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Kirtanman
USA
1651 Posts |
 Posted - Oct 14 2006 : 02:06:58 AM
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Hello & Namaste, Shanti & All,
Wow - what a powerful thread; thank you, Shweta, for starting it --- and for sharing the depth of your life, and your heart with us. It is through (and from) this level of authenticity and openness that we genuinely help each other.
I have had a similar phase in my life, fairly recently (2004-2005) - and in my case, it turned out to be quite severe, by the standards of most people (several key relationships in my life, including some with members of my immediate family, appear to have ended - in the sense that those people are unwilling to have a relationship, or communication, with me - currently. Others convey a sense of a strained - possibly permanently - relationship).
With regard to others, in my immediate and extended family - and a few long term, very close friends - I am closer than ever, to them. And, I have made some wonderful new friends - primarily those with a similar "laser focus" on consciousness / reality.
Am I utterly detached, and free from emotional pain, concerning these strained relationships?
No - and don't / wouldn't expect to be.
Do I sometimes long for the healing and wholeness of a complete and happy family? You betcha!
Do I recognizes this longing for what it is? (Some foam on a few whitecaps, as a strong breeze blows through -- rather than the end of the world?)
Much faster than I used to - by several orders of magnitude (2006 = Bummed out for a couple of minutes, or maybe a couple of hours -- 2004 = Bummed out for a couple of weeks, or maybe a couple of months -- and a lot MORE bummed out, because I was *much* more identified with the emotional pain).
What has made the difference?
AYP Practices.
(Yes, really.)
And for me, Kirtan of course -- and the consciousness which emanates other wonderfully conscious beings such as Adyashanti, Swami Vishwananda and Swami Kaleshwar - which uplifts and strengthens my practice and awakening.
The direct benefits I have experienced are:
*As deeply as a sense of need for acceptance runs in most of us -- practices have helped to minimize this need - and this is accelerating; pain doesn't hurt as much (on any level; this evening, I got a bad cramp in my foot - and I was just noticing it - and realized that this has never happened to me before; in the past, I would have always resisted it, and tried to minimize it - and would have wanted it to be over. This evening, it was truly just what was happening - it was not a problem in any way, and it caused no suffering. None. And the point of mentioning this is not, "Hey, look how detached *I* am, but rather: this was / is *quite* unexpected -- just as yogic bliss is actually BLISS, yogic detachment is actually DETACHMENT - it's A. Real, and B. An effect of practice that I could never [in my past experience, anyway] bring about by trying ---- but which just "showed up".)
*Genuine equanimity, stemming from practices --- has *tangible*, beneficial effects in the physical world. Another thing we can't "make" happen -- but when it does, not only do we feel more peace in interpersonal situations --- the situations tend to shift into something more positive, in a way that science can't explain, currently (but that metaphysics does a fine job of ... hint: reality operates on far more than one level .... [smile]).
So, please know that I do truly sympathize (seems like most of us have been through something at least a bit similar, in this regard] - and I hope my comments are helpful.
And I get how bothersome judgment can be; I used to say that I didn't judge anyone except judgmental people, and I wasn't prejudiced against anyone ... except prejudiced people!
(i.e. I realized that my judgments and prejudices were firmly in place, and wrapped in the nice, cozy coat of spiritual ego.)
Then, I came to see judgmental and prejudiced people as they are -- beautiful souls living in a very, very bad dream.
Even the ego's soldiers you and EMC were discussing -- (and I know them as well as anyone) -- are only fighting because they think they have to, to survive. They [Ego Soldiers] don't need to be fought or killed either -- they just need to be lovingly shown that the war is over. They can drop their guns, take off their uniforms, kick back on the beach, and soak up the Sun!)
Us, too.
Aum Shanti, Shanti, ShantiH.
: )
Namaste,
Kirtanman |
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Shanti
USA
4854 Posts |
Posted - Oct 14 2006 : 8:29:21 PM
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Thanks Kirtanman.. 
"*As deeply as a sense of need for acceptance runs in most of us -- practices have helped to minimize this need - and this is accelerating; pain doesn't hurt as much "
Yes this is true.. but pain hurts me just as much today as it did in the past.. just does not hang around as long as it used to.
"Then, I came to see judgmental and prejudiced people as they are -- beautiful souls living in a very, very bad dream."
