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brother neil
USA
752 Posts |
 Posted - Jan 16 2009 : 2:24:51 PM
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thanks for your kind words brother, just passing along some observations
how about holding hands and going for a walk? and if she does not like that you could always ask "may I hold your hand?"
my best to you brother
Neil
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Edited by - brother neil on Jan 16 2009 2:48:02 PM |
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CarsonZi
Canada
3189 Posts |
Posted - Jan 16 2009 : 3:11:07 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by brother neil
thanks for your kind words brother, just passing along some observations
I know and they are greatly appreciated. Any outside perspective is good as I may be too close to the situation to be able to see it perfectly. Thank you.
quote:
Originally posted by brother neil
how about holding hands and going for a walk? and if she does not like that you could always ask "may I hold your hand?"
Yes of course I can do this . She is uncomfortable with even this little of touching though and I have to be very gentle and loving about it. Not demanding in any way. Asking in advance may lead her to suspect that I am trying to coax her past this issue though and I think it's best if I just DO it. Walking on eggshells always pissed me off more then it helped. At least for me anyways.
Love,
Carson |
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HathaTeacher
Sweden
382 Posts |
Posted - Jan 16 2009 : 3:42:25 PM
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Namaste Carson,
I've been in yoga for a lot of years but so far, I haven't found a spiritual school that would be worth giving up common sense. Although I love staying preorgasmic during sex, I can still appreciate an ejac orgasm near a full moon day - I don't bother as long as it's actively chosen in advance and made with eyes and hearts wide open; I try to be reasonably pragmatic: when she joined me for a part of a journey for example, I came on the night before her trip back, rather than scanning my calendar for full moons... :-)
That said, to follow the rhythm of nature -such as the Moon or the seasons or her period- certainly makes things physically easier and it also takes a middle course through the who's-in-charge-dilemma: although the Shakti by and large enjoys running the show, she's also turned on by the Siva not giving up easily every now and then.
So, be sensitive to your own body and tell her to be sensitive to hers, and then figure out if there's a rhythm you might agree upon (anything from once a week to once a year). |
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CarsonZi
Canada
3189 Posts |
Posted - Jan 16 2009 : 3:59:40 PM
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Namaste HathaTeacher and thank you for your input!
Sounds more then reasonable to me, let's see what the wife says when I can get her to talk about it next.
Love,
Carson |
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CarsonZi
Canada
3189 Posts |
Posted - Feb 02 2009 : 3:21:20 PM
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Namaste Friends....
Just wanted to give a little update on how things are going with my wife in regards to this topic....
Recently my wife has been reading the book I have been spouting off about all over the forum..."Real Love" by Greg Baer....I think this has had a huge impact on our sex life. We have had a few minor "chats" about our sexlife since this topic was started but it was very difficult for my wife to openly express how she is feeling and I don't pressure her to do so. I believe this book has had something to do with the change as it is the only variable in this equation that has changed. What I have found as of late, is:
1. My wife isn't concerned with me staying preorgasmic anymore..she has let go of her need to feel satisfied through MY sexual satisfaction, or perceived satisfaction, and is now more concerned with her own sexual desires and release. This is a BIG change.
2. Our sex life is much more unconcious....there isn't this huge "thought energy" that is going into preperation, or this large "elephant in the room" when either of us desires intercourse/sexual intimacy and both of us are much more relaxed and able to approach the other during these times. Before I would just let my urges die and would never act on them...if we had sex it was because SHE decided so. Now either of us can easily approach the other without the "baggage" that used to be there. Don't know how this happened, it just did.
3. The sex is incredible. She is totally willing to let me go at the pace I need in order to stay preorgasmic. In the past this has frustrated my wife because she is very difficult to get to the point of orgasm unless there is consistant and constant stimulus and she used to not allow me to touch her clitoris. Now I am "allowed" (definitely for lack of a better word) to go as slow as I need in order to not orgasm, take a little time to recoup if needed, and she is now letting me stimulate her internally AND externally during these times and others. This is a HUGE difference.
4. She is orgasming WAY easier. Last night she had 3 monstrous orgasms before I even got close to one. Very unheard of for us. I believe this has more to do with her allowing herself to reach orgasm now (and enjoy that feeling) then to do with me doing anything different.
5. She has let go of the need to have sex be all about me. This is probably the most major change I have noticed. She is enjoying sex now, and I can see that she is enjoying the feelings she is getting now, as opposed to enjoying the feelings she is giving ME now. I used to feel that sex was an extremely one-sided venture with only my satisfaction as the goal. Now the goal seems to be more along the lines of enjoying our love for each other now and not so much along the lines of enjoying making the other feel good. We are having MUTUAL sex now, which is huge for us.
