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RamSeva
USA
6 Posts |
 Posted - Jul 27 2015 : 1:19:52 PM
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After a couple years of not meditating regularly I have finally started to resolidify and properly pace my practice of pranayama and japa mediation. I am in a completely different place in my life than when I previously had a constant practice (of 5 years) and now find a persistent dark feeling that comes up during mediation that will not heal no matter how much attention i give it and love i cradle it with it remains and even seems to grow by the day. I feel it most during japa throughout the day and in meditation.
What is this lonely dark sadness inside of me? Why won't it heal? Could it be a call to change my life to fit an evolving self? Or is it more likely to be a wound that's just so deep it's going to take an extreme amount of time to heal? Could it be a result of a mistake in my practiced? This is very unusual for me as my natural state is happy and even when i get depressed i don't feel it so viscerally, and I'm usually able to gain insight and understanding fairly quickly with a little awareness mediation. But with this the feeling just stays constant...
Please, any insight would be appreciated! |
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BlueRaincoat
United Kingdom
1734 Posts |
Posted - Jul 27 2015 : 3:08:06 PM
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Hi RamSeva, welcome to the AYP forum
What are your practices and for how long do you practice every day?
Have you read the AYP lessons on self-pacing? |
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SeySorciere
Seychelles
1571 Posts |
Posted - Jul 29 2015 : 12:39:44 AM
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Dear RamSeva
You can actively nurture this feeling of loneliness as a source of Bhakti to get you to your meditation seat and be the source of further openings. Turn it into a longing for Ideal.
Sey  |
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Charliedog
1625 Posts |
Posted - Jul 29 2015 : 06:51:24 AM
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Hi RamSeva,
Welcome to the AYP forums. I experienced this also for some time. I did what Sey gives you as advice. Surrender, ask Guru inside.
Lesson 392 of Yogani tells you more about Aloneness. For me this lesson was an eyeopener to read afterwards.
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Blanche
USA
873 Posts |
Posted - Jul 30 2015 : 08:05:29 AM
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Hi RamSeva,
You are probably right: The persistent dark feeling is trying to make you change something in the way you live, or think, or maybe in your practice. It is trying to teach you something. Only you can find the exact answer - you might need to do some detective work. The simplest solution (but not the easiest) is to surrender, as Sey and Charliedog advised you. Surrender or suffer. With surrender, it comes acceptance - nothing human is foreign to any of us.
Another way is to look at what happened in the 2 weeks to a month prior to the beginning of this dark feeling. Usually, the first answer is: " Nothing happened." However, if you make a list of the things you remember, including the things that you think are not related to this feeling, and then you look at the list again, you should get a hint of what the trigger was, and work back to the problem.
Releasing the question in silence is another way to get the answer. You will know when you are on the right path, because the feeling will ease up. Overall, this feeling shows that you are getting in touch with deeper layers of your being - and making progress. Let us know how it is going. Best wishes on your chosen path!  |
Edited by - Blanche on Jul 30 2015 8:35:59 PM |
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Charliedog
1625 Posts |
Posted - Jul 30 2015 : 09:13:48 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by Blanche
The simplest solution (but not the easiest) is to surrender, as Sey and Charliedog advised you. Surrender or suffer. With surrender, it comes acceptance - nothing human is foreign to any of us.
That is absolutely right Blanche, surrender is not easy, it can not be forced. For me it took some time. On the positive side once it happens, the surrender button is found.  |
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Blanche
USA
873 Posts |
Posted - Jul 30 2015 : 8:33:17 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by Charliedog
...surrender is not easy, it can not be forced. For me it took some time. On the positive side once it happens, the surrender button is found.
Charliedog,  |
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RamSeva
USA
6 Posts |
Posted - Aug 01 2015 : 5:49:50 PM
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| Thank you guys so much. You are absolutely right. Thank you for the advice. Its in this feeling of self surrender to my Gurus that the feeling comes. It must be my ego fighting. And through this and releasing it into silence I've gained a lot. The feeling persists, but there's a light and I'm gaining clarity. |
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Persistant Deep Dark Sad Loneliness
