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mimirom
Czech Republic
368 Posts |
 Posted - Jan 22 2009 : 6:30:58 PM
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Hello Dharma-friends,
this is just sharing my present progress, and situation, perhaps more then anything else. I'm new here, so if you don't mind... I'll feel much more comfortable and secure, knowing, that my friends also know where I'm at with the practices. Thanks. Also, one question on self-pacing maybe.
As some of you may know, I am now in AYP a little less then three months. I needed some time for a transition from vipassana once daily for 30 - 40 min + some traditional pranayama practices 2 - 3 times a week. So, it's like two months now of deep meditation 20 min + spinal breathing pranayama 10 min, twice daily. For at least one month, I'm now experiencing significant effects of the new practices. A couple times the idea of self-pacing came to my mind, but today I actually thought for the first time of cutting down my practice a little might be appropriate. As you probably know, self-pacing is really not needed in ordinary daily practice of classic Buddhist techniques, and so it is a new concept for me. However, I'm not without any experience in it either, since I previously ran into some heavy stuff with vipassana a couple times (during full-time meditation retreats.) Also, I'm involved in a powerful in-depth experiencial therapy, which sometimes profoundly rebuilds your psyche overnight, or causes circumstances to occur, which are often not easy to incorporate into your existing worldview, and demand radical changes.
After my one to two months of DM+SB practice, I noticed various symptoms. Increase in vitality and spontaneity, a tendency to stay awake and work or create something late into the night, improved communication and empathy, better access to instant intuition, a new kind of loud and open laughter, ecstatic currents and discharges during meditation or/and asana practice (especially closing savasana is now often quite orgasmic) and also simply during activity, increased tendency to celebrate with friends (in fact, after three beers and one joint, I feel now rather like after three beers, one joint, and 1/2 of an ecstasy pill...), also I noticed my body being able to relax better during asana practice, which allows me suddenly to go deeper into the positions without pain, and generally more concentrated and calm mind during asana practice.
Today I had an interesting, and a little frightening dream. First I dreamed that I am in the flat where I live, and that it is night. (My flat in my dreams always symbolizes my mind, or my life. Simply the place where I live.) I was using cocaine, despite a feeling that I don't really want to. (I think this time the drug symbolized simply intense stimulation of my nervous system.) I knew, that if I will agree to take that cocaine, one of my male friends, who actually provided it, will start to make a loud party there. (This friend of mine is a typical masculine energy guy, suffering serious manic psychosis.) I knew, that this will disturb and "cause danger" to my two female flat mates. (These symbolizing the well established, good working, and dear structures of my self.) The Eros in me, lust, forced me to take the drug, and ignore the qualm.
In the next scene I observed a computer screen. (That's actually from where AYP came to me.) Suddenly the icons begun to behave strangely. It felt suspicious. They turned bigger, then blurred, even bigger. At that point I knew something's going wrong. Pressure begun to raise quickly, and I could hear a frightening whistle becoming stronger and stronger. The screen begun to reflect wavy patterns. In the next second a complete collapse of my consciousness, accompanied with a loud sound, like when you emergency-turn-off a big electric engine. One second complete blackout. At the same time something strongly hit the back of my neck. This was perhaps the most frightening thing, because it was VERY strong, like when someone hits you accidentally with a soccer ball, during a real game. I woke up immediately. (So this was clearly a system collapse, caused by overload.)
Okay friends, so this is what I have to share today. I'll keep an eye on the effects of the practices on me. If you can relate, or have some advice, please let me know. I'll appreciate it.
Roman
P.s.: The interpretations of the roles in my dream are just suggestions, of course. There may be better ones... |
Edited by - mimirom on Jan 23 2009 08:12:09 AM |
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CarsonZi
Canada
3189 Posts |
Posted - Jan 22 2009 : 6:50:29 PM
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Woa Dude. Awesome. Yeah a little self pacing may be in order. I too had a very disturbing dream (but of a completely different nature) last night. I've been thinking about it all day. I may write more later but am on my way to practice. Peace and Love.
