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bbqmaster
Canada
24 Posts |
 Posted - Jan 17 2021 : 12:40:30 PM
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Hi guys,
So it's been 9 months of practice, without skipping a beat. I've long ago stopped all non-ayp practices and have slowly been incorporating the lessons. I've read over 300 of the main lessons, so far and excited to get a Plus membership soon 
The reason I'm writing is to share a few things that have been happening to me, and hopefully get some advice - or at least to find out "where I'm at".
Shortly after my last post here (about 6 months ago) the positive effects from practice slowly faded away and were replaced with growing irritability and a lot of anger. I had read hundreds of forum posts by then not to mention the main lessons, so I adjusted resting time (very tough as I am full of energy after dm). But the effect grew.
At the same time I became more acquainted with this mysterious thing called kundalini. Strange new sensations, very pleasant, started filling my body, throughout dm and after. It seems to start in the back of my neck, where the spine joins the skull. I'm doing jalandara all day long, can't help it. Also the chin-swoopy thing.
Of course, I was crazy about practice so I kept at it, I still am. But I have slowed down these last couple weeks, and let me tell you why.
The weeks went by and dm seemed to really alter my perception. I would walk in the store and look at a can of beans, and become really aware that I was staring at a shiny tin can with a picture on it, the contents of which were a mystery. Many of the normal things stopped being interesting. At night, I would wake up roughly around 4am with a certain restlessness which I've learned is a call to practice. I feel like doing many kinds of stretches, it's like every muscle craves hatha yoga and a huge ecstatic relief when they get it.
Hatha used to be really boring to me (I'm sorry!! no offense, I'm a lazy person). But now it seems like the only way to relieve the kundalini pressure. And a fun way it is, too!
I am 100% sure now that what I'm feeling is the kundalini. Just... not sure what to do about it?!
I've been reading tons, Muktananda, Gospel of Ramakrishna, just basically anything Yogani mentions in some lesson. I've learned the kundalini can feel very... sexy. It can also feel like it's driving me crazy, and now I'm coming more to the recent weeks.
I apologize if the questions come at random.
It seems clear to me that DM triggers this ecstatic vibration, and very strongly too. The flywheel effect is very real to me now.
I have experienced a Kundalini surge for a brief period some years ago, it was intensely alive, knowledgeable and fiery. It searched and poked me everywhere, had a mind of its own and brought great changes in my life. The effect felt through meditation feels a bit more... controlled (if I may?) and passive. I'd appreciate any commments on that.
For the last couple weeks or so, the fire really went down. I suddenly wanted nothing to do with religious books, started eating super heavy and lots, gained back a couple pounds. Total uprising. Started skipping the evening session, as nothing would stop the craziness.
This voice started building up inside me, a highly critical voice - and all I could do was kind of agree with it. Critical of everything I do. Very depressive thoughts, especially during dm. Pranayama would bring nothing good anymore, and although the ecstasy was stronger than ever it was so very dry. This is pretty standard overload correct?
This is the first time practice has fluctuated so wildly. The 2 weeks of self-pacing were good, and now the bhakti is starting to burn again. Mentally much more stable, and after dm I feel the same sense of peace I used to get in the beginning.
What's tricky is that this overload is hard to spot. Everything seems... normal. Things are justified. There were large amounts of anger, especially in the morning, and it all seems justified. DM helps, it seems to use up the available energy and then some hatha relieves me. Problem is, in 3-6 hours the energy is even stronger! Any comments would be appreciated.
I'm still not 100% sure if I'm doing dm correctly (I'm very thick I know haha). Here's what happens usually. I would be thinking the mantra then the neck ecstasy starts (yeah neckstasy   ). It's been months now but it's still hard to ignore, so I just do my best to stay with the mantra. I think sometimes I'm doing shambhavi. Lots of neck movements, to all sides, jalandara, some kind of chin pump, just about everything feels amazing. I often find myself surrounded by mundane thoughts, or actively involved in a mental scenario, not knowing how I made it there. I then just return to the mantra. There is never a feeling of anything 'special' happening, nor a feeling of going 'deep'. More like a state closer to sleep, if I come out of it too quickly I feel confused for a while. This is normal for dm?
