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CRS
Canada
16 Posts |
 Posted - Mar 12 2009 : 3:03:15 PM
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Hello all:
My story - I know, everyone has one, and I know some are not very exciting, so bear with me. :)
I've recently developed and intense interest in Kundalini. It isn't for the purpose of "getting high" or using it against someone or for some nefarious purpose. I believe that something (someone?) is leading me in this direction, the beginnings of which seem to have been out of my control, though I have to say that so far I'm not against it at all.
I've always had a very well developed "inner world", to borrow a phrase from the logotherapist Viktor Frankl, now passed on. I would always feel at home in nature and all the youthful exploration that goes with it. I became quite ill in 1988 from an unknown GI problem. It lasted for about a year. Perhaps is it was psychosomatic, perhaps some form of stress, my doctors couldn't determine what it was. There was talk of exploratory surgery, ever more invasive tests, etc. They quite vocally ruled out cancer and AIDS (which was still alarming to hear, even though it was good news.) Eventually the symptoms lessened. My GI tract began to function normally, I'd be more relaxed, and my sessions with the hospital's pysychologist became fun. I'd enjoy manipulating the process. My parents thought I was mentally ill, so this was perhaps a way of turning the tables on them, as in getting the psychiatrist to haul them in there for group sessions so they could explain themselves! This all occurred when I was between 9-11 years old.
Life returned to normal, more or less. But in time, shortly after my mysterious illness, I began to involuntarily Astral project. One afternoon I was lying under the covers on my bed. My blanket was not quite opaque, so some light filtered through. I suddenly felt a warm peace come over me. It wasn't ecstasy or anything, just a noticeable change in perception. I began to see a kaleidescope of colours before my open eyes. They formed images of plants, animals, planets, natural elements. These would all burst out form a central point, like a "fountain" of some kind. I later thought that I was seeing the creation of the world, either our own or some other one in a very stylized fashion. It was a beautiful experience. Shortly after this I began to Astral project almost every night for about a year and a half. I'd wake up in the Astral and could communicate with people I knew, other unknown beings, even animals. Sometimes the experience would be frightening, sometimes positive. I learned that I could control and manipulate Astral objects, etc. After around a year and a half of this I couldn't Astral project anymore and all these experiences just faded away. I was sorry to see them go. The best I could do on my own was achieve a state of sleep paralysis which ended up scaring the hell out of me most of the time. So I forgot about the whole idea. I'd still have amazing, vivid dreams, sensations of flying, a bit of ESP now and then, but I ignored them. I was focused on work and school and that was it.
I'm now 31 years old. I worked for a company in a middle-management position, doing very well, but not entirely satisfied. For some reason (again, something entirely spontaneous), on a Friday I was preparing some big accounts for the following Monday and was looking forward to a very good week. But I handed in my resignation on Monday, to the shock of everyone. Something in me spurred me to return to "basics", to return to something in me that represented my "core." I didn't know what to make of all this but I accepted it. Four days later I became very ill. I was informed that it was a virus. Every morning my entire body would vibrate, my head, my stomach, everything. I'd get ringing in my ears, flashing colours before my eyes, and I'd be very "aware" of my heart. I could "feel" my heartneat in my whole body, right down to my legs. I'd get excruciating headaches, nausea, etc. The worst of these symptoms eventually subsided about 2-3 months later (I felt ill for quite some time.) Doctors ran tests, etc., and I was told they could find nothing wrong with me.
I really don't think this was Kundalini (based on what little knowledge I have on the subject, mind you), but something else.
