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mimirom
Czech Republic
368 Posts |
 Posted - Jan 07 2009 : 6:56:47 PM
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Hi fellow yogis & yoginis,
I'd like to share today a broader issue which I'm struggling with for many years, and which is all about sexuality. It was mainly this issue that inspired me to explore the possibilities of sexual yoga.
I'm a 31 years old healthy man, heterosexual and living in a society where there are more women then men. I've been living for six, or even more years without a relationship with a woman and this is something that makes me unhappy. I tried to find all sorts of explanations, excuses, or perhaps I invented many pseudo-advantages of that state, but I know in my hearth that the only real answer is to find my way through it, to a beautiful and profound love with a woman.
I had three beautiful and powerful relationships in my life, all of them deeply influencing and shaping my current personality, especially with regard to women, of course.
In the first one, lasting one year, I learned that it is not effortless to have a beautiful and fulfilling love. I didn't know that before. That girl (Today an excellent and deeply spiritual person, which keeps inspiring everyone ...and we actually managed to still love each other in a beautiful way. She turned out to be a Chansonnier, after all....it's charming, isn't it? ) was older then me, and after that one year she felt bored with our relationship, and so she broke up with me. That was my first lesson. I had no idea if I had been supposed to do something in a different way, and if then what, and I initially felt deceived. But soon thoughts of the problem being centered around my poor ejaculation control begun to form, despite my unwillingness to accept it. So I found a place to store this idea somewhere deep in the cellar of the house of my consciousness....
The second time, love came to me in the age of about 21. It was a profound, deeply emotional love to a fatal woman. In that time - and I guess it is still like that - she was the destructive mother goddess herself. In that time I had no idea who this goddess is, and that she can be dangerous to me. Anyway, I had no means to defeat myself. She was hitting me strongly at the most vulnerable spots for one long year, without being even conscious of that, of course, in her age. Because our love was so intense, I was exposed to her at very deep levels. Sex was at the core of this: Me, loving Her, yet not being capable of satisfying Her. That one year I lived in a heavy inhibited depression, having nightmares, hardly being able to get up in the mornings, and having realistic depressing and scary projections during the days. I wasn't able to be with people, nor was I able to speak normally, without always feeling things turning instantly into a catastrophe, feeling anxious and claustrophobic, etc., etc. Many of you know it perhaps. For those of you familiar with Stan Grof's cartography of the human psyche, it was the second perinatal matrix I was living in fully consciously that year. My sexuality was formed with great force during that time, at a deep level.
The third relationship was successful in many ways, but on the sexual level it was just a further confirmation. Frankly, having sex turned into something flat, grey, tough, and definitely not desirable. Better to avoid it altogether... Today I know that I'm speaking out from the experience of many men, if not most in our society.
Well, and then the six years being single followed. And of course, It hasn't been a conscious decision to be so. It is simply the way things are, and I just don't know how to change it. During the years I found some powerful means to work with that, the most powerful so far being Stanislav Grof's Holotropic Breathwork, done systematically long-term. This experiential technique turned out to be a real blessing for me, unwinding much of the huge and problematic COEX-system (or Complex, if you wish) which I'm speaking about here. It helped me to find my way back to my mom, and recreate a healthy and frank relationship with her. It helped me to find much forgiveness for her and uncover the underlying love a little. I enjoy this very much. It also helped me to find forgiveness, clarity and honesty with my ex-partners.
Perhaps not less important will be tantric yoga. Well, it's been already. I learned to control my seed to a fairly wonderful level, after a few months of solo practice. I learned about undreamed possibilities of lovemaking, which I know I'm actually able to joyfully engage in. Most women I know seem to thirst for meaningful lovemaking with a purpose. Lovemaking as a path... And I believe that I'm actually able to offer that today, and I know it's very rare in our culture.
But still, the depths of the psyche are profound, and uneasy to reach...
Well, thank you so much for your time - I know this is a long post. But I see this posting, I mean openly speaking about all of that, as another step towards a blossom of my love story.  Much has been done indeed, and I'm still single, still in the power of the mighty Kali.
