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emc
2072 Posts |
 Posted - Sep 03 2007 : 3:16:50 PM
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quote:
What relationship can there be between what is and what merely appears to be? Is there any relationship between the ocean and its waves? The real enables the unreal to appear and causes it to disappear. The succession of transient moments creates the illusion of time, but the timeless reality of pure being is not in movement, for all movement requires a motionless background. It is itself the background. Once you have found it in yourself, you know that you had never lost that independent being, independent of all divisions and separations. But don't look for it in consciousness, you will not find it there. Don't look for it anywhere, for nothing contains it. On the contrary, it contains everything and manifests everything. It is like the daylight that makes everything visible while itself remaining invisible.
~Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj
This quote touched me deeply. It captures so much.
How can a wave on the ocean ever be worth holding on to? How can you miss a particular wave? How can you claim one wave is better, more beautiful, more advanced than another wave? How can you stick to the belief that it's tragic when a wave dies as it reaches the shore? How can the wave ever believe it's separated from the ocean? How can you ever say it's cruel when a wave breaks toward a rock - as if the wave would suffer the least? How can you claim the wave is the reality just because it appears as a form and is visible on the surface? The depths of the ocean is so much more... A wave is just a movement, a temporary form, a twinkle in the sea, a happening, such a beautiful happening to enjoy, but nothing to hold on to! Without the ocean, the wave would not exist. Without the wave, the ocean would not feel the ripples on its surface that tickles so wonderfully. Without the friction of movement the ocean would be so still and not experience itself. Not know itself. The ocean loves its waves, it is its waves. The waves is the ocean.
But as long as the single wave believes it is anything special in comparison to other waves, thinks there's such a thing as superiority and inferiority, that life is about making, doing or becoming something special during a specific time, that it is limited to exist only in its own form - then that wave is unaware of its true nature. When the wave realizes the ocean it becomes insignificant yet it is the most beautiful creation! When the wave rests in awareness and lets itself be carried around by the ocean it is in safe arms. Infinitely safe. Without any sense of separation, without any fear to lose its form against the shore, without any need to compare itself with other waves... Without any wish to be anything but what it is right now. Home. The wave is home. |
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Chiron
Russia
397 Posts |
Posted - Sep 04 2007 : 02:23:39 AM
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| You are a beautiful wave :) |
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Sparkle
Ireland
1457 Posts |
Posted - Sep 09 2007 : 10:39:01 PM
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I love the way you expanded the wave analogy emc and the way way you linked it to the superior/inferior polarity within us.
Maybe it's just the way my mind works but everything I look at in myself can be seen in terms of the superior and inferior attitude I have towards others.
Even when I appear to be in some sort of balance and everything seems rosey, at some later stage I look back and see some flawed thinking -usually a superior attitude hidden beneath a cloak of "spiritual" reverie. I'm not beating myself up ar anything (or am I?), it just seems to be the way it is.
They say there is a trap at every stage and when we see the trap we can then move on. This superior thing is my seemingly neverending trap, which keeps renewing itself at new and deeper levels all the way through.
Great fun though! |
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matangi
USA
53 Posts |
Posted - Sep 10 2007 : 11:00:45 AM
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Beautiful, emc. Thank you for sharing. I felt wonderful peace reading your words - especially your last line.
emc wrote:
"Without any wish to be anything but what it is right now. Home. The wave is home."
a heartfelt namaste wave flowing through....
Kathy
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emc
2072 Posts |
Posted - Sep 11 2007 : 02:39:19 AM
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Thank you, Chiron, Sparkle and matangi!
And thank you Balance for posting that quote of Nisargadatta from the start.
Thank you Yogani for creating this website enabling the posting.
Thank you for this wonderful living life, all its expressions and variations.
Thank you for the endless mirroring.
Thank you for all the beauty and love that sets us free.
Thank you.
