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Mykal K
Germany
267 Posts |
 Posted - Jan 20 2017 : 08:18:29 AM
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| Maybe start a mushroom xps topic? |
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Charliedog
1625 Posts |
Posted - Jan 20 2017 : 11:01:27 AM
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How is it with your plan Microcosm?  |
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microcosm
102 Posts |
Posted - Feb 03 2017 : 2:41:21 PM
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@Charliedog:
My plan now is to add more grounding activities (duh!).
Pity I'm not an artist and can't share my CEVs (closed eye visions). I saw beautiful dew drops refracting light, among other things, but these drops were most appealing |
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microcosm
102 Posts |
Posted - Feb 12 2017 : 07:04:33 AM
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I are some musrooms again (this time lower dose) and felt some fear but then my imagination got better and I imagined myself expanding into a brilliant white light. It was awesome  |
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microcosm
102 Posts |
Posted - Apr 06 2017 : 09:01:54 AM
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I'm fully stable. During my spiritual escapades I learned few things about myself:
- dry insight vipassana will lead to progress through the vipassana-nanas, but at the cost of mental destabilization (intense visions, energies, crazy theories about life)
- hallucinogens done regularly will provide pleasant states (and high concentration, I think I was hitting 1st jhana once), but at the cost of slowly "losing it" (crazy / scary theories about life, loss of criticism, delusions, even visual hallucinations when not on drugs)
- mushrooms increase my body awareness and I now know for sure that I'm very tense. The problem is masked in my daily life due to lack of awareness / weak concentration. Automatic kryias were a natural consequence of feeling tense - body was acting autonomously to release the tension.
I think concentration is key for me, also stopping verbal thinking would be of benefit. I'm now doing samatha-vipassana practice from "The Mind Illuminated", which hopefully will cause me to progress, without too intense dark-night experiences, because I'm clearly not able to deal with my flavor of DN by myself at this point in time.
I'm also planning to visit an EU monastery soon to check out how monks live |
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sunyata
USA
1513 Posts |
Posted - Apr 06 2017 : 10:02:05 AM
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quote:
I think concentration is key for me, also stopping verbal thinking would be of benefit.
Hi microcosm,
Good to read an update. Have you thought about engaging in service- volunteer at an organization if you are already not doing so.
Much Love ,
Sunyata |
Edited by - sunyata on Apr 06 2017 11:02:00 AM |
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Charliedog
1625 Posts |
Posted - Apr 06 2017 : 10:46:01 AM
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quote:
I'm also planning to visit an EU monastery soon to check out how monks live
Hi microcosm,
Looking forward to read your experiences!
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ak33
Canada
229 Posts |
Posted - Apr 08 2017 : 10:48:10 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by microcosm
I'm fully stable. During my spiritual escapades I learned few things about myself:
- dry insight vipassana will lead to progress through the vipassana-nanas, but at the cost of mental destabilization (intense visions, energies, crazy theories about life)
- hallucinogens done regularly will provide pleasant states (and high concentration, I think I was hitting 1st jhana once), but at the cost of slowly "losing it" (crazy / scary theories about life, loss of criticism, delusions, even visual hallucinations when not on drugs)
- mushrooms increase my body awareness and I now know for sure that I'm very tense. The problem is masked in my daily life due to lack of awareness / weak concentration. Automatic kryias were a natural consequence of feeling tense - body was acting autonomously to release the tension.
I think concentration is key for me, also stopping verbal thinking would be of benefit. I'm now doing samatha-vipassana practice from "The Mind Illuminated", which hopefully will cause me to progress, without too intense dark-night experiences, because I'm clearly not able to deal with my flavor of DN by myself at this point in time.