Once or twice I felt like I had gone 'somewhere' and when I came to, I was doing sbp instead of dm, took me some seconds to remember what is happening.
This effect increases during samyama (which I've added a few months ago). I would just 'blink out' in between sutras, or find myself with some old memory as if micro-dreaming or something. Often during sutras I would find myself doing sbp or dm, and it would take me a few seconds to remember I was actually doing samyama. During the rest period I would sometimes fall asleep (I think) then come back to, unsure if it's morning or evening, why I'm there and it would take me some seconds to remember I was doing practice. Is this normal??
Again nothing really 'unusual' or trancey happens during either practice.
I sleep a lot now, and thankfully I work from home so I can get a nap if I want it. I feel like I am just scraping the surface getting to know this force. I have also discovered that the reason I've been pursuing music all my life, in various forms, was actually for the love of this tiny sensation in my spine and the joy it brings.
Guys I think I may have been unknowingly chasing this all my life.
How come this life force is sometimes ecstatic and sometimes feels like it's burning me?
I've noticed there is a great big burnout period after a strong ecstasy. I would sometimes be so drained I have to sleep for 2-3 hours wake up eat something and sleep again soon. If I have the time for this (which I sometimes do), is this acceptable? Any comments appreciated.
I've started taking vitamins, B supplements, Calcium etc. But another question is, What exactly is draining in the body?? And how to replenish it?
Here is my current practice:
10 mins sbp (is this a lot?)
20 mins dm
5-10 mins samyama (can't do more, too restless)
I've experienced no visions, no trances or anything funny like that. I get curious cravings for yogic postures, but nothing that can be classified as 'automatic'. It's more like a suggestion.
I apologize for the long and random post, I have literally no-one to talk to about these things and the 2 people I've mentioned this to, got turned off quickly. Any comments, or an idea of "where I'm at" would be great.
Thank you all so much  
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BlueRaincoat
United Kingdom
1734 Posts |
Posted - Jan 17 2021 : 1:06:20 PM
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Hi bbqmaster
Good to hear from you again.
quote:
Originally posted by bbqmaster
This is pretty standard overload correct?
YES
quote:
Originally posted by bbqmaster
I've started taking vitamins, B supplements, Calcium etc. But another question is, What exactly is draining in the body?? And how to replenish it?
This is not a matter of nutrients. Or lack of them. Of course you need to eat healthily, but there is more to it. It is stress on the energy channels, or nerves (whichever way you want to look at it). I suspect the electrical signals that underpin the activity of our nervous system have something to do with it. Too much of this energy will lead to burnout.
So you need to self pace and ground.
What is your practice at the moment? And have you cut back already? You may need to experiment a little to find a sustainable level of practice. If in doubt, cut back more, not less. It's easier to increase the practice time later than to deal with persistent overload. You will have to rein in your bhakti and be practical about this. |
Edited by - BlueRaincoat on Jan 17 2021 1:07:48 PM |
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bbqmaster
Canada
24 Posts |
Posted - Jan 17 2021 : 11:51:33 PM
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Hi BlueRaincoat and thanks for the reply
quote:
Originally posted by BlueRaincoat
It is stress on the energy channels, or nerves (whichever way you want to look at it).
That makes a lot of sense, thanks for clarifying that.
I have once again added the regular evening session after a 2 week hiatus. I am doing 5 mins sbp, 20mins DM, 5-10 mins samyama.