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emc
2072 Posts |
Posted - Sep 20 2007 : 5:16:37 PM
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There has been a lot of Eagle in my life, more so during the last weeks than ever. I found interesting info on the Eagle energy at this website
http://www.serioussilver.com/toteme...y/eagle.html
This evening I was taken by my legs to join a guided meditation. We were to go through a jungle, and swim over a river. How did we go about getting over the river? Open to exploration. Then we were faced with a very, very high wall. How did we go about getting passed that wall? Explore... When we finally got to the other side, what did we see? What happened there?
The river was passed with great pleasure and ease by just becoming an energy formation getting merged with the water yet moving swiftly across the river. The wall was a very, very high black cliff, I started to climb. Soon I became an eagle and flew up to the top. I sat and watched the jungle and landscape I just had passed. When I was to turn around and see what was on the other side, there was only space with some stars in. I didn't know what to do from there. I thought I had to come up with something and forced myself to continue to fly, but I started to behave like a badly shot airplane in a war film - loops and turns and eventually the wings of the eagle just shaked and it all burned and dissapeared.
The river symbolized sexuality. How we got passed it showed where we were in our relation to sexuality. The wall was a symbol of how we managed difficulties in our lives. And what we saw on the other side of the wall was our view of what life was all about currently.
I have had the shamanic picture with me - the Eagle meeting the Snake - as a symbol of what this is all about. But now I saw clearly that the eagle is only a "connection to spirit", the link... it belongs to existence and has the great view and perspectives of living here. Beyond existence it is doomed, since nothing can fly outside of existence. Not even glide. Nothing can move. I was left with space. And there was nothing to do further. Everything gone. Nothing there. Just being space.
I saw how that mirrors my mind struggle at the moment, for example about the mantra or not. I'm trying to be a good eagle and fly where there's actually no possibility, so I'm looping backwards, wabble and behave very odd in my efforts to fly.  It's time to stop flying and at least practice gliding for a while!
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Maximus
India
187 Posts |
Posted - Sep 27 2007 : 11:45:21 AM
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Hi emc
Can you please elaborate why this is so:
"Without the wave, the ocean would not feel the ripples on its surface that tickles so wonderfully. Without the friction of movement the ocean would be so still and not experience itself."
It would help me understand better if you explain.
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emc
2072 Posts |
Posted - Sep 29 2007 : 3:51:23 PM
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Wow, what a question! I have gone through a jolly good ride in my mind because of that! Thank you! I don't know if I can answer, but I'll write anyway.
The multiple waves = the division, the separateness, individualized living in time and space is conciousness manifesting itself. The whole idea of coming here in complete oblivion and then having to face patterns in order to purify and realize Truth, is somehow a constant evolution of consciousness by the means of experience... the merry-go-round of the existence... It's a play, enjoyment... Without a film moving on the screen there would be no fun. So the projector was created. And movement started - bringing the appearance of the world. Don't ask me why or how.
Nisargadatta says:
quote:
The world is the creation of your own consciousness. It is seen only due to duality. If there is no duality, there is no world.
The greatest miracle is your own beingness, because of which this immense world is created in an instant.
The consciousness, in order to manifest itself, must have a form. - - - Without sustenance in the form of the body, whichever body it may be - that of a worm, an insect or a human being - conciousness could not sustain itself; it is the food essence which sustains consciousness.
It's like... our being is not personal or bound in time or space, but the patterns we are blessed with are very personal, tied to the body-mind vehicle - in time and space - that has to deal with them. They usually cause emotion, movement. And if we go along believing our thoughts and emotions and act on them, we will continue to create movement all over, like rings on the water. But with inner stillness we have the possibility to stay still and just watch the movement as it comes. We are anchored. And what happens then is that there is a huge knowing and seeing of what patterns are, what is false and what is true, what is appearing and what IS and to me there's this HUGE tickle going through, it's pure joy, pure love pouring out.