I began to visit an acupuncturist. The treatments helped tremendously. I still go regularly because I seem to maintain a greater sense of well-being from the treatments. They feel very good and also give me a chance to meditate for 1/2 hour each time. I'd still get the odd headache that would subside in a day or two. BUT . . . the vibrations every morning and especially after sleeping (no matter what time) remain. I can literally feel my heart beating through every part of my body. It's both strange and interesting. I've gotten used to it. I'm now quite sensitive to temperatures (not uncomfortably so), and light. I find myself becoming transfixed by natural features, such as clouds, rivers, mountains, etc. I'm much more drawn to nature than ever before. I have since changed jobs such that I can pursue an academic career. I used to deny the beauty of such a choice but for some reason it seems like the most natural thing now. My senses feel heightened, I can achieve much greater mental focus than ever before. I can digest reams of material in only a matter of an hour or so. I'm more eloquent, I'm better able to grasp complex ideas. I am increasingly drawn to "spiritual" pursuits, to meditation, to wandering in nature, to shunning material pursuits in favour of intellectual and spiritual ones.
These new awakenings in me have led me to study Hindu and Buddhist religious practices, which seem to, strangely enough, make sense to me. The upshot of all this seems to be my discovery of "kundalini" as a natural step in my development.
I have already started daily meditation, specifically the "breath of fire." I don't know any other forms of meditation, so I'm focusing on this one. I began a week ago and it has been an interesting experience so far. It didn't take long for me to get comfortable with this form of breathing. It's really all I know so far, so I'm simply doing it.
I'm hesitant to study this over the internet without an actual guide, that is, an actual person to help. It's just that I don't really know who to trust in these matters. I've ordered some books on the subject and have found this forum.
So that's my "spiritual" story. Whether I like it or not I'm being pulled by some force in a certain direction in life and I feel a bit unprepared.
Where do I start? What steps should I take? I'm already changing my lifestyle to accommodate my desire to teach, read, discover, and do research. I'd just like some basis for comparison.
Thanks for your time.
Christian. |
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CarsonZi
Canada
3189 Posts |
Posted - Mar 12 2009 : 3:14:54 PM
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Hi Christian welcome to the AYP forums.
You will feel right at home here as many have gone through spontaneous awakenings, and difficulties because of this. I am not one, so I can't really comment. There will be others soon who will be able to help better then I. I just wanted to welcome you. Welcome.
Love,
Carson
P.S. Check out the Main Lessons here:
http://www.aypsite.org/MainDirectory.html
especially the one on Deep Meditation here:
http://www.aypsite.org/13.html |
Edited by - CarsonZi on Mar 12 2009 3:17:14 PM |
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CRS
Canada
16 Posts |
Posted - Mar 12 2009 : 3:25:21 PM
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Thanks, Carson. I appreciate the welcome!
Everyone speaks of this explosive surge of Kundalini. I have no idea what that is, but I'm content to let it happen in its own time. I find this kind of energy quite fascinating. I think this serpent is just beginning to twitch its nose inside of me, since I'm on the path that finally just feels right to me. Though I'm quite confused and have so many questions. |
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Guy_51
USA
170 Posts |
Posted - Mar 12 2009 : 3:36:26 PM
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Hi CRS:
Welcome to the forum... so glad you found us.
Ask away.
Guy |
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Richard
United Kingdom
857 Posts |
Posted - Mar 12 2009 : 3:46:26 PM
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Welcome to the forum CRS
If you decide to take up AYP practices take the advice given to you by Carson check out the main lessons start right at the beginning read everything carefully, skip nothing, and follow the practices in order. Don't add new practices until you are completely happy with the ones you are doing and everything will be fine.
If you decide to follow another path you are still welcome to come here and ask questions we are all here to help each other  |
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NagoyaSea
424 Posts |
Posted - Mar 12 2009 : 3:58:07 PM
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Hi Christian. We're glad you found AYP. Welcome to the forum.
Carson and Richard have it right. For a comparison, I'd start with the lessons from the beginning and pace yourself with your practices.