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interpaul
USA
551 Posts |
Posted - Jan 18 2021 : 6:59:48 PM
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| bbqmaster, Welcome to the forum. I started 18 months ago with these practices and can relate to many of your experiences. BlueRaincoat is correct, you may need to cut back and ground even more. There are delays in the build of this energy. You hadn't mentioned if you added kechari, mulabandha, sambhavi, and most importantly Siddhasana. All of those are powerful energy practices that you may need to dial back. Yogani does a great job outlining the progression starting with only DM, then adding SBP then the other add ons. You may want to review the order in the lessons and dial it back a lot, hold there and if stable slowly add a practice and wait a month or so to make sure you are stable. The peaks and valleys you are experiencing only delay you reaching your destination (the irony is the destination in my opinion is the journey! so make it a pleasant one). As Yogani says again and again this isn't a sprint it is a marathon. |
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BlueRaincoat
United Kingdom
1734 Posts |
Posted - Jan 19 2021 : 09:16:18 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by bbqmaster
I have once again added the regular evening session after a 2 week hiatus. I am doing 5 mins sbp, 20mins DM, 5-10 mins samyama.
Did your overload symptoms disappear while you were dong just one session a day?
Doubling to two session a day may be too big a step. If you find that the instability persists or returns, try a more gradual increase in practice time.
When kundalini gets going, less practice may be enough to keep things moving along. You probably remember the term "flywheel effect" from the lessons.
All the best  |
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bbqmaster
Canada
24 Posts |
Posted - Jan 19 2021 : 2:43:07 PM
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Hi Interpaul and thanks for the reply I have not added kechari, but siddhasana is on throughout. Mulabandha, Shambhavi kind of happen on their own without me trying to add them much. I find that for me DM is by far the strongest kundalini stimulator.
I still can't believe I am casually talking about this kundalini thing!
I've been doing 2 sessions a day again now and I'm in "yoga mode" again, getting all these strange insights and weird questions. I am called to self-inquiry all the time, there is this obsessive interest in figuring out which part of an action am I, but it is not fruitful.
Is self-inquiry also a result of DM?
If I find things are getting too much again, what's best: skip a whole session like before, or cut down time in half but keep both sessions?
Many thanks to both of you
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BlueRaincoat
United Kingdom
1734 Posts |
Posted - Jan 19 2021 : 3:36:02 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by bbqmaster
If I find things are getting too much again, what's best: skip a whole session like before, or cut down time in half but keep both sessions?
It is recommended to do two sessions. Unless you're self-acing to meditation only and still finding its too much - in that case, if the timing can't be reduce further, the recommendation is to reduce to one session per day.
In your case, shortening the sessions and cutting out the most energy stimulating practices seems to be the obvious step. Siddhasana stimulates the energy a lot. You might want to try a different meditation seat.
Take care. |
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bbqmaster
Canada
24 Posts |
Posted - Jan 19 2021 : 6:43:55 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by BlueRaincoat
Did your overload symptoms disappear while you were dong just one session a day?
Yes they did. The kundalini was still going, but barely. The desire to sit for practice was also lower. I think I prefer 2 sessions a day |
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interpaul
USA
551 Posts |
Posted - Jan 20 2021 : 12:32:08 AM
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| bbqmaster, It sounds like these practices are very intoxicating for you. There's nothing wrong with enjoying the practices but you run the risk of overdoing it and then having to significantly cut back. I repeatedly heard words of caution from more experienced practitioners when I would have intense experiences. Who wants to self pace and reduce doing practices that are enjoyable? The challenge is many people allow their enthusiasm to get the best of them and soon they overload and have to significantly cut back. Yogani repeatedly talks about the importance of paying attention to how you feel on the 23 hours of the day when you are not doing your practices. When I pushed too hard I experienced a panic attack. This was new for me and a big wake up call. People would warn me to self pace if I experienced "discomfort" but I was experiencing too much ecstasy. That too is a warning to dial things back as I learned after the panic attack. If you drop siddhasana for awhile and find a nice balance you should be able to add it back once you have more stability. The nice thing about self pacing is something you fine tune over time to find that happy balance, just like finding the edge in any asana pose. Push too far and you may cause pain. |
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bbqmaster
Canada
24 Posts |
Posted - Jan 23 2021 : 11:29:05 AM
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Hi BlueRaincoat and Interpaul, thanks so much for the concern. I promise I am self-pacing properly, and have reduced all practices to almost exclusively DM, twice daily.
