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microcosm
102 Posts |
 Posted - Jul 01 2016 : 12:41:21 AM
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Yesterday at night I started to repeat the I AM mantra to fall asleep quickly. For the first time, I felt slow waves of energy moving through my skull, massaging muscles in my face.
In meditation, blackness behind the eyes starts to flicker or shake. I interpret this as a side effect of the dissolution process. Can't wait to see shaking / vibes in the environment, although I'm not sure if that's what's going to happen. According to maps, the next stage after Dissolution is Fear. I wonder how scary it's going to be.
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microcosm
102 Posts |
Posted - Aug 05 2016 : 3:37:44 PM
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Technique: mahasi noting, SBP, DM
New phenomena:
- body vibrations and energy felt on cushion
- body vibrations felt off cushion - it's getting harder to fall asleep
- energy making new pathways on my face
- parts of jaw dissolving - champagne bubbles sensations
- feeling environmental vibrations (kinetic / acoustic). I was walking on sidewalk and almost lost balance when tram passed by - ground vibrations were felt intensly
- dreams about being dissolved into a sea of vibrations or becoming increasingly transparent. recently I dreamed about looking at rainbow refractions in a diamond - it was beautifully clear and bright. I use this image now to uplift my mood now 
- regaining coscioussness at night and feeling presence of other beings. one time I was particularly calm and felt a female presence taking my hand to help me get out of my body, but i got suspicious of her intentions, she screamed and i woke up
I'm seeing patterns in thinking, mind is boring and creates the same kind of stories over and over again. Most of the time it's about imagining confrontations with people or where I speak to someone as a teacher passing knowledge - paranoia / narcissism.
I'd appreciate help with reprogramming this behaviour. I'd prefer to think happy thoughts on auto-pilot, rather than to imagine things take make me angry.
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Edited by - microcosm on Aug 05 2016 3:56:07 PM |
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kumar ul islam
United Kingdom
791 Posts |
Posted - Aug 05 2016 : 7:55:13 PM
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It's a little like the potter his wheel and the pots being made ,the potter try's to stop producing the pots after many attempts he succeeds ,the wheel though is still turning with the momentum of the force from before how long this goes on for depends on how strong the momentum is and what the potter uses to slow the motion down for me deep meditation is my hand upon the wheel slowly slowing the wheel until I am left with the potter . |
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Bodhi Tree
2972 Posts |
Posted - Aug 06 2016 : 11:10:22 AM
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I relate to a lot of those symptoms. You're reporting them clearly, and in an objective kind of way, which means the witness is becoming strong. Stillness over scenery.
Re: reprogramming the mind and behavior...samyama is ideal for the mind, and karma/bhakti yoga is ideal for behavior. They work hand-in-hand. Body and mind are always connected.
Godspeed.  |
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microcosm
102 Posts |
Posted - Aug 06 2016 : 2:34:28 PM
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| Thanks kumar, Bodhi |
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lalow33
USA
966 Posts |
Posted - Aug 07 2016 : 5:40:58 PM
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| Reprogramming is a rough word. I've learnt that if you try to "fix" yourself; it can get tough. |
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jonesboy
USA
594 Posts |
Posted - Aug 12 2016 : 3:04:09 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by microcosm
Technique: mahasi noting, SBP, DM
New phenomena:
- body vibrations and energy felt on cushion
- body vibrations felt off cushion - it's getting harder to fall asleep
- energy making new pathways on my face
- parts of jaw dissolving - champagne bubbles sensations
- feeling environmental vibrations (kinetic / acoustic). I was walking on sidewalk and almost lost balance when tram passed by - ground vibrations were felt intensly
- dreams about being dissolved into a sea of vibrations or becoming increasingly transparent. recently I dreamed about looking at rainbow refractions in a diamond - it was beautifully clear and bright. I use this image now to uplift my mood now
- regaining coscioussness at night and feeling presence of other beings. one time I was particularly calm and felt a female presence taking my hand to help me get out of my body, but i got suspicious of her intentions, she screamed and i woke up
I'm seeing patterns in thinking, mind is boring and creates the same kind of stories over and over again. Most of the time it's about imagining confrontations with people or where I speak to someone as a teacher passing knowledge - paranoia / narcissism.
I'd appreciate help with reprogramming this behaviour. I'd prefer to think happy thoughts on auto-pilot, rather than to imagine things take make me angry.
Very happy for you!
