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kapardine
India
18 Posts |
 Posted - Nov 12 2022 : 6:04:01 PM
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Hello,
I have been doing meditation for the last 5 years with techniques including Vipassana. I switched to AYP practices in the last 1 year and have been regular with SB and Mantra twice a day. I am introverted (not shy or socially inept) and usually enjoyed talking with people to a certain degree. Since the last 2-3 months I have been facing a personal crisis of sorts. I feel that people have nothing to say. Everyone is only treating each other as a dumping ground (which is an absolute shame. Deplorable treatment of people by people) and have absolutely nothing to say. I want to believe that every person is unique and wonderful but somehow I am not feeling that way. I don't know if my ego has skyrocketed as if I am better than everyone else or what is it. Idk. I want to talk but cannot bring myself to talk. I have nothing to say either. I can listen to someone's issue and help if they ask but anything more than that nobody has anything to say. Either people talk about what they have read elsewhere (borrowed thoughts, words/ideas) or about their troubles of varied kinds.
Has my ego gone through the roof??
If it has how can I bring it down?
Note: Edited by moderators for formatting only |
Edited by - kapardine on Nov 12 2022 6:34:36 PM |
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SeySorciere
Seychelles
1571 Posts |
Posted - Nov 14 2022 : 08:41:31 AM
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Dear K,
The phase of finding people shallow and no-one to have a deep meaningful conversation with is common enough. I also recall having little patience for religions. But it's a phase and this too shall pass.
Sey  |
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kapardine
India
18 Posts |
Posted - Nov 14 2022 : 1:29:31 PM
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Hello SeySorciere,
I wish I could pass off the matter as a simple phase of wanting deep meaningful conversation. I have never indulged in small talk to say that I am suddenly craving conversations of a different kind. I somehow firmly believe that no one (including myself) has anything to talk about, deep or otherwise. What is the best that a deep conversation can have, insights, a journey towards something, yog/meditation related, etc? Even there how much can one talk? Let me reframe my dilemma. I do not have inner silence to not crave interactions and conversations of any kind whatsoever. I don't want to talk with people but the need is present, hence the feeling of dislike and dissatisfaction. This lack of inner silence is what I am calling my bloating ego if that is what it is.
If the need isn't going down and my ego is going up, then this will prevent me from putting effort into people which is exactly what is happening. I understand that silence will take it's while to grow but how can I contain my rising ego (if that is what the problem is) so that I can try to indulge in whatever conversation is happening around me and not get so affected till I am silent enough to not seek any conversations whatsoever? I don't know at this point if I am even making sense or not? It sounds like a compromise to me- this need for human interaction. |
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Blanche
USA
873 Posts |
Posted - Nov 14 2022 : 1:43:17 PM
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HI Kapardine,
When I see people and things in a less-than-positive light, I remember Buddha's words to Sariputra. Sariputra was one of Buddha's main disciples, and the beneficiary of some important teaching lessons. One-time Sariputra asked how all the teachings helped the suffering people, and how the teachings made any difference when there were so many problems in the world. Buddha said something like:
"Oh, Sariputra, you see many people suffering? Do you see many problems in the world? That is because your mind is not clean. You need to meditate more and purify the mind."
We all have moments when everything seems just fine, when we get along with others, when people seem kind and loving. The world is just the way it is at all times, so that means that there is something different in us that allows to see everything perfect just the way it is.
I agree with Sey, this is a phase. It has to do both with becoming more aware of our own baggage by recognizing it first in things and people around us. And it has to do with getting established in the inner witness as the inner silence deepens.
Opening the heart makes for a smoother ride. Service to others, walking in nature, taking care of someone or something without expecting anything in return allow the quality of the heart of develop. In the end, all these people are you in Oneness. They all are here for your love.
How we see and feel toward everything in the world is a good measure of where we are on the spiritual path.
We are fine just the way we are, and we can all use a little improvement. 
Note: Edited by moderators for formatting only
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kapardine
India
18 Posts |
Posted - Nov 14 2022 : 1:56:28 PM
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Hello Blanche,
I regularly go for hikes and treks as nature is the thing that keeps me grounded and stable. I had started helping people without expectation and that is when I became the regular dumping ground for a lot of people's emotions and one day after many months my patience wore out.
Idk, I wish I could have the love for people that I can see through your responses. I have none at the moment and though I have decided that I won't interact with people on any negative things in anyone's life and only about the things they love or I love, I still cannot get myself to have some patience.
-Kapardine |
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SeySorciere
Seychelles
1571 Posts |
Posted - Nov 15 2022 : 05:23:07 AM
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Dear K,
I see. You have acknowledged your current feelings and state of mind. It is ok to be the way you are now. Feelings and perceptions are in constant flux. Keep up your practices and remain open to them changing and changing and changing again.