Carson |
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tadeas
Czech Republic
314 Posts |
Posted - Jan 22 2009 : 8:34:48 PM
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Sometimes I have dreams like this, there may even be some drugs like you mentioned or a sudden break up of perception, or a crown opening and (dream) blackout or similar things. So far it's never been related to an overload that would have to be self-paced (by reducing practice time). Just keep an eye on your other symptoms and self-pace as needed.
You're doing well :)
By the way your other (ecstatic) experiences remind me of when I was starting out :) (e.g. feeling like after ecstasy pill) :) .. and it gets even better :) |
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CarsonZi
Canada
3189 Posts |
Posted - Jan 23 2009 : 10:32:55 AM
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Hey Roman...
Thanks again for sharing this with us...I don't know exactly why, but after reading this yesterday I had a practice session that was too much, and I wrote about it here: http://www.aypsite.org/forum/topic....D=4419#44009
It is wierd that a bunch of us seem to be having crazy dreams the past few days....My dream wasn't yogic in nature, but it was terribly traumatizing. In my dream my wife and I were having a disagreement of some kind, and I could feel that she didn't love me anymore. I asked her what was wrong and she told me that she wanted a divorce. I couldn't believe it and was deeply hurt by this. I then asked her if she was seeing someone else and she told me she was sleeping with "Rob Scott, and Christian (can't remember the last name)". This absolutely devastated me (in my dream) and put me into a complete dazed and confused state and I eventually woke up feeling terribly distraught. (I woke up at like 3am or so) Still in a daze I asked my poor sleeping wife if she was sleeping with the two men she named in the dream and she obviously sleepily said "NO!". Don't know why I had this dream, or if it means anything, but the session I had the next afternoon after reading aboutyour dream blew me away and scared me quite a bit as well. Not sure what is going on here, but I know I need to pace myself for a while!
Love,
Carson |
Edited by - CarsonZi on Jan 23 2009 11:33:10 AM |
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mimirom
Czech Republic
368 Posts |
Posted - Jan 25 2009 : 7:28:25 PM
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Hi Tadeas and Carson, thanks for giving me a hand.
Tad: Good to know that you can relate. Makes me feel safer. You're perhaps right, that the indicator of the need to self-pace should be our symptoms during daily activity. That's what Yogani suggests anyway. That dream I had, can simply indicate surfacing fear of overload, or collapse, or to be exact - fear of brain damage. This fear often comes after excessive alcohol, or other drugs abuse. That strong hit on my head... It felt like my brain was actually damaged at that very moment.
Carson: Imho, could your fears, manifested in your dream, possibly be intimately connected with your "Non-tantric partner issue"? You might want to look at it through this lens. You perhaps did already.
As to your experience, you describe at the other forum, I must say It's very beautiful. Especially the place just above the top of the atmosphere, with stars all around. I've been there before, Carson. I know that it is recommended not to get too attracted to the scenery, and I can identify with that, definitely during practice. But once you experience such a beautiful scenery, why not to put it in a poem, or painting, or music... That's a good way to deal with those ethereal, often overwhelming experiences, in my opinion. Have a look at these mandalas, they depict various unearthly experiences. Some of them were painted by my friends. Aren't they beautiful...
http://www.sweb.cz/doorway/doorway/...sejmout3.jpg
http://www.sweb.cz/doorway/doorway/...sejmout1.jpg
http://blog.arcs.cz/pages/obr_v_okn...p?id_obr=707
http://blog.arcs.cz/pages/obr_v_okn...p?id_obr=709
http://blog.arcs.cz/pages/obr_v_okn...p?id_obr=900
Roman |
Edited by - mimirom on Jan 26 2009 7:20:36 PM |
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CarsonZi
Canada
3189 Posts |
Posted - Jan 26 2009 : 12:01:27 PM
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Hi Roman!
quote:
Originally posted by mimirom
Carson: Imho, could your fears, manifested in your dream, possibly be intimately connected with your "Non-tantric partner issue"? You might want to look at it through this lens. You perhaps did already.