Florian Tathagata writes in his book "Being"
quote:
The pattern will return again and again until you face it. You have not seen the pattern, so you believe in it and you move. If we don't move when the emotion pops up, in that very friction between the clarity of not moving and all the pressure to go, charcoal turns into a diamond. If we leave when the pressure shows up, the charcoal remains charcoal.
I guess the Supreme Consciousness likes diamonds... 
Only being a memory and a story now: this summer I had moments when the world truly disappeared. Earth melted into sky, impossible to tell the difference, up and down disappeared, air and water was One... It was a total knowing that this world is not REAL since my perception followed my level of consciousness. The only reason I believe a train is something that brings me forward in time and space is that I mistake my own projection to be real. I sometimes come into moments where I am totally still, yet I watch the body sitting in the train moving in several km/h, but it is as if there is no seat under the butt (and the body is not mine), no train under the seat, no earth under the train... I'm sitting still in nothing and still everything moves but it is impossible to take it seriously. It just isn't real.
And about 'itself getting to know itself'.. I find it so sweet to see the world through sense-perception, since it is a beautiful appearance and the body makes it possible to see it. Thus, the world is truly beautiful and the body is a temple! Knowing all persons are manifestations of myself it is fascinating! To see all variations of manifestations is grace! Every person I see is just another form, every tree is just another form, every insect is another form. That's where ahimsa comes into the equation - it's all ME.
"If I love you, I love myself. If I love myself, I love you". /Rumi
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Edited by - emc on Sep 29 2007 4:41:24 PM |
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Balance
USA
967 Posts |
Posted - Sep 29 2007 : 4:32:00 PM
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If I had to explain the stuff I throw out here I doubt I could do it half as beautifully as you explained yours emc. |
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emc
2072 Posts |
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Christi
United Kingdom
4514 Posts |
Posted - Oct 03 2007 : 07:41:36 AM
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Hi EMC
I must say, your posts are becoming a real joy to read. I remember the days when you used to just complain about how vain and annoying men were! And that wasn't so long ago. 
Now it feels like grace is flowing through you in a tangible way.
Beautiful. Looks like you are on a good path leading only to joy and wonder. |
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emc
2072 Posts |
Posted - Oct 03 2007 : 08:26:09 AM
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Thank you Christi. Did I really just complain about men before? I hope I didn't complain about men all the time in all my postings. Hopefully that is only your projection! 
I have hade huge cleaning sessions with a Master during the summer when all my wounds from men were healed. And I mean all of them. Wiped out. And I opened up to the Sun, which I'm currently having a very intimate relationship with. My opportunity is now not to mud it all up again by being unaware. Having found the Pure Male energy source within, no manifested man in existence can ever harm or hurt me again. I see the unawareness in man that brings more mud into Woman and The Creation of the Goddess, Mother Earth and everything manifested by the Female. That's all. As long as I see that, I'm ok. If I start to believe thats bad, I'm creating my own pain again.
Shiva is manifested on Earth as Man. I see Shiva in every man, no matter his background or deeds, his egoism, tendency to put himself over woman in sexuality, status, knowledge, taking the right to judge her or use her for own pleasure and entertainment... It's all fake. And I don't expect men to realize that yet, relieving me from any hope for change or judgement of the present. I watch. And enjoy.
Thank you for being so male, Christi. You are beautiful. |
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bewell
1275 Posts |
Posted - Oct 03 2007 : 09:16:12 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by emc
I hope I didn't complain about men all the time in all my postings.
I've read a lot of your posts, and I don't recall you making an over-generalized complaint about "men." There were expressions of hurt, accounts of particular men who had hurt you, but for me, that was useful -- helped me to hopefully learn not to do likewise. |
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jillatay
USA
206 Posts |
Posted - Oct 03 2007 : 2:12:37 PM
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[quote]Originally posted by emc
I have hade huge cleaning sessions with a Master during the summer when all my wounds from men were healed.
