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Anthem
1608 Posts |
 Posted - Sep 30 2006 : 11:32:10 AM
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I have recently become aware that I used to think that I was leaving or losing sight of the infinite oneness when I lived an experience out in my life and I didn't realize the anguish this thought was causing me.
For example, if I was meditating and immersed in deep silence & space, then I finish and go out and about into my life and get involved in some experience of life, I thought that I was losing my connection to the infinite at these times.
What I have come to realize is that the infinite is living the experiences of life with me, it is an intimate marriage, a common sharing and there is no separation. The best thing we can do is to go forth and realize that our expression of life is a great joy for "God/ the universe" to behold. This includes every aspect of our lives, even what we consider to be good, bad or ugly, these are simply our terms our own judgments. This "beholding" or "witnessing" by the infinite of our individual experiences of life is shared without judgement and our pure "just being" is a joy in itself. |
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Balance
USA
967 Posts |
Posted - Sep 30 2006 : 1:22:21 PM
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Thanks A.
Yes. What joy. We are the Witness. I'm just recently at the ability to step back and not engage in an inner dialogue when I 'lose' the connection. The stepping back into silence (with a little smile) is an acceptance of staying with the Witness, and I stay there in the peace. Not recoiling when another imposes upon my space or design, but accepting and giving what is necessary is the same function. It's all new to me, but is beginning to take hold. Cultivation yeilds fresh and beautiful fruit.
Smiling
Alan
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emc
2072 Posts |
Posted - Sep 30 2006 : 2:07:58 PM
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I shiver and smile. Anthem and Balance, it is wonderful to read! |
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Balance
USA
967 Posts |
Posted - Sep 30 2006 : 5:50:56 PM
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Hello
Like I said this is all new to meI still have thoughts and judgements and attachments passing thru, I'm not dwelling completely in silence. My imagination tells me what dwelling completely in silence might be like. The difference that is occuring of late is that I have a handle on things. I'm more able to make a choice on how to engage other people or situations. It seems I've been crossing a bridge to a fuller awareness. I still get angry, frustrated etc., though not as frequent, but I now have the ability to accept that, let it pass, and return to watching and a more loving expression. How has your new outlook come about for you Anthem? In stages? Have you experienced a sort of "crossing over" where you know you won't go back to old patterns? Is this a more complete marriage with Self for you than what I'm describing?
Peace, Alan |
Edited by - Balance on Sep 30 2006 5:56:18 PM |
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Anthem
1608 Posts |
Posted - Oct 01 2006 : 6:44:38 PM
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Hi bALANce,
Btw. I like your new name. This will probably be a much longer reply then you expected but it feels good to go through the events in my mind.
Definitely it has been mostly a gradual process and one which has been very enjoyable and greatly surpassed all expectations. There have however been some notable big leaps in perspective and awareness over the last while.
The first, furthest back was in Jan. 05 when kundalini woke up and introduced me to an inner world that I didn't know existed (or forgot). The next more recently was this summer at a retreat in Mexico with Miguel Ruiz which I wrote about here which expanded a heart opening I had been going through for some time. I feel it was after the experiences at the retreat that I started living much more from the heart and it was there that I became aware of the sacred union between life and spirit within me and how I could lose sight or "leave" my true self at times. In hindsight I realize now that this was the beginning of perceiving oneness/ spirit.
Just after this trip, I also went through another massive letting go of my definitions of my world. Every thought that came into my mind seemed to be met with awareness wanting to know if it was true or not. Turns out most of it wasn't! Everything in my life began to operate more fully from love and the heart at this point too and I understood my true nature a little bit more fully though I didn't have any awareness of oneness of everything or so I thought.
After having a brief glimpse of oneness/ nothingness a few weeks after the retreat at the end of a meditation one day, this awareness has been expanding and has been interesting to observe. In every meditation since then and outside of meditation as well, there has been a growing expansion of spirit/ nothingness in my mind. Where it was there within my mind in a background kind of way that was hard to notice in the past, it is now very much always present and in the foreground of my awareness. What I perceive of sprit is expanding and I feel more dropping away from me. Now it is accessible more readily and whenever I pause to notice. I feel like I have been taken by the hand and am now getting to see the universe the way we are meant to be perceived.
Marriage is a great word for what I am experiencing, it is a marriage of spirit and life energy within our bodies. There is lot's of love and ecstasy of orgasmic intensity which are starting to blend together rather than one then the other. Ecstasy I feel throughout the spinal nerve and sometimes the chakras, the orgasmic sensations I get mostly in the brain and root chakra kind of simultaneously, though I have not experienced it in the heart yet (though I have heard of this happening to others). Most recently, I have started to love doing anything because I am becoming aware that it is creation that is living it through me, there is a deep joy in this and a sense of pure “fun”.
There have been many "crossing over" points where there is no going back as you say. That doesn't mean I haven't had days where work overwhelms me for a moment or that I don’t feel fear/ stress, the difference is that these moments don't last very long because something is always there asking why and wanting to get to the bottom of it!
peace to you my friend,
Anthem11
ps- I did have fear that I was going to lose the awareness that had come so suddenly but of course this was just another thought too!
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Edited by - Anthem on Oct 01 2006 7:05:10 PM |
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Balance
USA
967 Posts |
Posted - Oct 01 2006 : 7:47:37 PM
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Very sweet Andrew, thank you so much for the details. I have much to look forward to (be patient for). I can't imagine what life will be like after kundalini awakens.
Joy to you, Alan |
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Anthem
1608 Posts |
Posted - Oct 01 2006 : 8:31:23 PM
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Hi Alan,
I can't help but wonder if kundalini were to awaken in you (if it hasn't already) if you were to even notice. I say this because, I think it was very dramatic in my case because although I was meditating at the time it happened for me, it was only once a day about 5 days a week. It was also pre-AYP for me, so I wasn't doing any deep mantra meditation or pranayama etc. Initially kundalini was all over the place, in chakras, nadis etc., (not so much spinal nerve until much later), it was deeply sexual on some moments, felt like I was going to lift me off the ground at times.
After a year of AYP deep meditation and pranayama, it smoothed things out so the energy was hardly noticeable at all, it operated in a background kind of way (unless I did too much). It all just quieted way down and seemed to move into the spinal nerve. It then started to pick up again, also in the spinal nerve but more noticeable in orgasmic waves in my body. This was probably due to doing much in the way of tantric practices in addition to my normal AYP sitting practices.
So I say you may hardly notice, other than the initial developing suggestions of ecstasy (which evolve into waves in and outside of practices) over time, because you have all these regular practices under your belt already. Yogani will know way better than I could, but I'm sure this can happen and is probably the better way to go, from my perspective, it would be both smoother and more efficient.
A |
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Kyman
530 Posts |
Posted - Oct 01 2006 : 8:32:00 PM
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It is truly the most blessed thing to experience this reality.
We have this indescribable experience, though everyone so far has described it quite well, which means everything to us. It isn't world shattering, but world negating.
And each of us has experience the exact SAME thing, 'differently'. haha
It just strikes me reading these experiences. Its uncanny.
Being married to the moment is a beautiful thought. That is exactly how it feels when we are being our self. Our mind feels so immersed in our self, till there is no difference.
Joyful thoughts. |
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paw
52 Posts |
Posted - Nov 14 2006 : 7:05:42 PM
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| One thing meditation has taught me: I am clear light! |
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