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emc
2072 Posts |
 Posted - Jan 28 2007 : 5:16:05 PM
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I just wrote this to a friend, I thought I'd share it with you... Anyone recognize the feeling? And no, I do not think I am special in any way, it is just a metaphore... 
I'm freaking out a bit tonight. A couple of years ago, long before I started to walk the spiritual path, I was going to chose a nick on a game site, and it was an easy choice: Neo, The One. I have always loved The Matrix films. Now I bought the trilogy and watched it during the weekend. I get so scary strong energy reactions from it, that I get frightened. My tounge went halabaloo, my body was filled with so much energy... I feel like a marionette!!!!
The metaphores are so brilliant in the films. Mr Smith is "the mind" - the dark sides of oneself. It will fight until the last soldier, and the closer you get to The Source, the harder it will fight. I just know it. And now I am in a state where my mind is scared of the inevitable thing that is happening. "I" am going to die, and "I" know it now. For sure. I am beginning to feel SO USELESS! I am nothing, I am nobody. And it is frightening.
Nowadays, the energies are moving my body - I have nothing to say, no control against it. My mind is not making the decisions in my life. I go on intuition, and leave it to The Source. And the more I hand it over, the easier and happier my life goes. I do not decide who to fall in love with, who to meet, who to become friends with, where to work. I am living in a Matrix where things are planned without my assistance. I may try to go against it, and chose against my intuition, but then I end up in bigger or smaller troubles, so I don't. Why mess with something that brings more joy and perfection into my life?
Who am I? What am I? .... Nothing! My mind is an empty thought machine, my world is an illusion made of projections, my emotions are a direct result of the quality of the projections. I am nobody. I am not real. My body is behaving odd - it becomes younger and more beautiful and healthy everyday. It is not my body. The Force is taking care of it and who am I to say stop?
I am one of the first persons in the world to become concsious. Almost all of the world is still unconscious (although the speed is increasing of people "knowing"). Like Neo, all of us who are walking this path - back to the Source - are doing it for a purpose we don't understand. We just have a feeling of "have to", and we follow that feeling. We are doing it to save the world, somehow. Mother Earth is changing, and we are a part of that change. Prophecies tell about the shift coming.
I am scared. After having watched the Matrix - Revolutions I get this feeling of how enormous this transformation is! It is HUGE! It affects the whole world. My litte mind is **** in comparison. And still it is so strong. It is a Mr Smith, and it has the power to give me hell on my path...
This is all a mind fight. It is all about the mind. And I have to be cool not to go crazy. I have a little dip today. Too many strange things have happened the latest weeks. I freak right now. And yet not... I am still able to go to work tomorrow as usual. I accept what is happening. I cannot do otherwise. But who is accepting? Who is who? Who is what? What is what? Everything is ONE. I am THE ONE! I am Neo. And so are you. And everybody. Once you realize it, there is no way back.
I am on my way home. And my mind can't follow, and it knows it. Producing fear right now. Seeing its own death coming.
Hope you are fine! 
I am |
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VIL
USA
586 Posts |
Posted - Jan 28 2007 : 5:59:52 PM
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Sometimes I wish I took the blue pill:
VIL |
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blujett8
USA
47 Posts |
Posted - Jan 28 2007 : 7:41:04 PM
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thanks for sharing, emc!
.....nice you have a friend to send this to as well
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Christi
United Kingdom
4430 Posts |
Posted - Jan 28 2007 : 11:51:06 PM
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Hi EMC,
Great Post
Thanks for sharing it.
I get the fear you mention too, almost every time I meditate. Like the fear associated with disolving.
Interesting that you should mention that your body is becoming more beautiful. This is not something I have seen mentioned on this site before. In Sanskrit it is called Saundaria, and in India it is a process attributed to the ongoing practice of yoga.
Love and Light
Neo
Christi |
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Etherfish
USA
3615 Posts |
Posted - Jan 29 2007 : 01:02:37 AM
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| I have a bunch of tubes connected to my back and it makes me soooo sleepy. . . |
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Balance
USA
967 Posts |
Posted - Jan 29 2007 : 02:10:15 AM
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Which pill is true? Or neither? Or both?
Before the pill I Am |
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emc
2072 Posts |
Posted - Jan 29 2007 : 02:43:10 AM
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Haha! Thanks for your funny replies!