Dear emc,
Oh please say more or write me offlist. I have so many issues with men (for good reasons but it still hurts)
Love,
Jill |
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Christi
United Kingdom
4514 Posts |
Posted - Oct 04 2007 : 02:14:43 AM
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Divine sister EMC,
quote:
Thank you Christi. Did I really just complain about men before? I hope I didn't complain about men all the time in all my postings. Hopefully that is only your projection!
I'm sure you didn't complain about men all the time in all your postings... that would have been quite an accomplishment!
But seriously though, I am very glad to hear about your workings with a master and your clearing in that area. Of course (just to balance things slightly) it isn't just men that hurt women, but also women who hurt men. So I guess it's not really about the sexes, but about living with pain (as we all do) and responding to others from a place of pain. And this comes out most strongly in our most intimate relationships ...usually male- female.
Like Jill, I would also love to hear more about how you healed this wound, which must be a wound that we have all felt (and probably still feel) at some time.
And thanks for being so beautifully female!
Christi |
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emc
2072 Posts |
Posted - Oct 04 2007 : 08:39:10 AM
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Thank you for response, Bewell, Jillatay and Christi.
I sure had many wounds from men. The patterns I've got to work with this lifetime is concentrated around the male-female issue, but it's not anything personal really - This body just got a share of the collective mud that we all aid cleaning in our purification.
Just being with a master means a lot of transformation. If you haven't seen it I reported some of the experiences here:
http://www.aypsite.org/forum/topic....D=2794#24891
Bernie Prior's focus is on the Masculine and the Feminine, so that particular area gets really deeply penetrated when listening to him. Things just fall into place and mud is burning and burning while being in his field of awareness.
He IS radiating pure male energy, the strength, wisdom, love, tenderness, softness and righteusness of a noble gentleman. As a woman, it is pure joy to meet him. All competition among the women stops, all comparison, jealousy or whatever negativity or fear toward eachother stops. Sisters come together, and men are dropping all their sexuality and its symptoms. At the retreat, all sexual impulses were nipped in the bud, leaving such a clean space to dare to confront one's fears in!
For example to experience nude sauna bathing with an absolute innocence was tremendously healing. I have so many wounds from sauna situations and I was challenged to face that fear. And I dared to do it with Bernie as a guardian by my side. There was no comparison, no judgements of looks, no suppressed sexuality underneath, no hidden gazing, no hidden agendas, no ranking, nothing but sauna bathing; nudity as it was before we ate the apple... In that situation I saw all the fixation with the body in samsara and all the pain it brings. I realized I am not my body, and whatever wounds I've gotten (all those negative comments or absent comments about my body in comparison with others) has got nothing to do with me. It was only one layer of patterns I had to see in order to wake up this life time, and now I can be grateful for all those comments! All that pain I've been through had only one purpose: To pinch me enough to wake me up and see IT'S NOT TRUE! None of it. Considerations and judgements about looks (own or others) is truly one of the biggest stones to climb over on this path (as I felt intuitively when I started one of my first threads here in forum on "addiction to raw sexuality, looks and sex appeal", but couldn't really express back then - I had too much anger underneith). The fixation with the body is extreme in our society and it has to be seen for what it is in order for the being to become truly free.
When men around me now spread comments on which women they find more beautiful than others, a smile comes to my face. I see what it's all about and it's only their minds' entertainment, still mudding them up, and has got nothing to do with reality whatsoever. I cherish the body as it is a holy temple and I don't expect others to realize the true divine beauty of it or the equal miraculous beauty of all bodies, all shapes, all forms; impossible to rank in any way!
