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anthony574
USA
549 Posts |
 Posted - Nov 12 2007 : 1:51:36 PM
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There has been an interesting notion that has been bubbling up now and then. It began with a conversation I was having with someone who is a long-time practioner of yoga and he was telling me that he has periodically had an interest in recieving anal sex from another man, but that he does not experience apparent "homosexuality". Though at first I was somewhat disturbed by the idea that one can appear to not find the same sex attractive yet still find the idea of intercourse appealing. This began for me a while of contemplation where I came to accept new ideas about homosexuality. I will not make this the basis of this post, however, I will say that I have come to view such labels as "gay", "straight", "bisexual" as somewhat meaningless and actually harmful in a way. I have heard of male-male sexual relations in ancient cultures and understand now in concept how two men could have sex with eachother and have that act not bear with it a branding label. In fact, in ancient Chinese culture male-male sex was considered a very highly spiritual form of sex, however, it did not seem to have anything to do with their attraction to females. I think if in all of us there is a natural inclination towards bisexuality it is snuffed out early in life because of the requirement to fit yourself into one of the three categories. While I used to be in favor of this system, now it seems somewhat meaningless...if a married man, for example, had sex with another man and still found his wife 100% as attractive as before, how does that make him a homosexual? If you ate a handful of almonds, are you an Almond Eater, or did you just eat some almonds?
Anyway, in my personal life I have never felt conscience sexual arousal at other men. However, lately I have felt things that seem to strengthen my new philosophy on the isssue. I have felt before, after a very ecstatic sadhana session, while I was lying in bed a strange curiosity (for the FIRST time ever) about what it really would feel like to be anally penetrated. It was obvious to me at the time that it had to do energetically with the shushumna and the root chakra and the supposed Kundalini Gland. I also realized how utterly afraid I am of being "subordinate" or submissive in the sexual act and how the idea of being penetrated by a male would feel so utterly foreign to me it would be as intimidating as eating 15 grams of mushrooms.
Then came my different feelings torwards men as friends. I have become sad at times when I realize how homophobia almost seems to deliberately sabotage the energetic and even tantric possiblities of male-male bonding...sexual or non. I realize that with all my male friends there is such a thick wall between us. Intimacy between American 20-year-old males is a definte no-no. It is mocked on TV and by comedians. Women do not seem to suffer this burden, however among American men there is an unspoken agreement to keep it at a "buddy" level. To even be in a room without a TV droning in the background and to have a serious conversation with eye-contact would immediately inspire awkwardness and it is sad. I realize I have never felt true male to male bonding and that entire energy dynamic is lost to me at this time. I don't think women can understand it. The problem seems to differ generationally, ethnicaly, and racially...and for a caucasian, young American male it is at it's worse I believe. I could go on and on about the "rules" of engagement, but I think I got my point across.
Also, recently, I have had drastic changes in my gener-identification. I have come to shed a lot of residual psudo-masculinity and feel so delighted to be free of that emotional and spiritual prison. I have felt on occasion true Tantric bonding that made me weep in gratitude to be once again welcomed back to the divine feminine embrace of love (see my other post). In the shower yesterday as I was washing my hair (and feeling rather ecstatic) I had a sudden thought that I was not male anymore. The two categories seemed to break down in front of me and I felt like somewhat of a hermaphrodite, but it seemed beautiful. I realized that the reason I am an attractive male (in my eyes at least) is because I seem a perfect balance in masculine and feminine features (kind of a pretty boy, i suppose). This was a wonderful realization that I am niehter male or female, but am both. As a result of this at the time, the sexual orientation thing broke down tenfold and it seemed absurd to choose only "one or the other". I realized that gender-ID and sexual-ID presents a sort of chicken and the egg situation. Am I "heterosexual" because of hyper-gender-identification or the other way around? It seems I am only content to call myself hetereosexual when I am content with calling myself male. Obviously, this is not so much a biological issue...I look pretty obviously like a biological male. I actually felt a moment of sorrow at the seperation imposed on us males...it felt like when you are a child and are forbidden to play with an adored friend by your parents. Even the classic white-kid-is-not-allowed-to-play-with-black-child scenario that makes up so many plotlines and movies.
I also noticed something odd the previous day. I have a very deep baritone of a voice...yet with these upcoming feelings of non-gender-identification I felt inclined to speak more...softly, might be the word. It felt more "right" to speak in a slightly more feminine tone and made me realize that there doesn't seem to be a Default Voice Tone, rather, it seems we find one within our laryngical range and stick to it...it seems I chose a very deep one.
Anyway, a lot of thoughts. Please share your feelings on this post. I am not undergoing so much a gender/sexual crisis because like I said, the feelings are very fleeting...not to mention, I realize the only fear of letting these things develop is due to society and family. Soon enough these will be non-issues. |
Edited by - anthony574 on Nov 12 2007 1:56:12 PM |
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bewell
1275 Posts |
Posted - Nov 12 2007 : 3:31:01 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by anthony574
... a long-time practioner of yoga... was telling me that he has periodically had an interest in receiving anal sex from another man
Humm, interesting...
I had a very similar conversation. A hetero male yoga practitioner acknowledges the lure of anal sex. He goes on to explain that the awareness came to him through observation of the pleasure of bowel movements. He noticed that bowel stimulation was means of stimulating prana.
In his diet, shatkarmas book Yogani notes the value of enimas for stimulating conductivity. He also cautions that it could become addictive and that it is an adjunct to regular practices, not a main practice.
It seems to me that letting go of feces is the primal, literal school of "letting go," both the pleasure and the necessity of "letting go." |
Edited by - bewell on Nov 12 2007 3:48:42 PM |
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Sparkle
Ireland
1457 Posts |
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ventilator
15 Posts |
Posted - Nov 13 2007 : 3:58:22 PM
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Anthony,
Lot of people might fear speaking up on this topic. First of all kudos to your guts.
I have to admit that I have a lot of these mixed sexual feelings and I am spiritual too. I am sure there is a relation between spirituality and this sexual abnormalities. May be kundalini gets overflown into wrong areas and that causes these kinds of abnormalities.
I like:-
getting anal sex, cross-dressing (being dressed up like a girl), cuckoldry or sharing wife, being humiliated/submission or bdsm, exhibitionism or exposing in public, older men etc...
Ofcourse I am perfectly normal and sane otherwise, bought up in a traditional catholic environment, shy and fearful. Though I had all the above fantasies, I havent done any of the above anytime. I like women more than men most of the time.
I am sure there is some relation between spirituality and these sexual behaviors. Just an imbalance may be.
-Ventilator |
Edited by - ventilator on Nov 13 2007 4:12:57 PM |
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anthony574
USA
549 Posts |
Posted - Nov 14 2007 : 4:49:31 PM
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| Well, "perversions" is a whole book of it's own and a very confusing one because who is the say what is perverse? I actually have felt a large release of fetishes since doing yoga and feel less deviant, if at all, than before. I do not consider these homosexual or hermaphorite feelings to be a result of an imbalance...rather my intuition tells me at the time that feeling one-sided is an imbalance. That to feel as a perfect union of male and female is the perfect state...it is just very unusual to someone who is used to being a standard male his whole life. |
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yoga and homosexuality
