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Shanti
USA
4854 Posts |
 Posted - Oct 08 2006 : 12:40:17 PM
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With yoga comes many changes.. one of the biggest is discovering the self and realizing everything around us is just right.. exactly how it should be. So the basic reaction towards our every day life changes....
When you have lived with people for awhile, they are used to you reacting in a certain way.. that may have been one of the reasons a relationship did work for many years.. like Kyman says in this topic God Realization .. " You know what's sad? The girl who pursued me so long allowed me to fall in love with her. While in love my whole self was conceived. But...once my joy emerged and I wasn't depressed and sad (blissful is a strong contrast), she didn't know how to relate to me. I wasn't like her father anymore, who a very dependent person too. Wasn't long before she was repulsed by me, on an unconscious level. She just couldn't relate."
So when a situation arrives in your life.. where in you see the people around you are feeling insecure or hurt because they cannot understand what is going on with you.. yet you are at a point when you cannot stop this process.. what do you do? Continue hurting the loved ones around you by being yourself and hope they will understand and accept you soon.. or try to not be yourself. (which of course I have not figured out how to do).
Also.. can any of you relate to what I have written here? Do any of you feel this too? If yes, how do you cope with it?
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Edited by - Shanti on Oct 08 2006 12:46:41 PM |
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Kyman
530 Posts |
Posted - Oct 08 2006 : 12:55:00 PM
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I took on her issues, her baggage, responsibilities, etc. One example, she said lets be together forever. I said, I don't believe in forever, just now. Let's have the best now for as long as we can, and that will be your forever. But she couldn't in the now, but projected it into the future. I gave and began saying we'll be together forever, investing my emotions, slipping back into a collective love/co dependent identity.
My vision began to narrow, and slowly, spite would build, and then fester into bitterness and resentment. The typical egoic experience when one looks outside the whole for fulfillment. I met her on her level, and it only made things worse for both of us. I had faith that she would follow through on her commitment. I compromised myself and became weaker, and susecptible to emotional abuse and deception. Though I was more conscious than she...I invited the scenario.
My advice is do whatever you can, whatever you want, but hold strong to your internal sense of truth. It will never steer you the wrong way.
By the by, while in this relationship, I got to be a father for four years, since Kalli was two. It was the most beautiful and pure relationship I have ever had. This little girl started talking in full sentences at 1-1/2. She pulled me into unconditional love, and I pulled her. I use to teach her about spirit and life. I'd say, well hon, bad guys think from their head, not from there heart (pointing to my head and heart). After a while, she'd say, that person thinks from their head don't they. And I always said when they do, it isn't because they are bad but because they have forget how to think from the heart. By loving them, you can help them remember. She got it.
It felt like kalli was a kindred soul, an old soul, and I had the honor of showering her with a sense of her own being. And oh man, if yall could've seen this little girl. I've never met another child like her. I was blessed, by rachel's love and kalli's. It's hard to make good and bad out of things. Just follow your inner voice the best you can. Take care.
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Edited by - Kyman on Oct 08 2006 12:58:55 PM |
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Scott
USA
969 Posts |
Posted - Oct 08 2006 : 1:06:34 PM
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Shweta my friend,
This has been the hardest part of the spiritual path for me. It's been so hard that I stopped all things spiritual a few times. I don't think it's necessary to do that. Better to self pace....but it's difficult. It's like walking a tightrope. All that I can tell you, from my experience, is to make sure that you're keeping your loved ones safe and happy. As long as they are good, everything is good.
They're worrying about you. They want to keep you safe and happy, too. So just be safe and happy with your loved ones. It's simple. Imbalances tend to come from trying too hard at yoga. Ease off. Treat it like brushing your teeth. Your bhakti is probably too high. Come back down.
Balance the energies that are awakened and intensified by spending time with these people and doing things they like to do. If it's your kids, then suggest that you should all hang out and do something. Some friends...get together. Husband, go out to dinner. Communicate with them.
Isolating yourself more won't be fun. I know. It's not that people don't like what's happening, it's just that they don't get it. Here's a secret: they don't need to get it in order to feel good about you. Explaining yogic theories to them will only confuse them more and possibly think you've lost it. Talk about their lives instead of your own...come down to their level when you're talking to them.
A book that has helped me a lot is "How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie. See...when we talk, we tend to focus the conversation on what we know and what we're about. This, for someone with an active kundalini, isn't very balancing. Make your conversations about them.
When we're doing yoga some things in our personality may drop...say an addiction to watching soap operas (I don't know!). When that happens, people will obviously become confused. "I THOUGHT YOU LOVED SOAP OPERAS!" They think you're having some kind of crisis. So when you communicate, talk about what they're about and make it your own. Become what they are. If they love nascar, then learn about nascar and share their passion for it with them. This type of thing has DEFINITELY helped me disperse the intense energies that came as a result of high bhakti.