Many of us were afraid that this innocence and safety that were felt at the retreat could not be there afterwards when we encountered normal life. How were we supposed to meet the "low frequent world out there"? How could one dare to bathe sauna among totally unaware and sexualizing people in public saunas? The answer from Bernie was putting yet another piece into place: True integrity is sticking to the Truth no matter what!* If I stay aware in the unaware world of samsara, I'm home safe! Always! I'm invulnerable, yet extremely vulnerable. My true being can not be hurt, but still I have to stay open and get pierced by the roughness of the world, facing it all when it comes, and not close down, get afraid or escape from it. I just have to remember who I AM, and everything is sacred; even the mind made comments when people report their experiences of their current dream - if they find their surrounding appearances beautiful or ugly. It says nothing about me, only about their own mind dream they are believing at the moment. And I go free. I am eternally free.
*Funny enough, this made me realize the Jesus Christ story... He stayed with Truth no matter what. The sacrifice is all about that. Judas didn't dare to, Jesus did. We all have to do that to some extent, put up with the consequences of the unawareness from people when we stick to our truth. |
Edited by - emc on Oct 04 2007 3:24:34 PM |
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bewell
1275 Posts |
Posted - Oct 04 2007 : 6:12:48 PM
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emc,
Your story is a great gift to us here. Your ability to be vulnerable and yet feel completely safe is remarkable. Hats off to Bernie for creating such a safe space. Amazing. i saw him on video yesterday, so I have some feel for what he is like.
Tonight, I am on the second day of a solo AYP retreat. I am enjoying the "i am embrace" or "whole body mudra" constantly and thinking "this is enough". Such freedom it offers. No feeling of neediness. True rest.
Interesting you would mention Jesus who "...stayed with Truth no matter what." His truth was a relationship of union with his invisible Father: which is, for me, what the "i am's embrace" is all about, it is the gift of participation in the divine life.
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Kyman
530 Posts |
Posted - Oct 04 2007 : 9:43:44 PM
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I agree bewell, it's a great place to share. Exploring personal experience provides context for those beginning the path. By sharing and listening we promote embrace.
We collectively cast a gentle and welcoming light on the personal experiences shared. On the wave of our personal affair, it is nice to have someone watching us when we hang ten.
Bees in the hive keep each other warm.
I could go on and on, hahaha. :) |
Edited by - Kyman on Oct 04 2007 11:06:09 PM |
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emc
2072 Posts |
Posted - Oct 05 2007 : 6:12:37 PM
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bewell, thank you for your kind post!
"Your ability to be vulnerable and yet feel completely safe is remarkable."
I must confess I'm not always able to stay in that place as yet. I still often fall down into believing my mind. But I do see that the purification process is hastening. When I get an insight I almost immediately get it tested by life. It's like I go "Ahaaaa", and life says "Ok, let's show me, did you really get it?" And it throws a challenge in my face - can I LIVE the insight, or am I just making a nice story out of it for myself and my spiritual friends? And if I don't manage to live the insight through, thoroughly and fully bleeding me through the challenging experience, I fall into a spiral of negativity and patterns repeat themselves as usual. It goes on for a while until I start seeing THAT pattern, smile and again says "Ahaaaaaaaa - NOW I GOT IT!"... and life tests me once again and harder this time! This can happen very, very quickly after an insight. Will I see it? Will I recognize it for what it is? Will I be able to handle it?
I totally have the same view as you on Jesus!
Kyman, please go on and on! It is great to share, though important keeping in mind the "story telling trap" creating more identity.
