of my other pranayama as I suddenly overloaded quite seriously. So while I AM doesn't do anything for me intellectually or spiritually, from my experience at least that apparently isn't the point. And I'm getting rather fascinated by the process. |
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Akasha
421 Posts |
Posted - Jun 03 2009 : 7:52:35 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by grihastha
Akasha, Spinal Tap:
I'm not keen on the I AM either but I'm sticking with it and I have to say something's happening: certainly a lot of shaking up inside.
i think i've past that phase but the effects/openings have now levelled off,plateau'd. I was just saying that nonw when i'm doing DM i have felt tighter on a physical body level. But it maybe that i am still holding on and not letting go completely, even though the mantra has refined an become all fuzzy and indistinct and the psycholigcal discomfort/tenderness stage/phase over.BUt i am now adding SbP and ahve felt it quite benficial . I read a yogani lesson on ' kundalini(energetic) imbalances' Shanti posted .And it suggestsed as did miguel adding SbP and even perhasp reducing the DM alittle like inmycase say 5 mins and adding a full SbP but without enhancments as i need to do more work on spinal nerve for longer more sustained practice.The brain has'nt quite digested fully those attention pathways so they are a second-nature, if you like.
By the way the initial discomfort stage is well worth getting over.Stcik with it , is my advice to both Spinal Tap & grihastha. IT IS WORTH IT. You'll come out a better,more calmer person at the end of it,with a more balanced and less ego-centred personality.Just lots of beneifts.
I'm just saying like the DM is'nt doin anything cos i've hit a plateau, and physically i've even felt tighter but i am maybe still holding on,not letting go and it will be worth seeing if adding SbP at this satge be good to balance out and expand n the DM practice.
I'm wanting to proceed from a working solid foundation that is balancing long-term ,using those core practices as yogani's lesson remarks herehttp://www.aypsite.org/69.htm if you look at paragraphs 2 & 3 in the A. part of the Q&A. Do it like the letter suggests.I will work on SbP,cultivating a coordiantion of attention on the spinal nerve with the breath ,but without enhancments( i.e ajna and root lock).
Still--- i have a long way to go......
Akasha |
Edited by - Akasha on Jun 03 2009 8:11:49 PM |
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Akasha
421 Posts |
Posted - Jun 03 2009 : 7:54:28 PM
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Edited by - Akasha on Jun 03 2009 8:30:37 PM |
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spinal_tap
Indonesia
40 Posts |
Posted - Jun 04 2009 : 04:48:03 AM
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Thanks everyone for the input, I think I'll just keep trying it as my first time doing the 'I AM', maybe it is just my ego that sees this as a problem.
As for the energizing Akasha mentioned, I personally have never felt energized from doing 'I AM', from spinal breathing I had although I am not sure if it is really spinal breathing I was doing.
One thing I appreciate the most from doing the 'I AM' is the clarity I get, my mind is very much clearer in understanding and deciding things although sometimes I ended up trying to meditate hoping for more clarity and from what I read here that is a wrong step to take.
As for the herbivore diet I am doing right now, it wasn't my plan at first, I just felt like eating vegetables for once (I have never eaten any vegetables and fresh fruits for as long as I can remember, save for potatoes, rice, wheat, a few kind of beans and fruit juices).
Maybe it's my ego again that decided going vegetarian but I feel easily angered whenever I eat meat nowadays, it is also easier to meditate when I am on vegetarian diet. I still haven't eaten any fresh fruits till this day though and I have no plan on trying it yet.
Thanks again guys for the support. |
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Akasha
421 Posts |
Posted - Jun 04 2009 : 08:18:30 AM
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Dear Spinal Tap,
As with any yoga that is working, in my experience one gravitates towardsa healthier,lighter & nutritious diet without even thinking or consciously choosing. You just know what's good for you.
Your ego is your biggest demon when you start DM- it isaying this is allnonsense(in mycase i felt i was changing in ways i did'nt like or welcome,but change is rarely a comfortable process. you have to be willing and just simply surrender , in this case to the process.you will be betteer and more freer person at the end of it.trust me! this is ,probably closer to your truer nature. you don't lose your personality. you coe out stonger and freer)- YOu want to just persevere,stick, and ride through all that nonsense.
The purificatory cycles are like aprocess of contunual re-birthing leadinig to a more enlightned state of being. What is inside you is all so very REAL. This is what you are harnessing and disvoering in this process. BUt try to be gentle on your self/ego and sit back,relax and enjoy the ride.Surrender means you don't do anything,just follow the procedures outlined in the lessons-a more enlightened state will come to you- you let it happen and unfoold beautifully by itself.
Just follow the lessons. Best of luck! And come back with more Q's if you're running low on bhakti,need a re-cahrge, a technical Q. or anything else you care to talk about. Some times ,myself included especially,we just need a little few nudges,or even just one tiny one..The levers are there already but we think- No it can't be this easy.Yes it can.
Carry ON-Good things are happening!
When we start to feel lighter,our diet becomes so too and when the yoga is working then a gd diet arises naturally wihtou us even consciously choosing or thinking about it.the DM is working. keep going... (You certainly won't regret it- No -not at all)
Akasha |
Edited by - Akasha on Jun 04 2009 08:24:24 AM |
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'I AM' feels heavy and exhausting