Don't try to explain things by saying "yoga makes your personality disappear"...because it will scare them and make them think you're too into this yoga thing. That it's brainwashing you. So don't let it brainwash you! Because it can...high bhakti can cover up our true desires.
One of your true desires is obviously to be there for the ones that you love. To make them feel at ease. So, ease off the practices and thinking about this stuff, do some balancing and grounding activities, think about what you want to be for your loved ones, and hang out with them.
This will pass. No need to worry about it....if you think about it, they're worrying that you're okay and you're worrying that they will think you're okay again. Just be okay and stop worrying. Then they will follow you. Have fun.
I hope to talk with you about this more later, Shweta. |
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david_obsidian
USA
2602 Posts |
Posted - Oct 08 2006 : 1:14:57 PM
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Shanti,
this one has no easy answers. Once you change, as a result of realizing something, there really isn't any going back to the way you were before. If people depended emotionally on your not realizing something, on your not having grown, the relationship is going to have to adapt to the fact that you have grown. 'Not being yourself' isn't an option, but that doesn't mean that you shouldn't react with sensitivity and tact, which means that you shouldn't necessarily show your new-found strength or independence bluntly.
Are you trying to share an understanding of how you are changing? And are you being listened to?
P.S. I see that Scott and I have posted at much the same time and I want to second what he has said. Most people will manage to adapt if things are done in the right way.
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Edited by - david_obsidian on Oct 08 2006 1:19:00 PM |
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Scott
USA
969 Posts |
Posted - Oct 08 2006 : 1:17:46 PM
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I want to add more, to make things very clear....
"So when a situation arrives in your life.. where in you see the people around you are feeling insecure or hurt because they cannot understand what is going on with you.. yet you are at a point when you cannot stop this process.. what do you do? Continue hurting the loved ones around you by being yourself and hope they will understand and accept you soon.. or try to not be yourself. (which of course I have not figured out how to do)."
You are right that you can't stop being yourself. But you're wrong in assuming that being yourself is the cause of this. I think it's being uninvolved with life that's the cause. Allowing things to happen, and not taking control. Not being fully aware of what you like and what you don't.
Like I said before, it's obvious that this bothers you. So that's part of you! It's who you are. And you posted asking this question: what to do about it? Well you did something about it just by asking. If you become more fully aware that you truly care what these people think, then you'll be more real to them. But if you have the belief that even this care will soon fade away, then you won't be real...you will be your beliefs.
Live true to your heart, as Kyman said. Trust your instincts and gut feelings...because they're screaming at you right now when people are hurt that you've changed. I'm sure you can feel it...it doesn't feel good.
So what's needed isn't a change in yogic techniques...you need to think about these things. You're learning a lesson. I think this is part of the spiritual path, too...it's the other side. On one hand you've got yogic techniques, and on the other you've got how to live your life the way you want to. You really need to focus on that other hand now.
A flame held inside of a bottle will burst, so bring it out to the rest of the world to find balance. |
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Shanti
USA
4854 Posts |
Posted - Oct 08 2006 : 1:37:12 PM
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"Are you trying to share an understanding of how you are changing? And are you being listened to?"
With my family you mean right? Tried that.. failed miserably.
Actually.. I have not changed my relationship with my family at all. I am just as much involved as I have ever been.. maybe more because once I snapped out of depression.. I realized there was a LOT I had lost.. so my family has 100% of me. No, that is not a problem, I have not isolated myself, I have not locked up myself in a cave.
The problem comes in like this.. People around me judge and criticize others, I cannot do it any more.. like I said.. everything is exactly like it should be.. I cannot change that view.. so I don't talk... that is not a reaction people are used to.. so they push.. if I don't give in or if I give my point of view.. I can see the dread in their eyes.. "Oh! all that yoga stuff is playing with her head".. I know if I say something mean.. it will make them happy.. but I cannot.
I am picked on.. my normal reaction has always been.. lash out.. argue.. fight.. cry.. make a scene.. however these days its no reaction.. it just does not get to me any more.. people around "HATE IT".. if the situation gets a little out of hand and I yell, get angry, have an argument.. I can see an immediate satisfaction in their eyes.. "Yes she is still human"
I read instead of watching TV.. I drink a glass of juice and not wine.. I listen to music instead of talking on the phone.. and although none of this is really bothering anyone.. it still seems to make people around me uncomfortable.. its almost like they would prefer I watched TV and drank a glass of wine to relax.. because that would be the normal me.. the me that they know for so many years now.. |
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Richard
United Kingdom
857 Posts |
Posted - Oct 08 2006 : 2:00:04 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by david_obsidian
Shanti,
this one has no easy answers. Once you change, as a result of realizing something, there really isn't any going back to the way you were before. If people depended emotionally on your not realizing something, on your not having grown, the relationship is going to have to adapt to the fact that you have grown. 'Not being yourself' isn't an option, but that doesn't mean that you shouldn't react with sensitivity and tact, which means that you shouldn't necessarily show your new-found strength or independence bluntly.
