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brother neil
USA
752 Posts |
 Posted - Oct 06 2008 : 10:52:06 AM
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I really like the AYP approach and the way many practices are brought forth. Personally i think the brings togethor a very well rounded practice and seems to have most all bases covered in the aspect of self evolution.
This is my current challenge. Part of me says that I can become self realized through breath alone. I believe this in my heart, and to me believing is the most important part of life. If God is in me then I believe a strong enough belief is all that is necessary to bring this forth. Sitting practies cultivate stillness for me and also strengthen this belief. Doing stuff that AYP has helped to giftwrap has lead to exploration and seeing new things. I have seen things and felt things since adding some AYP practices. The challenge comes in when I do the i am mantra without a group. When I do it on sundays I can feel calm afterwards but if I do it by myself I get pretty agitated. I see many things when I do the mantra, I have much more visions using i am mantra then whne I am not. But for me the visions are not the goal, peace, love, and joy are. Some say visions are a signpost that things are working. Yesterday I did group meditation and my hands were lit up, last night I saw a mandala in my book I was reading as well, I have seen the spine lit up like a flourescent light bulb and many others. This mantra definitely seems to enhance that.
I believe I can find what I seek with or without the mantra. whether or not I use the mantra I still use The spinal breathing, asanas, samyama practices etc... I can do all those and not get agitated, but adding the i am when doing it alone gets me very detached and irratable. Yogani gave me some insight on it. Thought others here may be able to provide some as well. |
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gumpi
United Kingdom
546 Posts |
Posted - Oct 06 2008 : 11:54:55 AM
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Why do you get agitated? You didn't really explain.
Is it because pranayama involves a lot of things and I Am mantra doesn't?
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brother neil
USA
752 Posts |
Posted - Oct 06 2008 : 2:58:28 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by gumpi
Why do you get agitated? You didn't really explain.
Is it because pranayama involves a lot of things and I Am mantra doesn't?
thanks for your inquiry brother gumpi.
why, that is the million dollar question. Yogani says the vibration i am resonates from root to third eye. Maybe it is too powerful for me, maybe something else, I have no idea. Visions is supposedly a signpost of good things, this meditation brings a lot of that it seems |
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Wolfgang
Germany
470 Posts |
Posted - Oct 07 2008 : 03:10:44 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by tubeseeker
Part of me says that I can become self realized through breath alone.
Here is a point you might want to enquire:
may be deep down you want to prove that you don't need
anything else, you can reach enlightenment with breath alone,
and you don't need that funny mantra AYAM 
Well, may be you don't need it, and may be you actually can
reach enlightenment with breath alone. But you might also just look
at it as a helpful tool ...
hth
Wolfgang |
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brother neil
USA
752 Posts |
Posted - Oct 07 2008 : 08:00:26 AM
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pondering this more I think part of it may be due to some part of me resenting yogani. when a person speaks the truth we all believe we would listen and be able to accept it. There may be another part inside of us though that does not want to hear or accept truth and therefore may resent the messenger. If we went to a fortune teller we would be delighted to hear something but if they go too deep or get to close then we may get scared. I realize no fortune teller may be comepletely perfect, I do believe Yogani definitely is on a deep level of understanding, maybe all the way to the truth? In the beginning I liked twice daily practice and then a part of me got really irratated saying it does not need it. Do we need it? We only need a tool as long as we need it, the challenge of ego comes in and sometimes we put the tool down before we should. If we use the tool with tension the ability to do the job does not flow amd we turn a good tool into a bad tool, dualistically speaking of course So how do I figure the difference between a mantra that does not resonate with me or one that I am mad at because or resentment towards the messenger, I guess I have to let it go into the stillness of my being.