Sey |
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interpaul
USA
551 Posts |
Posted - Nov 15 2022 : 5:55:58 PM
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| Kapardine, Sounds like a rough patch. I have experienced periods like this too. I have found in the last couple years people in my area more irritable and less tolerant. This translates into being cut off on the road, people being demanding and insensitive, and a variety of other "treating each other as a dumping ground". I attribute a lot of this to the aftermath of Covid. Negativity is contagious. It is really hard to show up and be loving, kind and grateful when you are dished a lot of negativity. Many in the positive psychology world talk about gratitude as the antidote. If negativity is contagious, so is positivity. There was a funny Jim Carrey movie called "yes man". He was in a funk and went to a self help meeting in which the philosophy of saying "yes" to everything was espoused. It proved to be inadequate to address the complexity of the modern world. What it did speak to, for me, was the profound impact we have on others and how it can shape how others treat us over time. Meditation can certainly ease our inner suffering and fortify us to engage in a sometimes hostile world, but it isn't a panacea. You point out how people can dump on you even more when you show up with good intention. This is probablly the strongest demotivator out their. I have fallen victim to this being good and feeling burned. Karma yoga is a practice that relies on doing good without expectation. Not an easy task. If we give away a little love everyday it ultimately makes the world a better place. We can't rely on quid pro quo return on our investment. I believe samyama is the AYP practice that best teaches how to release intention in the world without clinging to outcome. Not an easy journey but, for me it makes the most sense. Good luck. Fortunately you can fill some of your need for interaction and conversation here. |
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kapardine
India
18 Posts |
Posted - Nov 16 2022 : 5:31:58 PM
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Thank you for those understanding words Interpaul. Most likely it's a phase and this shall pass but it's a frustrating phase nonetheless. Meditation can help only so much. I too, have nothing to say or contribute to anything unless it's a mutual hobby or technical topic of interest. I don't usually like to discuss about meditation, or my 'spiritual journey ' etc etc. I have now decided to keep quiet and only discuss about things people love/like and things that I love/like. Neither am I going to entertain any troubles of anyone else not discuss mine with anyone (at the most, a therapist if I really need to talk). Maybe it's an extreme step but I will take it and see how well it works for me. If it does then bingo! Else I'll have to think of something else and all the while hope for inner silence to grow so that my need to talk/socialise reduces with time. I will definitely continue with my meditation practices.
Thank you once again :)
Note: Edited by moderators for formatting only |
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Z1839
USA
11 Posts |
Posted - Nov 18 2022 : 01:44:54 AM
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I can sympathize. I feel that this comes from feeling increasingly dissatisfied by conversation. Not because conversation in itself is unsatisfying, but because my ego is becoming more fulfilled by drawing from within. It's kind of like once you experience the beauty of Kriya yoga, small mundane stuff becomes less satisfying for your ego.
However, this is just another way in which the ego is always trying to seek more, like a bottomless insatiable pit. It keeps telling me I need to find "better" conversation. When this happens, I need to exercise humility and remind myself that my words aren't any better than anyone else's.
Note: Edited by moderators for formatting only |
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kapardine
India
18 Posts |
Posted - Nov 19 2022 : 11:18:47 AM
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hello Z1893,
And this is why I have decided to stay silent and not engage in any negative or crib-fest conversations. The only conversations that I will be a part of is where people are sharing what they love or like. Hopefully this will make me crib less about pointless conversations as well. I too am a part of this problem as I too am cribbing on this platform :D |
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Wil
Sweden
160 Posts |
Posted - Oct 19 2023 : 3:35:36 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by Blanche
HI Kapardine,
When I see people and things in a less-than-positive light, I remember Buddha's words to Sariputra. Sariputra was one of Buddha's main disciples, and the beneficiary of some important teaching lessons. One-time Sariputra asked how all the teachings helped the suffering people, and how the teachings made any difference when there were so many problems in the world. Buddha said something like:
"Oh, Sariputra, you see many people suffering? Do you see many problems in the world? That is because your mind is not clean. You need to meditate more and purify the mind." ...
Hi Blanche,
I can not find where you get this dialogue from. Please provide me a pointer to Dhammapada or where I may find it.
Note: Edited by moderators for formatting only |
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mountainrange
Sweden
12 Posts |
Posted - Oct 25 2023 : 9:51:26 PM
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Hi kapardine,
I recognize myself in what you're writing. Though, for me there's more a lack of words than that I don't want to engage in conversation. I've always been like this.
When I was younger I felt bothered by this. Everyone talked all the time, but not many words came up in my mind to be spoken.
Lately, thanks to spirituality, and spiritual practice I don't worry about this anymore. When I am silent, I am silent, and that's allright. When I speak, I speak and that's allright too.
If you feel like being quiet, just don't speak. When you feel like talking, and have things to say, then do that also.
Maybe it isn't harder than this.
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Edited by - mountainrange on Oct 26 2023 12:46:00 AM |
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My dislike towards people