Most people will manage to adapt if things are done in the right way.
This is all interesting but let’s look at this situation in a slightly different way. Say your bhakti is very strong and you have been involved in some form or other of spiritual practice for years there is no going back now that is not an option. Your partner for many years however is totally opposed to any form of religious or spiritual practice and is driven to absolute despair because of the fact that you practice against there will, there is no arguing with them no chance of any sort of compromise every thing has been tried talking sharing but to no avail what is the next step
Richard |
Edited by - Richard on Oct 08 2006 2:08:09 PM |
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riptiz
United Kingdom
741 Posts |
Posted - Oct 08 2006 : 2:23:08 PM
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Hi Shanti,
Yes, I have expereinced this and I tell my students that the biggest obstacle to them changing(giving up smoking, drinking whatever it may be in their lives)will not be themselves ,but it will be their family and friends.I haven't eaten meat(apart from fish) for 20 yrs and I gave up alcohol nearly 2 yrs ago.Now I don't eat fish either and my wife has found this hard to adapt to as it is alien to her.As for people looking for you to be 'normal' I can only advise you to smile sweetly at them and continue on your way.i believe others alos become resentful of the changes within you, maybe they are jealous that you are feeling the inner bliss and not the normal crap of daily life.Well it'd not 'normal' to be happy is it.I feel it is even worse in the UK compared to the USA.Many years ago I worked in Canada for a short while with a lot of American construction workers.No matter if they came from the biggest cesspit in the USA you never heard them bad mouth where they lived.It seems to be the reverse in the UK and most seem to grumble about where they live, conditions, the weather anything it seems.It's a strange world isn't it?
L&L
Dave
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weaver
832 Posts |
Posted - Oct 08 2006 : 2:24:16 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by Shanti
I read instead of watching TV.. I drink a glass of juice and not wine.. I listen to music instead of talking on the phone.. and although none of this is really bothering anyone.. it still seems to make people around me uncomfortable.. its almost like they would prefer I watched TV and drank a glass of wine to relax.. because that would be the normal me.. the me that they know for so many years now..
Shanti,
I am very glad to hear that things are going well with your family, that is the most important. There will always be people around us that will try to pull us back into our old ways for their convenience. My opinion is: If they are true friends they will accept you changing (at least if you still relate in a friendly way to them which I'm sure you do!), if they try to change you back or don't like you for dropping habits that made them relate to you, then they are not true friends, because the relation was based on the habits and that's not very much to base friendship on.
I'm sure you will get new friends that can enjoy you for who you really are instead of what you drink or not etc. |
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Anthem
1608 Posts |
Posted - Oct 08 2006 : 5:44:01 PM
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quote:
The problem comes in like this.. People around me judge and criticize others, I cannot do it any more.. like I said.. everything is exactly like it should be.. I cannot change that view.. so I don't talk... that is not a reaction people are used to.. so they push.. if I don't give in or if I give my point of view.. I can see the dread in their eyes.. "Oh! all that yoga stuff is playing with her head".. I know if I say something mean.. it will make them happy.. but I cannot.
Hi Shweta!
So much great advise in the above replies.
It is really easy to project our fears onto another and before we know it, it is coming back to us. As you write, I read about your fears about what you perceive "their" fears to be. Can you in all certainty be sure it is "dread in their eyes" that you are seeing because you don't give in? Could you just be seeing dread in their eyes because of the fears they are living with on a daily basis or for other unfathomable reasons? Could it be your fear about what you think they may be thinking about you? Could this not be an endless feedback loop of guessing?
What do you feel to do or say in your heart? This is what I try to listen to. It doesn't mean you preach or tell them they are wrong, you can just allow them to be what they are. They are just living out their dream in front of you. Often in these situations I listen and let them say what they say, it doesn't mean it's true, if you listen and feel uncomfortable then there could be an issue lurking in it for you. Is it true they shouldn't complain about others? Why not, could it be the most effective way for them at this moment to work things out in their own minds?
quote:
I am picked on.. my normal reaction has always been.. lash out.. argue.. fight.. cry.. make a scene.. however these days its no reaction.. it just does not get to me any more.. people around "HATE IT".. if the situation gets a little out of hand and I yell, get angry, have an argument.. I can see an immediate satisfaction in their eyes..