It's hard to tell what is 'overload' and what is simply me, complaining as usual  But I think I've identified it a little better now.
I'm sorry to hear about your panic attack  . I hope things have slowed down a bit for you. I've had no intense experiences yet, nor am I too certain I want them.
I'm wondering, are there any comments to my other questions?
1. What is at the back of the neck, and why does it feel like the mantra is emanating from there?
2. What is the difference between the 'daily' kundalini versus a surge. Why does the surge feel out of control, and why does it bear gifts, whereas the daily Ecstasy feels more subdued?
3. The Fluctuations, are they normal? Depressed and in the pits one or three days, then joyous and hopeful for a few more. Had them all my life, but more intense since starting regular yoga.
Guys I have so many questions it's not even funny. It's like I'm rediscovering my body, like every movement now has a secret meaning that I didn't know of before. I am watching my thoughts like a madman and becoming more convinced every day that they are not 'my thoughts' at all. I am now routinely reaching for conflict resolutions that involve me saying 'I'm sorry', something that didn't happen for many years. But, I am still not an inch closer to the 'divine', and I feel like maybe I am faking it. Will more DM bring some clarity and stability, or is it purposely deconstructing stuff in my mind?
Thank you so much |
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zamolxes
Romania
93 Posts |
Posted - Jan 25 2021 : 09:17:35 AM
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Hello master of bbq,
We all relate to your experiences and questions, and I too have had these fluctuations, which they seem to happen naturally more than an effect of practices. Many many questions there are, and the more there appear the less we tend to answer them.
1. At the back of the neck is the medulla omblongata, it is the place from where the kundalini of the body rises into the head, and also a little door from where prana from outside of yourself enters your body. I too had periods in which I felt pressure at that spot, or many peculiar sensations. And in dm it seemed at a certain stage that I sanjsinked in that space, as if it where the source of inner silence. In encourage you to explore by yourself the subtle aspects of the body.
2. I would say that our bodies are like highway systems. In daily life, depending on how developed the roads are, we feel a certain vibrancy. Sometimes we are floaty, sometimes lightheaded, sometimes angry and irritated. It all depends of what cars are driving by which is the karma. Now, kundalini isn't necessarily something supernatural, it is just a process, as if the City Hall decided to build wider and newer roads. Then the dust and noise of the construction sites can be annoying. These are the surges, when the infrastructure is being stimulated.
3. These fluctuations I have them too, as for why I never figured them out, and stopped trying. A river, as it flows, sometimes encounters valleys, and joyfully runs through trees. And yet, in its reveries, as the next day comes, it passes through a town, and its clear waters became muddy. Can it do something? Not really, but it is what it is. I also encourage you to explore this and perhaps tell me where is the control room for moods, cause it seems there is an unqualified worker in there for me too.
As for an increase of irritation, the daily witnessing of thoughts, the self-inquiry and the curiosity can count as practices too. They strain your mind and create a buildup of energy. It's best to just keep an eye open for deeper questions that arise, and inquire into them, than keep watching everything. One day, the thoughts will become like falling leaves on an autumn day, just passing by, a part of your road. Which means it won't be as tiring.
Hope you all the best. |
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BlueRaincoat
United Kingdom
1734 Posts |
Posted - Jan 30 2021 : 2:07:22 PM
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Hi bbqmaster
quote:
Originally posted by bbqmaster
Why does the surge feel out of control, and why does it bear gifts, whereas the daily Ecstasy feels more subdued?
What kind of "gifts" are you referring to?