Love,
Roman |
Edited by - mimirom on Jan 09 2009 6:41:41 PM |
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emc
2072 Posts |
Posted - Jan 08 2009 : 01:55:21 AM
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quote:
It helped me to find my way back to my mom, and recreate a healthy and frank relationship with her. It helped me to find much forgiveness for her and uncover the underlying love a little. I enjoy this very much. It also helped me to find forgiveness, clarity and honesty with my ex-partners.
Perhaps not less important will be tantric yoga. Well, it's been already. I learned to control my seed to a fairly wonderful level, after a few months of solo practice.
Hi mimirom,
Thanks for a very open and honest post, showing vulnerability. I was happy to read the above quote. The way I see it, Love is all happening inside. For many men it's essential to come to terms with their inner Woman, and the most important figure is Mom, cause she has formed the inner picture of Woman so deeply. The clearer that picture becomes, washing off all projections and conditionings of what Woman is, the more energy will flow in the system. The forgiving of your ex's is actually a forgiving of yourself for not having seen them clearly before as the Love they are! Your solo tantric practices seem to be prooving you are getting along fine with that cleansing job. When there's Love for the Feminine inside, it will inevitably show up in a manifestation outside! The outer manifestation will be a perfect reflection of the inner Woman. In my experience, as long as we are needy and believes it's the woman/man outside that will come and make me happy, s/he will not turn up! Or turn up in a similarly needy version that we'd rather reject! 
May Kali continue to whack you over and over!  Congrats to your progress! |
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mikkiji
USA
219 Posts |
Posted - Jan 08 2009 : 11:00:45 AM
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Roman--
Your post was a refreshing bit of innocent youthfulness flavored with a seeker's hope, a lover's regrets and the self-doubts of unresolved failures. Not to worry--Youth is a condition we sometimes manage to grow out of! Problem is, maturity and ultimate fulfillment in all areas of life often do not automatically follow youthful innocence, because we need to have sufficient focus, motivation and desire to evolve into our true Self. Self-realization IS hard work, takes many decades of effort, and involves episodes of suffering and change. If you permit, I'd like to share some personal anecdotes with you which may prove to be revealing and instructive.
I married my very first lover when I was 22, the girl I lost my virginity with the previous year. That was 35 years ago. We'd known one another since we were 15, and for years we'd had a close relationship which was intensely spiritual and intellectual, but not at all physical or even very emotional. These four aspects of all relationships--the Physical, Emotional, Intellectual and Spiritual--are what all interpersonal interactions to be based on. The balance of these four forces determines the nature of the relationship. We talked endlessly about Love and God and the Meaning Of Life from the ages of 16 to 19, but never about Sex, or our feelings toward one another. I had a couple of unrealized crushes during that time, and one brief dip into physical intimacy but nothing that got past second base. I remained very innocent and inexperienced, although nearly all of my close friends were always girls, and I lived in a very female-centered world with my mother, grandmother and 2 sisters. At that stage, women loved to be with me, considered me to be “one of the girls”, enjoyed mothering me, but I was not ever boyfriend material. My present wife tells me that’s mostly about what immature girls want; a boy who is a bit dangerous and aggressive. I was safe and shy, and so my best friend, who later became my first wife, adored the time she spent with me but went out with a series of “bad boys”, guys her parents hated, guys who rode motorcycles and drank too much. So I was a 21 year old virgin while she became quite experienced dating a long series of boys (never MEN!) who never proved to be from the long-term relationship mode--they never made her happy. Finally, after a series of disastrous relationships, she and I began seeing one another AS FRIENDS, but almost continuously. We did, that summer, become intensely emotionally attached--she needed to get over her crash and burn phase, and I was sensitive, supportive, stable, nonjudgmental and loving. (I learned decades later that, during that time, she was still sleeping with some other guy...) I finally got up the nerve to tell her that I loved her, and when she took me to bed, I think we both knew we’d be forever. I was living with her within a couple of weeks, and we were speaking of marriage within a month or so. To this day, I believe that was because I was the first man to make her happy, in bed and out.