Ahhh.. my thoughts exactly.... they are doing the best they can....
After this thread.. I have been listening again to people.. nothing really has changed.. they are all doing what they always do.. I was changing and could not accept it I guess.. I don't think they even noticed I have changed they are so involved in their own lives...
It was never about them.. it was always about me..
Did I ever tell all of you... you guys are awesome.. thank you..  |
Edited by - Shanti on Oct 14 2006 9:53:08 PM |
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Anthem
1608 Posts |
Posted - Oct 15 2006 : 9:07:46 PM
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Great post Kirtanman,
quote:
Even the ego's soldiers you and EMC were discussing -- (and I know them as well as anyone) -- are only fighting because they think they have to, to survive. They [Ego Soldiers] don't need to be fought or killed either -- they just need to be lovingly shown that the war is over. They can drop their guns, take off their uniforms, kick back on the beach, and soak up the Sun!)
Us, too.
This is such a great reminder, acceptance is the key, resistance only perpetuates the efforts of the ego, thank you.
peace to you,
A |
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Kirtanman
USA
1651 Posts |
Posted - Oct 17 2006 : 02:28:58 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by Anthem11
Great post Kirtanman,
quote:
Even the ego's soldiers you and EMC were discussing -- (and I know them as well as anyone) -- are only fighting because they think they have to, to survive. They [Ego Soldiers] don't need to be fought or killed either -- they just need to be lovingly shown that the war is over. They can drop their guns, take off their uniforms, kick back on the beach, and soak up the Sun!)
Us, too.
This is such a great reminder, acceptance is the key, resistance only perpetuates the efforts of the ego, thank you.
peace to you,
A
You're welcome!
And thank you for the kind words - and peace to you - and to All.
Aum, Shanti, Shanti, ShantiH
[The upper-case H denotes an aspiration - the "H" sound, followed by a repeat of the vowel which precedes it ... hence Sanskritically correct pronounciation is "Shuntee, Shuntee, Shuntee-hee".]
If anyone cares.
And there's a strong sense of wanting to comment on Ego a bit more, but methinks this warrants a new thread.
So in the words of the great sage Bullwinkle the Moose, I shall now ... "Exit ... Stage .... Right ...." ----->
Namaste, Aum Shanti,
Kirtanman |
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Shanti
USA
4854 Posts |
Posted - Oct 28 2006 : 12:33:42 PM
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OK.. sorry I keep going on and on. I have changed too much in one year.. and I cannot seem to get a grip on this.. its like sitting and watching a 1 and 1/2 yr old child just learning to walk losing balance and almost falling .. and our heart skipping a beat every time he is on the verge of falling.. and oohhh!!! the table edge.. its sooo close.. but the mom (who has watched him grow for the last 1 and 1/2 years) sitting through it soooo coolly.. knowing exactly what is going on.. I have been that parent.. so I know how and why that mom has no reactions .. I have also been that "heart in the mouth" person watching.. and with yoga.. I am the person watching.. not the mom who knows what is going on...
There is a question on this topic that I still need an answer to.. but I don't know what the question is..  
I am having a hard time figuring out what to make of the changes in me. I feel like I am an observer now.. I am not involved in this family situation like I used to be. I know it sounds like too much yoga, need to self pace.. but it is not that..
David said: "Once you change, as a result of realizing something, there really isn't any going back to the way you were before." That is what it is. The whole family and life situation feels like an illusion.. there to get through.. and I do enjoy it.. but cannot seem to get a high or low from it like I used to.
My daughter who has always been a straight A student.. got a bad grade in one of her quizzes. She was a mess.. she was so upset .. and my first reaction was shock.. she has never had a bad grade.. but then I said it was fine, we will make it up in the next test. She kept coming back to me saying she was sorry.. and I kept assuring her it was OK.. She said, her over all grades would fall, and she may not make it to the high honor roll and she may not make it to the principals list and.. then finally she said something... "Mom, why are you so cool about it, its almost like you don't care if I get a good grade or not"... That was it.. that is the change I have been talking about.. where in I am not reacting the way I used to.. and people around think I just don't care. Well, I went through the whole thing of.. "well by getting upset we cant make this grade better, and we will just have to work harder towards the next test.." etc.. I could see her walk away.. not a 100% happy with my answer.. if I had shown my disappointment and made a big fuss about her grade.. she would have felt more at home... She even said.. "scold me mom, or say something bad.. it will be easier for me to accept this".. This is just one small example of how things are changing..