Are you sure people around you hate it, or is there something you hate about the situation or about yourself in the situation? The world can be an amazing mirror for us.
"I can see the immediate satisfaction in their eyes"
Can you know with 100% certainty what this is about, if it is actually satisfaction or what their reasons for it could be? The reasons can seem obvious but in the end they are at best good guesses. They may not even know how they feel or why. Sounds to me like you are in an excellent environment to really expose and work through your biggest fears and blockages. I have heard it said, that this is why we are where we are.
"Yes she is still human"
There is some serious guessing on my part here but is there a possibility in all this that you are resisting your natural desires and responses because you should know better or an advanced yogi or yogini would not act this way? I have done this a thousand times (at least). Reading Katrine's posts really helped me to allow and watch my reactions and to not resist them. They are there, when I resist them, they persist, when I allow them they dissipate.
quote:
I read instead of watching TV.. I drink a glass of juice and not wine.. I listen to music instead of talking on the phone.. and although none of this is really bothering anyone.. it still seems to make people around me uncomfortable.. its almost like they would prefer I watched TV and drank a glass of wine to relax.. because that would be the normal me.. the me that they know for so many years now..
"it still seems to make people around me uncomfortable"
Who is uncomfortable when you think these people might be uncomfortable? What would you really prefer to do or say? Are you resisting this?
"Seems", also sounds like a guess to me, why do you have concern about what they might "seem" to think. Why don't you save yourself a lot of pain and anguish and simply address what they actually physically (and verbally) bring to you instead?
Of course only you know your answers, these are some questions I would ask myself in these situations, I hope they help.
peace and love to you,
Anthem11
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david_obsidian
USA
2602 Posts |
Posted - Oct 08 2006 : 6:47:12 PM
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Andrew said:
Is it true they shouldn't complain about others? Why not, could it be the most effective way for them at this moment to work things out in their own minds?
I agree. You mustn't expect them to change either, just because you have.
People around me judge and criticize others, I cannot do it any more..
Sharing negativity isn't necessarily wrong or bad. Try looking for empathy with them -- listening. You don't have to join in saying, so-and-so is a bad person, but you may be able to agree, 'Yes, that sucked'. Often people just want to be listened to.
On the other hand, people obstinately refusing to adjust to someone else's progress or changes is a very real phenomenon.....
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Neesha
215 Posts |
Posted - Oct 08 2006 : 8:23:27 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by Shanti
When you have lived with people for awhile, they are used to you reacting in a certain way.. The girl who pursued me so long allowed me to fall in love with her. While in love my whole self was conceived. But...once my joy emerged and I wasn't depressed and sad (blissful is a strong contrast), she didn't know how to relate to me. I wasn't like her father anymore, who a very dependent person too. Wasn't long before she was repulsed by me, on an unconscious level. She just couldn't relate." [/blue]
So when a situation arrives in your life.. where in you see the people around you are feeling insecure or hurt because they cannot understand what is going on with you.. yet you are at a point when you cannot stop this process.. what do you do?
Also.. can any of you relate to what I have written here? Do any of you feel this too? If yes, how do you cope with it?
Hi Shanti,
Yes I hsve experienced this and yes it is still happening....It is one of the hardest thing to do
eg the breakup of my first husband...
the end of beautiful rrelationships..with men
and most importantly my best friend....she's 42 my neighbour
she's still there.... but the relationship is not the same anymore.......it's like having someone in front of you and still not being able to be with them at the same time.
How do I deal with it......?
I never give up...I try different ways.....
that's why I spend my energies helping people....because I might self destruct again
attending satsung is my life i am miserable without it....and this how I am currently coping...
Namaste
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Shanti
USA
4854 Posts |
Posted - Oct 08 2006 : 10:32:18 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by azaz932001
This is all interesting but let's look at this situation in a slightly different way. Say your bhakti is very strong and you have been involved in some form or other of spiritual practice for years there is no going back now that is not an option. Your partner for many years however is totally opposed to any form of religious or spiritual practice and is driven to absolute despair because of the fact that you practice against there will, there is no arguing with them no chance of any sort of compromise every thing has been tried talking sharing but to no avail what is the next step
Richard
Sorry to hear this Richard. I guess I don't have an answer for you. It is hard when both partners are not into the spiritual path together.
Maybe that is one reason religion and spirituality has been married together in India.. it could be even if you did not go seriously into spirituality.. just being religious kept you in the picture.. However.. I wonder if there is really a solution..
I guess, have faith in your practice.. and things will work out.. it generally always does. No matter how hopeless a situation seems at the current moment .. looking back at it there is always a reason for it.. and things generally do always work out for the best.