I'm also planning to visit an EU monastery soon to check out how monks live
While reading your post I hoped you came to the conclusion that developing concentration first is the right way to go, and I was not disappointed  . This is the way the Buddha did it also. Some people can handle dry insight, but if your disposition is on the more neurotic side, it is almost always advisable to develop jhana first. |
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microcosm
102 Posts |
Posted - Sep 16 2017 : 9:11:52 PM
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I'm back from the UK monastery. Spent a week there. Monks seemed chill and a little reserved - didn't strike me as particularly enlightened, just quiet but also nice in contact. Visitors were nice and gentle people. Came back kind of disillusioned and with a more realistic impression of monastic life - it's not the cool stuff all the time (practice), but a lot of administrative tasks / work around the property / preparing food (so much time consuming).
I increased my practice recently (vipassana) and can feel subtle body vibrations and energy running through my body. I'm starting to have trouble sleeping - can feel vibrations on my bed's matress when my neighbor in flat above my apt. steps heavily on his floor. Strange dreams also. I had brief burst of joy, with tears flowing, when watching a movie - very cool . There's some fear of what's to come (dukkha nanas), but I think I'll navigate the terrority correctly this time, going slow, with more emphasis on concentration.
I recently read in The most direct means to eternal bliss a description of meditation that ends with something like: atoms are mostly empty space, you are made of atoms held together by electromagnetic (invisible force). The empty space "inside" your body touches the empty space "outside" of it. It blew my mind a bit, bc I never noticed that simple fact, that if I zoom in, I'm like a cloud of particles suspended in space. |
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Dogboy
USA
2294 Posts |
Posted - Sep 16 2017 : 11:29:43 PM
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microcosm
102 Posts |
Posted - Oct 22 2017 : 6:16:37 PM
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I managed to get into jhana by focusing on nada sound in my ears. I also found that if I've sufficient internal silence, then sending intention to flex perineum produces sexual energy. The problem is, it goes into the sexual organ and not up. I try to move the energy (piti) up, but it doesn't work very well, I can't 'gather' it with my mind - it gets diffused.
Sometimes when I'm really concentrated I can trace the inside of my spine with energy and can feel parts of the spine 'glowing' with piti. The problem is, I can't hold this degree of concentration off cushion :(
Also, is stream-entry (sotapanna) the same (or happens at the same time) as crown opening? |
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Christi
United Kingdom
4514 Posts |
Posted - Oct 23 2017 : 2:58:27 PM
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Hi Microcosm,
Flexing the muscles at the perineum will often cause prana to rise up through the body. In the early stages, this will usually be experienced as sexual energy, as it is rising mostly to the second chakra (swadhishthana). As the body is purified further, the prana will rise to the higher chakras and the sexual aspect of it will become increasingly unnoticeable. It becomes transformed into body-wide ecstasy. Spinal Breathing Pranayama is one of the most effective ways of purifying the whole body, from the lower to the higher centres.
In AYP it is recommended to flex the anal sphincter muscles rather than the muscles at the perineum when practicing mulabandha, so you could give that a try instead. It makes it easier to bring siddhasana in later.
When tracing the inside of the spine in Spinal Breathing, the practice is only done on the mat. When you are not engaged in practices, then it is recommended to simply go out and live your life. So no need to worry about holding any degree of concentration off the mat.
Stream entry is a term used in the Buddhist tradition to refer to someone who no longer has a sense of separate self. That is not exactly the same as a crown opening, as someone who is going through a crown opening could still be holding onto a sense of separate self. Having said that, one of the experiences at the crown is that of unity and a sense of merging with the infinite and a perception of all as the Divine Self. So there is a connection between the two processes even though they are not identical. It is not really something that can be described, but it can be known through direct experience.
Christi
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microcosm
102 Posts |
Posted - Oct 24 2017 : 12:02:42 AM
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| Thanks Christi :) |
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microcosm
102 Posts |
Posted - Jan 05 2018 : 4:14:57 PM
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Just a quick update. Sometimes when I get really concentrated tensions in my face start to dissolve, there are waves of heat traveling through the body, sounds of mosquitos, high pitched tones and energetic patterns on flat surfaces when I'm not meditating.
With eyes closed strange visions appear, they are like little movies and can get intense. I note and ignore the content and try to keep my attention on bodily sensations. Sometimes it's hard not to get absorbed in these visions, they have a hypnotic quality to them.