So anyone here, who has had been doing yoga for a while (Yogani?)... tell me, how does this work.. do I just keep getting more and more detached.. and soon not care what happens? (Although as of now, its not that I am detached, or less caring, just the way I look at something is more practical.. can I do something about this situation.. if not.. why dwell on it).. Do people around you get used to it and call you the uncaring parent? (again.. I think I care more about the family today than I did a year back.. just the way I show it is different.. which results in this appearance of being detached and aloof). Will it come to a point where it does not matter what your family thinks of you? Is this whole thing ... changing for the betterment of self.. selfish? This is an irreversible process.. I cannot go back to being the person I used to be.. but does it get easier to live with this situation.. or harder? We put in so much effort to bringing up our children and providing a safe and loving home.. if life moves along this path.. and we are seen as an uncaring parents at the end.. will I be in a position to just accept it? |
Edited by - Shanti on Oct 28 2006 12:36:53 PM |
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david_obsidian
USA
2602 Posts |
Posted - Oct 28 2006 : 1:49:16 PM
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So anyone here, who has had been doing yoga for a while (Yogani?)... tell me, how does this work.. do I just keep getting more and more detached.. and soon not care what happens? (Although as of now, its not that I am detached, or less caring, just the way I look at something is more practical.. can I do something about this situation.. if not.. why dwell on it)
Hi Shanti, you've partly answered your own question. What Yogani calls 'Inner Silence' is part of what might be called 'Inner Co-ordination', which is the nervous system moving to a more effective mode of operation. "Detachment" is part of that, but the word, like all words, can be misleading. What's happening is that you are manifesting more organic intelligence. The head-in-the-mud-with-arms-flailing "attachment" is going or gone. And yet, as you can see yourself, love, concern and consideration remain.
The fact that you are changing so quickly is throwing your family for a loop. You find it disconcerting even seeing it with, shall we say, "insider information" -- imagine how disconcerting it is to see it without even that.
I'd say part of what is going on too, is that you are not yet able to communicate very effectively from your new perspective. Your new "inner co-ordination" not yet fully integrated. Your inner co-ordination is young, and needs time to situate, develop and express itself. As time goes on, you'll develop more skill at that.
Also, I'd say since you have had a lot of recent development, what you are giving off is quite mixed, containing a lot of the new and a lot of the old. I would guess that right now, for example, you may be giving some mixed messages; perhaps (for example) your body language ("aura") is not expressing the same assurance that your words are.
If you are quite 'mixed' like that (I don't mean mixed up), people may find it hard to grok you. In time it will smooth out and you'll be easier to understand.
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Balance
USA
967 Posts |
Posted - Oct 28 2006 : 2:13:01 PM
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Hi Shweta
Don't know what to say coming from a similar experience. This time of transition/transformation for me is all about learning patience. Finding God/myself everywhere would dispell the ignorance and suffering on the surface. Not being able to relate is prior to such a Being. Aloofness and seeing people's reactions to things that to me now appear trivial is kind of weird. How could I have cared so much about the color and shape of my car? How could I have watched T.V. and thought I was relating to something? How could I have shed tears for nothing? I am aghast to see everyone being lost in delusion. Patience, humility, compassion. I want to help others crack the nut so I must continue to break the shell to alleviate mine and their suffering. I must stay the course until this change comes to be permanent, or at least until my nine-year-old is on his own. Then it won't matter if I crawl under a rock for a while if need be.
Yours in confusion, Alan |
Edited by - Balance on Oct 28 2006 2:24:07 PM |
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Kirtanman
USA
1651 Posts |
Posted - Oct 28 2006 : 2:49:04 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by Shanti
OK.. sorry I keep going on and on. I have changed too much in one year.. and I cannot seem to get a grip on this.. its like sitting and watching a 1 and 1/2 yr old child just learning to walk losing balance and almost falling .. and our heart skipping a beat every time he is on the verge of falling.. and oohhh!!! the table edge.. its sooo close.. but the mom (who has watched him grow for the last 1 and 1/2 years) sitting through it soooo coolly.. knowing exactly what is going on.. I have been that parent.. so I know how and why that mom has no reactions .. I have also been that "heart in the mouth" person watching.. and with yoga.. I am the person watching.. not the mom who knows what is going on...