Christi, yes, it is kind of a fear of disolving... it is identity disolving.
And the program for it is in our DNA, our spines. Happening whether we want it or not.
(And about beautiful, which is a double edged (s)word, able to hurt if it is used for comparison, able to be filled with pleasure if it is experienced as a divine state... I do not mean my body is becoming beautiful in its physical form according to todays norms. My waist-hip ratio and BMI is still the same... it is my perception of it as a divine tempel that makes it beautiful in a way that has got nothing to do with physical FORM - it is beyond the form! It is not in comparison with any other body it is becoming more beautiful. Just wanted to make that statement in order not to cause any confusion.)
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Edited by - emc on Jan 29 2007 05:21:07 AM |
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Lili
Netherlands
372 Posts |
Posted - Jan 29 2007 : 05:42:13 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by emc
I do not mean my body is becoming beautiful in its physical form according to todays norms.
Phew I was just starting to hope here  |
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Chard
250 Posts |
Posted - Jan 29 2007 : 09:22:57 AM
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| I love the Matrix! Living unplugged in an unplugged world is a daunting responsibility and honor. I can relate to the overwhelming fear and the sense that my self (or ego however you call it) is dissolving. My ego fights to the death and squirms so much in the face of my higher self. I guess its part of the process. It's nice to find people living as I seek to live! I wish you blessings on your path. Thanks for sharing |
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Sparkle
Ireland
1457 Posts |
Posted - Jan 29 2007 : 10:21:38 AM
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quote:
emc wrote: I do not mean my body is becoming beautiful in its physical form according to todays norms.
I can't speak for you obviously emc, but I would not regard the above as true in general.
My experience with myself and seeing others is that the skin, when it becomes energised through meditation, draws back and becomes tighter. A bit like a face lift. I think this may be the reason that we can look younger than our years.
Also, one can generally recognise a person who is engaged in a solid practice - their face is lighter and sometimes has a translucent look about it.
To me these things can make a person physically more beautiful. It is like the love is seen radiating outwards.
Maybe this is what you are talking about also emc, it is the inner beauty, but I think it can be seen outwardly also.
Louis |
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Balance
USA
967 Posts |
Posted - Jan 29 2007 : 10:39:27 AM
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| Perhaps all the cells become integrated in focus, and energy gracefully assumes form naturally and without obstruction. |
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emc
2072 Posts |
Posted - Jan 30 2007 : 01:55:51 AM
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quote:
To me these things can make a person physically more beautiful. It is like the love is seen radiating outwards.
Maybe this is what you are talking about also emc, it is the inner beauty, but I think it can be seen outwardly also.
Perhaps you can see some kind of difference, but that has got nothing to do with "beauty" in our standard meaning. It does not make you more beautiful than anybody else. Because that would imply that others are ugly, and as we all know... that is not true! We are all beautiful basically. Any comparison is highly subjective and influenced by fluctuating norms of the society, creating inferiority and superiority. And we all know we are all equal, no?
The futility of thinking you become more beautiful by yoga in order to get yourself some benefits on the meat-market is shown by this simple thought example: If I stand beside Cindy Crawford letting people vote who is most beautiful 99,9% would say Cindy (there are always some being anarchists just for the cause). If I start getting an inner glow from yoga some of them might switch and say "Ah, she's got something special that Cindy doesn't have" and vote for me. Then Cindy starts yoga... She also gets the inner glow. Ooops. Where did my Yoga-beauty-weapon go??? Now, I will be inferior again, won't I? Futile!
So my new inner beauty is there as a consequence of me starting to love myself and in a circular way it increases my love for myself. And when I love myself I love you. The beauty is not there for anyone else to judge me as being more or less beautiful. Other's judgements are so weird anyway.
To paraphrase Katie: I am just as beautiful as Cindy Crawford. I just don't expect people to realize it yet.  |
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Sparkle
Ireland
1457 Posts |
Posted - Jan 30 2007 : 11:20:41 AM
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quote:
Perhaps you can see some kind of difference, but that has got nothing to do with "beauty" in our standard meaning.
Actually I wasn't thinking in terms of comparisons between different people. I was thinking more about the change in an individual. Nor was I considering it as something to strive for, it is just more scenery.