Long story a bit shorter--because our relationship had been primarily intellectual and spiritual, we had a lot of ground to make up in the physical and emotional departments. The emotional part came easier, but because she’d had so many terrible relationships, the physical/sexual side developed in fits and starts. After we graduated from college, our spiritual desires became primary, and together we joined an ashram. We stayed for 2 years. Although married couples were not necessarily expected to be celibate, sex was way down on the list of priorities, and the atmosphere did not exactly engage one’s sexual side. When we did it, we were always both joyously satisfied, but her libido was never up to mine, and I began, over the years, to feel rejected and lonely in my marriage. Two children, three master’s degrees and 21 years later, my sexual dissatisfactions took control of my emotions, and I began an affair, which lasted two years. My wife never found out about it, but suspected. I begged her to go to counseling with me, but she told me, “In that department, I’ll never change.” When we DID make love, she could be wild, naughty, wonderful and satisfying, but by the time I was in my mid-40s, we were down to once a month or so.
I intuitively KNEW there was some kind of untapped potential within my sexuality, but remained clueless until my wife developed a serious cancer 4 years ago. And during all of these years, we’d been practicing all of the yoga and meditation techniques we’d learned in the ashram decades before--but tantra and kundalini were not words our guru ever spoke about. After my wife’s surgery and during the dark days of her radiation and chemo, first my devotion, the bhakti which had always been at the foundation of our relationship, reawakened and lit up my spirit, giving me strength and hope. Secondly, because she was so sick, and I was so busy and tired taking care of her and our 2 children, my sexual appetite and the opportunity to indulge it, either solo or with her, evaporated for many months--I became, without even knowing, totally celibate. Thus my spontaneous kundalini awakening occurred as my wife was recovering from supposedly terminal cancer. I felt a new light and great potential, which was somehow tied into my sexuality, and our lovemaking developed new and subtle power and bliss, after over 30 years together.
She recovered, we picked up the shreds of our life and lived as we’d always hoped to--devoted, joyous and fulfilled. 3 years after her initial diagnosis, the cancer recurred, and she died within 8 weeks. In my grief, I felt the desire to become a monk at that point, to leave the hustle and bustle of life and return to celibacy and silence, exploring these areas of life in depth. Fate had other things in store, however. I met a woman who wanted me sexually like no woman had ever before, and she demanded new heights in worshipping and pleasing her goddess. I learned increasingly tantric forms of lovemaking, although I did not yet even know the term, and became quite a sexual athlete, in my mid-50s! But I did not love this woman, and became disenchanted with the emotional part of the relationship, and so left her, even though the sex was increasingly spiritually powerful.
Looking for nothing and no one, I wished to be quietly left alone to wander the earth, missing my dead lover and waiting to be with her. Kismet took my hand and led me, on a blind date, to find my new soulmate. I’d never had the “love at first sight” bolt of lightning strike me before, and it was so powerful we immediately entered a state of emotional, spiritual, intellectual and physical fulfillment together. We married within the year, and share increasingly deep levels of ecstasy. She was a widow, and had lost her husband of 25 years several years earlier--we’d both had our lives shattered by death, loss and grief, and were both looking for some new identity to hang our spirits on. When we met, it was as if we were coming home, and through the karmic agency of one another, we’ve learned many new things about our inner selves. I’ve discovered that I’ve lived for many years in total comfort and ease with my inner feminine self--that is what enables a man to be a Tantrica. I’ve discovered what the true nature of devotion is and how it is the path to self-realization. We’ve both come to appreciate that, when you live a good and natural life, and do so with open awareness, evolution toward fulfillment becomes a natural force in your life. I have explored the depths of commitment and sacrifice, and have leaned the healing power of Love. From the ruins of a life shattered by loss has arisen in rebirth a greater fulfillment than I ever imagined--and my past has made this present possible.
The practice of yoga, meditation, Bhakti and Tantra is not easy or casual. and each demands increasing practice, dedication and discipline. The rewards are well worth the sacrifices...
Michael |
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CarsonZi
Canada
3189 Posts |
Posted - Jan 08 2009 : 11:49:12 AM
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Hello Roman,
May I echo emc in saying thank you for your open and honest post. This is a stage necessary for healing.