There is a question on this topic that I still need an answer to.. but I don't know what the question is..
I am having a hard time figuring out what to make of the changes in me. I feel like I am an observer now.. I am not involved in this family situation like I used to be. I know it sounds like too much yoga, need to self pace.. but it is not that..
David said: "Once you change, as a result of realizing something, there really isn't any going back to the way you were before." That is what it is. The whole family and life situation feels like an illusion.. there to get through.. and I do enjoy it.. but cannot seem to get a high or low from it like I used to.
My daughter who has always been a straight A student.. got a bad grade in one of her quizzes. She was a mess.. she was so upset .. and my first reaction was shock.. she has never had a bad grade.. but then I said it was fine, we will make it up in the next test. She kept coming back to me saying she was sorry.. and I kept assuring her it was OK.. She said, her over all grades would fall, and she may not make it to the high honor roll and she may not make it to the principals list and.. then finally she said something... "Mom, why are you so cool about it, its almost like you don't care if I get a good grade or not"... That was it.. that is the change I have been talking about.. where in I am not reacting the way I used to.. and people around think I just don't care. Well, I went through the whole thing of.. "well by getting upset we cant make this grade better, and we will just have to work harder towards the next test.." etc.. I could see her walk away.. not a 100% happy with my answer.. if I had shown my disappointment and made a big fuss about her grade.. she would have felt more at home... She even said.. "scold me mom, or say something bad.. it will be easier for me to accept this".. This is just one small example of how things are changing..
So anyone here, who has had been doing yoga for a while (Yogani?)... tell me, how does this work.. do I just keep getting more and more detached.. and soon not care what happens? (Although as of now, its not that I am detached, or less caring, just the way I look at something is more practical.. can I do something about this situation.. if not.. why dwell on it).. Do people around you get used to it and call you the uncaring parent? (again.. I think I care more about the family today than I did a year back.. just the way I show it is different.. which results in this appearance of being detached and aloof). Will it come to a point where it does not matter what your family thinks of you? Is this whole thing ... changing for the betterment of self.. selfish? This is an irreversible process.. I cannot go back to being the person I used to be.. but does it get easier to live with this situation.. or harder? We put in so much effort to bringing up our children and providing a safe and loving home.. if life moves along this path.. and we are seen as an uncaring parents at the end.. will I be in a position to just accept it?
Hello & Namaste, Shweta,
The short answer - specifically to your very last question above is:
Yes.
On a very human level you have my kudos, respect and genuine sympathy - I've been through some very similar things (based on what you describe above), including with my own [significantly] older children [all over 18 - oldest is 23].
Woman - you're in it --- and that takes guts -- especially when the situations cut to the core of how you, and those you love most dearly, have defined yourself as a human being.
What it means to be "Mom", and how others react to your performance (weighed against their egoic, socially conditioned expectations) as "Mom" --- cuts to the very, very heart of who you think you are.
Who you
think
you are.
That's how the vrittis (mind disturbances, as I'm sure you know) of social roles (including roles as primary as "Mother") play out. Your daughter tosses a rock in the lake of your mind, with her disappointed look and comments.
Is that rock a pebble?
"My daughter is upset - what, if any, reaction is arising?"
(You may not think those words, after the hyphen - but that's likely the sense of it --- on the physical plane, _even after high consciousness has been attained_ -- we humans are wired to have reactions to social stimuli -- the differentiators are simply the levels of awareness we have - especially concerning our reactions.
Example, per your daughter's grade situation: "That look - oh (maternal twinge - wanting to maybe hug / help / correct / make sure you never contribute to its - daughter's discomfort - creation again) - I feel - guilt - does it play out - or is it supplanted by something else?"
There's a stage, usually relatively brief - where we kinda-sorta become the dispassionate observer -- and many think that this is a permanent thing, or that "high beings" live this way.
Not so, at all, in my experience or observation.
As Adyashanti has said, "Enlightenment is not freedom from being fully human - but rather freedom to be fully human."
Freedom to be.
This includes being a fully human mother, wife and friend (etc. etc. etc.).