Wish you all the best. |
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Shanti
USA
4854 Posts |
Posted - Oct 08 2006 : 10:50:39 PM
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Kyman said: "I got to be a father for four years, since Kalli was two. It was the most beautiful and pure relationship I have ever had. This little girl started talking in full sentences at 1-1/2. She pulled me into unconditional love, and I pulled her. I use to teach her about spirit and life. I'd say, well hon, bad guys think from their head, not from there heart (pointing to my head and heart). After a while, she'd say, that person thinks from their head don't they. And I always said when they do, it isn't because they are bad but because they have forget how to think from the heart. By loving them, you can help them remember. She got it. "
Zack.. there is nothing more beautiful and grounding than a child's love. They are the only ones who really understand. Keep talking to them.. even when they look like they are not listening.. they really are. I have overheard my older daughter telling her dad.. "Daddy.. stop judging people". Or her giving her younger sister advice about some friend.."she is doing the best she can.. not everyone has it easy like us".. They are really the only ones happy with my life change, they know I give them more of "me" now.. and they don't have preconceived ideas of how I should be .. yet..
"Live true to your heart, as Kyman said. Trust your instincts and gut feelings...because they're screaming at you right now when people are hurt that you've changed. I'm sure you can feel it...it doesn't feel good."
So what's needed isn't a change in yogic techniques...you need to think about these things. You're learning a lesson. I think this is part of the spiritual path, too...it's the other side. On one hand you've got yogic techniques, and on the other you've got how to live your life the way you want to. You really need to focus on that other hand now."
Thanks Scott.."You're learning a lesson. I think this is part of the spiritual path, too"... yes you are right...
David said:"this one has no easy answers. Once you change, as a result of realizing something, there really isn't any going back to the way you were before
Yes I can see that
"'Not being yourself' isn't an option, but that doesn't mean that you shouldn't react with sensitivity and tact, which means that you shouldn't necessarily show your new-found strength or independence bluntly."
"Sharing negativity isn't necessarily wrong or bad. Try looking for empathy with them -- listening. You don't have to join in saying, so-and-so is a bad person, but you may be able to agree, 'Yes, that sucked'. Often people just want to be listened to."
maybe unconsciously I do that David.. I have always been a good listener.. maybe the whole negative talk thing bores me now.. and my reactions show it.. that is what I have to change.. not myself.. just the way I react.
Dave said:"I don't eat fish either and my wife has found this hard to adapt to as it is alien to her.As for people looking for you to be 'normal' I can only advise you to smile sweetly at them and continue on your way.i believe others alos become resentful of the changes within you, maybe they are jealous that you are feeling the inner bliss and not the normal crap of daily life.Well it'd not 'normal' to be happy is it."
He he.. no not good to be happy Dave.. esp. if you are not drunk and silly.. Like I said, the only ones who appreciate it are my kids.. "Oh! you can tell mommy anything, she wont be mad.. esp. after she has just finished her meditation"
Weaver, unfortunate, its not just my friends, but family too that has a difficult time accepting changes.. I do do a lot more with my family now, and yet I guess since I don't give the same reactions.. its different. My father who has been into meditation for the past 50 years found it hard to accept that I was not reacting to situations like I did in the past.. he even told me once.. "you scare me with your coolness.. what has this Yogani stuff done to you"... they were here visiting from India, and I know they went back happy to see my spiritual progress.. but sad to see me change.. I cannot explain it to you.. I could feel it..
OH! Nsantoo, thank you.. you have said things just like it is in my life too.. that is what I want to avoid.. relationships going sour..
"it is really easy to project our fears onto another and before we know it, it is coming back to us. "
Andrew, you did Katie it right. After I posted, I have been thinking..
I am very sensitive .. and pick up body language, tone of voice very easily. Just a slight dis-approval.. and I sense it.
I know I am losing them.. but I wonder.. I wonder if my post was more because I am scared of losing my identity.. the "me" that I am so used to for all these years.. the "me" I am so comfortable being.. the role I play of a friend, a mother, a wife, a daughter, a sister.. With every person, I have a relationship.. an identity.. an image.. and that is dissolving.. when that is gone.. there will not be a "me".. then what? Maybe that is what I am scared of..
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Edited by - Shanti on Oct 08 2006 11:01:06 PM |
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weaver
832 Posts |
Posted - Oct 09 2006 : 12:15:12 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by Shanti
I do a lot more with my family now, and yet I guess since I don't give the same reactions.. its different.
Well, I'm sure they appreciate that you do more with them? Yes, it's different, but maybe it's better than before?
quote:
I know they went back happy to see my spiritual progress.. but sad to see me change.. I cannot explain it to you.. I could feel it..
I have gone through this myself also. Your parents will still love you even if you change, especially since they were happy. They won't be sad forever when they accept your changes, it's the relation and communication you keep with them that is important.
quote:
I wonder if my post was more because I am scared of losing my identity.. the "me" that I am so used to for all these years.. the "me" I am so comfortable being..