From what I have been learning lately you are right where you need to be. In order to have a successful relationship it is imperitive that you can both give and receive unconditional love. Without a basis in unconditional love both you and your partner will only be able to exchange forms of "Imitation Love" (pleasure, power, safety and praise. Sex can incorporate all 4 of these) You going back to your mother is perfect as long as your mom is able to show you some unconditional love while you are open and honest with her. If she is not like this, re-opening indepth communications with her may further damage your progress.
In order for you to feel truly loved it is important that you are honest with both yourself and with your partner, future partner or anyone else really for that matter. If you are not honest, and are shown Unconditional Love, you won't be able to accept it because you were soliciting for it, or lying to get it. So in order for you to accept Real Love when it is given to you it is imperitive that you are honest with both yourself and with others. This may mean telling your next partner how you feel about yourself sexually. And if this partner is capable of loving you unconditionally, this will lead to strengthen and solidify your relationship and the love you have for each other. In a truly Unconditionally Loving relationship sex is not important for the reasons it is in a relationship that has only Imitation Love. In a relationship with only I.L. sex is important for both partners to feel loved and when it isn't there each partner may feel unsatisfied. In a relationship with U.L. sex is an extension of the Real Love each partner has for the other. Sex is had in this situation so that each partner can show the other how much they love and appreciate the other and personal pleasure is not necessary to feel "satisfied" at all. I think that you should read the book "Real Love" by Greg Baer. I know I have been recommending this book to everyone lately, and not everyone will get as much out of it as I did, but after reading your posting above I'm pretty sure this book would be ideal for you to read at this point. It may explain a lot. If you need me to send you a copy please let me know. Best of luck my friend.
Love,
Carson |
Edited by - CarsonZi on Jan 08 2009 12:53:22 PM |
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mimirom
Czech Republic
368 Posts |
Posted - Jan 08 2009 : 7:40:25 PM
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| Omg, this forum is a huge mirror! |
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YogaIsLife
641 Posts |
Posted - Jan 09 2009 : 06:15:02 AM
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| Hi Roman, emc, Michael and Carson. It is great to read such honest posts. I agree in that it is healing and helps opening our systems. May love and light inundate your hearts and souls! All the blessings in the world to you. |
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ymladris
Czech Republic
20 Posts |
Posted - Jan 10 2009 : 12:10:26 PM
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Hi Roman,
if i have some intention, but don't know how to "manifest" this thing, i put it in my samyama.
Do you do samyama practice?
What about add the thing you want on your list.
I am not sure, what is it. To be more free in dating woman/looking for love? To keep in touch with the barrier separating you from that ... something?
IMHO, identify your desire, name it a use inner silence to promote it to the reality ;)
Sorry if i am misinterpretating the mechanics of samyama; somebody will correct me for sure
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The other solution: dissolve desire in stillness and use this energy for practice. I understand you don't want to go that way
you're beautiful, don't worry, it's just the matter of time |
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mimirom
Czech Republic
368 Posts |
Posted - Jan 11 2009 : 7:59:57 PM
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Hi everyone,
you all surprised me in a beautiful way, being very gentle and showing great empathy. You are the best! Love to share this place with you!!!! 
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emc:
quote:
The forgiving of your ex's is actually a forgiving of yourself for not having seen them clearly before as the Love they are!
Yes, this is very much how I see it too. It doesn't make much sense to be angry at people, because they embody your Karma...
quote:
When there's Love for the Feminine inside, it will inevitably show up in a manifestation outside!
Yes, I know this experientially. I mean I witnessed many times shifts in my mind being the cause for external events to happen. It all begins always inside, in the inner realms of hearth and soul.
quote:
Your solo tantric practices seem to be prooving you are getting along fine with that cleansing job. When there's Love for the Feminine inside, it will inevitably show up in a manifestation outside! The outer manifestation will be a perfect reflection of the inner Woman.
That last sentence is very inspiring, thanks.
I think it'll be best to continue that cleansing job, cuz I'm still afraid that letting a woman into my life will threaten and destroy my happiness. I still subconsciously choose getting along without a woman as being the safer way. I'm gonna elaborate on this a little in the following post.
