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Jack
United Kingdom
305 Posts |
 Posted - Jan 28 2009 : 1:36:39 PM
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Hello,
The mode of self-enquiry I have been using recently is as follows:
Take any issue that has been plaguing you and brings up an uncomfortable feeling.
Locate the feeling in the body.
Drop the thinkingness around the feeling, and then pray for more of the feeling, drop all resistance/judgement around the feeling and ask for more and more of it, so it clears away naturally.
I have been doing this recently working with the various issues and fears I feel within the context of relationship.
However, since I've been doing this, I notice very strongly more paranoia, jealousy, and other unharmonious emotion. My partner seems more distant and uninterested the more I 'slip up' like this.
I am really trying to accept and release things like fear of loss, fear of conflict, fear of disapproval, wanting control, affection, sex etc. but I don't know the best way.
It is like I am feeling this negative wavelength far too much - I am worried that law of attraction might start working in an unbeneficial way!
Any help? |
Edited by - AYPforum on Jan 28 2009 1:38:30 PM |
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Shanti
USA
4854 Posts |
Posted - Jan 28 2009 : 1:40:46 PM
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| Do you still practice meditation? |
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Jack
United Kingdom
305 Posts |
Posted - Jan 28 2009 : 1:43:44 PM
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Hi Shanti,
Yes, I normally practice the chinese deer exercise (I have super-low libido lately), 2-3 minutes SB, 10-12 minutes meditation, then rest anywhere 5-30 minutes, whatever feels right. Twice a day.
I just wonder if the approach above is 'too much focus on the negative'.
i.e. if you look for problems to solve, the universe has an infinite number.
On the other hand, an emotion resisted, surely persists.
Confusing!
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Jack
United Kingdom
305 Posts |
Posted - Jan 28 2009 : 1:46:11 PM
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| I just feel constantly paranoid, critical, insecure, childish, etc. in relationship. It is tied in with 'wanting' something from the relationship due to internal emptiness, fear of death, lack of purpose, etc., |
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Shanti
USA
4854 Posts |
Posted - Jan 28 2009 : 1:59:38 PM
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Self inquiry is very confusing when we try to understand it with the mind. And truthfully, I have not tried the above technique.
The excess "paranoia, jealousy, and other unharmonious emotion" you feel may be excessive purification. Self pacing may be the key here.
How about just dropping the feeling and letting it go.. instead of praying for some more of it. Then if it comes up on it's own again.. drop again. Don't give the thought of the feeling a satisfactory reply or a logical end. Just drop the thought that is giving rise to the feeling.
At first dropping a thought is really hard to do.. and that is what leads to more and more frustration.
Have you tried samyama? It's a great tool to learn to drop, let go, thoughts, feelings into silence. When you learn to do this, self inquiry will become a natural part of your life rather than a mind effort.
One other great technique is "the Work" by Byron Katie.
The real thing to do is to see the story behind fears. Once you see the story.. nothing can stick. Maybe modify the technique you are using now to just dropping as and when something comes up.. not creating the thoughts/feelings... or just drop the technique you are using now and add samyama.. that will show you how to drop thoughts.. then you can take the thoughts feelings into samyama and drop them into silence and get your answers from within.
The fact that you do meditate (cultivate inner silence) will help you with your self inquiry. Just self pace a bit and don't be hard on yourself.
Here is what the FAQ says on Self Inquiry:
What is Self-Inquiry or Jnana Yoga ?
Self-inquiry (the path of discrimination and the path of the intellect) or jnana yoga (union through knowledge) has been part of yoga and other systems of spiritual practice for centuries. The primary aim of self-inquiry is to dissolve the suffering caused by the identification of the mind/ego with pain, discomfort and the failure of desires. This is done by remaining established in the witness – the unconditioned inner silence that resides within all of us. Although self inquiry can be practiced as a stand alone practice (non-relational self inquiry), it works best when it arises naturally due to the presence of the witness (relational self-inquiry). The witness is cultivated through daily practice of deep meditation.
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Edited by - Shanti on Jan 28 2009 2:12:57 PM |
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Jack
United Kingdom
305 Posts |
Posted - Jan 28 2009 : 2:48:27 PM
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Thank you, Shanti.
Time to simplify, again. I'm such a masochist with this stuff.
Will post more later, I need a bath!
Jack |
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Shanti
USA
4854 Posts |
Posted - Jan 28 2009 : 7:53:01 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by Jack
Time to simplify, again.
Ah yes.. thank you for simplifying my rambling.  |
Edited by - Shanti on Jan 28 2009 7:53:17 PM |
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anthony574
USA
549 Posts |
Posted - Jan 28 2009 : 9:01:19 PM
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Jack, I think I am similar to you in relationships. I am plagued by similar things and actually recently had to end a two-year relationship because I couldn't put the poor girl through any more of my nuerosis!
Your method of Self-Inquiry sounds interesting, except the fear I would have is that it engages the mind too much. I know when I would act out in jelousy, paranoia, ect...I would feel self-aware of my dysfunction during, and then in the aftermath would feel horrible guilt and resentment towards myself. I would then think compulsively about how I can go about not doing it again. I would think of methods, recite affirmations, wear special jewelry to remind myself, write it down...you name it. But you can't really use the mind to defeat the mind. I believe these actions and feelings are of the mind and emotions.
As for how to get past them...no idea! If I knew I wouldn't be single  I just keep on with practices and most important try to love myself for who I am, even if I can be REALLY nutty sometimes. You can't really blame yourself for any of it, afterall. It is the result of conditioning and circumstance that would take years of psychotherapy to uncover a fraction of it. And even if you did...then what? Doesn't change much to know a habit is bad. And it takes a really elusive type of will to not do it again. You really just need to keep loving your crazy self  If you feel resentment and emotional masochism that;s where the real pain and damage is done. You could ruin 50 relationships but the bad part is really when you come down on yourself. I just hope that through practice and strength to love yourself that everything will resolve.
Hope I was relevant to your situation. Your words just rang a bell with me.
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Too much self-enquiry??