Yes, we are stepping out in deeper water on this path, but we will not drown if we relax and let our identification be with more and more of the ocean around us. And not try to hold on to the little drop. The people around us will (for the most part) accept our changes, at least if we continue to play our role with them in a constructive way. They will not understand most of what happens within us. And they don't have to see most of our changes, we can still participate and truly engage ourselves. In my own life I have found that it's most enjoyable to relate with them in a way that benefits them the most. It will be all good. |
Edited by - weaver on Oct 09 2006 12:31:30 AM |
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emc
2072 Posts |
Posted - Oct 09 2006 : 07:47:59 AM
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Great subject and great posts in the thread! Thank you for bringing it up!
I can not add very much help, only share my thoughts.
I do not think it is coincidence that many persons who have become realized have had a period where they have lost EVERYTHING! Tolle sat on a park bench for 2 years, Babaji was isolated for years... It is probably a phase where the last part of the identity drops, as you suggest. "Loosing" people around help us see that we are totally whole in and by ourselves.
To feel lonely is a negative feeling, and often you do feel lonely on this path, when you have awareness and the others don't. But "to be by yourself" is more positive. To "be by yourself" means you manage fine all by yourself, since you already have everything in you! You really don't need any other person around you to reflect who you are.
Most of my friends, and especially my closest and best friend, have a hard time grasping what is happening with me. How could I, a Dr in psychology, specialized in sects, manipulation and influence, start talking about exactly the same things I have held lectures on how to avoid!?!?! And the jealousy from religious friends who pray and have been faithful christians for years... How come I - a former non-believer - come and tell about miracles, healing and God experiences?
My best friend have cried. And interestingly, she said: "I have always trusted you, trusted your wise words! Who shall I believe in now?" I said "It's time for you to start trusting yourself". It is scary for her, but a help in her development! So my development helps her development. I trust that is the same for your close ones!
It is difficult for an unaware person to stay unaware in the presence of a person that is aware. Your awareness will be contagious! |
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Sonali
India
8 Posts |
Posted - Oct 09 2006 : 09:24:31 AM
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Thought I would give my perspective of your situation. Itseems like you are very uncomfortable with the changes in your life. Its not about changing, all of us do but how we project it to the people around us. When you 'distance' yourself as you said because you are a different person now, you are making the people around you (and this is just a guess) that you are different and you are not one of them. On the other hand if you embrace your self the reactions are less likely to be uncomfortable. When I was 12 we had religious group that influenced me a lot and I began to act differently and behave differently. But now when I look back at that spiritual experience I think I almost felt arrogant that I was better than people around me and had to act the part. I was still my parents daughter and friends friend but it was the accepting that my relationship didnt have to change what I really was made all the difference. I think it takes sometime to reach that state of 'moksha'.
This quote by weaver says it all.
The people around us will (for the most part) accept our changes, at least if we continue to play our role with them in a constructive way. They will not understand most of what happens within us. And they don't have to see most of our changes, we can still participate and truly engage ourselves.
Its funny you mention negativity because right now at work I am facing a very negative group of people. Not negativity about work but more personal. And for a while I was angry and upset with the people around me. But now I react very differently by suggesting an alterate way of thinking. Allowing someone to be negative is as bad as being negative yourself. Its not about how I feel but how they feel. Minimizing someone's emotions because I don't agree is unfair. All of us are different and we react based on our life experiences . |
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Wolfgang
Germany
470 Posts |
Posted - Oct 09 2006 : 09:52:53 AM
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Hi Shweta,
I find myself in so many similar situations you describe:
my wife is scared the way I changed, she says she hasn't
known me all these years, I keep getting accusations,
and we tend to have lots of arguments ...
Sometimes I also wonder if my evolution is going too fast
for her, may be it's a sign for self-pacing ...
quote:
Originally posted by emc
It is difficult for an unaware person to stay unaware in the presence of a person that is aware. Your awareness will be contagious!
Thanks emc, unfortunately this awareness seems to be too hard
a challenge for others and they fight it - which tends to weaken
my awareness. I feel, this is really the hardest: striving to
be in this awareness when the striving seems to create attacks
from others.
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Shanti
USA
4854 Posts |
Posted - Oct 09 2006 : 10:14:19 AM
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My best friend have cried. And interestingly, she said: "I have always trusted you, trusted your wise words! Who shall I believe in now?"
Thanks EMC.. my friends have not come outright and said this as yet.. but I have felt them wanting to say this.. But maybe like David pointed out, I should be more tactful in dealing with this. Like when they turn to me with the same problems they have time and time again, but will not make an effort to improve the situation.. I guess, I would still listen to them and tell them the truth, but in a way they would like to hear it.. maybe now I just get bored and I show it.. or don't show as much compassion as I did before.. but really I am not aware of this.
