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brother neil
USA
752 Posts |
 Posted - May 11 2009 : 6:21:43 PM
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lately the energy level has been increased, heat in the nostrils happens after meditation or at times most of the day. Ringing in the ears has increased, vibration at base of spine many times over the past couple of weeks, etc... the highs and lows of life have been to extreme levels. At times lately my connection with others is in a place it had not been for a long time, maybe ever. Then at times the other extreme the disconnection to others very high. at times Enjoying conversation like never before, feeling there, present, caring and other times the other end. at times the feeling of possibilities of living a loving life is very high, other times it feels as if I have went backwards. Today mediation went real deep, into a blank state, then after meditaiton went to work and I was just being aware, no emotion, for a couple hours, I was scared of that state, then irritation for the material world as far as what it has become, computers, the way food is, the structure of our life in general as humans.
having an ideal of how I would like my life to be has lead to resistance of how others lead their life and a lot of judgment. it is like another one of those paradoxes. wanting to go towards my moral belifs but doing it with a distaste for how others live, actually it is more of a distaste for how I currently live, leads to nowhere. feels as if never farther, never closer, never , never emptier never fuller. Just want to be myself, whoever that is. seems like I am the only one not accepting what is. as before, it will pass.
So if I resist all this, it persists. |
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Akasha
421 Posts |
Posted - May 11 2009 : 9:27:48 PM
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Out of curiosity, What is your current practice(s)/sadhana???
God, those drugs are good.better go back for more.
& it Looks like i've flipped as well.
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Akasha
421 Posts |
Posted - May 11 2009 : 9:33:47 PM
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| Connection ,yet disconnection since doin ayp. i can relate to. i don't think it's necesarily a bad thing though.a different level of perception perhaps.the silent witness- yet being wholly absorbed in the cosmos- yeah does sound like divine paradox. |
Edited by - Akasha on May 11 2009 10:34:38 PM |
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brother neil
USA
752 Posts |
Posted - May 12 2009 : 8:10:54 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by Akasha
Out of curiosity, What is your current practice(s)/sadhana???
God, those drugs are good.better go back for more.
& it Looks like i've flipped as well.
not sure which drugs you talk of, not really my cup of tea
practices, Spinal breathing DM, samyama
then druingt he day awareness in what I am doing. Open door, close door, etc....
thanks
Neil |
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karl
United Kingdom
1812 Posts |
Posted - May 13 2009 : 1:00:33 PM
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I think you have come to a point that is between spiritual growth and material need and it is difficult to rationalise.
The conflict is that the need for sprituality is a material requirement and so the harder we strive for complete independence from the material realm the more we pull towards becoming engaged in the material world. Letting go of the desire for spirituality also leads to the inescapable conclusion that away from spirituality is toward materialism. It's a conundrum so very similar to the law of relativity in which you cannot exceed the speed of light because of the way time is affected.
At times I go through bouts of trying like mad to get towards that horizon, only to find the horizon simply moves a bit further away as my effort adds to the distance. This produces a seesaw effect caused by the frustration of seeming to get no where despite trying hard to do so. It's that frustration that spills into everyday life as a seesaw effect of unrealised goals.
The trick I am using is to consider what exactly I am trying to achieve and then bring the goal into bite sized lumps (like eating an elephant one mouthful at a time). My goal is simply to eat part of the Elephant which equates to meditation and Pranyama practise twice a day. That constitutes the minimum materialism I can get away with in a march towards a goal because the far edge of that is to do precisely nothing and achieve the same result (another paradox. So I'm moving away from where I am, and using the analogy of relativity I am moving at a fraction of light speed and that is all. The time taken to do this might look to be an eternity and it's useful to think of just stepping slowly up the ladder one small step at a time.
My belief is that we have already reached this goal in the future in the same way that you might set out on a journey to a destination that you will eventually reach in which you will remember specific parts of the journey but will not see the whole journey because you are already at that destination. You know you made the journey but all those moments seem to have vanished and there is only the 'now'. We are all already there we just have no awareness of it.
Like we had to die in order for us to be born first. one cannot exist without the other, it's simply the perception of events. Just stay on the path, relax and follow the Rudyard Kipling poem called 'If'
Good speed.
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