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foralways
Sweden
19 Posts |
 Posted - Feb 06 2009 : 11:18:00 PM
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hey everyone
just cant tell you enough what a great forum i think this is.
i am swapping in and out of two states. right now it just seems so obvious and so simple. and the things we do, everything just makes me laugh. and its all so clear!
sometimes i swap out of this state, me fears and fears dragging me down, and sometimes it takes days for me to get back this way. or weeks. the hard part is having "lost" it, theese times are really confusing and depressing, because sometimes i just cannot remember what it is that i have lost. once i figure it out it usually comes back. but during the times i dont know what i have lost i just know that i have lost it all, are so dark for me.
i am so grateful being shown the way back.
and it seems very delicate for me which people to surround myself with.. like right now i am just laughing about all the things i have ever spent time minding. but then during my dark times i find myself in them, desperately longing for satisfaction that i cannot reach.
and when trying to discuss it, with people who surely do not understand what i mean, it just feels like i get even more lost. i am not sure if this is in the people or if this is in me. maybe it doesnt matter what people are around, since it is all in me...
as i write it it seems obvious it is that way, but during my dark times it is different.
does anyone understand what i mean or where i am getting at?
how important is it to surround oneself with a spiritual-friendly environment?
and does anyone recognize the "out-in" feeling?
i notice that i find comfort in hearing similar experiences, maybe because my biggest problem and block is that i dont trust myself enough to be feeling all of theese things. it is just too simple and too good to be true. the doubt i have is all about me, and all in me. like i wasnt enough, jsut being me, to know what i feel. to trust me.
does anyone recognize what i am saying?
see, there i go again searching for other peoples comfort or assuring. but i think, maybe this is part of the awakening process.
i am very interested in hearing about other peoples paths, does it sometimes make you want to just scream and lay down and shake the demons out of yourself?
and then other times i can just go with a smile and smooth through everything.
it is confusing, but wonderful, huge, expanded, loved and painful and shaking at the same time.
is it a process?
does it matter? is explaining needed?
the two mes,
hahaha :)
love for you all,
please see "1 giant leap", it surely gives me strength. just like hearing you guys experiences, thoughts and answers. we are all in this together, all struggling, even if in different ways. beautiful.
http://www.1giantleap.tv/php/summary.php?id=1&ID=
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Edited by - foralways on Feb 06 2009 11:20:06 PM |
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emc
2072 Posts |
Posted - Feb 07 2009 : 01:39:19 AM
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Hi foralways, a countrymen as well, I see!  Yes, isn't this forum a gold mine?
I surely recognize what you are describing. It is an inevitable part of the purification process. I've been in and out of "time" as I describe it since summer -07, and it's not stabilized yet. By reading all of Yogani's lessons, I've come to learn more about the process, though, so my recommendation to you is to read them! It makes you more prepared for what is happening.
Actually, Shanti just wrote a reminder to me a while ago in another thread about this very topic. I guess she felt the question was hanging in the air, and directed it to me, while it was actually you who was going to ask the question.  See here:
http://www.aypsite.org/forum/topic....page=2#44687
I would also recommend to read Adyashanti's "Emptiness dancing". It's a great book about this wobbling in and out state. See my post here:
http://www.aypsite.org/forum/topic....OPIC_ID=3132
If you'd like a Swedish contact you are welcome to email me! |
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