I just want to thank everyone who has contributed to this topic so far...you all have been SO helpful and so supportive and encouraging. Thank you and I wish you all the best in life.
Love,
Carson |
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emc
2072 Posts |
Posted - Feb 02 2009 : 4:10:59 PM
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| I'm smiling all over the place here! Great, Carson! I'm so happy for you! Are you still keeping up with the hugs? If I were you I wouldn't stop that just because the sex gets better! |
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CarsonZi
Canada
3189 Posts |
Posted - Feb 02 2009 : 4:33:56 PM
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Don't worry, hugs abound over here still!
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anthony574
USA
549 Posts |
Posted - Feb 02 2009 : 5:16:26 PM
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AWESOME!
Very happy for you, my friend! |
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HathaTeacher
Sweden
382 Posts |
Posted - Feb 09 2009 : 09:23:34 AM
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Congrats! And thanks for the book-hint.
Enjoy! All the best
HaTha
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markern
Norway
171 Posts |
Posted - Feb 20 2009 : 4:01:15 PM
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Great developments Carzonsi!! Very well done
I would recommend that you buy her the book breathing exctasy. It is a very short book that teaches some very valuable lessons about the breath and sexual pleasure that I think can do your wife a world of good and at the same time open her a bit more towards dealing with her long term issues and also getting her a bit closer to being interested in you meditation etc.
The book explains in ways non-yogis easily understands how breathing affects sexual pleasure. It explains how most of us are breathing shalowly in our chest and in a reverse way that creates stress and tension. This way is connected to our response to trauma in big and smal ways and by releasing the breath and letting it go unhindered towards where the sensation is in the body the sensation wil run its natural course. For pleasurable sensations it means they dramaticly increase. For negative sensations it means at first an increase and then quite quickly a loss of the entire bad feeling in stead of it being locked in the body. This is central to having orgasms and to increasing the level of orgasms. In addition the book teaches a few other tricks, unfamiliar to most yogis, about how the body usualy moves during orgasms and how to train the body to more anturaly do this and hence come or come more and better. I think where you are now in your sex life might be a good time to introduce such a book and work on the breathing part. Seeing how that works and experimenting with the technique will likely make her understand a bit more about the whole meditation++ thing and is also a gateway to dealing with traumas stuck in the body and as such a possible gateway to over the long term getting to deal with her past and a range of other issues.
By the way, although I see that hypnosis can be very beneficial especialy in this case (maybe the only option) it is highly preferable that such memories be retrived spontainiously through meditation or bodywork were one isen`t particualry searching for memories from that time. Hypnosis is, although often usefull, notorious in creating false memories. What arises spontaniously through realease is much more likely to be true.
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CarsonZi
Canada
3189 Posts |
Posted - Feb 20 2009 : 4:12:14 PM
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Hi Markern!
Can you tell me the author of the book please? And the title is "Breathing Ecstacy"? It sounds perfect for our situation. Thanks for the suggestion!
As far as memory recovery, so far the only thing that has gotten her past her mental blocks is a decently high Ketamine dose. I've heard that hypnosis is famous for creating false memories so we are staying away from that.
Love,
Carson |
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Katrine
Norway
1813 Posts |
Posted - Feb 20 2009 : 4:24:22 PM
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Carson.....I just saw your update post.
How wonderful!!
That sure didn't take long, did it...........
Amazing |
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markern
Norway
171 Posts |
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CarsonZi
Canada
3189 Posts |
Posted - Feb 20 2009 : 4:37:49 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by Katrine
Carson.....I just saw your update post.
How wonderful!!
That sure didn't take long, did it...........
Amazing
Sometimes things happen really fast....other times annoyingly slow. I got lucky with this one....I swear that book really made a HUGE difference in my wife's life. HUGE.
Thanks for the link Markern....I will definitely pick it up asap.
All the best!
Love,
Carson |
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brother neil
USA
752 Posts |
Posted - Feb 22 2009 : 8:28:01 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by CarsonZi
quote:
Originally posted by Katrine
Carson.....I just saw your update post.
How wonderful!!
That sure didn't take long, did it...........
Amazing
Sometimes things happen really fast....other times annoyingly slow. I got lucky with this one....I swear that book really made a HUGE difference in my wife's life. HUGE.
Thanks for the link Markern....I will definitely pick it up asap.
All the best!
Love,
Carson
brother carson, this is great to read. congrats my brother
with love
brother neil |
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CarsonZi
Canada
3189 Posts |
Posted - Feb 22 2009 : 8:35:03 PM
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Non-Tantric partner Issue
