I have been going through what I call a karma avalanche. Up until I practiced yoga I was a very antisocial personality. A lot of hatred and fear (dont know which came first) towards mankind and the world. Then, yoga came along and it dissolved a lot of the anger. But fear was left intact for sure. I fell prey to the yogi-of-solitude role and used my practice to justify how alienated I have become from other people. It has only been recently that that mindset was shattered and now I am left feeling vulnerable as I am open to what I considered to be a weakness all along - that I am a human and I need to be close with others. It is a painful realization - made worse by the fact that I developed social anxiety and also a very weak social network. Now I feel trapped in the hole I made and very lonely and insecure. But at the same time I see so obviously how karma is acting itself out. That all that I gave out, especially to specific people, is coming back to me. I am able to experience these sad feelings from a standpoint of solidity because of my practice. Instead of feeling like a victim I feel that it is productive somehow. I feel that I am maybe burning off some karma and not contributing to more of the same kind.
So, now that you know the story - I developed this quote while I was in the shower. I was inquiring about the percieved need to be around others. That if I am to believe that I am a reflection of god why should it matter if I am to connect with others? I don't really know, but I'm not gonna pretend the need isn't there anymore.
"God divides himself into the many individual rays we call ourselves. Bhakti drives the seeking of this divine singularity. But it cannot be that every ray is to retrace its path backwards. It is that all rays combine to become the whole of the sun"
Quote that came to me
Posted - Dec 13 2008 : 11:07:13 PM