I know we are all one, you are me, I am you, I am the piece of cow dung in the field or the murdering rapist in prison. We are all one and all beautiful or indeed all ugly because either word has no meaning in this experience. I am nobody 
Having said all that, I fully acknowledge my superior/inferior polarity and how I make judgements on a regular basis.
I also acknowledge the beauty in your posts and thank you for this.
Onward with the AYP downloads.
Louis |
Edited by - Sparkle on Jan 30 2007 11:30:12 AM |
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Anthem
1608 Posts |
Posted - Jan 31 2007 : 12:03:08 AM
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Thanks for posting this EMC,
I really enjoyed the Matrix movies too.
I remember going through a phase, at least a couple of times if not more, where I didn't know who I was anymore. The rules and guidelines I had created to define myself in relation to the world were dissolving and it left me feeling unsure of how to behave and what decisions to make. It eventually passed, I must have become used to it. I remember noticing like you did that there is definitely some kind of movement towards death here, it is an ego death, somewhere along the line I stopped worrying about it, it can create some anxious moments for sure.
These days I notice that whenever I want to be something or perceived by others in a particular way, say like being a "spiritually wise person" for example or perceived as someone who is "morally and ethically correct" or that “nice guy” etc. that life comes along and slaps it out of me. Life shows me the lie in it, how I manipulate people to perceive these things with my words and actions and how this causes me pain. I realize that I am not these things in reality and that when I try to be something it brings negativity into my life. This isn't to say that I don't behave in what could be regarded as a moral and ethical way, it just means I am not a "saint" for being this way, I don’t earn this title, I just am, empty and undefined.
Even with something that can be perceived as positive like being a "moral person" can lead you to judge others who are not the way we think they should be which doesn’t feel good. This is not to say one shouldn't treat others as we would wish to be treated, but the potential pitfall in needing to be perceived by others in this way. It is a letting go of all ideas of what we should be and recognition of how we hurt ourselves and cause our own pain with desires such as these.
Thank you for this thread, it is helpful to reflect.
all the best,
A
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emc
2072 Posts |
Posted - Feb 03 2007 : 6:23:39 PM
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Beautiful, Anthem, as in wonderful!
(And Sparkle, I think of being clear in my writings not only in response to you, but for all 200 or so other readers who might be in another phase.)
During meditation this evening I felt something I have just had glimpses of before - much, much stronger and clearer this time - a total compassion and love for my mind and "silly" thoughts. I felt I could worship my mind, because it has served me so well. It has done its absolute and honest best to protect me from being "hurt" all these years. It has done it with such accuracy and perfection that I could do nothing but thank it. I cried and kissed my mind like a mother kisses her baby. I could see the thoughts continuously passing by, having the same character as usual, and I saw the logic behind it and the devotion with which the mind has been working. My dear little ferret... I love thee! |
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Sparkle
Ireland
1457 Posts |
Posted - Feb 04 2007 : 06:42:37 AM
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emc wrote: quote:
(And Sparkle, I think of being clear in my writings not only in response to you, but for all 200 or so other readers who might be in another phase.)
Yes, and you do a great job at that, like I said, I appreciate your posts and also your intelligent clarity.
Louis |
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Etherfish
USA
3615 Posts |
Posted - Feb 04 2007 : 08:47:47 AM
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Of course yoga shouldn't lead you to believe that it can change your physical body to be as beautiful as some movie star (who, in turn, is not as beautiful as technology would lead you to believe.)
But it can easily change some little things that tend to make people unattractive that are caused by being immersed in the illusion.
Some of those things are stress, lack of confidence, lack of faith in a higher power.
Just realizing you are not responsible for making everything in your life appear to be perfect, can make you noticeably happier, and therefore more attractive.
I think one of the greatest things about the matrix is that Neo appears to be some kind of destined spiritual hero, but what he is fighting against is not the usual devil or unbelievers, or false prophets. His enemy is totally manmade as it is in our reality.
Usually spiritual heros have God on their side, and the bad guys belong to the "wrong" religion. |
Edited by - Etherfish on Feb 04 2007 08:54:58 AM |
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emc
2072 Posts |
Posted - Feb 05 2007 : 06:36:16 AM
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Thank you, Sparkle, for you kind words!
quote:
Of course yoga shouldn't lead you to believe that it can change your physical body to be as beautiful as some movie star (who, in turn, is not as beautiful as technology would lead you to believe.)