I am glad your are finally experiencing what you have been seeking :) |
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microcosm
102 Posts |
Posted - Sep 12 2016 : 07:51:50 AM
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Thanks jonesboy
I had intense dark night series of experiences during the last month. I had delusions of living in a simulation, being God or the author of the simulation, feeling etheric vibrations (not usual acoustic ones, but more like ripples in 3D space), meeting beings that look like humans, but are "aliens", attending (symbolically) my own funeral, seeing streets in my city getting empty and more. Scary as hell sometimes, but now it all seems to be a harmless fabrication of ungrounded mind. Lesson here for me is (I suppose): don't ignore warnings and self pace  . Things can get out of hand easily - I now know this from personal experience.
Also, there's a permament change to my eyes. When standing in front of a mirror and looking into my cornea, I see my reflection. I can see my reflection in other people eyes too
PS
I start to feel chakras vibrations during my meditations. Does that mean they are "open"? |
Edited by - microcosm on Sep 12 2016 08:09:51 AM |
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jonesboy
USA
594 Posts |
Posted - Sep 12 2016 : 4:32:57 PM
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Hi microcosm,
Sorry to hear that you had a rough time of things. As you are I am sure aware you have a real gift with sight. I think you are still seeing things in daily life when you look in the mirror.
If things get rough let me know because I think I can help make things a little smoother for you.
As far as vibrations and the chakras. You are already opened up to the 6th chakra to one degree or another. Vibration of a chakra doesn't necessarily mean it is opened. Sometimes it just might mean Hi I am here :) Also, the opening or clearing of the chakras really never ends...
All the best to you,
Tom |
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microcosm
102 Posts |
Posted - Nov 27 2016 : 4:01:19 PM
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I just came back from a 10 day Goenka retreat. I got into a very soft jhana while doing concetration practice (at the edge of being asleep unfortunately, I was barely conscious). I also saw some nimittas. Otherwise it was hard. I wasn't able to sit without moving for 1 hour. Some sankharas were removed, like anger. I couldn't eradicate boredom. At the end of the retreat I felt a bunch of unpleasant sensations in my stomach - I noticed I'm reacting to them with fear, sadness, depression. Most of my fears are stored in the stomach area probably.
I'm contemplating going to a long meditation retreat (3 months) to Burma or Malaysia, or even ordaining as a monk. Hard to decide :) |
Edited by - microcosm on Nov 29 2016 12:56:26 PM |
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Charliedog
1625 Posts |
Posted - Nov 29 2016 : 03:18:09 AM
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Hi Microcosm,
Thank you for sharing your journey here. Could you describe why you would like to go on a 3 months retreat or ordaining to be a monk? |
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microcosm
102 Posts |
Posted - Nov 29 2016 : 1:08:25 PM
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Since early adolescence I had a mild form of depression - only emotions I experience are: anger, sadness, fear. Only positive is that sometimes something makes me laugh. When I started doing intensive insight practices, my imagination got better, I started to feel energy in the body and had a broader spectrum of emotions. They included delight, happiness, joy. Unfortunately I wasn't meditating under a supervision of anyone and went bonkers. My thinking is that I can heal myself from my ailments by meditating, but it needs to be intense - I think I'm under sensitive to meditation.
Life of a monk is appealing to me, because it seems easy and relaxed. They meditate, don't have to work or earn money, have little or no stressors :)
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Blanche
USA
873 Posts |
Posted - Nov 29 2016 : 8:56:34 PM
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Hi Microcosm,
Thank you for sharing. I hope Cristi reads your post. He can give you a better description of a Buddhist monk's life - it is not at all what it seems to be, all easy and relaxed, without work or worries.
Also, in my opinion, the best progress is made with regular daily practice, without breaks, without extreme intensity. Meditation is a little like growing a flower: One needs to take care of it every day, good care matters, and one can't pull at leaves to make it grow faster.
The increase in the rage of emotions is an excellent sign of emotional health. You are healing yourself. Best wishes!
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sunyata
USA
1513 Posts |
Posted - Nov 29 2016 : 9:34:32 PM
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Good advice from Blanche.
Personally, if circumstances permitted I would happily live in an Ashram for few months. I would not go so far as ordaining as a monk.
If you don't have worldly responsibilities, I would try a longer retreat first. Also, best to go in with an open mind and see how things unfold rather than have expectations. Of course progress is achieved through twice daily practices over long term.
I really like the analogy of leaves that Blanche mentioned.