It is difficult for an unaware person to stay unaware in the presence of a person that is aware. Your awareness will be contagious!
Yes.. and frightening for some.. I really do think people are sacred to know the truth about themselves.. to give up what they believe is their comfort zone.. and when they see you change.. they are scared that yoga could do that to them too.. Yogani had once said.. they are not scared of your opening.. they are scared of their own.
"Thanks emc, unfortunately this awareness seems to be too hard
a challenge for others and they fight it - which tends to weaken
my awareness. I feel, this is really the hardest: striving to
be in this awareness when the striving seems to create attacks
from others."
Aaahhh!!! Wolfgang.. you said it.. yes.. they are scared of change.. they reflect that.. and we try to adjust to this.. or not adjust.. and then we land up weakening our awareness.. or like Sonali put it.. (Thank you Sonali for you input).. arrogant.... guess the challenge is being in-between..
In my own life I have found that it's most enjoyable to relate with them in a way that benefits them the most. It will be all good.
Weaver, thanks for this. I think I was forgetting this. I have always been the care taker. and with changes happening in me, and people not appreciating this.. i think I am retreating into a shell.. Before when there was dis-approval, I'd try to change myself to fit in.. now when there is disapproval.. I don't want to change.. and instead of just being myself.. maybe I am trying way too hard to hold on to the new me.. because old me sucked..
Do I sound confused or what... he he...
"Sometimes I also wonder if my evolution is going too fast
for her, may be it's a sign for self-pacing ..."
I am with you on this Wolfgang.. I have come to the conclusion.. ITS ALL YOGANI's FAULT for putting out these highly effective lessons.. see. before that I was depressed and miserable and everyone Loved ME... as they say misery loves company... he he...
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Edited by - Shanti on Oct 09 2006 10:16:15 AM |
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lucidinterval1
USA
193 Posts |
Posted - Oct 09 2006 : 10:37:34 AM
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Hello Shweta,
I believe that you are going through a perceptual shift in consciousness. I went through this process a few years back and it can be difficult. You begin to see through ordinary behaviors and so your reactions to these behaviors may be different than in the past. The crux of it all is that nothing has changed at all - except your perception or shift in consciousness.
The difficult part for me was that everybody who I loved and cared about really began to bother me. Gossip, rumors and general empty conversations about egoic concerns annoyed me. But, again, it was me that changed and with time it began to smooth out. For me it helped to stay in a witness mode. This is just the screen of life projecting situations that I can choose to attach myself to, or gently witness. We can nudge a conversation in a more positive spin, but still not be attached if it doesn't necessarily work.
The main thing is don't be hard on yourself or others. It's all good!
With Peace,
Paul |
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Anthem
1608 Posts |
Posted - Oct 09 2006 : 12:01:13 PM
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quote:
Anthem11, you did Katie it right. After I posted, I have been thinking.. I am very sensitive .. and pick up body language, tone of voice very easily. Just a slight dis-approval.. and I sense it.
When you sense their disapproval, how does it make you feel? Does it make you disapprove of yourself because you don't have their approval? This could be worth investigating.
quote:
I know I am losing them.. but I wonder.. I wonder if my post was more because I am scared of losing my identity.. the "me" that I am so used to for all these years.. the "me" I am so comfortable being.. the role I play of a friend, a mother, a wife, a daughter, a sister.. With every person, I have a relationship.. an identity.. an image.. and that is dissolving.. when that is gone.. there will not be a "me".. then what? Maybe that is what I am scared of..
I think you hit the nail on the head here. As Weaver and Paul point out it is a change in perspective or consciousness that you are going through. It is a massive letting go of all the things you think you are. Will you stop being a mother or a friend? No, but you will let go of what you think a mother or a friend should be. You will be your "Self" in these situations and react from the heart in the moment to how the situation requires.
When all the things that you think you should be are gone, you get to be more of your true nature not less. You become true to your heart and the flow of life through and around you. I am more free to be "me" than ever before. It is a lighter load to carry, you get to live with love & joy in your heart, lot's of laughter and the people around you will begin to shine this back to you.
It's a pretty good deal in the end, you get to trade in a life of suffering and drama for a life of peace, love, positive relationships, ecstasy and bliss. Not such a bad deal? Trusting the process will make the ride a little smoother. |
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Shanti
USA
4854 Posts |
Posted - Oct 09 2006 : 4:06:45 PM
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The difficult part for me was that everybody who I loved and cared about really began to bother me. Gossip, rumors and general empty conversations about egoic concerns annoyed me. But, again, it was me that changed and with time it began to smooth out ...
