|
|
 |
|
| Author |
 Topic  |
|
|
emc
2072 Posts |
 Posted - Jun 18 2007 : 4:58:30 PM
|
I have carried so much pain, so much grief, so much sorrow. It was so heavy, I had to hide it. If I acknowledged it, I would break down, just from the weight of it coming into my consciousness. Fear. Fear controlled my life. Fear of my emotions. Fear of the strength of them, the hurt they would bring me if I felt them. I promised myself never to cry when I was 5.
My body carried them without a sign. At first. Then even my fabulous serving body started to break down because of the weight. The veils hiding the feelings were heavy and thick. I didn't cry until I was 25. Then a tear came and I felt embarrassed. I quickly dried it off my cheek. Years of therapy eventually gave me back the ability to cry. So I cried. And felt sorry for myself until it fell into a calm rest again. And then I thought there was nothing more to this life. I thought I was adult, distanced and mature with emotions being not absent but not too much either.
Then I discovered the truth. I AM. And my curiosity and courage increased. I heard my inner voice whispering again and again:
GET TO KNOW THYSELF!
I lift veil after veil and I let the sorrow flow. The pain, the grief, the beauty of it all... And it doesn't hurt at all! It is just a HUGE release, and I feel the winds are blowing through me, cleaning me out and there is just grace, love and joy.
You know, when crying and laughing the same muscles are used, so my muscles don't know whether I am happy or sad. I start feeling sad when I cry, then my stomach is jumping and I find myself laughing while my tears flow like streams back to the ocean. And I feel the existence is laughing with me in a gigantic paroxysm. I see the purpose of it all - it is beautiful, sentimental, heart-rending, heart-breaking and wonderful.
The feelings were never me. It was only my duty to see through them eventually and start the quest to be FULLY HUMAN, free of fear. And when I see, the winds come in and sweep it away in a cool breeze. Stillness IS. And existence salutes what is taking place, I am getting to know myself.
Fear.
We are so afraid.
When we finally let go life happens.
Magnificence of creation is unfolding.
I AM
|
Edited by - emc on Jun 18 2007 5:02:35 PM |
|
|
Katrine
Norway
1813 Posts |
Posted - Jun 18 2007 : 5:04:53 PM
|
Thank you, emc 
That was a real Joy to see !!! |
 |
|
|
glow
11 Posts |
Posted - Jun 18 2007 : 6:22:15 PM
|
emc, what a perfect posting for what is going on in my life. yesterday i just had a huge emotional release myself. i never used to let myself cry and now i cry often and now since i've begun to allow myself to feel the feelings fully, my crying episodes are like huge emotional releases where my whole body is shaking and i'm usually sprawled out on the floor weeping with tears and snot streaming out! what lovely sight!! ... it's a mess!...this just happened yesterday and it felt like to me that my ego has been defeated and a sense that i'm unraveling into despair, but then i allow myself to fall as deep as i need to and i notice that i'm still here and still alive and surviving it. then i notice in moments that its like i'm watching myself from the outside go through all of this and there is this little person inside me saying, "it's ok, just unravel it's part of the process, just let it happen, it must happen... just have faith" so i allow it even though i feel utterly helpless.
then the next day i usually feel more clarity (and more fragile in my humanity though) and i notice that i'm more still during my meditations with less thoughts.
it's interesting though what you said about crying and laughing. i was thinking about that yesterday as my whole body was shaking, that it is just feelings that just need to be released and that i can be with those feelings- feelings that i never thought i could be with. there's so much peace in that...
and surprisingly i was almost even thinking, BRING IT ON because the feeling the next day it so great!! i must be crazy!!
thank you so much for your posting emc, it was just what i needed to read. i'm so happy to find others who can relate, i often feel like i'm the only one who experiences this stuff |
|
|
|
VIL
USA
586 Posts |
Posted - Jun 18 2007 : 9:22:12 PM
|
Great post, emc:
VIL |
|
|
|
emc
2072 Posts |
Posted - Jun 19 2007 : 02:33:21 AM
|
Hi glow,
Welcome to the forum and thank you very much for your sharing!
