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NBN
USA
5 Posts |
 Posted - Aug 16 2022 : 6:20:01 PM
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Hello all:
I'm posting this in order to try to understand and get feedback from those who may have had a similar experience.
A bit of background. I started my spiritual journey about 2.5 years ago with the AYP system. Since then, my routine consists of daily meditation mantra sessions, asana, and SBP, twice a day, six days a week.
I am a lawyer. Last week, I had a hearing before a judge in a case involving a client whom I represent. Needless to say, it was a very uncomfortable experience. It felt like he already had his mind made and it feels like I was fighting up a hill. It felt like he was very biased towards one side. I've had unfavorable outcomes in the past, in other cases, but they have all felt fair. Not this time.
The judge's eye rolling, smirk, exasperated sighs, and almost condescending attitude really affected me. At least, that was how I perceived and interpreted the event and his demeanor.
It is very possible that what I experienced was simply a mirror of what is inside of me--a reflection of the ego or emotional issues that require healing. Perhaps, it had nothing to do with me and that perhaps, the issue was really him. Nevertheless, I felt the emotional impact, which lasted for a full day, and I was surprise at how deeply and how long I was affected by the experience. It felt traumatic , almost a threat to an unnamed part of me.
I read somewhere that life’s experiences, especially those difficult ones, are pointers to things inside of us that we can notice and release through our awareness. When I was experiencing the negative emotions from that event, it was difficult and I was not able to see clearly the source of my distraught, which is fairly unusual. The mind wanted to avoid it, I felt. Perhaps, whatever the source is, it is so deeply buried that the mind was unwilling or afraid to see clearly in order to let go. Who knows. Perhaps the event are not pointers at all. Who knows.
Does anyone have a similar experience and would like to chime in on how they dealt with the emotions arising out of that experience? Any insights or advice would be appreciated. |
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Dogboy
USA
2201 Posts |
Posted - Aug 17 2022 : 02:32:43 AM
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quote:
I read somewhere that life’s experiences, especially those difficult ones, are pointers to things inside of us that we can notice and release through our awareness. When I was experiencing the negative emotions from that event, it was difficult and I was not able to see clearly the source of my distraught, which is fairly unusual. The mind wanted to avoid it, I felt. Perhaps, whatever the source is, it is so deeply buried that the mind was unwilling or afraid to see clearly in order to let go. Who knows. Perhaps the event are not pointers at all. Who knows.
Hello, NBN, welcome!
After two and a half years of dedicated AYP practices, no doubt you have sensed some inner silence and the witness state. I have had a few emotional experiences in the recent past where it felt I was watching the situation unfold while simultaneously participating. After the fact, it seemed as if it blunted inner emotional turmoil, because of the split screen. Did this happen to you before the judge?
It is possible his sour demeanor is related directly to you or your client, or it is entirely of his own making, but it is examining the aftermath that is entirely your domain. If these feelings remain, you can try self inquiry (after your sitting practice, before or during rest is a perfect time). By resurrecting the turmoil as remembered or felt, and then being with it a little, you allow space to witness it. When it feels like time, drop it into the silence you have cultivated from practice, much like the samyama sutras.
Emotional events are pointers activated by ourselves and experiences. The mind (ego) may not want to look in that mirror, fearing ugliness there. Your practices give access to inner silence and the opportunity for an examined life, your purification is unbinding your nadis and inner blockages, so when life smacks you upside the head, or your emotions surprise you in unexpected ways, your practices can buffer you from suffering by opening your being to examination and surrender, and no doubt will make you a better advocate in the long run, for yourself and your clients. |
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Dogboy
USA
2201 Posts |
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interpaul
USA
525 Posts |
Posted - Aug 19 2022 : 03:43:47 AM
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| NBN, I can relate to what you are sharing. I've been doing AYP for over 3 years and have been finding myself much more sensitive to many situations, good and bad. I don't know that I have any wisdom to share at this time. I have committed to feeling all of my feelings and accepting there are growing pains that come from greater awareness. |
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ant
USA
9 Posts |
Posted - Aug 23 2022 : 6:02:29 PM
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I resonate very much with your post, although not a lawyer or anything close to it.
The way that we start to see and experience the world is not always convenient, and in my case, has been specifically inconvenient. It can put you at odds with the world around you, or even yourself. Once the disparity is seen, it really cannot be unseen. Only covered up, and naturally that is a poor idea. I find things like this to be a little "push" from God (or the "inner self") to rise to the occasion.
Kind of like "Hey, you asked to be on the path. Well, here's what needs to be done."
Sometimes that can be in a more passive form, where you have to witness darkness in the world, especially in others. I've had countless moments along the path where I've been around people and been caught off-guard by my reactions to things that a few years ago (or less) would have not stirred me a bit. Ive found it gets easier to "hold your space" when in these situations. Try to be like Jesus. With practice, you will one day see people like that with pure compassion, and maybe it wont cause the stress that it did. As for not finding the cause, I think it is that you witnessed darkness. The more purification you go through, the more it is apparent what is for good, and what is lost and lacking goodness. I've made changes in my life to try to align with what my heart desires in this way. From a career standpoint, maybe you have avenues that would help give you a feeling of helping with the darkness that you witness in the justice system?
Either way, it is a great thing to be opening up in this way. I've read accounts of business-leader types (not saying this is you) who expressed fear/hesitation at spiritual practices because they might "lose their edge". Perhaps this can occur not because the person has lost the edge, but that they are more sensitive to the mechanics of what is in front of them now that the eye is more discerning and objective. I say embrace it
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Edited by - ant on Aug 23 2022 6:07:38 PM |
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