It almost sounds as if a steady practice, resulting in a stable ecstatic feeling throughout the day were in some way inferior to out-of-control energy surges. Is that what you were trying to say? Am I misunderstanding your question?
With regards to mantra localising at the back of your neck, that is very likely a temporary sensation. It might be with you for some weeks or months, but things usually change. The mantra will vibrate in various points, depending on the pattern of obstructions along the energy channels. Understanding the reasons behind it will probably not progress your practice. AYP considers these these things to be "under the hood". The system is intelligent. Trying to rationalise the sensations is (1) nearly impossible and (2) unlikely to yield benefits. Let the mantra do its cleaning work.
Mood cycles (from happy to depressed, back to happy and so on) seem to be a vulnerability of the human mind. At the extreme end of the spectrum there is a psychiatric condition called manic depression, but a proportion of the population experiences mild mood cycles. If yours accentuate, keep an eye on the situation and avoid running into discomfort. You might notice that the higher the highs the lower the lows. You already know about self-pacing.
How are self-pacing experiments going? Are you still on meditation only? |
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bbqmaster
Canada
24 Posts |
Posted - Jan 31 2021 : 11:03:43 AM
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Hi Zamolxes, thanks for the reply!
Thanks for clarifying the medulla oblongata stuff, is that the same as one of the 10 doors for prana to enter (as mentioned in Clear Light of Bliss)? I have been reading lots you see 
Hi BlueRaincoat,
The surges I experienced some 6 years ago did some unusual stuff to me. I had never held a drawing pen in my life, and yet I started drawing like a madman for about 6 months. I was seeing things, shapes, faces in my minds eye, clear as day and in full colour - which is highly unusual for me. Also the musical ability skyrocketed - not my technique at all, but the creative part, I was literally hearing new music in my head all day. Bought a synth to record it, as it was just flowing out so easily. This lasted a while longer. Also, for a short while, I started being eeeever so slightly precognitive.
These are what I call gifts. Sadly, they have all but faded away long ago - and it's not about them, anyway.
It was actually the surges that prompted the need for a stable system, and that's how I came to yoga. Far from me to diss a daily stable practice, after all that's what I'm asking advice about. I apologize if it came out wrong. The reason I'm confused is because the two feel so different! The daily practice produces a mild ecstatic vibration (which can get very strong), which I feel in the neck as well as in the spine. Otoh the surge feels alive, like a fiery pinhead, has a mind of its own, goes wherever it wants in my body and it produces massive changes in personality. It even knew I was missing an appendix, as it lingered there for many minutes.
Question is, are they the same?? Or, is one a milder version of the other?
As for daily practice, I am at 3mins sbp, 20mins dm and 5mins samyama, with siddhasana throughout. The ecstasy & burnout have reduced significantly. I am identifying daily overload much more quickly now, and cutting down to all but 10 mins of dm for the evening, if need be. It works well. The self-inquiry is however going strongly, I cannot control it. Is this a normal effect of dm?
Thank you kindly!
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BlueRaincoat
United Kingdom
1734 Posts |
Posted - Feb 01 2021 : 06:28:11 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by bbqmaster
Question is, are they the same?? Or, is one a milder version of the other?
Yes, they are both energy movements. Sometimes the energy gathers momentum (often pushed by sitting practices, but not always) and you get what you call a "surge".
As for the gifts, I don't know if we can make a rule that they come after surges and not after steady practice. They are unpredictable. They may come whenever you least expect them. They are more likely to follow surrender.
quote:
Originally posted by bbqmaster
The surges I experienced some 6 years ago did some unusual stuff to me.
It sounds like you got a very loud and clear message back then. It has brought you to make a choice to follow a steady path. The gifts that will come from now on may well surprise you. They maybe bear a resemblance to, or be nothing like the ones you experienced before. That's the wonder of the journey.
You're doing great with self-pacing. As long as you're feeling balance off the cushion, you know you are not overdoing. Enjoy! |
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9 months of AYP