Yes this thought came to mind after inquiring a bit into the dream. But I have come to the conclusion that if this dream was caused by fears stemming from the issue described in the thread you mentioned, then it is VERY sub-concious and I am not ready or able to work directly on this yet. In other words, I don't think this issue had anything to do with the dream and if it did, it is definitely a well-buried sub-concious issue for sure. Personally I think this dream could be better interpretted as issues I had/have stemming from my previous relationship, and not my current relationship. I don't have much fear (ok any fear) of my wife leaving (or cheating on) me and if she did I know I would be ok, but when my ex and I split up years ago it took me a long time to get over it and there were some pretty deep seated issues of trust, abandonment and infidelity. I do feel that I have succeeded in working through these issues with my ex (and my Self), but if this dream was spurred by any relationship I have had, I would put money on my previous one not my current one. Why would I have this dream now? I will probably never know. 
quote:
Originally posted by mimirom
As to your experience, you describe at the other forum, I must say It's very beautiful. Especially the place just above the top of the atmosphere, with stars all around. I've been there before, Carson. I know that it is recommended not to get too attracted to the scenery, and I can identify with that, definitely during practice. But once you experience such a beautiful scenery, why not to put it in a poem, or painting, or music... That's a good way to deal with those ethereal, often overwhelming experiences, in my opinion. Have a look at these mandalas, they depict various unearthly experiences. Some of them were painted by my friends. Aren't they beautiful...
http://www.sweb.cz/doorway/doorway/...sejmout3.jpg
http://www.sweb.cz/doorway/doorway/...sejmout1.jpg
http://blog.arcs.cz/pages/obr_v_okn...p?id_obr=707
http://blog.arcs.cz/pages/obr_v_okn...p?id_obr=709
http://blog.arcs.cz/pages/obr_v_okn...p?id_obr=900
Thank you for this Roman....these paintings are beautiful....and they inspired me to paint a view of the experience mentioned. I will try to somehow get a copy of it posted on the E-net sometime when it is finished.
About the above mentioned experience I had....I know this was just scenery and the scenery is constantly changing.....The next day I had the complete opposite SBP experience. I was VERY much inside my body during SBP. I was following the sushumna right from between the anus and gonads, up the front side of the spine, past the kidneys and intestines, past the lungs and heart, up the throat into the brain, forward to the third eye, and then back down again. I could actually SEE all the organs, I could actually SEE the energy coursing through the spinal nerve as it passed through each section, I could actually SEE everything from the inside. I don't know if because I used to be a heavy habitual Ketamine user (in which I used to sometimes take "tours" of the inside of my body, which looked very much like how it did during SBP on this day) that this happened, but the "visuals" I had during this experience were the same as during these K trips. And as I continued to do SBP inside the body, my sushumna really started to light up....I could physically feel the nerve in my body....Kinda hard to explain but picture having a red hot tube present itself in the body in the spot the sushumna is located and then doing SBP on it. This is kinda how it started to feel...It kinda felt like my spine was on fire...(not painfully though) But it wasn't just the spine either.....the "hot tube" went right up past the top of the spine and turned forward in the middle of my head and went to the third eye spot. There was a slight bit of pain in the middle of my head where the "tube" took a turn forwards. This is obviously the sushumna being activated or whatever, and I knew this even at the time it was happening, but I had never physically "felt" it's presence before and it was a bit shocking. A complete switch from the day before's experience in which I "felt" nothing because I wasn't "in my body" during SBP. So, experiences will always change, and I choose not to focus on something so fickel and instead focus on the silence inside. Cause that always stays the same.
Love,
Carson
P.S. thanks again for linking me to those pictures....totally awesome. |
Edited by - CarsonZi on Jan 26 2009 12:09:41 PM |
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mimirom
Czech Republic
368 Posts |
Posted - Jan 26 2009 : 7:36:09 PM
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OH wow, you know ketamine, goood. We used to have medical pure ketamine ampules, when I was doing my substitute military service in hospital.  I've got beautiful scenes in my memory...
Roman |
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CarsonZi
Canada
3189 Posts |
Posted - Jan 27 2009 : 12:40:55 AM
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Yes.....I know Ketamine .
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Self-Pacing -Dream-Alert?