Another healing experience was during a satsang when one man told a touching story about his wife at home. Another man unconsciously had a slip of the tounge and made a slightly dirty comment about the wife, supposed to be funny. In an ordinary group of men (and women as well) it would have most surely passed as a "nothing to get upset about"-comment - equal to a Blonde joke for example. Nobody laughed. Bernie immediately stopped the original conversation with the first man, turned toward the other man and with firm gentleness said something like "I don't laugh at such jokes. SHE, The Goddess, is much more worth than that". And made it very clear to him that there was no shame, but that such "funny" sexualizing remarks on women were just out of the question if one wanted to go deeper into the mystery. I felt, and after having talked to other women, I dare say we all felt a tremendous gratefulness toward that response from Bernie. Just to see a man not playing along with the common norm and dare to front another man about it was making my heart volt a thousand times. MY GOD! A gentleman who shows true respect - not for my person, but for who I AM in the deep. It made me see that what I - as a person and angry feminist - have been so upset about and been fighting so hard against, has a much deeper level to it! Intuitively angry feminists are right in a way - respectlessness hurts (in the mind world) - but the mistake they make is they think it's about themselves as persons and they feel personally offended. And it's not about that. It's about not honoring, worshipping and loving the Goddess within the woman that truly hurts! SHE is not seen in the muddy world, and SHE would LOVE to be seen with clear eyes. That's when the bliss comes, the bubbling joy, the increadible love that flows, that's expansion taking place... Instead, as long as the body identification is there, She will only be seen as a body that is getting sexualized and objectified, measured and judged, and used for selling products... It's all about seeing what IS and clean the mud off. |
Edited by - emc on Oct 05 2007 6:27:10 PM |
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bewell
1275 Posts |
Posted - Oct 06 2007 : 06:31:52 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by emc
bewell... I totally have the same view as you on Jesus!
...It made me see that what I - as a person and angry feminist - have been so upset about and been fighting so hard against, has a much deeper level to it! Intuitively angry feminists are right in a way - respectlessness hurts (in the mind world) - but the mistake they make is they think it's about themselves as persons and they feel personally offended. And it's not about that. It's about not honoring, worshipping and loving the Goddess within the woman that truly hurts!
So, emc, you agree with me about Jesus AND you say women want to be loved as a GODDESSES. You are aware, I'm sure, that those two languages/beliefs don't ordinarily go together. But this, I tell you, is not an ordinary conversation.
There are many layers to the problem ordinarily. One is seeing Jesus as the one and only Christ. But what if he is a godman showing other men the way to becoming godmen? Then there could be many Christs, indeed there ought to be. It is a process that is traditioanlly called theosis or deification -- direct personal participation in the life of the uncreated source also known as "the Father" -- not to be confused with a Father who can be seen and touched in the usual sense. This Father, as uncreated source, is seen by becoming blind, touched by becoming all spirit, known by unknowing in a union of eros and agape.
So suppose there are godmen, men who have been transformed by such a vision of the uncreated source... might there also be godwomen? Of course there might. And there are.
I see your godwomanness, emc. make no mistake about it. and i honor you as such. you are beloved. |
Edited by - bewell on Oct 06 2007 06:49:58 AM |
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emc
2072 Posts |
Posted - Oct 06 2007 : 07:09:05 AM
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"you say women want to be loved as a GODDESS." Or godesses...
I'm sorry to have to point out bewell, but this is what you are saying, and I'm afraid some misunderstanding might come from putting it that way. We all are a mixture of feminine and masculine. I AM represents both, I - the masculine and AM - the feminine. They are inseparable, like two sides of a coin, the "i am's embrace" that you mention. But woman is She in manifested form, and man is He in manifested form. We are all Gods and Goddesses (or Godman and Godwomen as you say). Woman has an inner longing to be seen for what she truly IS - a Goddess. So my way of putting it would be "woman wants to be loved for the Love that she is". And the only way for Her to be loved like that by a manifested man, is if he finds Her, the Goddess, within himself (although it's much easier to go out looking for one of her beautiful bodies on the outside). The outer female beauty is mental distraction as long as it is not seen for what it is. When a man finds Her within and starts to love that Love more than he loves his own distractions, he is finally able to reach out to a Woman in Love, being the Man of Truth. It is all seen by becoming blind, as you point out, bewell! And that makes any woman MELT and she'd gladly DIE in his arms and then they can live happily forever after!
Thank you for your beautiful words, bewell. I sense that beautiful honesty shining through you. |
Edited by - emc on Oct 06 2007 07:12:42 AM |
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bewell
1275 Posts |
Posted - Oct 06 2007 : 10:33:28 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by emc
"you say women want to be loved as a GODDESS." Or godesses...