I'm not sure where in Canada you are or how large your town is. But, if you continue the other practices, perhaps you can find a Temple near you to work with fellow Buddhist practitioners.
light and love,
Kathy |
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CarsonZi
Canada
3189 Posts |
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Ananda
3115 Posts |
Posted - Mar 12 2009 : 4:10:44 PM
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hi Christian, and welcome to the ayp forums.
a lot of the symptoms you descried are kundalini related, and concerning kundalini this website has the best info on it ever (a good description of the spiritual anatomy and the works of kundalini plus how to deal with it in the most efficient and safest ways)
and i was just describing in another post how lucky i was that i found such great teachings and to my amazement on the net and i've benefited from them much then i benefited from my eye to eye teachers whom most of them encouraged me to continue practices as ever when my awakening happened without them knowing nor the consequences or how to deal with that in a safe way.
so the best advise i can give you is, read the main lessons which Carsonzi shared with you carefully and take advantage of this opportunity for as you said what's within you is what led you here.
listen to the teacher within you , or you can just concider them as food for thought whatever you see fit.
light and love,
Ananda |
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CRS
Canada
16 Posts |
Posted - Mar 12 2009 : 4:29:30 PM
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Thanks to all for the kind welcome and especially the links.
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CRS
Canada
16 Posts |
Posted - Mar 13 2009 : 8:21:15 PM
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Ananda:
Thanks for being so supportive!
I've been wondering about these symptoms, which might be Kundalini-related, as you say.
I've been reading Krishna Gopi's book about his struggles with Kundalini, and quite a few of his symptoms matched my illness from two months ago, which was nearly 3 months long. My doctors attributed it to a virus. This virus, however, seems to have left me quite a changed person. The debilitating symptoms (two months of hell) have left (thanks in part to Chinese acupuncture), but the following more "interesting" symptoms (of . . . something) remain:
- More frequent headaches. Not intense, but dull and lasting for about two days. Comes once every 2-3 weeks. I pop an Advil or two sometimes and ride it out.
- An occasional sharp pain (not a headache) just above my left ear, about an inch or so. Lasts for only about 5 seconds or so, then it's gone.
(medical tests have found nothing wrong with me, physically.)
- Morning vibrations in my head and throughout my abdomen and chest (which have been somehow lessened by some spinal breathing and breath of fire I've been doing.)
- An odd feeling of warmth or energy that suddenly moves up from my abdomen to the centre of my chest every two days or so, and then shoots up to my head. It only happens once that day. It's like a head-rush, but one that begins from the abdomen and moves upward. I feel a bit lightheaded (not unpleasantly) afterward. It only lasts for a few seconds an then it's gone. I don't feel any different emotionally afterward. Usually happens when I'm very calm and don't take deep breaths. For some reason, since my illness, I've developed the ability (or condition) to not have to take full, normal breaths. I don't know what it is, but when I'm very focused I'll suddenly catch myself breathing very little, or very lightly. It doesn't bother me, though, but this is when that "energy" typically makes itself known or felt.
- An increased sensitivity to elements - heat, cold, wind, sound, and especially images that enter my field of vision. I'm much more mindful of my surroundings, I notice even minute details.
- Much more creative energy, and a greater sense of "calm: under stressful situations.
- On occasion a weird, shooting pain in my left hand. Not arthritis (I don't think it is, at least.) Lasts for about a minute and then subsides.
- Most of the aches and pains I have that I've never had before the illness only last for a few seconds, a minute at most, and then subside. Strange, but it really doesn't bother me.
- The biggest symptom, though, is the complete mental and emotional shift I have undergone during my illness, and which I'm still exploring now, with respect to career change, a re-focusing on my studies, my newfound (almost out of the blue) focus on spirituality, and the abundance of new ideas I have about what it means (for me) to be human, or what it *should* mean. It's been quite a paradigm-shift for me. And all for the better. I have no choice in the matter, really, since all of this just came on suddenly.
Other than that, no visions of any kind, no hallucinations, either visual or auditory. No mystical experiences, unfortunately, aside from any new sensations (not very pronounced) attributable to the meditation I've been trying. Dreams, as usual, have been vivid and lucid, particularly after my illness.
I should mention, that on both occasions, my illness affected my heart and my head. Over a year ago, the first time, a virus (normal flu, supposedly), affected my heart by causing arrhythmia and fainting. That was temporary, and subsequent tests ruled out anytthing long-term or physical. But since my most recent illness, I've been able to feel my heart beat throughout my entire body. It's quite an interesting sensation.