I plan to do a month of a silent retreat, this should create a critical mass of momentum and hopefully push me through the point of no return (stream entry). |
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microcosm
102 Posts |
Posted - Apr 25 2018 : 1:26:15 PM
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During the retreat I was able to notice and let go of quite a few mental patterns that created suffering. Immediately after, when I was traveling home, I noticed strangers smiling at me, starting conversations which is a new thing. I guess they were able to notice a more relaxed body language or aura / energy.
My mind is in poor condition (unconcious most of the time) and body is chronically tense. The worst thing that I'm in my head all the time and I'm not able to feel the tension unless I rise the energy. The problem is that with energy come mental states that are completely new to me and I sometimes get lost in them.
Practicing alone in my home is hard, there are many distractions and hindrances are winning. To deal with them, I plan to visit a monastery and sit there until I get enlightened
Wish me luck
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BlueRaincoat
United Kingdom
1734 Posts |
Posted - Apr 25 2018 : 2:49:20 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by microcosm
The problem is that with energy come mental states that are completely new to me and I sometimes get lost in them.
More Inner Silence/ Witness is what you need to be aiming for. You mentioned 10 years of Vipassana somewhere. I can't help but wonder whether that has been working for you. Have you ever tried other forms of meditation besides Vipassana?
quote:
Originally posted by microcosm
I plan to visit a monastery and sit there until I get enlightened
I hope the monks will at least manage to keep you away from mushrooms, Microcosm
On a more serious note, good luck finding good teaching and practices that will work for you. |
Edited by - BlueRaincoat on Apr 25 2018 3:26:15 PM |
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microcosm
102 Posts |
Posted - Apr 25 2018 : 4:14:25 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by BlueRaincoat
More Inner Silence/ Witness is what you need to be aiming for. You mentioned 10 years of Vipassana somewhere. I can't help but wonder whether that has been working for you. Have you ever tried other forms of meditation besides Vipassana?
10 days retreats. 10 years - I wish :)
I'm doing gentle vipassana now and inclining towards samatha. I managed to get into 1st jhana once, so I know I can do it. The problem is there are frightening vibrations when concentration is high and I keep bouncing up and down in stillness. Teacher told me to lose the fear of fear and I try to keep that in mind now.
quote:
I hope the monks will at least manage to keep you away from mushrooms, Microcosm
:-P
I found marijuana to unlock access to body better. I can feel the tension and dearmour it with movement. After smoking a joint and doing exercises for eyes, I was literally able to be concious of bigger part of my visual field, colors became brighter and the mind became less constricted. Psychedelics can be healing if used correctly.
quote:
On a more serious note, good luck finding good teaching and practices that will work for you.
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Edited by - microcosm on Apr 25 2018 4:20:41 PM |
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lalow33
USA
966 Posts |
Posted - Apr 25 2018 : 4:38:23 PM
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| Good luck with your monastery stay. |
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BlueRaincoat
United Kingdom
1734 Posts |
Posted - Apr 26 2018 : 01:01:57 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by microcosm
10 days retreats. 10 years - I wish :)
In that case, you need to be focusing on meditation and develop the witness.
Energy practices (which is most of them, except mediation) can exacerbate the energetic turbulence you described in your previous post. Be very cautions about adopting these. SBP could be balancing, or it could rev the energy too much. You need to cautiously experiment with it, see exactly what effect it has on you. It might be too early to make it part of your routine yet.
quote:
Originally posted by microcosm
I found marijuana to unlock access to body better. I can feel the tension and dearmour it with movement. After smoking a joint and doing exercises for eyes, I was literally able to be concious of bigger part of my visual field, colors became brighter and the mind became less constricted. Psychedelics can be healing if used correctly.
You are asking for trouble, Microcosm.
If you read through the past threads on this forum, soon enough you will come across posters who ask for help because they have very unpleasant drug induced symptoms. They can disable you for years and blow your meditation practice out of the water. Not to mention the risk of ending up in psychiatry.
You don't need to do that to yourself.