Having feelings about what is happening is part of the deal ...
... it's simply a matter of awareness surrounding those feelings - and I've found a little quote from a somewhat unusual dude in California to be useful, here:
"Awareness is 90% of the solution."
-- Kirtanman
The trick (and this is where dispassionate observation can be such a useful tool, initially - then, it kind of evolves into the same clarity, with less dispassion, I've found) - is to see the "Big A" awareness of a given situation.
I don't know if the following items resonate as completely true - but this is what I'm getting, from what you wrote -- please run through the filter of your own "Big A" awareness to verify, or to replace with a statement that is correct:
(And please note -- these initial points are descriptions not of the "Big A Awareness" itself, but of the baseline, reactionary thoughts - the vritti ripples in your mind, which distort the actuality) - which are _part_ of the Big A Awareness --- the other part (which represents the benefit of daily AYP practices, and the benefits thereof ... ... is: what does the light of consciousness / love have to say about this?
*Part of me feels like disengagement from classic parenting reactions is selfish.
*Part of me feels like disengagement from classic parenting reactions is hurting my daughter.
*How dare I take my yogic-practice attitudes, and use them to hurt my daughter's growth and well-being?
*Am I hurting my daughter?
*She does need to succeed on tests - otherwise, she'll be a failure, or her life options will be limited!
*My new, higher consciousness can be helpful here.
*I'm a bad mother!
*I'm a bad [wife / daughter / friend / grocery store customer / Etc.]
*This is a common life situation with workable, beneficial solutions.
*This is a disaster!
And on and on and on and on and on .....
Which is how the Ahamkara (Ego) operates, and has been trained to operate ... it moves against the "fabric" of life ... feels the resulting sensations - and feels satisfied that it's A. still here, and B. still doing the things that will insure it's survival.
As far as initial programming goes, it's brilliant -- and for most of the history of humanity, utterly essential (to the continuation of existence and well-being as a human individual - and as a human species).
In this day and age, our egos operate within a matrix of social conditioning that for the most part has no bearing whatsoever on true health and survival.
Last year, in a situation with one of my daughters - I was accused of being distant, selfish and aloof -- purely because I did not throw myself on the sword (of guilt / giving in to expectation).
(And I'm about the _least_ aloof guy on the planet - for better or for worse -- so this situation wasn't due to being a typical aloof father - it was more that "said aloofness" was seen as something new and undesirable, by my daughter).
It was one of the very hardest things I have ever done in my life (because I felt that same unspoken threat that you seem to feel - that the most beloved people in my life would reject me, if I didn't "reconform" to behavior that they wanted to see.)
One of the HUGE keys to awareness and resolution for me, was to realize that we tend to give our power / authority away to people who are every bit as confused, conflicted and mixed up as we are --- the only difference being that we (sadhakas / spiritually-oriented people) may recognize the tendencies a bit more, at times.
What is the goal of yogic practice (and presumably, life)?
I would say Enlightenment, Self-Realization or God-Realization - depending on the term(s) one prefers -- or barring that "realization of our highest possible personal evolution on all levels."
What is the defining quality of that level of Realization?
I would say: Freedom.
Experiencing reality gives us the freedom to be aware of things as they are, and to move accordingly.
In my experience this always - not almost always --- ALWAYS - results in behavior which is most conscious AND most loving AND serves the highest good for all involved.
It was rough going with my own daughter for a few months --- but today, we're closer than ever -- and resolved some long-term life issues between us.
As hard as it was, I stepped into a place of willingness to be aware of what was actually going on, and willingness to do the most conscious (loving) thing ---- regardless of whether or not it was comfortable for me -- or for my daughter.
I'm not sure how old your daughter is - but if she's old enough to understand that the basis for your shift in attitudes is because you're evolving in ways that will help you to become the best and most loving mother possible - she'll likely feel much better about that aspect.
And (just my opinion -- though I doubt I'm telling you anything you don't already know, deep down, in your own heart) -- even if she can't see that -- it is what you're doing, and you still owe it to her - and to yourself -- to proceed.
This is true karma yoga --- to know that love is at the heart of the root, the process and the destination of all of this ----- all of this.
I don't know how "Indian" your family is -- seems like kind of a mix (?) between Indian and American culture -- point being: I know how strongly Indian culture can emphasize things like grades, and social conformity -- makes American families look like amateurs!