And the only way for Her to be loved like that by a manifested man, is if he finds Her, the Goddess, within himself (although it's much easier to go out looking for one of her beautiful bodies on the outside). The outer female beauty is mental distraction as long as it is not seen for what it is.
Your correction is well taken: I should have written "godesses."
For a long time, I've been aware of the my inner feminine, but I am becoming wonderfully aware lately that there are all sorts of variations and degrees of this awareness both in terms of knowledge and affection.
My main scripture is the new testament, and i have not found much benefit from the findings of the so called gnostic texts. but recently that has changed as i've been reading the gospel of philip which talks about rituals including not only baptism but also the "bridal chamber." A few nights ago, I read this article on the subject: http://www.health-science-spirit.com/saint.html
That night, I had a personal experience that was so sublime... a sexual dream, and an awakening from the dream and the lover, during and after the dream, my lover was invisible, non-tactile and completely amazing. She was me, an aspect of the whole me, of course, but also completely other.
As for the outer feminine being a distraction, I like what Long (I saw one of his videos per your suggestion a few days ago too) says about sexual desire: starve it, don't repress it, "starve" it. I'm happily starving. |
Edited by - bewell on Oct 06 2007 10:41:48 AM |
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emc
2072 Posts |
Posted - Oct 08 2007 : 4:00:02 PM
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That is a beautiful experience of She!
I just had two very beautiful experiences yesterday with the inner sensuality breaking through. I was in the shower and my body placed itself under the beam so that a broad stream of water fell from the shoulder, to the waist, over the hips and down the legs, stroking me gently with its warm softness in a very sensual way. But was it me feeling the water caressing my body, or was I the water falling in love with my body, cuddling its way down my curves? I could not separate the knowing of how it felt to have the water as a second skin or to be that second skin on my body. I was the contact surface between the skin and the water, absolutely madly in love with form and moving along to sense it for sheer joy.
When I just some minutes later put the kettle on with water and it started to simmer, it was the most sensual simmer! When the heat increased the movement of the water, I started to hear overtones in a lovely melody from the sound, and an increased arousal followed as the water got closer to boiling (not in my body, in the water, but still in me... this magical oneness). Amazing to discover how everything really is this sensuality, all the time. We just don't notice it. Water boiling into orgasm... for the pure joy of it. Playful boiling in a sensual movement of steam rising. |
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bewell
1275 Posts |
Posted - Oct 11 2007 : 09:33:24 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by emc
...two very beautiful experiences yesterday with the inner sensuality breaking through.
I agree, that experience is beautiful. Thanks for writing about it.
My experience as a reader was that your outer experience became metaphor, inspiring, mirroring a fresh inner experience: on the inner boarder of solid and liquid, a sensual friction, at the inner sheath where liquid turns to vapor, orgasm-like pleasure. Ecstatic bliss.
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emc
2072 Posts |
Posted - Nov 05 2007 : 3:38:02 PM
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The storyteller is here again, wanting to make it's voice heard, although fully aware of the story being divisive and belonging to the past, an expression of the mind wanting to create an experience that it "owns":
I was attending a sound journey. Several of my former experiences showed up again, even more clear as if life wants to point something out to my consciousness. The question
- Who are you?
was echoing inside all the time. Who are you that listens to the sounds? Who are you that perceives the tones? Who is that babbling voice with the emc-identity? The sounds merged with my being and I became the sounds. It was very obvious I was not the babbling mind. I have had that conversation before with my mind, when it has been left absolutely powerless, and the same thing occurred now - I was left as... noone. Only the perception of tones was there.
The ring of time appeared again. But this time it zoomed in closer, and very, very rapidly thousands of years passed by - a skyline of houses from different eras flickered by. Suddenly there was a bright flame. A moment of stillness, and then all the houses on the horizontal timeline started to burn. A wild rampage fire ring of time whirling around me. Time existed no longer. Timeless beingness was left.