Can anyone recommend any appropriate cleaning tools from your own experience? I mean except, and in addition to the AYP tools, of course. May be good to add some more.
quote:
May Kali continue to whack you over and over!
I loved this one! Thank you, emc.
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Michael,
thank you for a very beautiful, poetic and moving post. It is also very generous of you to share these rare and valuable experiences. One has often a tendency to see his own story as being the only and most important thing in the world... I'm not different. But I believe it's always the "step back" we make out of our subjective perspective, that moves us closer to freedom. Your post helps me to make a big one. Thanks for sharing a comprehensive story, growing out of many decades of your experience, and offering a valuable and solid frame of reference. It is of great value for me, and no doubt for others as well. Also, let me congratulate you to the degree of honesty you are having with yourself. You are a brave man. If it was my post, that inspired you to write down your story here in this way, then I'm proud of it. If it was your divine love, that inspired you to offer your guidance to a young man you not even know, I admire it.
quote:
Self-realization IS hard work, takes many decades of effort, and involves episodes of suffering and change.
Well yes, I know that. Thanks god it's like that, so we can enjoy an adventurous story. I actually consider the hard periods of my life to be the really interesting ones, in retrospect. I was doing some self-analysis during that dark period of being in love with the destructive goddess. My dear sister was serving me so well with keeping up correspondence with me during that time, about all those horrible experiences. I still have the letters and I really think they're interesting. Maybe I could translate and post some of them here.
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Hi Carson,
thank you for your advice. I'll need to read through it a couple times, and I'll do it with great pleasure. It's really hitting the nail on the head in many respects. Especially the way you explain the function and importance of honesty for true love to occur is easy to follow and goes really to the matter. You are having a good guess talking about the necessity of honesty in relationships, as I know today that I never managed to be really honest with my partners, as well as I know that this is killing any possibility for true love. I believe to have done much progress in understanding this during the years. Well, time will prove if it's so. Thanks ones again for sharing valuable experience!
As to finding the way back to mom , we all know it is necessary for our progress to heal our relationships with our parents. It's a fact, that unfortunately there never was unconditional love flowing between my mom and me, as far as I can remember. This might be well because I never was willing to accept it, and also because my mom doesn't seem to be particularly skillful in it. (Letting alone myself being able to give it.) She mostly tries to give me some things that I actually don't need, or cooks food for me that I don't like anyway... Your advice not to open in-depth matches the one of my dad. You know, my mom managed to be very destructive many times during her life. It's just her style. I'm seeing as a success that I don't feel threatened by her anymore, and that I'm visiting her regularly, simply because I ACTUALLY feel like seeing her. I believe that there is a certain degree to which it is necessary to open the relationship, in order to be able to have healthy relationships with other women.
I'm ordering Greg Baer's "Real Love" right now!
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Ahoj Mirko,
thanks for your reaction, I'm glad a woman kicked in too!
quote:
Do you do samyama practice?
What about add the thing you want on your list.
No, not yet. I'm relatively new to yoga as such, and definitely new to advanced yoga practices. So, that is yet to come.
quote:
I am not sure, what is it. To be more free in dating woman/looking for love? To keep in touch with the barrier separating you from that ... something?
Well, that's how I feel about it too... I'm not sure what it is. It's in my shadow, and I can't see it. I don't strive for dating around with girls, better go practice... Some of my friends do the trial and error approach, but I don't believe in that really. In my experience love always came to me spontaneously, in unpredictable ways. I believe it works rather like that, kind of magic...
quote:
identify your desire, name it
To make love with my beautiful goddess, serve her, get inspired by her and act out of that inspiration for her, share secrets with her, rest next to her, inspire her, be strong for her, rescue her, offer her safety, laugh with her, talk with her for hours, understand her, be guided by her and offer guidance to her, withstand her tests, simply be with her here and now without the need to change anything........
quote:
The other solution: dissolve desire in stillness and use this energy for practice.
Yes, I'm experienced in this.
quote:
you're beautiful, don't worry, it's just the matter of time
Well, what can I say.. Thank you, I'll do my best to keep it in mind. You're giving a gift, brothers just can't give.
mettá,
Roman
P.s.: Apart from all this, DEEP meditation works VERY well these days.