(And we've got our own list of dysfunctional tendencies -- as every culture / nation / society does)
So -- your daughter has likely been deeply conditioned - by all influences in her life --- that she must _perform_. She must _measure up_. If she doesn't, she has _let down_ herself, and those she loves - and possibly jeopardized her future, in the bargain.
(No wonder the kid is feeling bad ......!)
I'm not saying you've put undue pressure on her about this in the past --- I'm saying that this is the message from ALL of society, to her, to a greater or lesser degree.
As your consciousness continues to expand, you will shine the light of reality in your daughter's life -- on every energetic plane, and in every possible way.
In your heart is pure love, yes?
(Yes.)
A key quality of that love is Prajna - heart-wisdom.
Lose your mind ...
(What are they thinking about me? Should I change back to how I was? How can I help her? How can I know how? Am I being selfish?)
... and step into your heart.
Adyashanti says, "I know so much LESS than I did ten years ago -- now, I just know what I need to know, when I need to know it."
All of us, too, if we allow it.
The only aspect of love that may be even more applicable here than heart wisdom is ---- ruthless honesty (and the two go hand in hand -- discrimination between truth and illusion comes from this.)
Why ARE you on your yogic path, Shweta?
Is it to get the ultimate spiritual goodie?
(Enlightenment)
If so - then you may be being selfish (that's not bad - it just may be true).
However, if you're on your yogic path because that's how love moves in you - and you know, in your deepest heart, that evolving to a point of fully experiencing reality as a human being -- is how you can most fully love ----- well, that's (by definition) not selfish (in the standard sense of the term -- it may be Selfish, however -- in the sense that there is just this .... Self.)
Do you love your daughter, your family, the world around you --- and every bit as importantly --- yourself ----- to keep evolving the Love that you are?
I'll leave you with that, for now - and with the very true statement that it is truly my honor to offer these hopefully helpful words to a friend who is so full of love, and so valiant in her practice.
(If you weren't, you wouldn't have written the post to which I am responding!)
Aum Shanti Shanti ShantiH - Jaya Lakshmi & Namaste,
Kirtanman
PS - No need to say that you're sorry, per the beginning of your post. A. It's what we're here for (to help each other through ALL areas of practice - including interpersonal relationship / family stuff), and B. In an online forum, if someone doesn't want to read or respond to a given post --- they don't have any requirement to do so ---- so "post away".
Plus, as the old movie says, "Love means never having to say you're sorry".
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yogani
USA
5201 Posts |
Posted - Oct 28 2006 : 4:32:39 PM
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Hi Shweta:
Would anyone notice if you had been this way all along? No. They would just take your strength for granted. It is the period of change that raises the questions, for you and for those around you. Once it has progressed, your loved ones will count on your rising inner strength, and you will be glad to have it to give. Take it from someone who has traveled a similar path.
Nothing is being subtracted. Something important is being added, and that will become more apparent to all concerned as time goes on.
While no one is particularly comfortable with change, it is a fact that you will become even more the rock of your family than ever in the past.
Dispassion is profoundly passionate on the deepest level in us, and it will not be lost on anyone as it continues to manifest in your daily life in practical ways. Weakness and fear are being replaced with unshakable inner strength, compassion, and the power to stir many to choose their own freedom, no matter what the circumstances of life may bring. What a wonderful gift to give your children. Someday they will thank you for it, even though the changes might seem strange to them now.
It is not always easy to let go into our destiny, even with assurances that we will be all right. This is the very destiny that the scriptures have promised us, yes? Yet, we get nervous when we see it coming up. It is a natural reaction to an evolutionary transformation in us that we might not have considered to be within our reach. Well, it is ... and something inside us has known it all along.
The guru is in you.
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Balance
USA
967 Posts |
Posted - Oct 28 2006 : 7:22:39 PM
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Hi again
I wrote "Then it won't matter if I crawl under a rock for a while if need be." That sounds a little dismal. What I meant was that after my youngest is on his own then I probably will not have anything to require me to participate in the world too much. Under a rock means living simply and meditating a lot.
Peace, Alan |
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Shanti
USA
4854 Posts |
Posted - Oct 28 2006 : 11:04:41 PM
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"In time it will smooth out and you'll be easier to understand."