I'd say
- yoga hopefully makes you drop all your beliefs and concepts about what you ever thought beauty was
- you already are as divinly beautiful as you possibly can be, and so is a movie star. There is absolutely no difference in real beauty between you, although that's a belief that is quite difficult to drop. A divine experience of real beauty is probably necessary before you realize it totally and fundamentally!
- technology is only exaggerating your already false belief!
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emc
2072 Posts |
Posted - Feb 11 2007 : 3:05:34 PM
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This thread has totally changed subject. Still, I have to continue to write here, since the connection is to my posts in this thread...
I saw an ad with Anthony Robbins a few days ago. I had never seen the guy before, but was curious when he was presented as a wise man. Yesterday I got this strange message from my inner voice that I must watch TV. I never watch TV since a few years back, so it is quite remarkable when I get the urge to watch something. It was the film "Shallow Hal" with Gwyneth Paltrow. Suddenly Anthony Robbins showed up in the film! And the whole message from him in the film was exactly the same as I wrote above! Funny, huh? 
quote:
Tony Robbins: Haven't you ever heard that beauty is in the eye of the beholder?
Tony Robbins: You got a pattern of judging women by their exterior, we can't talk about it, we need to break it, I want you to ask yourself has there ever been a time where you have been increasingly shallow, you just looked at a woman and thought you were better then she was.
Hal: All the time.
[Tony Robbins puts his hands on Hal's head]
Tony Robbins: [yells] DEVILS COME OUT!
Hal: What the hell are you doing banana hands?
Tony Robbins: Just hang on, remember how I told you we just got to jolt your nervous system, not just talking about it, now I want you to relax, I won't do that again.
quote:
- Look, exactly what did you do to him, man?
- l altered his perception a little bit.
- l knew it. l knew it! l knew it!
- You messed with his eyesight, right?
- No.
- You hypnotized him.
- No. l dehypnotized him. He's been hypnotized his whole life, totally focused on the outside. l helped him to see the inner beauty in everyone, including people you think
are not physically attractive.
- How can he see their inner beauty when he doesn't even know them?
- lnner beauty's easy to see when you're looking for it.
- But how can he not feel them when he's...?
- The brain sees what the heart wants it to feel.
- All right, look. Let's just cut through the old crapcake here!
- OK.
- Sir, don't you think it's wrong to brainwash someone?
- Don't you think you're brainwashed? Everything you know about beauty is programmed. TV, magazines, movies. They're all telling you what's beautiful and what isn't. How's this any different?
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Sparkle
Ireland
1457 Posts |
Posted - Feb 11 2007 : 4:10:32 PM
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| Yeh, seen that a couple of times, a great movie. Its one of those movies I'm glad the kids have seen. |
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Anthem
1608 Posts |
Posted - Feb 11 2007 : 8:08:55 PM
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quote:
Tony Robbins: Haven't you ever heard that beauty is in the eye of the beholder?
Tony Robbins: You got a pattern of judging women by their exterior, we can't talk about it, we need to break it, I want you to ask yourself has there ever been a time where you have been increasingly shallow, you just looked at a woman and thought you were better then she was.
Hal: All the time.
[Tony Robbins puts his hands on Hal's head]
Tony Robbins: [yells] DEVILS COME OUT!
Hal: What the hell are you doing banana hands?
Tony Robbins: Just hang on, remember how I told you we just got to jolt your nervous system, not just talking about it, now I want you to relax, I won't do that again.
This is hilarious EMC, made me laugh all over again! I remember the movie well, it delivers a great message. Tony Robbins is a great sport, "Devils come out" and "banana hands" two "too funny" lines. lol.
All the best,
A
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Etherfish
USA
3615 Posts |
Posted - Feb 12 2007 : 4:40:45 PM
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Tony Robbins has a bad rep with some people because he's a motivational speaker; a questionable profession. But he does a whole lot of research and has good methods and more insight than most into how our mind interfaces with the illusion.
P.S. don't pay full price for this kind of motivational tool; wait a year and get it used on ebay for 1/10th as much. |
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I am nobody