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microcosm
102 Posts |
Posted - Nov 30 2016 : 01:15:31 AM
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| Thanks Blanche, sunyata |
Edited by - microcosm on Nov 30 2016 06:13:34 AM |
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Charliedog
1625 Posts |
Posted - Nov 30 2016 : 07:40:29 AM
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Hi Microcosm
Thank you for sharing.You know this week I had a conversation with a Buddhist monk. He is a refugee from his country Tibet. He studied Tibetans Buddhism since he was a child and now he travels to many country's. He teaches the eight folded path and goes everywhere. He is doing that to help, to help us, but also to help the children of his country, the benefits go to them, for education and caretaking.
He told also about going to prison to talk with people there, the violence and anger he meets in the prison. First he was scared to do these visits, but then he noticed if he stayed calm and centered they where not violent to him. It's contagious, they calmed down in his environment. He talked about his life, the difficulties with his family and about meditating in a cave for four years. Anyway he talked a lot and it was not a life of doing nothing, it was hard work, very hard work. First in himself and from there to the whole world. He became Stillness in Action and he was a cheerful man.
You know what came to my mind, it doesn't matter where we go, we take ourselves with us. So better work on yourself, then the whole world can have the benefits.
If your intention is a long retreat or being a monk go for it Microcosm
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Edited by - Charliedog on Nov 30 2016 07:59:18 AM |
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sunyata
USA
1513 Posts |
Posted - Nov 30 2016 : 08:55:24 AM
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Hi microcosm,
Just wanted to mention that there is an AYP TTC next year in France. Christi is the lead teacher with decades of practice under his belt.
Here is the link- http://secretsofyoga.org/teachertraining.html
Edit- Updated with the correct link. |
Edited by - sunyata on Dec 01 2016 10:05:29 AM |
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Charliedog
1625 Posts |
Posted - Nov 30 2016 : 09:14:24 AM
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| Good to mention Sunyata Christi is also Stillness in Action, I participated in one of his retreats last summer and will go back next summer. |
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maheswari
Lebanon
2520 Posts |
Posted - Dec 01 2016 : 02:29:20 AM
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quote:
Life of a monk is appealing to me, because it seems easy and relaxed. They meditate, don't have to work or earn money, have little or no stressors :)
no it is not an easy life.I have been to ashrams, and the monks work very hard all day long .Also remember that wherever you go, you take your mind with you.Real spirituality is not escapism or avoiding stress.
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Christi
United Kingdom
4514 Posts |
Posted - Dec 01 2016 : 09:22:22 AM
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Hi Microcosm,
Good to hear that you had a good retreat.
As others have mentioned above, the life of a Buddhist monk is not always an easy one, and many who are doing it would describe it as "hard". Having said that, it is also a very worthwhile life. It is true that monks have to work at times. If the monastery roof needs fixing, it will often be the monks that do it. If the leaves need sweeping (which happens every day in South East Asia), again it will be the monks that sweep them. If the toilets need cleaning, or repairing... and so on. But there is also time set aside for spiritual practices every day.
There aren't any holidays: it's 365 days a year.
I have never ordained as a monk, but spent 6 months living in a Tibetan Buddhist monastery and another 6 months living in a number of Theravada Buddhist monasteries in Thailand, Sri Lanka and the U.K.
If you do want to ordain as a monk, I would recommend that you visit Wat Pa Nana Chat in North Eastern Thailand. There are monks there who speak English, so if you do not speak Thai or Burmese, then that could be an advantage. There are also some very experienced monks there.
As you noted above, meditating without good guidance can be dangerous, so you will need to think about who your mentor will be. I would recommend finding someone with at least 20 or 30 years of experience. 30 is better than 20. Spending time with a teacher, before ordaining is a good idea so you get the feel for how they teach and what the life is like.
Certainly going on a longer retreat first, would be a good idea as well.
The energetic experiences you are having in your belly will be to do with the manipura chakra opening. It is the energetic centre associated with things like fear and anxiety. As the manipura chakra purifies, it becomes more about empathy, and is one of the psychic centres for clairsentience.
Sitting for an hour, making a determination that you will not move under any circumstances (adhittana), certainly is not necessary, and can actually be dangerous. I know it is taught in some Burmese traditions, and even some Thai traditions. It brings about results, but they may well not be the results you want. In some cases it can be very harmful, so I advise people not to do that. As you know, in AYP practice, people are advised to be comfortable in their sitting posture and certainly not to force anything.