"...i notice that i'm more still during my meditations with less thoughts."
Yes, that I have noticed too! The more tension that goes away, the more stillness can take place!
"...and surprisingly i was almost even thinking, BRING IT ON because the feeling the next day it so great!! i must be crazy!!"
 Nooo, not crazy! I totally know that feeling! When you realize there's nothing to be afraid of, there is nothing uncomfortable with it, then you just want it more and more.
I actually start now to add after samyama, a prayer that goes something like this:
I AM, I now cast my fear of my emotions to you, and I go free! Thank you! It is done!
The effect is quite immediate! As soon as fear builds up, I ask for help to get passed the blockages. And it is done! 
Thank you also Katrine and VIL for your response!
|
|
|
|
emc
2072 Posts |
Posted - Sep 16 2007 : 2:28:38 PM
|
Every release is a partial death of the self-occupied ego. The crying comes without thoughts attached to it. There's nothing but relief and release of old patterns, conditioning and mud.
But the love that is coming to fill out the space where those patterns have been... Oh, that love is killing whatever is left of self-concideration.
The love is killing me
I can hardly bare it
My mind can't take it
Feels like I'll go mad if it continues
Still I welcome it
I love that love
I love Love so much I'm stepping aside
to let it fill my place
I hardly know who it is that is stepping aside anymore
Something is leaving
and it must be me
because what's left is love
raging love
roaring love
killing love
I am helplessly, willingly wiped out by love
Whenever I sit down to be still for a while it comes
My hands form mudras, and my arms form movements that clean the mud off this being
The hands are slowly milking out whatever is left in my heart, in my throat, in my gut...
The mudras go from my heart to my third eye, back and forth, back and forth in beautiful formations, with enormous power, dancing in the air, like a conductor of a concert, and I am helplessly overwhelmed by the love that eats me from within, I am the song being sung...
My arm stretches out to the universe, captures it and brings it slowly back into me, it captures the sun, the moon, the stars and they melt into me. The mighty intelligence is performing and I am the blessed one.
When it gets too much, when I bleed, ravaged and conquered, my hands release the mudras and start caressing me.
They gently stroke my cheek like a mother gently caresses her child
they gently touch my mouth, my neck my throat and touch me sensually all over my face ever so softly... with an unimaginable love and tenderness...
Stillness enters, everything calmes down, and all there is is a breath of spirit. The breath of ease. Bliss.
The tears that flow are the only thing I can offer
tears of gratitude
a testamente of the love of my Love
My beloved
Thee
I love Thee
|
Edited by - emc on Sep 16 2007 3:57:10 PM |
|
|
|
Kyman
530 Posts |
Posted - Sep 16 2007 : 2:56:30 PM
|
That is very beautiful emc, to dissolve one's self into that surrounding love is an awesome experience. Thanks for sharing your experience, it is honored with recognition.
It is beyond understanding, without parts to play roles. We are just taken over by currents of silence, stillness, and joy, our body plays puppet to our ecstasy and we move in ways most couldn't possibly understand.
The breathing becomes so erotic, the inner currents become hot and cold, we just breath and move in graceful sway with life. It is quite comfortable to hug or hold one's self and feel completely embraced by all that is.
On that note I'll leave you this poem I wrote a while back, widely open to interpretation...
I took my lover's flower
into my mouth
and as it bloomed
against the silk sun of my tongue
I knew she then felt
what it was like to be me
and I knew
what it was like to be god
|
Edited by - Kyman on Sep 16 2007 3:23:12 PM |
|
|
|
emc
2072 Posts |
Posted - Sep 16 2007 : 3:54:23 PM
|
Oh, beautiful poem, Kyman! Beautiful!
Thank you for giving that. And thank you for your wonderful post and recognition. |
|
|
| |
Topic |
|
|
|
| AYP Public Forum |
© Contributing Authors (opinions and advice belong to the respective authors) |
|
|
|
|
Emotional release
