|
|
 |
|
| Author |
 Topic  |
|
|
anthony574
USA
549 Posts |
 Posted - Oct 22 2007 : 11:26:44 AM
|
I would like to share an experience I had last night with my girlfriend. I have had moments of intercourse where I believed "hey, this is what tantra is like!" at least to varying degrees. I do not currently experience ecstatic conductivity so when i say tantric I tend to mean more on the emotional side, me being a male I am not used to feelings of cosmic surrender to the female archetype and such. I would like to transcribe what I wrote in my journal afterwards while I was still in tantric bliss and then present my question. I will sum it up because it is very long.
"Surrender is the essence of tantra. The wall of ego, of masculine dominance and Freudian rebellion must be dissolved. In these instances merging is possible and immersion in the divine warmth and love of the Feminine is natural occuring. I felt myself as a young boy - small and codependent. Laura in these moments of my surrendering would stroke me and hold me as a mother would and I could feel the awesome power of the sacred heartspace. If I focused on letting go too much it would lead me astray, but the moments of separation were permissible and I felt a childish sense of gratification while knowing that she is aware of such and will accept me back when I am ready to return. When I would reach the point of near-orgasm and moan in ecstacy she would too moan and stroke me in a knowing way. I felt that she was all women and the emobdyment of the All of sacred knowledge of affection, compassion, and ecstatic creation. If I surrendered my illusionary prowess and macho resistance and offered myself up as a mere student of love there was so much for her to teach me. She guided me with the most subtle of gestures that I was shown how to listen with an open heart and mind. With each nudge and lesson she catapulted us higher into innner ecstatic cosmology best expressed by the image of an unconditionally compassionate diety of creation - feminine and nurturing in persona - embracing me maternally, intimately, passionately, and with a comforting air of implied and mutual understanding and acknowledgment of this experiential Truth. I was awakened with awe and shameful remorse to the image of myself as a microcosm of the male archetype. Me in my egotistical power play exposed as a mere child rebelling in the most Freudian manner against mother Shakti, as is the bane of mankind. We move away from our mothers, and then distance from them or dominate them in our facade of testosterone-fueled self-assuredness only to return time and time again with downcast eyes but a clandestine smile at the unconditional and boundless love and forgiveness of the divine feminine soul who will take you into her nuturing, comforting embrace and absolve you of your guilt with her gentle wisdom and eternal good will and kindness. I can only help but feel as Siddhartha in the grove of Kamala recieving the timeless gifts of knowledge that he himself probably knew at the time of and shortly after his conception, moved away from, and then returned once more to in order to experience the rapture of unexpected discovery. To feel as a pupil of this volume of the senses and teachings of the spirit. This amnesia grants us this gift and mother Shakti's boundless forgiveness and love makes this possible and so. I felt the divine in Laura tonight and thought the amnesia will likely return in some capacity, I feel it most appropriate to remember to acknowledge the divine in all things. I feel the skeleton of my inner self is ever so slowly shedding itself of its dry cracked skin and I must trust the process and love myself throughout. I felt Laura's boundless love and accpetance of me as a child of creation so must I find the spark of this divinity within myself"
Ok, i didn't do a good job paraphrasing, but that was my tantric-glow account of what occured. Now, I had smoked marijuana hours beforehand, but that simply has the effect of unleashing the normally dormant and I assume hindered flow of kundalini, and whether I choose sometimes to apply it to different yoga practices simply gives me a sneak peak into what its like for advanced yogis with conductivity.
Anyway, here's my question. I have had these moments of connection with her before. They always have an interesting maternal twist to them. I know during our lovemaking last night that she was aware of these things. I felt a syngergy between us and everytime I would feel a rush of unbelievable ecstacy, like i noted, she would react in time with me and feel it as well. The odd thing is, when I have tried to discuss these things afterwards she doesnt seem to get it. In fact, sometimes my talk of her "being all women" doesnt exactly flatter her so i learn to not discuss these things because she does not seem to understand them. she is not into tantra or yoga but supports me in it.
What I want to know is, is it possible that
A.) She is naturally tantric as a female and is simply so accustomed to these transcendental ascpects of sex, which I assume to some degree all women are.
B.) Experiences these things but becomes amnesiac and forgets that they happened.
It doesnt really take away from the experience that I feel we cannot rejoice in the memory, but I also think maybe this lends itself to the virtue of not discussing sex afterwards and allowing the magic to be magic. The dynamics of a semi-tantric male having sex with a female who is not tantrically educated, but is quite possibly tantric but probably couldnt communicate it if she even was. I mean, I literally felt myself giving up my will to her and allowing her to literally, at the time it seemed, TEACH me and guide me. She is not a dominant person in life or in sex. I felt myself truly surrendering to a female in bed for the FIRST TIME, and it seemed like she picked up on this and took me into her arms and taught me the ways of love like an ancient courtesan! But if I were to tell her "I really appreciate the divine cosmic lessons last night" she would say "What?????" |
Edited by - anthony574 on Oct 22 2007 11:30:10 AM |
|
|
bewell
1275 Posts |
Posted - Oct 22 2007 : 1:30:05 PM
|
quote:
Originally posted by anthony574
The odd thing is, when I have tried to discuss these things afterwards she doesnt seem to get it. In fact, sometimes my talk of her "being all women" doesnt exactly flatter her so i learn to not discuss these things because she does not seem to understand them.... It doesnt really take away from the experience that I feel we cannot rejoice in the memory, but I also think maybe this lends itself to the virtue of not discussing sex afterwards and allowing the magic to be magic.
Anthony, you have a gift with words and with journaling.
I like the way your moved from observing that she doesn't seem to "get it," to seeing her nonverbal style as "allowing the magic to be magic."
I too, one night after smoking some pot, had a feeling of my wife being "all woman." "All these years, I have underestimated your beauty," I said to her. She chuckled, obviously appreciative of my admiration, and said, "You've smoked some pot, haven't you."
Regardless, of what brought on that insight, I do think it has changed me, and I do appreciate her beauty more and more.
thanks for sharing.
|
 |
|
|
anthony574
USA
549 Posts |
Posted - Oct 22 2007 : 7:19:30 PM
|
The marijuana to me was simply the catalyst for the temporary release of kundalini so I assume down the road this issue will remain and be evermore present as I experience kundalini without supplementation.
I actually was so caught up in my gratitude for her taking me to such high states of ecstacy and bliss that I afterwards thanked her somewhat for what she has taught me, though she didn't really understand why I said it.
I realized today as I pondered it more that I misunderstood tantra. I thought it to be a solo venture in this regard (couple sex) but in reality, you can only take yourself so high. When you let go and let the other person lead you if she is more saavy in the ways of intimacy you go higher than you ever thought! I underestimated her greatly in our relationship and saw her as a non-spiritual average sort of person...unawakened I guess. The fact that she had the capacity when finally given the reigns, though no words were ever exchanged, to take me on a spiritual journey dumbfounds me! It is amazing to see this divinity manifest in unlikely places. I want so much to be able to just get down on my knees and worship her with praise and gratitude. I have to accept that the limitations of language prevent us from being able to share the experience verbally.
Thank you for sharing too, bewell. The source of such moments, though often the target of criticism, is trivial. The important thing is what we take away from it :) |
|
|
| |
Topic |
|
|
|
| AYP Public Forum |
© Contributing Authors (opinions and advice belong to the respective authors) |
|
|
|
|
Does she know we're having tantric sex?