Concerning jhana states, jhana really means a balanced, energised, centred and calm mind. It can be experienced in any position, even whilst walking, or acting in the world. It will arise naturally through engaging in spiritual practices. Simply cultivating peacefulness, and a calm and centred mind, is sufficient to bring about Jhana. Energy is needed, as you discovered, which is why in AYP practice Spinal Breathing Pranayama is practised before meditation. Spinal Breathing energises the body and mind, so that we come into meditation already alert and energised. Without energy people often fall asleep in meditation, instead of waking up! As I am sure you know, energy is one of the 5 factors of enlightenment in the Buddhist Suttas.
With nimittas, the word simply means "signs" in Pali. It can refer to any scenery that arises in meditation, such as lights, or colours, or sounds etc. As you know, in AYP all of these things are treated as scenery. You can enjoy them, but they are not the destination, so don't get distracted. I don't know if you are hoping to see nimittas, or hoping to use nimittas as meditation objects, or if you are using them as signs of progress on the path, or if you are just mentioning them in passing? Hoping that you will get experiences during meditation, will only cultivate expectations. If things do not arise, then it can also be a way of cultivating dissapointment. So you can end up swinging between expectations and dissapointments which is pretty similar to living a normal life, rather than being pretty similar to becoming enlightened. There are an infinite possible number of things that can arise, so if you start reacting, every time something happens, it will never end. If you are hoping to use nimittas as meditation objects, this can also be a risky path. If you start switching meditation objects every time something happens, you can end up constantly switching meditation objects. It can also lead to doubt arising such as: "Is the nimitta still there?" or "Is this the right nimitta to be using as a meditation object?" and so on. This is why in AYP there is only one meditation object (the mantra) used to go all the way in.
It is your call of course as to what path to take and which practices to use. I am just giving you a few warnings about what can happen and has happend to others, who have used these particular tools and techniques.
Over the long term, these are the three most important factors that will lead to liberation and the end of suffering:
1. Cultivating energy and purifying the body with pranayama
2. Cultivating peace, stillness and inner silence with meditation
3. Cultivating wisdom and knowledge through inquiry within stillness.
So that can be a useful benchmark to measure the effectiveness of any spiritual practice by. Does it lead to purification and energy? Does it lead to inner silence? And does it lead to wisdom (pannya) and knowledge (jnana)?
Christi |
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microcosm
102 Posts |
Posted - Dec 01 2016 : 12:26:19 PM
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Thanks Charliedog, sunyata, maheswari and especially Christi
@Christi: how did you manage to get into Tibet for your stay at the monastery? AFAIK it's complicated to even get into Tibet, not to mention staying there for so long.
As for nimittas - I just mentioned them in passing. I now know not to get attached to scenery. It was the first time I experienced it, that's why I felt the need to mention it.
Considering advice in this thread my plan is to first do a home vipassana retreat, but not completely by myself, like last time. I will try to find someone experienced (probably on dharmaoverground) and communicate with this person daily, so that I'll be reminded every day not to get entangled in visions, experiences and note absolutely everything with a balanced mind. If this goes well I'll try a long retreat, probably in Panditarama Lumbini in Nepal - it's easy to get a visa plus the temperature curve is similar to where I live - it's neither very hot or very cold.
My goal is to complete the 1st path (Sotapanna) ASAP without going off the handle mentally. Hopefully this will disarm chronic tensions I carry in my body, rise my energy and elevate my mood, so I can finally feel like myself again
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Edited by - microcosm on Dec 01 2016 12:32:23 PM |
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Christi
United Kingdom
4514 Posts |
Posted - Dec 01 2016 : 3:40:32 PM
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Hi Microcosm,
I have never been to Tibet. I lived in a Tibetan Buddhist monastery in the Everest region of Nepal.
It sounds like you have a plan. Keep us posted on how it all goes. Remember to take it gently and to self-pace as necessary.
Christi |
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sunyata
USA
1513 Posts |
Posted - Dec 01 2016 : 4:06:26 PM
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Hi microcosm,
If you get a chance to travel to Lumbini in Nepal. Besides meditating under the Bodhi Tree, make sure you try some Momos. They are the best! |
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microcosm
102 Posts |
Posted - Dec 13 2016 : 2:41:39 PM
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| I restarted my practice (vipassana). I'm starting to experience fantasies with light in them, for example a drop of water reflecting light. When I focus on the fantasy, the light becomes more brilliant until I notice I'm fantasizing, then I'm pulled back from the fantasy and the darkness behind my eyelids get a golden hue. |
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microcosm
102 Posts |
Posted - Jan 20 2017 : 07:56:03 AM
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| I ate some mushrooms and had a glimpse at nonduality. It was awesome :) (there was also fear, misery and disgust but they ended quickly). I'm not sure if there is a point in continuing to share my exp. in this journal? |
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