Then I saw my body floating in space. Pale, all transparent whiteness, like a corpse. I saw my veins, my heart, my bones, my calmly smiling face... Very peaceful, very tender and ethereal. Zooming in on it, it became obvious that it was just a hollow body full of space. Veins and bones were a molecule matrix of space. Very non solid. There was actually no real body there. It was nobody there.
Then this body was carried by six pygmies to its funeral. Very sad, very serious. Tears streamed down my face and I realized they were going to burn me to ashes. One person was arranging the fire ornaments and he was very sad and serious. Then it hit me: But who is being carried on that funeral march? Who are you burying? There's noone there, there's nobody there!!! It was like admitting the king had no clothes! I told the person arranging the ornaments - Hey, there's noone there to bury - it's all fake, it's a theater. He looked up with a twinkle in his eye and said "Oh, no, this is very serious and sad, don't disturb me." The twinkle in his eyes was so enormously kind and roguish, it made me giggle, giggle, giggle.
The funeral went on, but nothing went on. It was only the Sun and the Moon in the vast, vast, vast sky witnessing a pretence funeral.
Death of the ego? The ego, the person is already dead, was never born. It never was anything from the start. The person is fake. The only thing in charge is the BELIEF of an existing person.
And that is what can dissolve. The belief can be non-believed and then truth takes its place.
And then the clock rings at 5.30 am and it's time to go to work.... The reality of duality hits hard.
Who is it that's going to work? Who is keeping track of time? Who is afraid of letting it all go? Who is afraid of going with the flow, beacuse it may lead to unknown consequences like losing the job, losing friends, losing the flat, losing.... control....? Who is afraid of losing a control it never had anyway? It all becomes ridiculous. It all disappears into... nothing....
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Edited by - emc on Nov 05 2007 3:43:25 PM |
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emc
2072 Posts |
Posted - Nov 15 2007 : 4:03:17 PM
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A picture just came...
A lizzard running, running... forward, always on its way to SOMETHING... something else than what is. Hunger for a better situation, position, opportunity, life... over there... not here.
Saw the lizzard hastily running with big black eyes gazing... on a running machine... moving its limbs in perfection, but not moving an inch in space. Wasting energy on hunting SOMETHING better ahead... when actually not moving at all from the present location.
Got nauseous.
The "little me" is still thinking enlightenment is "over there" and that I have to go forward, forward to "get it".
Sparkle's recent post on HALT has been following me. What if I just stop... stop believing the thought of having things in front, in the future, ahead of me... What if I just stop here and now? Just had the question "what would happen if you stopped, just dropped it?"
Lizzard went into slow motion, stopped and then nausea came along with the blackness.
What's wrong with now?
What's wrong with now?
Why don't I want to be here now?
What am I afraid of?
The 'little me' has been very, very afraid the latest days. Associating again to one of Sparkle's posts - http://www.aypsite.org/forum/topic....ID=2949#2949 (Thank you Louis for all brilliant input lately.) That text can easily be interpreted by the mind-ego as directed to our self-esteem, that you should have a good self-confidence and not diminish yourself. But it is pointing to something much deeper than the personal ego with self-concerns. It's not about the ego's self-esteem. It's about being That.
"Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure."
The vastness of being is so mind boggling it scares the **** out of 'me'. The gap between the selfish self-centred little life I have been living and realizing the immense powers of the Universe that is inside of me, that I AM is freaking my mind out. When it's becoming real, it is terrifying... My flat, my house, my cats, my job... what is that compared to BEING the whole universe, all times, all of creation and beyond?
What happens when the lizzard stops and the running machine stops, when everything is still? I don't know. It's too big still... too big... Too enormous...
And I'm on my own with the fear. Always on my own. We must do this one by one, by ourselves. Every 'part' of the consciousness must wake up by itself to itself.
Thank you Yogani and all others writing here, for everything. The presence of the forum sooths the fear a bit. |
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