i am love, i am peace, i am joy
i am brother neil
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YogaIsLife
641 Posts |
Posted - Oct 07 2008 : 08:40:26 AM
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hi neil,
you could be in the rigth track there. i understand what you mean. i also feel i have a lot of anger, frustration, etc. buried inside of me. but what i find, unlike you, is that deep meditation is helping me enourmously in dealing with it. but the mind can indeed be very tricky and it is rebelling against you just stopping and thinking about two simple words. just do the following: give it a honest, expectations-free shot, or let it go and leave the practice. it may be counterproductive struggling within your meditation. spend some time really with yourself just thinking about what you want and need from practices and how they can help you. once you find the answer, try to be patient and give it a serious try, for yourself and by yourself.
no one has the complete answers to our questions and yearnings. the truth is that the truth is inside each one of us, i believe, and no one knows ourselves better than ourselves. my "2 cents" anyway. |
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Katrine
Norway
1813 Posts |
Posted - Oct 08 2008 : 08:40:35 AM
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Hi Neil
Have you tried reducing the mantra meditation down to 5 min?
The irritation coming up is your system being purified. If this irritation had not surfaced, it would still have been engraved in your body/mind. That is the blessing.....that what was stuck deep down in the unconscious is losened by the resonance of the mantra......
....i am.....to me, is the most sacred sound. It is a holy vibration that draws me closer and closer into the mystery that has no name....
...i am.....this vibration carries with it the essence of that which has no name....that which is so precious inside of you.
If this mantra was not for you, then life would not have brought you here...to AYP. Life may of course bring you elsewhere, but until it does.....maybe you could see if less deep meditation time will reduce the irritation to a level where it is bearable?
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Shanti
USA
4854 Posts |
Posted - Oct 08 2008 : 09:54:31 AM
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In my experience... when your mind is jumping all over you with anger, frustrations, reasoning.. "it" (whatever practice you are doing)is working. Stick to the mantra for a bit more and see.
Agitation happens when energy moves, when purification happens.. agitation is a sign that your mantra is working. Just self pace (like Katrine says) and take plenty of rest after meditation. |
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CarsonZi
Canada
3189 Posts |
Posted - Oct 08 2008 : 11:00:50 AM
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I think Shanti and Katrine have great advice for you Neil. Remember it is OK to get agitated, angry, whatever. It is not the emotions that you are trying to transcend. It is the ATTACHMENT to these emotions that must be transcended. Just try to remember this when a time pops up where you are feeling agitated and angry; "this too shall pass". And it will. Just let it float on by man. I know it is easier said then done, but if you can stay conscious about what your emotions are, and not let them just happen to you, (notice your emotions but don't let them take over) over time it will get easier and easier to let go of these feelings, and remain within the silence. Purification always has lots to do with it as Shanti and Katrine have said, but just remember to let go and let god, even when you are angry. The emotions will dissapate much faster if you can. Best of luck Brother Neil.
In Love,
CarsonZi |
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brother neil
USA
752 Posts |
Posted - Oct 08 2008 : 4:43:57 PM
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maybe it is purification. If so it is a lot. over the past couple months I was not using the mantra but doing many of the other things in a daily practicee. I was using a different meditation. Lately when I get disconected I can get reconnected fairly easily, much more so then before. I have also experienced a lot of loving moments in my life when I was in the moment and feeling joy, peace, and love. my productivity at work had increased and right now I am going on the ninth day of the base of my spine vibrating last week when at a yoga class when singing I was suprised at my tone, on key and felt a space in the lower part of my body vibrating. it felt like the size of a 6 inch tall bowl and my voice was vibrating from there, felt like a chakra bowl was in there. sunday during group meditation I wiped away a bug from my face and instead of it being a shadow as my hand wiped across my face, my arm was a pure with light, to me this was crazy because my arm passed between me and the direction of the sun. i am has lead to many visions, if it was not for that I would not come back to it and just keep doing what I have been doing lately. When I do group I dont feel this strong resistence/negativity.
I have read your replies and appreciate all your insight. I have to look within for the guru on this but you have given me input from without and that is now within I guess now I need to let this go into the stillness
i am love, i am peace, i am joy
i am we
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frustrating