Just as an aside, I tend to do breath of fire and mindful breathing during my acupuncture sessions. I have to just lie there for 30 minutes, so it's a perfect opportunity. I find it very soothing.
I'm not a drug user, but to aid in my fitness (I used to do a lot of weight training), I took ephedra (ma-huang) - no mystical experiences from it, but I always felt energized from it and it was quite powerful in aiding my workouts. I took it over the course of about 7 years, with the side-effects of increased mental focus, increased adrenaline, but the side effects of developing a tolerance to it and adrenal glands that took a long time to normalize afterward. I have stopped taking ephedra for about a year now. There seems to be no permanent harm from it, nothing physical or mental. Perhaps it had a role in my "transformation"? I don't know. It might have involuntarily "forced" Kundalini at times without me even knowing it. Some of those ephedrine-laced workouts were like pure bliss, and I was experiencing a uniquely vast amount of creative energy during those days. I wonder if some of this Kundalini energy is drug-induced, though I haven't touched anything in about a year now. Not sure if there is any real connection.
So is this Kundalini that I'm experiencing now? Is she awakened, aroused, moving? Am I being given a sign? Or are all these symptoms just physical. How can I determine at what stage Kundalini is, especially in my case? What is she doing in me at this point? Uncoling, or just gently moving her head around, close to her body? ;)
I'd appreciate any comments.
Warmest,
Christian. |
Edited by - CRS on Mar 13 2009 8:48:22 PM |
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Ananda
3115 Posts |
Posted - Mar 13 2009 : 9:46:53 PM
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hi Christian,
it seems that you have the symptoms of a premature crown chakra opening which is the main cause of kundalini syndrom in other terms kundalini horror stories but at the same time it would be wise not to overlook medical advise.
i really never heard anything good about ephedra only bad stuff and if you are still taking any of it i don't think that it's a wise move to take such a thing which gives an energy rush when you seem to be having all the rush you need already due to kundalini and which running and sports in general will help you a lot in settling it down.
now there are two ways to deal with kundalini the hard or the blissful ecstatic way.
the hard one is that of Gopi krishna while the ecstatic and blissful one is the following:
if you are doing spinal breathing pranayama going up and down http://www.aypsite.org/41.html it's the best stabilizer that's great but it's not enough you've got the seed and now what you need is good fertile ground to plant it in and that is your inner silence instead of the chaos of thought and from that inner silence you will grow and purify and we cultivate inner silence through the practice of deep meditation http://www.aypsite.org/13.html .
i suggest that you take a close look at everything inside this link to have a better understanding of why your awakening is premature and on good pointers on how to deal with it: http://www.aypsite.org/forum/topic....crown,chakra
i had the same thing as you, and what helped me stabilize everything was the pracitce of spinal breathing going to the third eye only and staying away from the crown plus deep meditation and this is the reason why you should be stable in these two practices before everything else and read all the lessons about them (the q&a are included of course.)
and i suggest that you stop practicing the breath of fire pranayama for now until you are more stable energy wise then you can pick it up again if you like after you had a stable routine of spinal breathing and deep meditation.
i wish you all the best...
kindest regards,
Ananda |
Edited by - Ananda on Mar 13 2009 9:52:02 PM |
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CRS
Canada
16 Posts |
Posted - Mar 13 2009 : 11:27:42 PM
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Thank you for the kind advice, Ananda.
I haven't taken ephedra or anything, really (not even coffee) for about a year now. It's good that I stopped. It was all very taxing on my system. Ephedra produces extremely hot, yang energies. Prolonged exposure to that isn't a good idea. Herbs like ephedra can be as powerful as drugs (and in some cases more so.)
You're right, Ananda. It comes down to getting used to the very basics - pranayama and deep meditation in order to stabilize things and build a foundation. I'll stop the fire breath for now and just focus on those two for a while.
The crown chakra link is especially useful. There is so much valuable information here, all in one place. |
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