He He.. well that certainly would be an improvement.. if I ever got easier to understand..
"You find it disconcerting even seeing it with, shall we say, "insider information" -- imagine how disconcerting it is to see it without even that."
Oh! my gosh!!!! how true is this. I don't know why I never saw it this way.. I have changed so suddenly and I myself am having a tough time coping with it.. and been so wrapped up in this.. I wasn't looking at this from their point of view.. wonder why?
"I'd say part of what is going on too, is that you are not yet able to communicate very effectively from your new perspective. Your new "inner co-ordination" not yet fully integrated. Your inner co-ordination is young, and needs time to situate, develop and express itself. As time goes on, you'll develop more skill at that. " Yes, I think you have it right.. I need to grow into my new perspective... and I guess that will happen in time. Thanks David.. sometimes being very close to the problem makes it harder to see the whole picture..
Alan.. I know exactly what you mean when you say "I must stay the course until this change comes to be permanent, or at least until my nine-year-old is on his own. Then it won't matter if I crawl under a rock for a while if need be."I am counting down too..
"Not being able to relate is prior to such a Being. Aloofness and seeing people's reactions to things that to me now appear trivial is kind of weird. How could I have cared so much about the color and shape of my car? How could I have watched T.V. and thought I was relating to something? How could I have shed tears for nothing? I am aghast to see everyone being lost in delusion."I am with you buddy.. all the way..
Thanks Kirtanman.. all your words ring true..
"Why ARE you on your yogic path, Shweta?".. truthfully.. dunno..
"Is it to get the ultimate spiritual goodie? (Enlightenment)".. I cant think that far.. If I can get some of my karma burnt off in this life time.. I will be happy.. if I can be a little bit closer to God in this life time I will be happy.. enlightenment.. no clue what it is.. so how could that be a goal..
The enlightened souls that I have read about... from where I am right now.. seems like a lonely and scary life.. but they are at peace.. so close to God.. so much happiness shines on their face.... would be nice if I could get there.. however I am not thinking that far.. So why am I here.. I seriously don't know...
"It is the period of change that raises the questions, for you and for those around you. Once it has progressed, your loved ones will count on your rising inner strength, and you will be glad to have it to give. Take it from someone who has traveled a similar path. " Yes, I believe you Yogani.. this is what I need..
"While no one is particularly comfortable with change, it is a fact that you will become even more the rock of your family than ever in the past" in Hindi I'll say.. "tumhare muha mei ghee shakkar".. this is said to someone who says something good is going to happen in the future.. ghee and shakkar(sugar) is offered to God.. is considered auspicious and also some thing expensive that a poor man could not afford to splurge on.. but will go out of his means to offer it to God.. and when someone says something good will happen to you.. you say - tumhare(your)) muha(mouth) mein (in) ghee (&) shakkar.. he he
"It is not always easy to let go into our destiny, even with assurances that we will be all right."Between what you and David have said I think I can get through this one.... this too shall pass.. eh?
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Edited by - Shanti on Oct 28 2006 11:10:05 PM |
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sadhak
India
604 Posts |
Posted - Oct 29 2006 : 12:45:54 AM
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Hi Shanti,
I'm tagging in after you're assured. But couldn't help noting that the response you gave your daughter now on her grades versus what she expected of the 'old mould' was so much more balanced, nourishing and confidence building for her. Her response was merely a 'pleasant shock'... merely her thinking 'I don't deserve this positive response, because this is not the pattern'. So inside, she was actually reassured, hoping that it was not just an aberration. Her response didn't actually accuse you, as I perceive it, it was asking for assurance for more of the same in future.Good going Shweta! |
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Shanti
USA
4854 Posts |
Posted - Oct 29 2006 : 08:38:46 AM
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Thanks Sadhak.
Like I said.. it all boils down to the fact, that it is an adjustment phase for all involved.. I have get that into my thick head..
That one line of David's "You find it disconcerting even seeing it with, shall we say, "insider information" -- imagine how disconcerting it is to see it without even that." sort of made a light bulb go on in my head..zoing!!! I am looking at this whole thing differently now.. and how obvious was it.. sometimes the answer is right in front of your nose.. and you travel all over the world looking for it.. sheesh!!! |
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