Take care. |
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Charliedog
1625 Posts |
Posted - Apr 26 2018 : 02:49:52 AM
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quote:
Practicing alone in my home is hard, there are many distractions and hindrances are winning. To deal with them, I plan to visit a monastery and sit there until I get enlightened
Wish me luck
The use of drugs, in whatever form will be a hindrance. The desire to the experiences you possibly receive with the use of drugs could be the greatest obstacle to overcome in this journey. This is called addiction. |
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microcosm
102 Posts |
Posted - Apr 26 2018 : 08:09:24 AM
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| Thanks for feedback, I'll take it into account. |
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BlueRaincoat
United Kingdom
1734 Posts |
Posted - Apr 27 2018 : 4:20:57 PM
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Hi Microcosm
I just got a little curious and had a run through your journal thread from the beginning.
You've been practising meditation for at least 2 years and a half now (at least the journal goes back as far as that). How do you think this practice is working for you?
You can tell a good practice by its results, as you can tell a poor practice by its results. We all have some hiccups along the way and we get over them by self-pacing. Beyond these hiccups however, over the months and years, we can see whether we are going in the right direction (or not) by the evolving quality of our Witness. If we are feeling more peaceful and more content in our daily life, then we know the meditation is working.
Of course you are the only one who can make that assessment. However, I do have a hunch, and I feel it's better to tell you about it. Reading your more recent post, I get signals that your meditation may not be working well for you.
How much attention do you give to the crown during your practice? Or I should rather ask - is there any focus on the crown in your practice? Unless you have many, many years of practice under your belt, working on the crown can be very risky. Opening your crown prematurely is the worst case scenario on this journey.
I hope my worries are not justified, but I feel it's better to let you be the judge of that.
All the best to you. |
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microcosm
102 Posts |
Posted - Apr 28 2018 : 05:22:38 AM
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@BlueRainCoat
My problem is 3rd eye activity. I get waves of visual information that triggers intense emotions. I think I learned to handle it and I'm looking for ways to increase tranquility, calmness and joy. Dry insight is destabilising for me, so I'm going to work exclusively on concentration, and then on tracing the spinal nerve.
Daily life is OK - people tell me they see a posivite change, esp. after retreats.
Thanks for feedback. |
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microcosm
102 Posts |
Posted - Dec 08 2018 : 10:41:36 AM
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After few weeks of retreats I became aware of many issues in my system that should be improved:
- collapsed and asymetrical nostrils plus very shallow breath create a persitent oxygen deprivation,
- perineum and muscles around the root / psoas are locked (some kind of PTSD),
- stomach area produces neuseating sensations when energized (irritable bowel syndrom, perhaps infection),
- heart area is asleep - it feels amazing when it start to wake up,
- very unpleasant tension in throat - trouble speaking,
- most of the muscles in my face are locked / tense and I'm not aware of them outside of meditation - kind of paralysis,
- there is this general sense of lots of disgusting webs of "filthy" sensations in the body - no wonder, it's the first time in my life I'm getting this kind of feeling access to the insides.
I'm trying to focus of the positive side of this, meaning finally I've something tangible to work on.
I also found a way to build up energy and release the tension: breathing exercises, specifically the Wim Hof method. I noticed that during breath retention phase of WH method perineum and anal muscles start to release and pulsate. Is this the beginning of 'tail breathing'? |
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Dogboy
USA
2294 Posts |
Posted - Dec 08 2018 : 12:49:23 PM
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Hello Microcosm welcome back!
As we progress our Guru-in-you becomes more confident in noticing blockage and the how it resides. Focusing on staying positive while healing and with life in general can only bring benefits!
I don’t know anything about tail breathing, but am familiar with the Wim Hoof method, and would take caution with any intense pranayama, including this one. Kumbaca breath can generate a lot of energy, which could blast open nadis, and too much of this can set you back. Best to sneak up on it over time and increase only when you have stability. This journal outlines how you’ve matured with AYP, keep checking in! |
Edited by - Dogboy on Dec 08 2018 12:50:34 PM |
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microcosm's journal