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mimirom
Czech Republic
368 Posts |
Posted - Jan 11 2009 : 8:57:07 PM
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Hi friends,
I keep thinking over this issue. One thing always seems to get in the way between me and a woman. I'm afraid that the relationship with her will destroy my happiness.
I'm living a very happy life. Many people keep saying that I always smile and laugh when they see me, and that I always seem to be happy, no matter how the weather is. It is true. My life is always full of joy and it seems to be ten years ago, when I've been sad for the last time. Everything in my life just seems to be always right in place. Paradoxically, this silently creates a fear in the background. Fear of loosing that happiness one day, of course, because I just can't figure out how not to cling to happiness that "I already have..." (Oh yes, like happiness is an object in my pocket.) This thread, and other events happening lately, enable me to see a little, how I'm projecting this fear onto women. Or more exactly, on having a relationship with a woman. This prevents me invisibly from entering a relationship - I don't see why. I just can't... It's a part of my Shadow.
I see it happening all around me. A healthy, active, strong and characterful man, happy, with a vision and opinion, perhaps open-minded and tolerant, enters a relationship with a woman. Everything works fine for some time, but then he begins to change in a very peculiar way. I've been witnessing this by MOST of my friends. It's not unlike an illness. He slowly begins to loose focus and be mediocre. He says "I don't know, let me answer later", and "I better go home, I'm kind of tired", and "I'm not gonna meet you tonight to discuss our life issues, because I have to make some phone calls in the evening". Such a man looses vision and energy, looses "contact with his Karma" to be able to meet it on the edge of his possibilities. In such a man, his vision of how to do things better, becomes replaced with criticism of what others do wrong. Such a man begins to misuse the reliance of his male friends. This illness also causes inconsistency of speech and action, often to a funny degree. His friends ultimately begin to laugh about him being such a noodle. Does it sound familiar?
I know this metamorphosis also from the "inside," since I've been through it myself. And also from the inside it feels like an illness. It actually hurts and leaves wounds behind. One gradually looses power, ability to make decisions and see answers to questions, one looses notion about one's own qualities and abilities. In the end you don't even know what kind of food you used to like, and why. You end up feeling like an empty bottle, without any content. No emotions, ideas, desires, opinions, likes or dislikes...nothing. Finally you loose your personality entirely and you don't know who you are anymore. Yes, you can recall it, perhaps write down a list of your previous virtues, but inside you there is just emptiness.
As I said, I encounter men suffering this illness very often, I almost tend to say everywhere. I'm definitely not saying that entering a relationship equals undergoing this. One of my best friends from childhood proves very powerfully that it is not the case. He is 33 years old, has got 3 children, a beautiful wife, and they live a life full of joy, spiritual fulfillment, equanimity and inspiration. He's never being like men suffering that illness, always strait, joyful, honest and creative, always honoring our friendship.
There are going on some studies of this phenomenon, which occurs among men in the western society, and I wonder what you guys here have to say to this. Also, some of my female friends often share their observations on this. It's their struggle too. Looks like Tantric men would have something to say here as well.
What is the cause of this illness? And what's the cure for it?
download MUSIC here:
http://rapidshare.com/files/1822780...gly_head.mp3
Love Rears It's Ugly Head
I always thought our relationship was cool
You played the role of having sense
I always played the fool
Now somethings different
I dont know the reason why
Whenever we separate
I almost want to cry
Chorus:
Oh no, please not that again
Love rears up its ugly head
And when I come home late you dont complain or call
So as a consequence I dont go out at all
My friends are frightened
They dont know whats going on
They think you put a spell on me
And now my mind is gone
Chorus
Loves not so bad they say
But you never know where love is gonna go
Does anybody really know?