Good to know this Paul, thank you.. really appreciate it...
"Will you stop being a mother or a friend? No, but you will let go of what you think a mother or a friend should be. You will be your "Self" in these situations and react from the heart in the moment to how the situation requires.
It's a pretty good deal in the end, you get to trade in a life of suffering and drama for a life of peace, love, positive relationships, ecstasy and bliss. Not such a bad deal? Trusting the process will make the ride a little smoother."
Thanks Andrew... sounds like a great deal to me .. 
I have been going through these feelings for a while now. I was actually enjoying it. Don't know why this fear has taken over suddenly.. maybe the reality of it is just sinking in. I was talking to Sadhak earlier.. and something she said rang so true... I am scared of being alone.. I have worked so hard all my life changing myself for people so I would meet with their approval.. When I first came to this country.. I knew no one.. it was very lonely.. very scary.. esp. since I came from a big city.. and always had loads of friends and family.. it took a lot of time and effort to build my circle of friends.. I think a part of me is scared of becoming alone again.. although why I am not sure.. go figure !!!! |
Edited by - Shanti on Oct 09 2006 4:11:46 PM |
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emc
2072 Posts |
Posted - Oct 10 2006 : 05:02:37 AM
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It is the last outpost of the ego - it lives on the feeling of separation! It wants you to stay the way you are, because when you realize you are perfectly fine being all by yourself - needing noone, the ego will die. As long as the ego can plant a fear in you of anything the ego will try to make you cling to it and try to make you believe in that fear.
The last soldiers of the ego will fight the hardest... |
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Katrine
Norway
1813 Posts |
Posted - Oct 10 2006 : 07:22:38 AM
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Hi All
Shweta....this is a great post.
Thank you for exposing all this wisdom
quote:
It is hard when both partners are not into the spiritual path together.
Well....
In my experience, this very thing is what brings me home. Again and again.
First of all: There is no "spiritual path" separate from life itself. It only appears to be so. We are always home. This is not a theory. It is a fact.
Second: There are not two of us. The desire to be two "on the journey home" is what splits. You cannot have both the false and the real, if you truly desire truth only. And from reading your posts, Shweta, you desire truth. Do you not?
quote:
maybe now I just get bored and I show it.. or don't show as much compassion as I did before
Are you sure this was compassion? If not, what was it?
So...when there are not two,
quote:
yes.. they are scared of change.. they reflect that.. and we try to adjust to this.. or not adjust.. and then we land up weakening our awareness..
who is it really that is afraid of change? Who is it that is "adjusting" to this situation?
In my experience - it is me. I am afraid. And the "adjustment" is simply a fleeing of the now. The now becomes painful, because - as all of you point out here - I am afraid of the discovery of aloneness.
There are no "others". What I see in "them" is simply me reflected back to myself. This goes on until I stop resisting what I see. I stop telling stories about what I see. I face the pain of being alone. And in that facing, truth is. Because....who is it ultimately....that is aware of all you communicate here, Shweta? Who is it in you, that is aware of all this?
Don't dwell on the pain. Face it - let it surface - and then be done with it. Dwell in the one that is aware of it instead. This is who you are. This is truth. Pain dissolves in you. Total aloneness is you. Pure joy is you. If you resist the aloneness, you miss the joy. It is that simple.
Shweta - everthing is proceeding well. Look at your questions again. If you look closely, you will see that you yourself answer them.
Right here. Right now.
Thank you again for this post.
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Shanti
USA
4854 Posts |
Posted - Oct 10 2006 : 8:45:09 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by emc
It is the last outpost of the ego - it lives on the feeling of separation! It wants you to stay the way you are, because when you realize you are perfectly fine being all by yourself - needing noone, the ego will die. As long as the ego can plant a fear in you of anything the ego will try to make you cling to it and try to make you believe in that fear.
The last soldiers of the ego will fight the hardest...
Thank you EMC... this fight with the ego is something I still don't get. When I read about it, it makes perfect sense.. I can even apply it to my life.. but then I can never isolate it.. does it make sense what I am saying 
Thank you Katrine. Your posts always make my brains work overtime.. but when I stop trying to figure it out.. it seems to make sense.. he he..
What can I say... Thank You. |
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Shanti
USA
4854 Posts |
Posted - Oct 11 2006 : 5:14:52 PM
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Andrew said:Could it be your fear about what you think they may be thinking about you? Could this not be an endless feedback loop of guessing?
"Katrine said:Are you sure this was compassion?"
True.. I found it necessary to play that part of a friend and a good compassionate listener.. because I had the need for feeling needed and wanted.. and I don't think I need this any more. Not over it I think.. just need it a lot less.
Thank You. |
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