Im standing at the altar
As they play the wedding march
Im in a black tuxedo with my collar full of starch
She looks as lovely as shes ever gonna get
I wake up from this nightmare in a pool of sweat
Chorus
What you gonna do
What you gonna do when it comes and gets you? |
Edited by - mimirom on Jan 11 2009 9:12:52 PM |
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ymladris
Czech Republic
20 Posts |
Posted - Jan 12 2009 : 6:28:06 PM
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we have so much in common, roman ;)
female spell is very powerfull, but the male one as well
my man is currently doing his time in prison. it's very hard for me to be alone, because of desire. but it's also hard because of the fear/uncertainty how to live with the 'uncontrolable' 'unreasonable' very powerfull man.
my answer is: do more practice, dear ymladris, you have great motivation
my high-level answer is: love is unconditioned. there is a relationship of two people. they are going through life together. the method how to do this is to be mindfull: touch her, his and the "thing" between them with awareness, constantly trying not to avoid 'what is' and trying to put it in stillness.
the tool how to do this is wisdom: in fact, there is no ymladris, there is no her man, there is no relationship, it's scenery, energy playing in totally self-perfected ornaments
eventually, it doesn't matter if you "suffer" or "are happy" in a relationship. Only thing that matters is to BE THERE as much as possible. States of mind, citta, are states of mind ;). If you feel pain, great, there is something to work on. If you feel metta/joy/pleasure great, there is something to offer to stillness, too ;). But love is beyond states of mind.
That is my plan. In a few years I let you know how it goes, oukej? ;-)
Oh, love is so great thing. Don't worry, it will resolve itself by itself.
-- mirka, the dzogchen punker
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mimirom
Czech Republic
368 Posts |
Posted - Jan 12 2009 : 8:12:19 PM
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| Oh, Wow, that's great! Good job, thank you! |
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mimirom
Czech Republic
368 Posts |
Posted - Jan 12 2009 : 8:39:36 PM
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Hi,
Circumstances are being funny once again! I'm sorry if I'm about to be rude or silly or something, but this thing just made me so lmao (oops, sorry again .....) I just heard the word FLAWLESS somewhere today, and not knowing what it means, something forced me to look up that old tune on youtube. You know, I'm thinking over and over the very serious issues I'm discussing with you in this thread, and I just couldn't stop laughing when I gradually kept realizing ever more implications of this masterpiece of pop-music for my view on all that destructive goddess stuff in my life, implications of not being honest with your partner, etc... I don't know if it will be that funny for you guys too, but for me it definitely was.
Check this out! -->
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yoSJw6rgq5s
These guys know how to REALLY worship the goddess! Not only praising her, but omg actually embodying her at the same time!
And don't forget to check out the lyrics as well --->
http://homepage.ntlworld.com/alan.s...lawless.html
Hope this won't be something inappropriate. Definitely no bad intention behind it.
Have fun! xP
Roman |
Edited by - mimirom on Jan 12 2009 8:44:58 PM |
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mimirom
Czech Republic
368 Posts |
Posted - Feb 11 2009 : 05:28:51 AM
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Hi there,
the "illness" I describe in the above post, doesn't seem to be a particularly popular theme here. But since I am currently again witnessing another one's of my very best friends personality slowly dissolving into nothingness, I've been thinking of this thread again. It's very sad and irritating at the same time. They don't want to even see me anymore, because...what if I would ask what's going on? They would have to lie...
Here is another song. It's a beautiful classic. It describes a later stage of the process, from the opposite view than the previous one I posted.
Maybe someone can recognize it this time...
Best,
Roman
music here:
http://rapidshare.com/files/1967193..._Changed.mp3
You've Changed
Ella Fitzgerald, Billie Holiday
I've an awfully feeling
That this thought that's been a stealin through my brain
Is not to be ignored
But to really tell the truth
Though I'm not a well known sleuth
I honestly believe that you are bored
You've changed
That sparkle in your eyes is gone
Your smile is just a careless yawn
You're breaking my heart
You've changed
You've changed
Your kisses now are so blase
You're bored with me in every way
I can't understand
You've changed
You've forgotten the words, "I love you"
Each memory that we've shared
You ignore every star above you
I can't realise you've ever cared
You've changed
You're not the angel I once knew
No need to tell me what we're through
It's all over now
You've changed
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Edited by - mimirom on Feb 11 2009 1:49:10 PM |
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What's up, Kali?
